He deserved better.
“To my future wife, and the love—”
“Stop,” Isoline finally said, interrupting Cyril as he raised a glass to her. The room went silent. She looked around at the sea of faces. Her eyes fell on her father, the cold sternness returning to its usual place.
“What is it darling?” Cyril asked. “Do you wish to say something?”
Isoline looked him straight in the eyes. If she was going to cut out his heart, the least she could do was meet his gaze as she did it.
“I can’t marry you.”
Chapter Two
Her father railed at her all night.
“How could you be so selfish? So ungrateful!” he yelled as she sat on the one chair the footmen had brought back into the parlor, her eyes downcast, her hands folded tightly in her lap.
“Yes, Papa,” she said.
He paced like an angry beast about to strike. And truly, he was within his right to do so if he chose. After the guests filed out silently, no doubt saving their gossip for the safety of their enclosed carriages and parlors, surely none of them would begrudge her father for punishing her in the most corporal of manners.
“This is an absolute disgrace! The shame you have just brought on this family!”
“Yes, Papa,” she agreed. She knew she could say no more. Even her brothers and their wives stood silently aside as her father stalked back and forth. They were undoubtedly disappointed in her as well. Her marriage to a baron would have increased the status of the entire family. While none of them would ever have titles, the marriage prospects for their own children would be much improved. Royston and Geraldine already had two sons of their own. Laurence and Eunice did not yet have children, but Isoline suspected that Eunice was with child and only waiting for her quickening to make the announcement. Eunice had put on weight and had not been able to eat meat lately without feeling ill. There had been many knowing glances shared across the dinner table between them, but nothing said officially. They would let Eunice make the announcement when she was ready.
She wished Eunice would speak up now, or any of them. She was always a disappointment to her father, but her brothers and their wives had always been among Isoline’s closest friends. That they now, through their silence, indicated their approval of the way her father berated her stung more than the words her father spat at her.
But could she really expect them to come to her defense? After she told Cyril she could not marry him, she saw a handsome, confident, high-class man crumple in on himself.
“W-w-what are you saying?” he had stumbled to ask. “Do…do you wish to delay the date? I know it has been rushed, but I thought that was what you wanted…”
“I don’t want to delay,” she had said as gently as possible, though she doubted it was possible to gently crush someone’s dreams. “I want to call it off altogether. I’m sorry.”
His mouth opened and closed a few times like a fish. He simply had no words, and she did not expect him to. He finally handed his glass to the butler and left the house, dragging what little bit of his dignity he had with him.
The guests began to whisper and head for the door themselves, the celebration obviously at an end. Eunice and Geraldine had done their best to salvage the situation, running to say goodbye to everyone and apologizing on behalf of their father-in-law, who obviously had no idea there was anything amiss with his confused daughter.
Why Isoline did what she did seemed of little importance to Vincent Beresford as he ranted and raved at her until the wee hours of the dawn. He never once asked her why, and, Isoline supposed, it truly didn’t matter. The match was a good one, by any standard. That Cyril loved Isoline was only a bonus, a bonus any young woman in her position would be grateful to have.
“Oh, but not you,” her father sneered. “Money, power, position, love. Your own family. What does any of it matter to you? You are a selfish, spoiled brat who doesn’t deserve a roof over her head.”
“Yes, Papa,” she repeated so many times she lost count. But this one seemed to not have the desired effect.
“Don’t you ‘yes, Papa’ me, damn girl,” he snapped, ceasing his pacing and standing right in front of her. “I mean it! Someone like you has no place in this family or this house. I want you out!”
For the first time in hours, she raised her head and dared to look at him. “What…what can you mean?” she asked.
“Your wedding was to take place on the first of June,” he said. “If you are not out of this house by then, I’ll throw you out into the street myself.”
“Papa!” she cried, jumping to her feet. “I’m sorry! I…I just couldn’t…”
“Father!” Royston finally said, daring to take a step forward, speaking and moving for the first time in hours. “You can’t do that. The scandal!”
“You think the scandal of disowning a disobedient and disloyal child would be worse than the scandal she has already brought to this family?” her father asked. “Look, the sun is rising. Don’t you think this is going to be in every society page between here and London as soon as the paper hits the stoop?”
“But a daughter on the street?” Geraldine asked. “That is much worse! At least her…her virtue is still intact! On the street, she’d be counted as a…a fallen woman.”
“Yes!” Eunice pipped up hopefully. “As it is, we can just call it an indiscretion of youth. She can still marry someone else. If she ends up on the street, her chances of marrying will be over.”
Isoline couldn’t believe what the women were saying, even though she knew their words to be true. How could they talk about her virtue as if it were a family commodity!
“But I don’t…” Isoline started to say, but then thought better of it. This was a family affair after all. What she wanted had no place in the discussion—even though it was her desires that had brought them to this low point.
“You…don’t…what?” her father asked pointedly. No, he demanded to know.
