“Everybody lets people down no matter how they try not to,” Mama said in a dull, heavy voice as she turned to leave. “I’m sorry, Vicki. I let you down. I hope someday you can forgive me.”
Bundled up in a quilt—made by Mama—on the couch, Vicki snuggled deeper into Elias’s side. He had his arm around her shoulders, while Jesse stretched out on her other side with his head in her lap. She ran her fingers over and over through his hair and tried to think about what Mama had said, but she was hollow inside.
Crying always did that to her.
Elias had managed to come back tonight instead of working late, and her tears had shockingly not driven him off. His fingers made slow, gentle circles on her upper arm. “Why didn’t you ever tell me about that jerk?”
“Because.” She shrugged, trying to be nonchalant, but Elias let out a low growl. “It’s not something I’m very proud of.”
“Hell, Vik, you busted the asshole’s nose. I’d be pretty damned proud of that.”
“I didn’t have a crush on him or anything, but I did like the way people treated me when they thought we were dating. Usually my brothers and I showed up for a few weeks and everybody treated us like we had the plague. Once I started dating Jared, everybody wanted to talk to me. I was invited to go to the lake, shopping, everything. A group of us drove up to Springfield and hung out at the mall. That’s when I first became interested in clothes and fashion, because I’d never gone to a mall with Mama. She’s not a big shopper, and we usually bought all our clothes in town instead of driving down to Dallas.”
“When did you decide to become a lawyer?”
A wry smile twisted Vicki’s lips. “When my brother was almost thrown in jail for beating Jared up. I’d already broken his nose, but Conn just about killed him. I had to pull him off, and if anyone other than Miss Belle had been there, I’m sure they would have thrown him in prison. It would have been my fault, and I was determined to find a way to get him—and others like him—out of prison. Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of that.”
She swallowed hard and forced herself to broach the painful subject they’d been avoiding—but still stewing about—for so long. “When Donnie was killed by one of our clients, I was sick. I mean it, Elias. I threw up in the women’s restroom, over and over, on my knees, clinging to the toilet and wishing I’d taken the bullet instead of him. I’d been lying to myself for so long, pretending that I was happy with my job, that I was doing the right thing. When he died, all I could think about was: what if that had been you shot dead? By my client. I’ll never forgive myself that Donnie’s gone, but God, Elias, if it’d been you…I would have killed myself.”
“Ah, babe.” He held her, pressing his mouth to her temple. “I felt guilty too. I kept thinking that bullet should have had my name on it, not his. I didn’t have kids who’d have to grow up without a daddy. I didn’t have a wife who’d cry herself to sleep for years. But I finally convinced myself it wasn’t my fault. Shit happens, bad shit, I know, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it. There wasn’t anything you could do about it either. Even dirtbags have rights. I didn’t like it, but you were only doing your job.”
“I left my office that day and went to the park.”
Elias tensed slightly against her. She’d managed to surprise him after all. “Even then, you went to Jesse.”
“I was too ashamed to call you. I was afraid you’d curse me out, or worse, just blow me off. God, Elias, if I’d called you and you refused to talk to me, I don’t know what I would’ve done. I was so out of my mind I had to see someone. Someone…safe.” She curled her hand around Jesse’s cheek and his lips brushed her fingers. “Deep down, I knew he’d be there for me. He wouldn’t question or judge me, because I knew Mama was right. Leeman is absolutely a bottom feeder, but when he walks into a courtroom, everyone pales. I guess I wanted people to quiver with fear when I walked into the courtroom too.”
“You make me quiver every time I see you. You’re one hell of a woman, Vicki Connagher. I’m glad you and your brother beat that punk up. I’m glad you’re a strong, powerful woman who’s willing to go up against anyone and anything to make sure the law is followed. You were one hell of an attorney, and if I were ever on the wrong side of the law, there’s no one else in the world I’d want defending me.”
Cupping her cheek, Elias kissed her so tenderly her eyes burned again. Tenderness from him—or her—was as rare as her phone calls to Mama in the last few years.
