by Yoshiyuki Ly
Luna woke up bright and early. She jumped in surprise once she realized I was there.
“Videl?” she asked, out of breath. “What—how did you get here so soon? I thought…”
“Vespair helped me find the Empress,” I replied. “Now I’ve found you.” She looked so scared. Like she thought I planned on dragging her back home. I held her close. “I’m not going to force you to leave, Luna. I know you’re happy here. I have way more time on my hands these days. I only want to stick around to make sure you’ll be safe here. I really missed you. I was so worried…”
She said nothing for a long moment, letting me hold her. I wanted to ask her if this was all my fault. I wanted to know if anything had happened to her after she was taken from Eden. Vespair had left that information out, insisting I had to find out on my own.
“I’m sorry I worried you,” she said, burying her face in the crook of my neck. “I shouldn’t have made it so easy for them to kidnap me. I just didn’t know what to do… My life would’ve been over if I got married. I would have had to answer to a man all the time. Everyone would have seen me as his. I wouldn’t have been able to do whatever I want. All I want is my freedom.”
“And you’ll have that here. Let me make sure of that. I won’t stand in your way.”
Luna’s voice scratched with emotion. “Thank you, sis,” she whispered. “I was scared you’d take me back home. This is home for me. The Empress, the Lady Nightingale and all their bandits—they’ve been so nice to me. I want to do all I can to help the children here. This is worth that man almost—”
“Almost what?” I asked. She clammed up, shaking her head. “What man, Luna? What did he do?”
Luna moved to sit up, too ashamed to look at me. “There were these creeps in Eden,” she started. I prepared myself to listen without getting angry. “My friends said it was okay. Said they’d take care of us and show us a good time. The next thing I knew, they had me in a body bag. This man took me out. We were in a bedroom—his bedroom. He was…really tall, muscular, with dark hair, blue eyes. He was nice to me at first. Then he warned that if I didn’t do what he said, he’d hurt me. He made me wear some outfit while he whipped me. Made me beg him…to rape me and all kinds of other things. I couldn’t beg. I screamed and screamed for what felt like hours… That was when they found me and brought me here.”
I pressed my fist against my mouth to keep from shouting. The grooves of my knuckles, I almost tasted against my teeth through my lips. Harder and harder I pushed. Every part of me tensed in my control. If I lashed out, Luna would think I was mad at her. I couldn’t risk losing her trust again. Even after hearing her story, after hearing about that sick pervert, I couldn’t let this out. I couldn’t. I couldn’t. I repeated that again and again as my mantra, steadily calming down. The red from my vision receded. Luna turned to look at me. She was afraid of what my reaction would be. I held her again, much tighter than before. She was here with me—not there with that man. I had to remember that.
Each time I did, I felt my gratitude toward Raj grow and grow. That gratitude turned into something far more. It mirrored that depth I fell into with her last night. Heat from the morning sun washed in through the silk drapes. For the first time in a long time, it actually felt like a new day. I wasn’t just going through the motions robotically anymore. Luna was excited to show me around and introduce me to the gang. After I took a bath, she and I ate together with a large group of the gang in the dining hall. I was hardly there. I kept looking to the empty seat at the far end of the table. The one right next to that had no one in it, either. Both were for Raj and her Lady Nightingale, respectively.
When they entered the room with a few more bandits, my eyes darted to the doorway. There I saw Raj walking toward the table. She smiled with her nightingale, the two of them laughing over a story one of the bandits told. The silk, the flow, and the reveal of Raj’s black sari stunned me. I tried not to stare at the sway of her hips, at the length of her thighs beneath the shimmering blue fabric—I couldn’t help it. I stood up for her. Respectfully. Hoping to catch her look my way; that she wouldn’t notice my hidden anger. I didn’t want her to ask or worry about what I’d do once I got my hands on Luna’s almost-rapist.
Raj’s eyes darkened as she smiled at me. As she walked by, she placed her hand along my arm closest to her. The smell of fresh water and gentle soap filled me. “Top of the mornin’, Videl,” she said. “Luna.” I must’ve imagined her hand lingering against me.
“Empress,” I replied, bowing my head. She smirked, this time, in what I could only guess was approval.
I waited until she sat down before taking my seat again. Eating afterward felt strained. I didn’t have the same command over my limbs. Just because I felt her glancing at me every so often. Just because I knew she was there, in my periphery. I wondered if she smelled my anger with that man. I did all I could to hold it back. I had to wait until I talked with Vespair. She would know what to do. Until then, I had to eat. I had to be logical. I had to breathe. Fragmented rage. It jumbled with the food I slowly ate, meshing as vile nausea from the images in my head—how I could free that experience from my sister’s memories, how I could absolve myself of my own guilt with forsaking her. I stared up at the prototype muskets hanging along the warm wooden walls as trophies. Scimitars and daggers lined the spaces in between the guns. If I could take one of those daggers and plunge it into his chest—
Luna ribbed me. “Hey, relax!” she said, teasing. I noticed my trembling grip over my glass of water. “You can let your guard down here, you know. Trust me.”