Isoline gulped, trying to moisten her parched throat before answering. “I do not wish to marry anyone,” she finally said.
If it had been possible, she thought she heard the entire county gasp in shock.
But it was true. She couldn’t deny it. If she had learned anything over the last few hours it had been the clarity that until she either discovered the source of her dreams or found a way to end them, she did not want to marry. She couldn’t. She’d had the opportunity to marry the best man available and she not only squandered that opportunity, she had hurt him dearly. She would never forgive herself for that. And she would never hurt another man like that again.
Her father had not been one to gasp. In fact, he didn’t make a move while her brothers held their hands to their mouths in shock and Eunice had to be led to a chair by Geraldine lest she faint. But finally, he spoke.
“Two months,” he said. “You have two months to leave this house of your own accord or I will throw you out.” He then turned on his heels and headed for the parlor door.
“Father,” Royston said, but he seemed unable to find any words to follow. Eunice and Geraldine burst into tears.
Isoline ran to her father and fell at his feet. “Papa!” she cried. “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me! I didn’t mean for this to happen!”
Her heart calmed as he turned to her. Surely, he didn’t mean what he said. He would forgive her. But as she looked up into his face, he saw that his resolve at been set in stone. He had always been stern, expecting nothing less than perfection from his children, but now she saw nothing but a cold detachment.
“Two months,” he repeated. He left the room, sliding the parlor door closed behind him.
Dear Miss Beresford,
While we greatly appreciate your application, we have selected another candidate for the position. Good luck in your endeavors.
Sincerely,
Lady Montjoy
It was the third rejection letter for a governess position Isoline had gotten in as many days. She c
rumpled the letter up and tossed it into the waste bin. She then buried her face in her hands and tried not to cry. She had cried so much over the previous weeks, though, she was very nearly out of tears to shed.
Her two months had dwindled down to two weeks. She had sent countless inquiries around the country offering her services as a governess, but none had responded favorably. She knew it had been a longshot. Even though she considered herself reasonably educated for a woman of her station, it was clearly not enough to recommend her as a teacher of other young ladies. She also feared her reputation may have traveled faster than her inquiries. Her father had been partially right about the society pages. While her abrupt dissolution of her engagement had happened too soon to make the papers that morning, it was certainly in all the papers in the county the next day. It was in the London papers the day after that. And it was in every paper in the country by the end of the week. No one would want a girl so flighty and irresponsible as she to be teaching manners and morals to their own daughters.
But the worst part was that the man had not visited her dreams once since that fateful night.
A couple of times, she had woken up in the glade. But she had been alone. Or at least she thought she was. She had no idea how she got there if he hadn’t called her, but he did not respond when she called out. And she could not even sense his presence.
She had told him to leave her alone. To stop haunting her. Had he listened? Had he obeyed?
Had she made a terrible mistake?
She had not heard from Cyril since the night of the party, and she had not reached out to him. Geraldine and Eunice had taken the lead in returning the engagement gifts and sending notes of thanks on her behalf, but she herself had not spoken to anyone. While she had forced herself to send letters of inquiry for a position, she could not bring herself to face anyone she knew personally. She had not even been to church, which, of course, was another scandalous act she could add to her growing list, but one that was the least of her concerns. Paramount was having a place to live and food to eat when her deadline arrived.
More and more, as the days passed and the first of June drew closer, she considered going to see Cyril. Perhaps if she threw herself at his feet, begged his forgiveness, and rightfully accepted all blame, he would take her back. If the man in her dreams was gone, there was no reason she shouldn’t marry Cyril. She could just plead cold feet. A foolish fear of change taken too far.
“I was waiting until after your wedding to announce that Lawrence and I are expecting,” Eunice finally admitted to her over tea. “We are thrilled, but I didn’t want to take away from your happy day. But I wonder if I should tell Father now, to help lighten his mood.”
Eunice and Geraldine called their father-in-law simply “Father” as a sign of respect even though they both still had living papas of their own.
“I don’t think anything would lighten his mood at this point,” Isoline said sadly. “I’ve ruined everything. He will never forgive me.”
Eunice reached over and took her hand. “Forever is a long time,” she said with a wan smile. “As is love. I’m sure there is nothing in the world my little one could do that would make me stop loving her.”
“Her?” Isoline asked, the right side of her mouth quirking up.
“Father has two grandsons. Time for a granddaughter, don’t you think?” she asked with a wink.
“You are far more kindly than Papa, though,” Isoline said. “Unless…”
“Unless?” Eunice asked, raising her eyebrow.
Isoline placed her cup down, a sign she was about to say something serious. “Have you heard anything about Cyril? How he is…coping?”
Eunice pressed her lips and stared into her cup, clearly not wanting to say anything.
“Please, sister, tell me,” Isoline pleaded.
“He’s devastated, Isoline,” Eunice said, her own eyes near to tears. “His sister told my cousin who told me that he is simply inconsolable. He only mopes around the house, even weeks later.”
