by LP Lovell
Walking back to the office, I look up to the area on the second level, above the offices. The drug mules are housed there, with several rows of beds pressed up against the railing. My eyes instantly hone in on Anna sitting on the last bed, one knee pulled up to her chest and her back braced against the wall. A blade plays through her fingers absently. The other girls all stay away from her, looking at her like she’s dangerous. I have to admit, she’s perfected the act well, but I know better. No one can change that much.
I need to talk to her, and I don’t have a lot of time to do it, but not now. She needs time, and I need to fight this urge to hold onto her and never let go. If I hold on too tight right now, she’ll bolt.
13
Rafael
Tension racks my body as I watch the first rays of dawn creep over the desert sand. With that view, one could easily feel a sense of hope and positivity, but it’s a false sense of security. Miguel was killed last night, and it’s almost as though the very weight of that knowledge hangs in the air. Like the world is holding its breath and waiting for the repercussions.
It doesn’t matter whether it was me who killed him or not, Dominges will assume it was. If the Vasiliev sisters hadn’t killed him, I would have anyway. So far, Dominges has managed to avoid any personal loss to himself. His men have endured plenty, but he himself…this will be the first real blow he’s suffered in this war. I’m fully prepared for the carnage that will follow, but I can’t, and won’t, have him use Anna as retribution.
I scrub my hand over my face, trying to force the weariness from my mind. These days, sleep is a luxury I’m rarely able to grasp a hold of, and last night was even worse. I don’t want to force a conversation with Anna, but I don’t have a lot of time. Una is coming back, and Dominges will be plotting revenge at this very moment.
Tossing my cigar to the ground, I take a deep breath and open the door, walking back into the warehouse. It’s business as usual. Boxes being packed and loaded onto vans, which then drive around the back of the warehouse and load straight onto freight planes. The shipments go by air because it’s harder to track.
Amongst all the hustle and bustle of the warehouse, I spot Anna lingering just outside of the meager kitchen area. She’s leaning against the wall, a cup of coffee in hand as she talks to Lucas. Their once easy friendship seems strained, their body language guarded and on edge.
Anna’s gaze snaps to me as I approach, and her eyes instantly harden. “Rafael.”
“I need to speak with you.” She pushes off the wall, gesturing for me to lead the way. I hate this tension between us. I hate this situation and being stuck inside these walls. “Come.”
Instead of walking to the plain windowless office, I grab a set of keys from the safe box and walk towards the back door. I can hear Anna’s light footsteps behind me as I cross the sand-covered tarmac that covers the small airstrip.
“Where are you taking me?” she asks.
I walk over to one of the two helicopters I have here and open the passenger door. “Get in.”
“So you can kidnap me? No.”
I tilt my head back on a groan. “I’m not kidnapping you.” She narrows her eyes at me. “Don’t you trust me?”
“No,” she says quietly.
It stings more than it should, but I nod. “Well, I’m not about to put myself on Una’s shit list, so I promise I will bring you back.”
On a sigh, she gets in. “That ship has sailed,” she mumbles. I say nothing, closing the door and rounding the front of the aircraft. When I jump in, she glances at me. “Do you actually know how to fly this?”
I shrug. “How hard can it be?” Her eyes go wide, and I laugh. “Of course I know how to fly it.”
She releases a breath and fastens the straps across her body. “I’ve never been in a helicopter,” she muses to herself.
I smile because I’ve missed this. She makes me want to give her everything just so I can watch her face as she experiences it for the first time. I flip the necessary switches on the dashboard and the rotary blades whir to life. When the chopper leaves the ground, Anna throws her hand out, gripping my arm. After a few seconds, she releases me and stares out of the window as the desert passes by beneath us. I fly low, paranoia forcing me not to take any chances. I circle the lake before putting the helicopter down.
“Why here?” she asks quietly.
“Call it neutral ground.”
14
Anna
Neutral ground.
