‘How do you feel about leaving?’ asked Libby.
‘Do you know what, it’s strange, but I feel quite good. There are so many happy memories from this place, of course, but there are also so many terrible ones. It feels like the right thing to do. I know it’s going to take a long time, but I think I’ll be able to move on much better in a new flat. Plus Jules could come back at any moment, and there’s no way I’m sticking around to be here when she does…’
‘Definitely not.’
‘How was it seeing Luca?’ he asked.
‘Weird,’ she said. ‘I literally hadn’t seen him once since I kicked him out. It was hard seeing him with Izzy. They are so alike. It’s strange getting used to the idea that we will never be a family, all three of us, again.’ Realising she had welled up yet again, Libby wiped her eyes with the back of her T-shirt sleeve. It was so hard to talk about it without getting emotional.
‘I’m so sorry, Libby.’ Angus came over and gave her a hug. She loved his hugs; they were so warm and reassuring. She loved the smell of laundry powder that clung to his T-shirt and she held him closely as she breathed it in.
A couple of hours later they stopped for lunch. Angus made them cheese and pickle sandwiches and they sat in the garden to eat them, enjoying some fresh air after their hard work. Libby tried not to think about Izzy and Luca, but she couldn’t help checking her phone in case he had tried to call. There were no messages, so she had to assume that everything was fine.
Later that afternoon they loaded up the car with as many boxes as would fit and drove over to the flat.
‘I love it!’ cried Libby as she walked around taking a good look at his new place. There was a large bedroom and a small boxroom off to the side, which Angus was intending to use as a study. The walls were painted a bright off-white throughout, which added to the sense of light and space. A large galley kitchen was separated from the sitting room by a breakfast bar. The flat was furnished with comfortable sofas, a table and chairs, and there was a huge double French door which led from the sitting room on to a spacious balcony. ‘It’s got such a nice feel to it.’
‘That’s exactly what I thought,’ said Angus. ‘It’s very light and airy.’
‘And the view of the river is amazing.’
‘It’s not bad,’ agreed Angus. He looked pretty pleased with his new home. It was in a newly built block of flats overlooking the Thames, and was fully fitted with all the mod-cons you could hope for.
They carried all the boxes up the stairs and into the flat, repeating the journey several times until there was nothing left in the old house that belonged to him. As they stood in the hall of the home he had shared for so many years with Jules and looked around for one last time he said, ‘I can’t believe this is it.’
‘Are you sure you’re ready?’ Libby asked, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze.
He nodded. ‘It’s time.’ He shut the door and locked it, placing his keys into an envelope and sealing it shut before posting it through the letterbox. They took a step back and looked at the bright red door. So many memories raced through her head as she stood there; she could only imagine how many must be tumbling through Angus’s mind. They stayed for a few minutes in silence, alone with their thoughts.
Eventually Angus walked away, opening the car door and climbing in without a backward glance. Libby joined him in the passenger seat. Angus looked at her and raised his eyebrows. She smiled at him and nodded her head. He turned the key in the ignition and they set off for Anglesea Road and his new home, leaving all the memories behind them. They were in the past now… where they belonged.
Libby helped him unpack the first few boxes. The radio was blaring out some classic eighties tunes. They had stopped to buy some cold beers from the corner shop and they sipped their drinks as they worked.
Later that evening, Angus ordered some Indian food and they sat on the balcony and watched the sun go down as they ate. Libby’s mind had been put to rest when Luca texted her a photograph of Izzy sleeping peacefully in her travel cot.
‘To new beginnings,’ said Angus, chinking his bottle against Libby’s.
‘To your new home,’ added Libby. ‘And a fresh start.’
‘It feels good,’ he said. ‘Strange, but good. I’m glad you’re here with me, Libs.’
