by Segunda L.
Samara: You call this an apology? You can’t even say it to my face!
I wanted to pull my hair in frustration but I stopped myself, I’d end up bald by the time I got my Mercedes-Benz if I keep doing that. I thought the text message plan was brilliant. It turned out to be a failure. This woman was so hard to crack. She was holding her stand and I was left with no choice but to cave. Fine. I’d do what she wanted. It was her win. I’d apologize to her, in person. Let’s get this over once and for all.
My mother would probably be disappointed in me if she was still here right now. What I was about to do was directly opposing her orders. But she also thought me to do whatever it took to get what I wanted, and that was exactly what I was doing.
I sent her a reply.
Me: Where are you right now?
There was no need for her response. The place I was in gave me a full view of the parking lot and I saw Samara getting out of her car. I even saw her typing on her phone.
Samara: In class. Why?
Class my ass. Yeah right. She even lied to get away from me.
Me: You got a class in the parking lot?
Samara looked around the parking lot, but she couldn’t see me. There were too many people in the benches for her to actually see my face from the crowd. I walked towards her, passing through the back of her car so she wouldn’t see me approaching. I wanted to catch her by surprise.
“So what class do you have here?” I inquired with my right eyebrow raised.
Startled by my unexpected appearance, she almost dropped her phone when she heard my voice.
“Uhm, I-uh—.” She stammered as she cowered back to her car. Her face was guilty, I’d have to be an idiot to miss that. It was kind of fun looking at her guilty expression, so I pried on.
“Ah, I know. I heard there’s a driving lesson offered by the school. Did you sign up for that?” I bluffed.
“Yes, I did! I’m here early though. You know me, being an early bird as usual.” She blabbered while flapping her arms like a bird and agreed with my fictional driving lessons.
Obviously, she was a bad liar.
“Cut the crap Samara. The school does not offer driving lessons. I made that up,” I deadpanned, “you’re a terrible liar. If I was a cop, I’d know right away that you’re guilty as charged.”
She stopped the act and exclaimed, “If you already knew that I was lying then maybe you shouldn’t have fed me more lies just to embarrass myself.” She glared at me. “What are you doing here anyway?”
I remembered what I was here for and this time, it was my turn to feel flustered. The sudden shift of conversation caught me off guard. My throat went dry and my determination from earlier was starting to lose its effect. I rubbed the back of my neck and looked down. The ants on the ground became very fascinating to me. I noticed the tiny details of the road, like the patterns of the cracks and—.
“So?” Samara interrupted my appreciation of the highway.
Say it Jared and get it done with.
“The weather is nice.” I commented, Samara and I both knew that I was stalling.
“Yeah? It’s okay I guess.” For Samara’s part, she was actually being cooperative. She might have asked what I was doing here but I was pretty sure that she had a hunch what I was here for.
“The leaves are green.” I was being weird, I know. I was just saying anything that came to my mind.
The leaves are green? Really? Can I state a more obvious fact?
“And the sky is blue.” I added as I looked up at the heavens.
I guess I just answered my own question. I just stated the most obvious thing in the world.
“Is that a poem?” Samara asked, bewildered by my babbling. “Were you reciting a poem?”
“No.” I replied.
“Okaaaaay.” She gave me this weird look. “What are you really here for? You didn’t come here just to tell me that the leaves are green and the sky is blue, right?”
Here we go.
I puffed. “I’m here to apologize,” I started, “I’m sorry for calling you a fatty. I was just having a really bad day that time in Bio class and I wanted to vent off. And you happened to be a good target. The other times after that, I was just bored.”
Her face showed disbelief. “You were having a bad day? So I was your stress reliever? Did you know the kind of depression I had to go through that time?” She shrieked.
“You were absent the next day, so I guess you were pretty depressed.”
“You have no idea what your words can do! If I wasn’t used to mean people like you, I would have attempted suicide already.” She explained her side.
I thought about our first meeting, how I insulted her about the chair, how I asked about her vital stat, and how I called her a fat ass. When she left the room, where did she go? Did she go to the comfort rooms to cry? Imagining Samara crying in the girl’s comfort room brought intense sadness into me. There it was again, the unexpected pain I felt every time I thought about Samara getting hurt.
The weight of what I did dawned upon me. How could I be such an asshole? Even if I was having the worst day of my life, it was wrong to take it out on Samara. As I remembered correctly, she was actually nice to me that day. We weren’t close but she bothered to ask me about my well being. And what did I do? Instead of thanking her for caring, I returned her kindness by talking shit about her weight. And what if she did attempt suicide that day? Then I’d never have a chance to get to know her. That thought left a lump on my throat and I couldn’t seem to breathe.
She was right. I deserve to be hated.
“I’m sorry.” I apologized again, not for the sake of the Mercedes-Benz but for the pain I caused her. This time, I meant the words. I regretted what I did to her, and if I could turn back time, I would have changed my behavior that day.
“Was that true?” TJ came out from behind Samara’s car. By the look of it, he was eavesdropping. Samara was in shock.
Shit. How much did TJ hear?
“Sammy, I’m asking you. Was that true? You almost committed suicide?” TJ inquired, his expression was deadly as he looked at me. I never saw him so worked up before.