Opening the door, I slide out of the helicopter. As soon as my feet hit the familiar desert sand, I feel a sense of rightness that I was always chasing in New York: the heat, the sand, the scent of scorched earth and fresh air. I find myself eagerly striding up the incline that leads to the cliff edge. When I reach it, I stop and catch my breath, staring down into the oasis created in this rocky bowl. The first time he brought me here, it felt magical, and it feels every bit as special now. There’s something about this place because it shouldn’t exist. The trees, the flowers, the crystalline blue water…none of it should exist out here in the middle of the desert. It seems like more of a dream than reality. I could come here a thousand times, and it would always remind me of Rafael—of us. But weren’t we always more dream than reality? It feels like that now, as though I can’t truly recall or grasp hold of what we once had.
Rafael comes to stand beside me, and I walk away, descending the rocky, steep path that cuts into the cliff side. I slip and nearly fall, much like I did the first time I came here, but this time Rafael isn’t ahead of me to block my fall with his enormous body. The irony is not lost on me. When I reach the bottom, I go to the lake edge. The water is perfectly still like a mirror reflecting the world back at us.
I feel Rafael’s presence behind me, but he makes no move to come closer. Closing my eyes, I tilt my face up to the sun, allowing its heat to wash over me. I’ve missed it so much.
“So…neutral ground?” I finally say, turning to face him. I hate the butterflies that erupt in my chest whenever I look at him. If anything, he seems even more savagely beautiful than he did before. Maybe it’s that dangerous edge that always lingered just below the surface and is now in full view. He’s no longer just the man who saved me. The blinkers are off, and I see now that he’s every bit the cartel boss I always knew he was, but rarely witnessed.
He takes a pack of cigars from his pants pocket and removes one, holding it between his fingers and staring at it absentmindedly for a few seconds. “This place feels…untainted.” His dark eyes snap to mine, narrowing against the bright sun. “Ours.”
I swallow heavily, remembering the afternoon that he brought me here as if it were only yesterday. That was the day that I made the conscious decision to trust him wholeheartedly, to stop thinking about all the reasons why it was wrong and embrace how right we were. But he broke that trust and in doing so, changed everything.
“You wanted to talk,” I say dismissively. “So talk.”
He places the cigar to his mouth and lights it. I watch as his full lips purse around it, the end glowing a bright cherry red as he inhales deeply. “You need to leave, Anna.” I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t hurt. I’ve been around him for twelve hours, and already my emotions are a jumbled mess where they’ve been very clear for the last few months.
I fight through the sting and stare back at him. “Trust me, I’m well aware of the fact that you don’t want me here—”
“It has nothing to with what I want.” He cuts me off. “This is necessary.”
Hurt turns to anger, and I glare at him. “I’ll decide what is necessary where my life is concerned. You’re no longer in it, remember?”
He takes an ominous step towards me, his fists tightening right along with his jaw. “So, what, you’re on some kind of vigilante mission now?” He laughs. “Not even a year ago you were a sex slave. A few months with your sister and you think you’re ready to take on a cartel?” His eyes drag over my body cruelly. “You’re still a n
aive little girl, and Dominges will have you right back on that bed where you started.”
His words have barely sunk in before I’m pulling my elbow back, rage driving my fist right into his jaw. His head snaps to the side and for a second we both freeze. Shock ripples over me as I watch a single drop of blood ooze from his lip and fall onto the sand at his feet. He slowly brings his gaze back to mine, swiping his hand over his bloody lip and staring at the crimson liquid that now coats his fingertips.
“Well.” He spits blood on the ground and smiles, his teeth staining red. “You can throw a punch.”
“Take me back to the warehouse,” I say, shoving past him. He grabs my wrist, and I yank away from him so hard that the motion forces me to spin and face him.
“I deserved that,” he mumbles, swiping at his lip again and frowning at the blood.