‘I’m glad I’m here too,’ she smiled.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Luca came to see Izzy several times in June and July. Sometimes he would take her for the day on a Thursday or a Friday when he had the day off, and sometimes he would take her for a weekend. Each time Libby became a little more used to his coming and going. She managed to spend the first night in the flat by herself without Izzy and, though she hated it, she survived. She knew that it would take her a long time to get used to her new circumstances yet, slowly but surely, her new reality was becoming the norm. She was able to see Luca without being filled with regret. She realised that he truly hadn’t been happy in their home together, as much as she had wished that he was. He was near the sea in Sussex and he seemed to have regained a little of his lost joie de vivre. She hoped it had less to do with Jules and more to do with his freedom from London and the accompanying claustrophobia of city life.
Jules herself pitched up outside Digby and Edwards, determined to talk to Libby face to face and fed up with her lack of success getting through on the phone. Knowing that she would have a better chance of catching Libby off guard on her lunch hour she hung around outside the entrance waiting for Libby to come outside. As Libby walked out of the office to head to the usual row of sandwich shops, she heard a familiar voice call her name. She knew instantly who it was. She looked in the direction of the voice and, sure enough, was confronted by a somewhat drawn-looking Jules.
‘Libby, please stop; I just want to talk to you,’ she pleaded.
Libby set off at a quickened pace in the opposite direction, feeling her cheeks flush with rage at the mere sight of her. Unfortunately there wasn’t much she could do to avoid her. Jules caught up with her in no time and grabbed her arm. The last thing Libby wanted was a scene in front of her colleagues or, worse, her clients, any number of whom could be within earshot.
‘Jules, I’ve already told you. I’ve got nothing to say to you.’ Libby spoke through gritted teeth.
‘I know, I heard you, but I have to try and talk to you… I have to try and explain.’ Tears swam in Jules’s eyes, and for the briefest second Libby felt a flicker of pity for her former best friend. She stopped walking and said, ‘I’ll give you five minutes.’
‘Thank you.’
Libby crossed the busy square and sat down on an empty bench, Jules following close behind her. She turned to face her.
‘I know you must hate me, but I miss you so much. I can’t bear what you must think of me.’
‘Really?’ said Libby frostily. She found it extremely hard to feel sorry for her and really wasn’t in the mood for self-pity. ‘This was your choice, Jules. You did this.’
‘I know, I know. And I’m so sorry. I just fell for him, Libby, that’s all. It wasn’t planned, I couldn’t help myself…’ This sounded familiar; Luca had given her the same sob story.
‘I’m afraid I just don’t buy the “I couldn’t help myself” line, Jules. Yes, you might have found Luca attractive, yes he might have reciprocated, but you certainly didn’t need to act on it. Having the thought and actually going ahead and sleeping with someone are two very different things. If you had a single moral in your body, you would never have been able to do that to me. Luca was my fiancé – and don’t even get me started on Angus…’
Jules pulled anxiously at the sleeve of her top. ‘I feel very guilty about it all,’ she said. ‘I know I was selfish and that I only thought about myself, but I felt so trapped in my life, so trapped in my marriage. Luca was a breath of fresh air; he made me feel like myself again.’
‘Jules, I really couldn’t care less how he made you feel.’ Libby was trying her hardest not to r
aise her voice, but she couldn’t stomach listening to Jules’s pathetic excuses for a second longer. ‘You completely destroyed two relationships because you were too selfish to think about anyone else but yourself. The two of you deserve each other: in fact you are perfect for each other. I’m glad that you’ve finally shown me your true colours and that I’ve realised that you are not even worth wasting a second of my thoughts on, a second of my time. To think I used to call you my best friend. You are nothing to me. I mean it. Nothing!’ Libby stood up and started walking back to the office; she had lost her appetite completely. She couldn’t bear the needy look on Jules’s face, so desperate for Libby to accept her insincere apologies.
‘Libby please, don’t! I’m so sorry. I hope one day you can forgive me—’
‘I will never, ever forgive you, Jules. And I never want to see you again. Don’t show up at my work, don’t show up at my flat – stay the hell away from me.’ With that she turned on her heels and walked away without so much as a backward glance, fuming at Jules’s audacity in turning up out of the blue like that.
