"Really?" he answered. "That's too bad. It’ll be good to see him again, though."
"I invited him Christmas Eve. You and Kristen are welcome, too, Lauren. Unless, of course, you'll be with your family."
Lauren's spirit plummeted.
"Great idea," Kyle broke in before she could answer. "What do you say?"
"Well, I, ah..." she stammered.
"No need to decide right now. You let Kyle know. He'll be ho-hoing for the kids again this year."
Kyle half grinned. "Max can be my reindeer." "He'll be no such thing. That dog is so far from my good graces, I don't want him in my house."
Kristen and Julie ran into the room with Scotty on their tails. "He wants to shoot us!" Kristen screamed.
"Yeah! With the gun!" Julie confirmed. Then the girls giggled as they climbed into their mothers' arms.
"Scott William Preston," Will scolded as the little boy ran around the dining room table sporting a plastic gun loaded with a sponge torpedo on the end. "You know better than to scare the girls."
When Scotty ran around the table, Kyle hooked him with his arm and reeled him in, tickling him on his lap.
Lauren chuckled softly, her head still spinning from the chatter during dinner, trying to keep track of all the conversations going on at once. It was a crazy arena. Being an only child, it was something she never understood. She marveled that no one else here seemed to have any trouble keeping it all straight. But then again, it was probably second nature to them.
Watching the commotion around her, she noticed how Kristen interacted and thrived among Kyle's family. The outgoing personality and confidence her daughter displayed both filled her with pride and stabbed at her heart.
Involuntarily, she clutched her stomach and felt it tighten with the thought of how their lives could have been. If Kristen had been adopted, she would have had a family like this. She would have had Sunday dinners and maybe even sisters and brothers like Julie and Scotty. Had she been selfish to only think of what she was losing by giving Kristen up for adoption? She never once thought of what Kristen would be missing in her life. Never.
And now Kristen wanted a daddy. What else did she want that Lauren couldn't provide?
Everyone around her moved in slow motion. She looked at the faces, smiling, laughing, joking, as if she were in suspended animation. It suddenly seemed surreal.
Someone touched her shoulder and she jumped. Looking up, she peered into Kyle's smiling eyes. The lines she'd seen around his eyes earlier had smoothed. She touched his hand and felt her heart race. It wasn't just Kristen who needed something more in her life. Deep down, Lauren knew she'd gone far too long with unfulfilled need.
And Kyle Preston was just the kind of man to satisfy that need.
A short time later, Lauren thanked Judy for the lovely dinner and sent Kristen up to Julie's room to help clean up the toys.
She waited in the foyer, her wool coat draped over her arm. Kyle leaned against the doorjamb staring at her, looking through her, and making her incredibly nervous.
"What's going on in that head of yours?" he asked.
"I'm not sure I know what you're talking about." She avoided his gaze by looking at the pattern of the marble floor.
He reached forward and brushed his fingers across the hollow of her cheek. But she didn't look at him, couldn't look at him. "Yes you do," he said in a whisper.
"Am I still that predictable?"
"Anything but." The rough timbre of his voice caused her to finally look up at him. He sucked in a deep breath of air, expanding his chest against the cotton shirt he wore.
He was strong, no doubt about it. He had a strength she longed to wrap herself around, but feared like she'd never known fear before. She had the distinct feeling it wouldn't take much for her to tangle herself in his hold. He bent his head closer to hers and said, "I can't figure you out."
"I'm...not all that complicated."
He chuckled softly. "You look at me like you do, but you don't want to get involved," he said as he cupped both of her cheeks in his palms, forcing her to finally gaze up into his eyes. "That complicates things."
She closed her eyes and swallowed. The startling reality shocked her to her senses. It wasn't fear that seized her, it was desire. And damn, he knew it. "Kyle, please..."
"Look at me."
She didn't move. She heard his shallow breathing echo in her ear louder and stronger than the sounds of laughter upstairs from the children and the clanging of dishes and pans from the kitchen.
"Are you afraid of what you'll see? Of what I'll do?" he murmured when she didn't answer.
No, she thought, I'm afraid of what you'll see written all over my face.
This has to stop. She had to end it right here and now if she had any chance at all of getting away from Kyle Preston and the magnetic hold that was drawing her to him.
She shook her head and his hands fell away from her, leaving her cold. Straightening her spine, she took a stand.
"I'm sorry if I've been sending you mixed signals, but...you're right. I don't want to get involved. I don't intend to start something that I have no intention of finishing."
"No one is defining anything yet. We can take things as fast or as slow as you want."
"I don't want to take things at all."
"I don't understand."
"My daughter is very sensitive. She has hopes for a daddy for Christmas. I can't have men coming into Kristen’s life today, giving her false hopes that they'll be around tomorrow.”
“What makes you think I won’t be around tomorrow?”