“I came here for me. My world doesn’t revolve around you.” I drop my gaze to the scorched desert ground interspersed with little weeds hopefully reaching for life. “You sent me away. What I do no longer—”
“Fuck,” he spits, cutting me off. “Don’t do that shit.”
I look at him. “What? Speak the truth.”
He moves closer to me until his enormous body blocks the sun. “Don’t act like I just didn’t want you. Don’t accuse me of giving up on you.”
“Didn’t you?”
He closes the distance between us and reaches out, gripping my chin between his thumb and finger. I should pull away, but the look in his eyes freezes me. My mind is running from Rafael, rebelling in every way, but my heart will probably always be his captive.
“Never,” he says quietly, his eyes dropping to my lips. “There are some things you can never walk away from.”
There’s a beat of silence and the mental battle rages in my mind as long seconds pass. My chest aches and the feelings I’ve tried so hard to lock up are rattling against the bars of the cage I’ve forced around them.
“I’m not leaving Mexico. I came here to do a job.”
His jaw clenches, and he lets out a pained groan as his hand slips from my chin, cupping my cheek. Closing his eyes, he tugs me close and rests his forehead against mine. Such a simple yet intimate touch and I bask in it, my fragile heart fluttering erratically, begging me to simply fall into the protective warmth of his arms.
“Please,” he whispers, his voice raw and exposed.
This is the problem with him and I. I’ve always been a slave, and he’s always been a cartel boss. It’s only now that I’m starting to discover who Anna Vasiliev even is, and I know she’s not going to be so easily controlled by a man, even him.
I pull back, allowing my stony mask to slip back into place. “This was a mistake,” I say quietly, stepping away.
I turn and take a step towards the track, but his arms lock firmly around my waist. Hot breath rushes over my neck, and I shiver, my head tilting to the side involuntarily. My lungs falter for air as my entire body sighs into his embrace, languishing in that absolute safety he provides so easily. His lips brush my neck, and my fingers grip his arms, my nails digging into his skin. I’m not sure if I’m trying to pull him away or hold him tight. I’ve never been so conflicted. “We’re never a mistake, avecita.”
“Or maybe that’s all we were.”
His fingers wind around my jaw, and he forces my head back and to the side until his lips brush over the corner of my mouth. “You don’t believe that.”
He’s so close, and my head is buzzing with the low hum of white noise drowning out everything rational. My heart thrums excitedly in my chest, adrenaline firing through my veins at his touch. “I don’t know what I believe anymore.”
His hand grasps my hip, and he spins me so fast that I stagger against him. My palms land against his solid chest and his forearm bands across the small of my back. The heat of his body combined with the desert sun scorches me, but I can’t find it within me to care. I think I want him to burn me and perhaps I always will.
“I don’t ask you to leave lightly. It’s not safe for you here, little warrior.”
“I’m not some fragile girl—”
“They don’t care! It’s the cartel. You are always fragile where they are concerned.” His brows pinch together tightly. “I love you, avecita,” he breathes, and my heart lets out a pitiful cough. "If Dominges finds out you are here, he will hunt you, just to get to me.”
“Una and I—”
He shakes his head. “The things I’ve done in the past few months… he wants me on my knees, and you are the perfect tool to put me there. Even your sister cannot stand against an entire cartel.” She said as much herself when I decided I wanted to come after the Sinaloa.
When I meet his eyes, I see a very real fear lingering in them. “So where does that leave us? Me running? You fighting? I meant what I said; I came here to kill him. I need to kill him. I can’t turn back.” We stare at each other, and I silently plead with him to understand this.
“In war, we must be willing to sacrifice, but I won’t sacrifice you. Don’t ask me to.”
“We’ll be in and out. Dominges won’t even know we’re here.” He says nothing, and I sigh. “You may not have much choice. Una will be back tonight with Sasha.”
His jaw ticks in aggravation. “What do you expect me to do here?”
I shrug one shoulder. “Nothing?”