Jesse sat up, a sheepish look on his face. He scooted away and began to stand up, but she turned and reached for his hand. “Where are you going?”
“It’s late. I ought to leave you two alone.”
“Not without a kiss goodnight.” Elias’s voice sounded normal, but when she searched his face, she noted that his jaw was tight. “I might be a mean son of a bitch, but I’m not cruel. We did a lot of tormenting and play today. He’s going to need a little more from you than a peck on the cheek.”
“Are you sure?”
“I need to see how I’m going to feel when I see you touching him.” He ran his hand through his hair and ground his teeth. “I’ll be honest, Vik. It’s going to be damned hard for me to watch. But we need to start somewhere.”
Jesse slipped off the couch and moved over to kneel in front of her. The sight of him waiting on his knees made her heart thud heavy and hard. Her pulse jumped, her blood hot and sweet, rushing through her veins. The light in his eyes was intoxicating. Touching him, even her fingers stroking his cheeks, increased that feeling of rising desire.
She kissed him, trying to keep it fairly clean for Elias’s sake. She didn’t want him to see her gobbling up another man, but the way Jesse melted against her made her crazy. Boneless, he sank into her embrace, soft, open and willing for anything she needed. All too quickly, she found herself gripping his bottom lip in her teeth. She dug her fingers into his buttocks, pressing him as close to her as possible.
Breaking the kiss, she dropped her head to his shoulder and concentrated on breathing. Damn it, what had happened to her control? Her desire to protect Elias as much as possible? Another few minutes and she would have shoved her hands down Jesse’s jeans.
“Are you okay?” She didn’t dare lift her head to seek Elias’s reaction. Jesse didn’t answer—he knew who she was asking.
“Yeah,” Elias replied in a graveled voice that made her shiver. “I’ve never seen anyone go so limp and eager like that. It’s like he’s giving you every single thing he’s got. His breath. His will. God, no wonder he makes you so hot, Vik. He’s begging you to ravish him.” He must have leaned close because his hot breath moistened her ear. “Show me some more.”
Elias had never thought of himself as a Peeping Tom, but he couldn’t deny that he was rock-hard and throbbing at the sight of his woman kissing another man. It wasn’t any man, though. If it were anyone but Jesse in her arms, he’d probably be dead. The kid wasn’t a threat to him. Vicki wanted him, but she gave Elias no doubts about how much she wanted him too.
She released Jesse’s ass to jerk his T-shirt over his head. Using the soft cotton, she tied his hands together in the small of his back. She’d been feeding him well, because he wasn’t as painfully thin as when she’d first taken him in. “What do you want?”
“Rough me up a little,” he gasped. “Pull my hair or bite me. God, I’d love it if you’d bite me hard enough to bruise.”
She wound her fingers in his hair and gave his head an experimental jerk. “Like that?”
“Harder. Force me to bend to your will.”
Elias made himself hold his breath for a count of ten and then let it out slowly. Damned if he was going to embarrass himself by hyperventilating…or coming in his pants like a pimply-faced teenager.
She pulled Jesse’s head back, forcing him to arch his neck and upper body away from her. She had strong hands, so Elias knew she was pulling hard, giving him what he’d asked for. With her other hand, she began unbuttoning Jesse’s j
eans. His breathing was loud, rasping through his strained throat.
“Make me wait,” he ground out. “Don’t let me come without your permission.”
“Okay.” She twisted her fingers tighter in his hair and pressed her mouth to his neck.
By the way he jerked and groaned, she wasn’t kissing him. There was a reason Elias joked that she was like a shark or a crocodile—she’d always loved biting, and the neck and shoulder were her favorite targets. She ran her mouth down Jesse’s neck to his shoulder, leaving bites as she went, harder, really working the underlying muscle. He moaned louder, his breath panting, his skin a sheen of sweat.
Finally, she got his jeans unbuttoned. His shoulders bunched, tendons standing out in his neck.
“Not yet.” She let out a husky laugh, tracing his ear with her tongue. “You said to make you wait.”
“I’m going to die.”