“TJ,” Samara looked from me to TJ, “I-I said I would have attempted suicide but I didn’t.” She clarified, stammering on her words. Her clarifications weren’t really helping much.
“Because he’s been bullying you?” TJ pointed to me, his tone was sharp.
“No, he’s not bullying me.” Samara denied. “You heard it wrong.” A five years old kid can lie better than her.
“You're still a horrible liar,” TJ saw through the lie of Samara, “Sammy, leave us.” He ordered. “Jared,” He turned my way, “let’s talk.”
Chapter Fifteen
Jared
Tension.
It was in the air, surrounding us to the point that I almost suffocated from it.
Imagine a ticking time bomb placed right in front of you and you had no idea when it was going to explode or how strong the explosion was going to be. All you knew was sooner or later, it would explode on your face. Now replace that time bomb with a living person, your friend to be exact, who was bottling up inside whatever vicious intentions he had in mind for you because you made fun of his beloved.
And you got the picture.
“I’m not going anywhere.” Samara declared, fully aware of the ticking time bomb on her side. She crossed her arms to her chest and stuck out her chin. TJ’s features softened a bit by that simple gesture of hers.
“Didn’t you say you have a class now?” TJ reminded her.
“Ahh, y-yeah, I do but—.”
“And your next class is Calculus, right?”
“I’m skipping it.” Samara answered, standing firm on her decision.
“Sammy, we both know you’re going to need all the lessons you can get on that subject. You don’t get the privilege of skipping that class.”
“Well, I’m sorry for not being a math whiz,” Samara said with sarca
sm, “but I’m not going to leave so you two can rip each other’s throat.” She growled.
Once again, I felt out of place when the two love birds had their usual banter. I kept my mouth shut the whole time since TJ disrupted my conversation with Samara. Being a witness of their familiarity with each other was not something I wanted to be part of, so I pretended to look away from them. But my ears were glued to their conversation.
“Who says we’re going to rip each other’s throat?” TJ strolled towards me and put his arms on my shoulder, acting all friendly.
“B-because I thought—, ” Samara was taken aback by TJ’s sudden change of behavior.
“Why would you even think of that?” He asked with an innocent face. Then he dug his nails into my arm (which hurts). His grip on my shoulder was getting pretty tight. Samara was unable to answer TJ’s question of course. Saying something like I thought you two were going to fight because of me was not easy after all, especially on her case. If she said that, it’d appear as if she was assuming that she was so mighty important to the point that TJ and I were willing to throw away our friendship just for her sake. That and the fact it was embarrassing for her to say something that was straight out from the movies.
“Go to class, Sammy. I’m just gonna talk about some guy thing with Jared. I’m sure you don’t want to hear it.” He shooed Samara with a composed voice while making it seem as if her presence was unwanted right now.
No wonder TJ was a chess master. He was incredibly good in strategizing. He would be a good addition to the military someday. Just a few words from him and he already got Samara in checkmate. She didn’t have a choice but to leave us alone, particularly because TJ was making it look like she was being a hindrance to that “guy thing” he had to discuss with me.
Samara was still unsure of what to do but she knew the position that she was in. She wasn’t conceited enough to claim that TJ and I might end up in blood bath if she left us. TJ made it clear that there was no throat ripping that was going to happen since in the first place, there was no reason to. In the end, she didn’t have any reason to stay.
This was a battle of wits.
The winner was of course the sly bastard who still had his arms around my shoulders with his fucking nails digging deeper into my skin, which by the way hurt, but same as Samara, I had no choice but to endure. Why? Because if I did react, I would be backing Samara’s unspoken claims that we were fighting because of her. And after all that TJ said, acting like he didn’t care at all after hearing about my bullying of her, I had to stand my ground too and pretend everything was alright. In the end, I had to play along with his act.
Samara and I were both trapped in TJ’s cunningly designed web. He took into consideration our traits, my fat ego and Samara’s meekness, and used it to his advantage. This was one of the differences in our nature, while I got what I wanted in life by using my charms, TJ got what he wanted by using his brains. When we were on a team, we were undefeatable. But when matched up against each other, well, I don’t really know who’d win since we were always on the same side.
But we’re about to find out now.
“Clock’s ticking.” TJ said, snapping Samara out of her apprehension.
Begrudgingly, she retorted, “Fine. I’m going.” She trudged along, leaving the parking lot but not after stealing a quick glance at us. I caught a look of worry on her face.
Worried about me?
Hmph. Hardly. She was worried about TJ of course. Not me. TJ and I were finally alone in the parking lot. When Samara was out of our sight, he immediately tensed up.
“You didn’t really have to do that.” I said. He removed his arms on my shoulders and faced me.
“Do what exactly?” He crossed his arms to his chest.
“Cutting her off just so she’ll leave us.” I answered.
“Had to. I know her, she’s stubborn. She wouldn’t leave if I didn’t act that way,” He explained, looking down at his feet, “and don’t turn the tables on me, Jared,” he raised his eyes, “you’re the one who’s been treating her poorly.” He said, his voice was full of edge.