“Anna,” he growls.
I hate that this is always so complicated and fraught with danger. I hate that I can’t hate him, that he will always own my heart so completely. “You can’t control everything. So either help me or let me go, Rafe. There is no version of this where I turn tail and run back to New York.”
He inhales a deep breath, his arm across my back tightening. “Just…leave Dominges to me. Please.”
On a deep sigh, I push back, forcing an inch of space between us. “No,” I say. He grips a handful of my hair, tipping my head back. Push and pull, back and forth. We always seem to be caught in this deadly dance. “You’re either with me, or you’re against me. Which is it?” I know he’s backed into a corner with very few choices. I see it in his eyes, the urge to get me as far away from here as possible. He’s driven by fear, and it’s so strange because he’s always so cool and controlled, a master of everything and everyone.
He closes his eyes. “I won’t open another box and find your head in it, avecita,” he whispers.
“We live in a dangerous world. It’s always a risk.” I reach up and smooth the tight frown line from between his brows. “What if we’re stronger together?” I ask, and the faintest trace of hope whispers in my ear, gentle fingers caressing over my fraught soul. What if this didn’t need to be a battle between the girl I want to be and the girl he wants to protect?
A sad smile pulls at his lips. “You will always be my weakness.”
Resignation sets in, and I nod, taking a shaky step back. “I understand.” This will never be a partnership. It’s him, the big bad cartel boss, and me; the girl he loves. The notion may seem romantic, but I don’t want it. It took me a long time to find my strength, and I won’t give it up. Not even for him.
He releases me. “But a man guards his weakness, so I will make a deal with you.”
I lift a brow. “A deal?”
“You can stay in Mexico, but you stay with me. Your sister is welcome, but nothing happens without you running it past me.”
“I can’t promise that. Una likes to work to her own parameters.”
“That’s the deal, little warrior. You can stay in Mexico. You can even go after Dominges, but under my protection.” Our eyes lock, and I chew on my bottom lip. His gaze tracks the movement. “You could very easily lose this war for me, avecita,” he warns.
I frown. “Una knows what she’s doing—”
“Una is not the pawn he seeks. I’ve already proven that I will sacrifice my cartel for you once. Dominges will not forget it.” When he pulls back, his expression has shifted into one of steely authority. My Rafael is gone a
nd in his place is the ruthless cartel boss, feared by so many. “Do we have an alliance?”
What choice do I have? Go back to New York or go against him, inciting a fight between him and Una. That’s the last thing I want. “We have an alliance. As soon as Dominges is dead, I’ll be gone."
“Ah, little warrior. I let you go once. I asked you to leave a second time, and you refused." There’s something fierce and possessive in his eyes that has my stomach tightening. “If you think I’ll watch you walk away once this is all over, you’ve forgotten one thing.”
His fingers wind around my throat, and he pulls me forward until his lips almost brush mine. “What?” I whisper against his mouth.
“You’re mine. You will always be mine.”
His lips crash over mine, and any resistance I thought I had dissipates like morning dew evaporating in the sun. The dam bursts. All the hurt and the rejection, the love and the need, the agony of the last few months drowns me. The sheer inevitability of the fact that we were always going to end up right here in this exact moment washes over me. Warmth blossoms throughout my chest, inviting and intoxicating. This is home. He is home, the only one I’ve ever known…but he cast me out. Slowly, my heart releases the chokehold it has on my rational mind.
Shoving away from him, I place a shaky hand over my mouth. “I can’t do this,” I murmur.
“We aren’t done, Anna. We’ll never be done,” he vows. “I’m sorry I sent you away, but it was the right thing to do.”
I shake my head. “You broke us, Rafe.”
“I know,” he says quietly. “And I hate it. Everything always seems so fucking dark without you, little warrior.”
I squeeze my eyes closed, inhaling the cigar and citrus scent of him underlined by the distinctive scent of the desert. “You promised we were ride or die.”