“Good,” she purred. “Elias loves it when I do this to him.”
“The hell I do.” He did, though, and she loved it too, because he gave as good as he got. “Why don’t you dig those claws into him? He’ll really like that.”
She cupped Jesse’s balls, using her nails to grip that fragile skin. His eyes fluttered shut. Completely surrendered to her, his body hummed and vibrated like a delicate instrument in her hands. It was all Elias could do not to jerk open his own pants. Then she could have a cock in each hand. Maybe even have a contest over who could last the longest when she started using her mouth.
Christ, all the blood must have leaked out of my skull for me to even think about such a thing.
Shifting around to Jesse’s side so he was between them, Vicki stared over his shoulder at Elias. Her eyes were dark, gleaming pools of need. She tightened her hands, drawing a louder cry from Jesse. Defenseless, eager, softly pained male, it was a sound that Elias never thought he’d hear, let alone one that would turn him on. But it did. Because the woman he loved had drawn out that sound from the other man’s throat.
Still holding his gaze, she bit Jesse’s left shoulder, gripping the top muscle in her teeth firmly like a pit bull. He arched in a trembling, straining bow, his cock rising hard and desperate to rub against her, but she only bit him harder. “Please!”
She released him enough to speak. “Say my name.”
He shuddered, as though she’d told him to stick his finger in a light socket. “I can’t. I’ll come, I swear it.”
“Then come.” She jerked his head to the side and sank her teeth into his straining neck.
“Vicki.” Just a whisper that Elias barely heard, but Jesse’s body erupted, shaking and twisting in her arms. She held him firmly, unwavering in her strength, and it was so damned moving that Elias couldn’t look away.
He could imagine exactly how desperate and wretched Jesse’s life must have been on the street. How many times had someone hurt, used and then discarded him? When had anyone cared about his welfare? Had he been able to trust anyone at all to take care of him?
Yet nothing but absolute trust and love gleamed in his eyes when he looked at Vicki. She deserved that trust and that love. Her strength would never falter.
Unlike mine. Shame pierced Elias to the core. He’d abandoned her when she’d needed him the most. He hadn’t held her like this when she’d been alone. I failed her.
Trembling in the aftermath, Jesse sagged against her. She held him, smoothing her hands over his chest, shoulders, and arms. She kissed the marks she’d left in his throat and whispered something in his ear that made him smile, a slow, heavy-lidded sensual curve of his lips.
Fed by his own guilt, Elias’s jealousy suddenly hit the flash point. His stomach churned like he’d eaten nothing but her killer chili for days. Nothing could change his mistakes or roll back the past. If part of his atonement meant he had to share her with another man, then by God he’d swallow his pride and let her have him.
How am I going to keep my sanity when she decides to fuck him for real?
After she jerked the makeshift cotton bindings off his wrists, Jesse pulled up his jeans and stood. He cleared his throat, shifting his feet, and finally muttered, “Good night”, in Elias’s direction. All he could manage was a curt nod, but that seemed to satisfy the kid.
Unable to meet his gaze, she leaned back against him. He wrapped his arms around her and she whirled around to burrow deep into his embrace. “Sorry. I know that had to be hard.”
He didn’t say anything, but he couldn’t help the involuntary spasm of his arms, clutching her tighter as though he could rip her away from the other man entirely. To reassure her, he kissed the top of her head.
“I know we’ve talked about the possibilities, but the reality is going to be difficult, embarrassing and emotional. For all of us. I don’t want to hurt you, Elias.”
“I’m all right, babe.” So why did his voice sound like he’d swallowed broken glass? He forced himself to continue without clearing his throat like a hapless fool. “It was actually rather hot. You know I love your passion.”
She pulled back enough to look into his eyes. He tried to smile, but it was lopsided and he could only hope agony didn’t glint in his eyes like tears. “What can I do to make it up to you?”
“That’s easy.” He nuzzled her neck, sliding his hand down to knead her ass. “I’m as cheap as a two-dollar whore when it comes to you.”