She blinked hard. “It's not fair to her."
He looked away as if she'd slapped him. "Are you sure that it's really your daughter you're trying to protect?"
She cleared her throat. "Yes. I hope I've made my position clear."
His jaw squared as his gaze bore into her soul. "Perfectly."
# # #
Chapter Five
Monday morning turned out better than Kyle had anticipated. After getting too little sleep the night before, he downed a cup of black coffee and made a quick call to the newspaper. Three weeks of ads running in the paper and still no one had claimed ownership of Max. He swung around to the vet to give Max a checkup and make sure he had all the required shots before stopping by the house to do some work.
Inhaling a breath of clean winter air, Kyle looked out to the mountain view in the back of the property. A snowshoe rabbit poked its head out from underneath a broken pine limb before hiding again. Max darted his ears up and wiggled his nose, but couldn't find the little creature before it disappear from sight.
It had been at least a month since he'd been out to the construction site. He'd forgotten just how much he loved this place.
The only thing he didn't like about it was the idea of living here alone. He'd spent too much time bucking family members and rejecting the love that was given him, that when he finally knew it, felt it, he didn't want to give it up.
With thoughts of Lauren, he rubbed his chest where he felt an ache and gazed out at the thick blanket of smooth snow covering the ground. Except for the deer tracks he spotted out back, the whole yard was as smooth as a baby's bottom, thanks to last night’s snowfall. Reaching back, he picked up a piece of scrap wood from the barrel on the cedar deck just off the back of the house and pitched it out to the yard. Max flew from the deck and quickly clambered after it, tramping through the snow like a big floppy slipper, burying himself until he found the scrap.
Scotty and Julie always enjoyed coming out here to sled down the slope out back. Now there was a fresh coat of snow to cut through. Maybe this weekend, he mused.
Kyle let out a shrieking whistle to Max, but was not at all surprised when the dog didn't respond. He chased after the dog, rolling in the snow and getting himself wet in the process, until he got him on the new chain he'd purchased.
After pulling a few logs from the pile out back, he set a fire in the woodstove in the den. Since the
house was still unoccupied, there was no sense running the heating system. He'd always used electric space heaters when he was working if it got too cold, but he couldn't use them today for what he planned to do.
He tossed his ski jacket to the kitchen counter and pushed up the sleeves of his UMass Amherst sweat shirt. Standing in the dining room, he looked long and hard at the walls on either side of the room. "Well, Preston, I hope you know what you're doing," he said to himself.
Funny how he was so sure of himself when it came to dealing with business. Put him in front of Lauren Alexander and he felt like he couldn't even recite the alphabet.
He'd been lucky enough to be at the right place at the right time during his business career and take advantage of many win-win situations. After countless business deals and property renovations where the name of the game was money, he had to wonder what else was in store for his life. Money didn't keep him warm at night when he was sleeping in a cold bed. Finally being at a point in his life where he had much to share, he had no one to share all that he'd achieved with.
And then he’d met Debra three years ago. At first, everything was great. With her being the youngest of eight children, Kyle had foolishly thought that family was an important part of her life and she understood how much it meant to him. But he was wrong. What meant a lot to Debra was how much Kyle could give her. Period. Like many of the women he’d dated once he’d become successful in business, she was attracted to his checkbook. When it became glaringly obvious that she resented the time and attention he gave his family, their relationship crumbled. But not before he was deep into constructing the house Debra had wanted so much. His enthusiasm for the project plummeted soon after.
But Lauren wasn’t like that. She was fiercely independent, devoted to Kristen and...stubborn...and incredibly beautiful. Since they’d met, Kyle was beginning to think that maybe she was someone he could share his life with, too. Maybe he wouldn't be living here alone after all. The way she'd opened up to him about her parents, seeing the way she had blended right in with his family, he thought she'd finally started to lay down the shield she used to guard herself. Despite the rift that tore her family apart, Lauren didn’t seem like the kind of woman who’d reject family without a reason.
But then she did a complete about face on him when she left. The Lauren who’d sat at the dining room table, laughing and listening to stories turned into another person. Her words were like a whip to his back.
I can't have men coming into Kristen’s life today, giving her false hopes that they'll be around tomorrow. Like Debra, did Lauren not want to be part of a family? Was that the real reason she’d drifted away from her own?
Max barked out back just as Kyle heard the familiar sound of a van pulling into the driveway out front. A few minutes later, he heard a toolbox thump on the front porch and the thud of boots kicking against the sill.
"Thanks for swinging by on such short notice, Dad," he said when Will walked into the house.
"Having an electrician as a father certainly has its perks." Will looked around the room and nodded his head toward the woodstove. "No electricity? Is there a problem with the outlets?" He flipped a few switches as he walked around the room.