Back in the office, she buried herself in the huge mound of paperwork that awaited her at her desk, determined to distract herself from unpleasant thoughts of Jules. Her run-in with Jules had left a distinctly sour taste in her mouth. She needed the monotony of sorting through case files to steady her nerves and calm her rampaging emotions. Never before had she had to confront someone she had loved so much after such a horrific betrayal. It had been a horrible experience and one she would rather have avoided. She had known seeing Jules would make her feel even worse, and that was part of the reason she had been so desperate for it not to happen in the first place.
Life at Digby and Edwards was as hard as ever, but Libby was doing her best to keep on top of her to-do list. She resolutely stuck to her guns, making sure that she left on time each day to collect Izzy from Zoe, her child-minder. She was nearing the end of her training contract and would soon be finding out whether Digby and Edwards would offer her a permanent place in the firm. Unlike Tammy and Sam, who had both been snapped up at the end of their training, she was ninety-nine per cent sure that they wouldn’t keep her on. It was a competitive firm at the best of times, and she knew that she didn’t put in anything like the hours that some of her colleagues did. She found it increasingly hard to care. There was no way that work could ever be her priority now that she had Izzy. A career in law would only ever take second place.
She started to dream more and more about what she might do instead. She began to seriously contemplate leaving law altogether and starting up her own bed and breakfast, her own version of La Casetta. It would be a totally different pace of life. She could be her own boss. Despite the relentless schedule of cleaning, cooking and catering for her guests’ every whim, she knew that overall her quality of life would be better, that she would get more time with Izzy. It certainly sounded tempting. She had started compiling a folder with all her research on her laptop. She found herself spending more and more time on her new project; hours would fly by as she scoured the internet for potential properties. She wanted a place that would be big enough to turn a decent profit but not so overwhelming that she wouldn’t have any time to spend with Izzy. She also found out exactly what kind of insurance she would need and she researched the relevant building regulations. She planned and practised cooking scrumptious breakfasts which she intended to prepare using only the freshest local produce. She jotted down marketing ideas, and dreamt of exactly how she would make her B & B stand out from the crowd. She was slowly beginning to see exactly what steps she would need to take. The prospect terrified and thrilled her in equal measure. She felt exhilarated at the thought and ready for the challenge. She knew that if she committed to it, she would have no choice but to make it work. It would mean selling her flat and moving, yet she realised that she was no longer afraid of the intense amount of hard work she would need to put in to make it a success.
That August, Angus and Libby decided to go away on holiday together. Neither of them had made any plans for the summer, and Libby had been delighted when Angus suggested it, knowing that it would have been hard to go away by herself with Izzy, yet feeling desperate for a long overdue break.
‘Where shall we go?’ Libby asked, her mind racing with possibilities.
‘Well, I’m planning on going to Devon at some point for my next series of paintings, so it might make sense to go there?’ suggested Angus.
‘That’s a fab idea!’ Libby said. ‘Devon is beautiful and it’ll be much easier to stay in England than to travel abroad. We can just load all of Izzy’s stuff into the car and set off.’
In the end they decided that Angus would go down a week early to get all of his painting done before Libby and Izzy arrived. Libby would drive down and join him and they would spend the second week together. Angus took control of the planning and found a little house to rent on the coast called Acorn Cottage.
Soon enough Libby was pulling into the drive, getting her first glimpse of the house. It had stone walls that were covered in climbing roses. Libby fell in love with it in an instant. The garden was full of flowers in blossom. Fat honeybees flew sleepily from bush to bush, drunk on nectar. At the end of the garden a sandy pathway sloped down to a golden beach, winding its way through dunes and wild hedgerows. It was the perfect spot for a holiday and she felt herself relax instantly. This was just the kind of place she had been looking at during her bed and breakfast research. The thought of living somewhere like this full time one day filled her with excitement once again.
Angus came out as soon as he heard the car pull up in the drive. He showed them around and helped Libby unload their luggage. The walls were stacked with small canvases covered in sketches of the local area; he had clearly had a productive week. He had also stocked the fridge and the larder with supplies ready for Libby and Izzy’s arrival.
‘Look, Izzy, it’s the sea!’ Libby said, bouncing her on her hip. ‘I can’t wait to get down to the beach!’