Isoline shook her head. She had not left her house for shame, not heartbreak. Surely, he could see the benefit of getting on with his life. Of fresh air, at least.
“Do you think, if I were to call, to apologize and please my case,” Isoline said. “Do you think he would take me back?”
Eunice sighed and thought for a moment before responding. “I think that if it were only up to him, he might be willing to at least listen.”
“But…?” Isoline prompted.
“But it isn’t only up to him, is it?” she asked, shaking her head. “It never is with families, especially one like his. You insulted not just him, but the whole family. His mother, as kindly as she may have been to you before, is still furious. She’d never allow it. And even if she did, she’d never forgive you. She’d make every day of your life miserable until she died.”
“It would be a penance equal to my crime,” Isoline said. “I would deserve to be punished for the rest of my life if he took me back.”
Eunice gripped Isoline’s hand and shook her head. “No! Don’t think that way. You…you just made a mistake. As we all do! You can’t punish yourself forever over it. Something else will come along.”
“I have only days left,” Isoline said. “Father has not wavered in his resolve to toss me out if I’m not married or gone by his deadline. I’m out of options.”
“Isoline…”
Her eyes shot open. She grabbed her robe as she jumped out of bed. “I’m here,” she said. “Though you would show up now. Now that I have decided to go back to Cyril and beg his forgiveness. How can you come back here now?”
She turned left and right in the darkness, but still she did not see him. But unlike her dreams of the past two months, she knew he was here.
“Show yourself,” she said, as she had so many times before. “You have cost me everything! The least you can do is show me your face.”
She could feel his breath on the back of her neck, but every time she tried to face him, she saw nothing.
She buried her face in her hand. “I’m crazy. I must be. Who would throw away her entire life for a man she’s never seen? One who isn’t even real!” She laughed and sobbed in equal measure. Now that he was here, that he had returned to her, she knew she couldn’t ask Cyril for forgiveness. She couldn’t be the wife he needed and deserved. But what was she going to do?
“I need your help,” she finally said. “If you are listening to me, I need help. I am going to be disowned and banished in a matter of days.”
She waited, but there was no response.
She wrapped her arms around herself and dropped her head. It was hopeless. This man had ruined her life and offered nothing in return.
What had she done?
She felt warm strong arms wrap around her from behind. She didn’t move. She had a feeling that if she opened her eyes or tried to look at him, he would vanish. He held her tighter, and she relaxed into his comforting embrace.
“All will be well…”
In all the years the man had been visiting her, he had never said more than her name, and he had never touched her.
Her eyes opened wide and she lifted her head. “What?” she asked. She turned, and was back in her own bed.
Isoline nervously tapped her foot as she sat at the dining table along with Eunice, Geraldine, Royston, and Lawrence. Their father had called a family meeting, the first such meeting since the night she called off her engagement, and it was the last day of May. Isoline had not called on Cyril, and she had received only more rejections to her governess inquiries. This would be the moment that decided her fate.
“He’s forgiven you. Changed his mind,” Eunice whispered from across the table. “I know he has.”
“Then you don’t know Father,” Royston mumbled.
“He can’t toss his own kin out on her ear,” Eunice shot back. “Besides, why would he have called us all together unless he had changed his mind?”
“To explain what will
happen tomorrow?” Geraldine surmised. “Tell us where Isoline will be taken and that we are never to speak to her again?”
“Shut your mouth,” Eunice shot back.
“That’s enough, Eunice,” Lawrence said as he chewed nervously on what was left of his thumbnail.
“Look,” Royston said, stepping up as the eldest sibling. “Whatever Father says, we will just nod along. Don’t anger him, it will only make things worse. Just hear him out, then we will decide what to do.”
Isoline’s heart swelled at that. She hadn’t spoken much to her brothers over the last couple of months. She knew they loved her, but she didn’t want to cause problems between them and Papa, so she kept her distance. But they had often given her sympathetic glances, and she had spoken to her sisters-in-law. She knew the boys were simply playing it safe. Waiting to see what actually happened before speaking their piece. She felt in her heart that her brothers would not abandon her.
The door to the dining room opened and they all stood. Their father didn’t say a word as he entered and took his seat, except to clear his throat to indicate they could all sit, which they did.
“Isoline,” he said, addressing her directly for the first time in two months. “I know you sent inquires out about governess positions. Did you find a placement?”
“No, Papa,” she said.
“And you have not reconciled with Cyril?” he asked, as if he did not know the answer. She would have told him if she had.
“No, Papa,” she answered anyway.
“Very well,” he said. “In that case, what happens to you now falls to me. I want you to know that I am still gravely disappointed by your actions, and what I do now does not lessen the severity of your indiscretion.”
She felt her heart beat furiously in her chest at his words. He wasn’t going to toss her out. He had changed his mind!
Dangerous Passions Page 2