Solemnly, she stood and turned to face him, refusing—or unable—to joke and help him push his emotion away. Holding his gaze, she undressed, not making it a show at all, but a slow, deliberate gift. She looked at him with those dark eyes, so deep and naked with longing for things he didn’t know he could give her let alone voice. Had he ever told her that he loved her, really loved her? How could he admit that part of him wanted to murder Jesse, even though he knew that would hurt her?
She slid onto his lap, unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it off, running her hands over him lovingly as she’d done to the kid just a few minutes ago. No matter his turmoil, his erection hadn’t faded at all. She took him into her body but it was different. She moved slowly, giving instead of taking, staring endlessly into his eyes, and she was too damned beautiful to bear.
She was tying him in knots and ripping open scabs from wounds he didn’t even know he possessed. “What are you doing to me, babe?”
“Loving you.” She cupped his face in her hands and pressed soft, gentle kisses over his face. Angel’s wings. “What are you doing to me?”
“Loving you.” He clutched her, his grip too hard and painful, but he couldn’t help it. He found her ear and whispered raggedly, “I do. Always have.”
“I know.”
Yet shame choked him. She deserved all the words, his heart laid bare. She deserved a ring on her finger, his name, every goddamned thing he possessed. Why did he hold back and reserve judgment, protecting himself with that cold, rigid logic that swore she couldn’t handle him or his job?
Despite his turmoil, he couldn’t hold back his lust. Desire roared through him, consuming him. In seconds, he climaxed, too quickly for her. Shuddering like Jesse had moaned in her arms, he tried to calm his breathing and find his mental faculties again, but all he could do was clutch her. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“You’re not losing me, Elias. Look at me.” She pulled his face up and the stern, strong woman who’d marched into courtrooms for battle glared down into his eyes. “You’re not losing me. I love you more than ever.”
“But I left you. I was out of the picture, as Mama put it so elegantly. I screwed up, babe.”
She tucked his face against her breasts and ran those strong, powerful fingers down the back of his skull, kneading his neck gently to help ease the tension vibrating his body. “You’re back now. Just don’t leave me again.”
Chapter Fifteen
The silence in the truck was deafening, but Jesse didn’t feel inclined to talk. Trapped in a vehicle with Vicki’s other man in rush-hour traffic—it had to be a new circle of hell. Let him break the ice.
See if he has anything nice to say for once.
“Here’s the deal.” Elias finally spoke but didn’t glance away from the bumper-to-bumper traffic. “Rodgers is a big-mouthed braggart who thinks he has the biggest dick on the squad. He’s been giving everybody a bad time, but especially Colby because he’s the youngest detective in our division. We’re hoping to teach him a lesson tonight that’ll convince him to back off before one of us busts his mouth.”
“So you’re going to let him think he’s the greatest card shark in Dallas until he’s in deep and then take him for everything but the shirt on his back.”
“No.” Elias spared a quick glance at Jesse, his mouth quirked with a dark glint in his eyes. “I want his shirt too. This asshole has been riding my partner hard, and Colby’s taken everything Rodgers dished without complaint. But enough is enough. That’s where you come in.”
“You want me to help you play him, get him to bet larger.”
“If Colby or I start winning, then he’ll know he’s being played and he’ll jump ship before we can teach him a lesson. He doesn’t know you. Nobody on the force knows you. If you play some cat and mouse with him, really get him to playing along and betting heavier, he’ll never see it coming.”
Jesse turned his head and stared unseeing out the window. “I can do that, sure. Just pretend you don’t know me. I’m assuming you can spot me enough cash to lure him into heavier betting?”
“I’ve got you covered. Besides, it’ll be pretty obvious I know you since I’m bringing you to the game. I’ll just say you’re Vicki’s friend.”
Friend. That word burned a hole in Jesse’s heart.
Elias drove in silence a few minutes. When he started to speak again, he had to clear his throat. “Look, Rodgers is a real ass. I can’t vouch for his manners, if you know what I mean.”
The cop almost managed to be magnanimous. Jesse grinned at him. “Watch out, Detective Reyes, I might start to think you care about what happens to me.”
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