The tension earlier was back again. The two of us were having a staring contest, I was the first to look away. By the end of the day, the one who was in the wrong was me. I already realized that and I honestly regretted it. But there was no changing what I did in the past no matter how I drown myself in regret. The damage was already there, I scarred an innocent girl.
“I didn’t think you’d stoop so low as bullying someone who is honest to God, one of the nicest girls you’ll ever meet.” He said.
Guilt trip?
“You know there’s nothing she can do against you, so why in the world did you have to do that to her,” he asked but didn’t bother hearing my reply, “she’s kind and funny, if only you’d open your eyes more, you’ll see that she’s more beautiful than those girls you’ve been casually dumping,” then he said more to himself than to me, “I knew something was up when I saw both of you in the locker room. I didn’t expect it to be this serious though. To the point of considering suicide,” He sighed. “I should have noticed sooner. Damn it.”
Every word that TJ dropped was hitting me like bullets, making me feel guilty and regretful than I already did. During these past few weeks, I saw firsthand how kind and funny Samara can be. I already knew that she was beautiful, I even ended up developing a crush on her.
So now I’m openly admitting to myself that I have a crush on Samara?
After making her go through hell, I still have the nerve to nurse this crush on her?
I was fucking shameless.
“I want to punch you right now,” TJ declared, “if it was somebody else and not you, there’ll be no talking involved. Just punching.” He was holding back, it was obvious by the way his fists were curled into a ball.
Regret. Guilt. Shame.
These emotions were lying on top of each other inside of me. Whatever was coming to me right now, I deserved it. And I’d gladly accept it if it would lessen these warring emotions.
I said, in a perfect calm, “Go ahead. Don’t hold back. I was in the wrong. Punch m―.”
TJ didn’t need a lot of prodding from me, I wasn’t even finished with what I was about to say but he already jabbed me near my jaw. Before I knew it, I tumbled on the ground with the inside of my cheeks bleeding. I spit on the ground and there was blood on it.
“Is that the best that you got?” I urged on.
Slowly, the pain was replacing the previous emotions that I had. Most people used anaesthesia to avoid feeling pain but I on the other hand was begging for pain to numb me from all the other emotions that was starting to swallow me whole. By using my right hand for support, I slowly stood up. I wasn’t fully standing yet but another blow on my jaw was landed, he seemed to be aiming for the same spot but his fist missed a bit and ended up hitting me near my mouth. There was a cut on my lips, I was sure of it. I licked it and sure enough, there was the familiar metallic taste of blood.
“That felt better.” TJ exclaimed. Indeed, he did look better. I couldn’t say the same thing for myself though. Hell, I probably looked like shit right now.
“I look like shit.” I remained on the ground, not because I was afraid that TJ might attack me again while I was staggering but because I couldn’t stand up yet. My head was feeling dizzy and I know that I’d just stumble if I tried standing up.
He offered me his hand to help me stand up, and I accepted it.
Just like that and we both knew that the fight was over and there was no resentment towards each other. He already got his point across, so I guess he was contented by that. We were pretty cool guys, I had to admit.
“I got you good, huh.” He smirked.
“It didn’t even hurt.” I replied, while touching my jaw.
He suddenly became serious again. “Jared, I want to make things clear. Stay the hell away from her. She’s not like us, we’re rotten bastards with monsters inside us that we’re des
perately trying to hide while she’s the classic story of a pure and innocent girl, sheltered from the harsh reality of the world” TJ fumed, “And I want to keep her that way.”
Monsters?
I asked, amused by what he said. “What are you? Her father?”
“Shut up. You don’t get it.”
“Actually, I do get it. Your over protectiveness of her, the way you described her just now, and this thing about keeping her innocence, it all sums up to one thing." I paused. "You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”
Chapter Sixteen
Jared
"What did you say?"
"I said you're in love with her." I repeated.
TJ gawked at me as if I had gone mad then responded, "You're crazy." He turned his back on me, shaking his head in disbelief while muttering unintelligible words to himself as he walked away.
We left the parking lot and headed back to the school building. A crowd of students passed us by. I walked fast to catch up to him. Upon reaching him, I lightly tapped him on his shoulder to get his attention again.
"Admit it. YOU. ARE. IN. LOVE. WITH. SAMARA." By connecting my index fingers and thumbs, I made a heart shape and chanted, "Badump, badump," just to make him feel uncomfortable.
He slapped my hands. "Did I hit your head too hard? You're saying nonsense. Go to the nurse office, you probably need your brain checked." He snapped back, he seemed out of it though, like he was thinking about something else.
"Nonsense? So you mean you're not in love with her? Yes or no, TJ. Do you love her or not?" I asked directly. "And for the record, you didn't hit my head. It was my jaw." I corrected him.
TJ stopped walking then turned to me with unwavering eyes, "She's just a childhood friend. Don't be getting the wrong idea." He replied, his voice deprived of emotion, leaving me in the hallways.
Now I didn’t know whether to believe him or not. He seemed determined to deny his love for her. But actions speak louder than words, no matter how cliché that line was, there was still truth on it. TJ was not acting like a childhood friend at all. It was more than that. Anyone who saw them would think there was something more in their relationship.