"No, I shut down the panel. “Kyle placed his hand on the dining room wall adjacent to the kitchen. "We're knocking it down."
Will scratched his head. "What for, son? Looks fine to me."
"It'll open up the place more. That one, too." Kyle pointed to the opposite wall and unrolled a set of blueprints on the makeshift plywood table he'd set up. He pointed to the little box marked "dining room". "This wall is load bearing. We'll have to support it while we're waiting for the beam to be delivered from the lumber yard. The other one is okay, so it shouldn't be a problem."
Will stared at him, perplexed. "You sure you want to do this? You were so adamant about having a separate room for your pool table. You must have argued with the architect a dozen times about it."
Kyle chuckled. "I'll build a game room in the basement. This is going to be a dining room."
* * *
Kyle dipped the brush into the can of Polyurethane on the floor and tapped the ends against the can, draining the bristles of excess liquid. With care, he ran the brush along the fine oak trim he'd already stained a rich golden-honey color.
Knocking down the walls had been a good move. He hadn't been aware that the downstairs rooms felt closed in before he'd made the change. A pool table off the kitchen and family room had been of bigger interest when he'd made the design change to the house. Someplace for the guys to escape but still remain close to the essentials of life, namely a well-stocked refrigerator.
More than once during the week, he'd second-guessed himself for changing his house to suit Lauren's design. After all, she wouldn't be the one to live here, so why should he care if a poolroom off the kitchen didn't make sense? It made perfect sense to him. But now, seeing how the results of the last few days' work transformed the rooms, he knew that Lauren had been one hundred percent correct in suggesting the change.
"Maybe all that's needed is a woman's touch," he said to himself, answering his own musings. And not just any woman. One special woman.
Kyle glanced over at Max, who was lavishing great attention on a rawhide bone. "She doesn't want to get involved, boy."
Given what she'd told him about Kristen's father, he realized he was no different in his youth. Would he have done the right thing back then? If he was at all honest with himself, he'd have to say no. He groaned at the realization of that. And if Lauren believed that Kristen's father could never change, then after hearing about all his past indiscretions, maybe she believed that of him as well. Most of his skeletons had already danced their way out of the closet, thanks to his parents. He couldn’t blame her for being gun-shy.
He eyed the empty rooms, mesmerized by the light spilling into every corner. He then let his gaze drift out the window to the back yard. The smooth snow from a few days ago was now crumpled from Max trampling through, trying to chase squirrels. He noticed a set of new deer tracks cut in the snow leading to the back porch where he'd placed apples a few days ago. He could just picture one of those wooden swing sets with a tower and bright-colored canvas roof he'd seen at the lumber yard out there with Kristen, Julie, and Scotty playing. Maybe even a few little ones of his own running around or playing in a sandbox.
And Lauren. She'd make her mark all over this house. He could just see her arranging roses in a vase at the table. She'd like roses. She seemed like the kind of woman who'd place a fragrant rose or two on his pillow just before climbing into bed. Maybe he'd make a rose bed out back so she could pick fresh roses...
Wait a minute, Preston! You share some hot chocolate with the woman, sing a song or two, and already you've got her moving in! Hell, he'd already given up his pool room and all she did was come for dinner. "And she doesn't want to get involved." He muttered the words over and over again like a mantra but it wouldn't sink in.
He knew what he wanted. A family. And he was pretty sure he wanted Lauren to be part of it. Before he took another plunge, he had to find out if Lauren wanted it, too.
* * *
Lauren reached the second floor landing, hoisting a laundry basket filled with clean clothes just as she heard the phone ring in her apartment.
"Krissy, could you run for the phone, hon?" She'd have to ditch the clothes if she had any chance of catching whoever was calling. "I left the door open."
Kristen moved her little legs and ran up the stairs ahead of Lauren.
Lauren couldn't help but wonder who would be calling her and suddenly felt angry with herself for hoping. Her Christmas cards had gone out in the mail on Tuesday, four days ago. She'd picked out a special card for her parents and made sure to include one of Kristen's school pictures this year. It was Saturday. They must have gotten the card by now. Maybe this year they'll call. She steeled herself for disappointment as she scaled the remaining treads.
Drawing in
a deep breath of air, she dropped the laundry basket. "Who was on the phone, honey?" she asked as she emptied her lungs.
Kristen swung the phone in her hand. "No one."
"They hung up?"
"I said 'hello' and I heard 'click'." Kristen blinked her eyes and squeezed her fingers as she demonstrated.
Lauren propped herself against the doorjamb. "It was probably a wrong number," she muttered with a sigh.
Why did she keep doing this to herself? It had been almost seven years. She never talked to her parents unless she called and even then it was always so awkward. Why should this year be any different?
"They'll call back, right, Mommy?" Kristen dropped the phone in its cradle and bounced on the sofa.
All I Want for Christmas is You Page 7