She prepared a round of sandwiches for lunch, banana for Izzy and fresh crab for Angus and her. They sat out on the patio to eat. The air tasted salty from the sea spray and the sun shone brightly. Libby felt the happiest she had felt in a long time, the week stretching luxuriously out ahead of her. ‘This is bliss! You are so clever to have found this place.’
‘It was total fluke. Literally the first place I looked at on the Devon rentals website. We’re lucky it was free; apparently it was a last-minute cancellation.’
‘I bet it’s always fully booked in the summer, it’s such a beautiful area.’ Libby took a bite of her sandwich. ‘Tell me about what you’ve been doing so far.’
‘I’ve been out every day with my easel and paints. I moved about quite a bit, sketching and drawing as I went, taking note of the changing light. It’s amazing how the sea changes under the sun; it has an almost macabre feel under cloud cover, but practically radiates light when the sun comes out. I feel very inspired here.’
‘That’s good. You’ve definitely chosen some amazing places so far.’
‘I certainly have. I feel as if I’ve almost run out of places in the UK, though. It might have to be somewhere abroad next time…’
‘Such a hard life! Are you happy with what you’ve got so far? Do you think you’ll need to do much more this week?’
‘I think I’ve made a very good start. I’ll definitely do a bit more here and there and take lots of photographs. But I won’t be slaving away. I want to spend time with you and Izzy.’
‘I’m glad to hear it.’ Izzy emitted a loud gurgle of pleasure. ‘And so is Izzy!’
His blue eyes softened as he looked at them both and Libby’s heart filled with affection. He looked very handsome; his face had tanned well in the sun. It always surprised her how brown he could get, despite his auburn hair. She noticed that his crow’s feet were ever so slightly paler than the rest of his skin. He must have been squinting as he painted; either that or smiling away to
himself as he worked. She was pleased to see him looking so relaxed, so happy. She couldn’t think of the last time he had seemed so at ease with himself. Being away from Jules was having a wonderful, liberating effect on him. In that moment a tiny part of her was grateful for what had happened, for allowing Angus to move on and have a chance of real happiness without Jules.
‘OK, are you sure we’ve got everything we need?’ Angus was laden down with bags, an umbrella, and he also had Izzy strapped to his back.
‘I feel as if you’re carrying it all and I’ve got nothing!’ Libby said. She had a beach bag and that was about it.
‘Well that’s what I’m here for… your personal packhorse. Isn’t that right, Izzy?’ She gurgled on cue and they set off down the path towards the sea. They made a little camp below the dunes and spread out rugs, towels and the umbrella to give Izzy plenty of shade. Angus slathered sun cream on Libby’s back, and she rubbed it all over herself to make sure that she didn’t burn. The sun was lovely and hot, with a pleasant sea breeze ensuring it wasn’t unbearable.
‘Can you do mine?’ Angus asked. Libby squirted cream all over his freckly, tanned back, marvelling at how huge it was.
‘Have you been working out?’ she asked. ‘You’re so muscly!’
‘No more than usual,’ Angus replied. Perhaps she hadn’t noticed before, but he really was in impressive shape. He was built like a rugby player, tall and broad and muscular. She seemed incredibly petite standing next to him in her bikini, and she wasn’t short at five foot eight. As she rubbed the sun cream in she felt a peculiar stirring in the bottom of her stomach. She immediately checked herself, telling her mind not to be so ridiculous – this was Angus; how mortifying! But it was undeniable; she was definitely feeling the familiar flicker of desire. What was wrong with her?
She felt herself blush and sat down quickly; giving him back the sun cream and hoping that he wouldn’t notice her ridiculous reaction to his semi-naked body. She glanced at him as he bent over to pull his towel out of the bag. Now that her mind had started to go down that particular route, she couldn’t help but notice his enormous thighs, straining against his board shorts, and the blond hair that covered his tanned calves. It was as if she was suddenly seeing him for the first time. She looked away, studying the horizon with determination. She seriously needed to get some action soon – look what was happening to her, she was ogling her best friend.
It Was Always You Page 19