“I need to know something,” I told her. “What that man did to you—does it haunt you? Upset you?”
“Not that much… Satya—the Lady Nightingale—she helped me a lot just by talking about it with me. Sometimes I’ll think about it. I know if it bothers me again, I can talk to Satya. Or you now that you’re here.” Luna finally understood that I wasn’t tense over the unfamiliar company around us. “Oh… Videl—”
“I’ll fix this.”
Luna held my arm in both of hers. “There’s nothing to fix!” she hissed. “Don’t get involved! They saved me before anything could really happen. Promise me you’ll remember that, okay?”
“I promise I’ll remember.”
She sighed, exasperated. My sister knew me well enough to know what I wanted to do, and why. I believed her when she said the experience didn’t bother her that much. I trusted that Raj’s nightingale would support Luna whenever she remembered too much again. I had to do this so that I could forgive myself for failing her—and to make sure that he could never get his hands on anyone else. I could glorify it all I wanted…but this nausea disgusted me, and it wouldn’t go away unless I got rid of him. I just needed to figure out how.
As I ate, I felt Raj’s eyes on me. I really didn’t have much of an appetite. I couldn’t be rude and not eat with her watching me. Her bandits steadily filed out of the room. Luna asked me to find her after I’d gotten some sleep. She knew I’d been up all night thinking, worrying. As more people left, Raj made eye contact with me. Her stare felt so strict, I wondered if I’d done something already to upset her. She beckoned to me with her finger, sensual all of a sudden. I followed her down the hall to her office.
I was so distracted from not having slept and from trying to figure out my next move. Did she notice?
Raj sat over her desk. “Don’t close the door,” she ordered. “I’ve only got time for a quick chat. Sit down for a minute. You look beat.” So she did notice. That comforted me a little. “I’m gonna be busy all weekend up until late tomorrow night. I’m supposed to be in a meeting right now, actually. I didn’t want you to think I was ignorin’ you.”
“I wouldn’t assume that,” I replied. “You’re a busy woman. I understand that you have your obligations.”
“What about you?” she asked. “You plan on headin’ back to Eden any time soon?”
She asked me that with such a casual t
one. But I noticed the way she stared at me as she waited for my answer. I wasn’t in the right state of mind to follow-up the way I wanted to, deep down. Vespair told me a long time ago that I was the moody sort. Whatever was on my mind tended to spill over everything else.
“There was a situation during your last assembly. I took the fall for a group of temple knights who chose not to injure your people. My blade was just as clean as theirs.”
Raj frowned, not understanding. “What do you mean, you took the fall?” she said.
“…I’m on indefinite leave from the Excalibur.” Hearing myself say it out loud was another reality check. I had no job, no source of income, and no fair trial to look forward to. I didn’t mean to put the rest of my feelings into words for her to hear: “Everything I’ve worked for has been taken away by corruption. If my mentor can’t challenge my case, my title will be stripped from me. The Holy Knights Thirteen are so focused on acting like they have your people under control. It’s all to appease the nobles.”
“Well, shit,” mumbled Raj. “That’s fucked up. I had no idea… I’m sorry. I feel like this is my fault.”
“You didn’t know, Empress. It isn’t your fault. Eden as a whole is too dependent on bribe money.”
Raj nodded thoughtfully. “That all they did to you?” she asked. “Just put you on leave?”
“One of my superiors gave me twenty lashes. Or almost twenty. I can’t remember. My mentor stopped him at some point.”
“You serious…? And you had to let it happen? Couldn’t stop it or nothin’?”
“I liked the pain.”
Long, deep silence passed between us. Her breathing slowed with mine. I’d said the words with such suggestion without even thinking. Raj crossed her legs tightly, shifting over her desk. I stared at how much her muscles tensed. She fidgeted with her fingers over her sari. I was too disoriented, again, to make this moment count. All I could do was let the quiet go on its way, taking an opportunity with it—a chance to flatter her again. I saw a file next to her—something about a Kurtz Rubrum, Lord of the Garden of Eden. He looked exactly like the man Luna had described to me earlier.
Raj took the file in her hands and closed it. “Stay here with your sister,” she offered. “I’ll make sure you’re fed and that you’ve got a bed to sleep in. Anyone in Elysium who’s loyal to me will treat you with respect. I only want one thing from you. If you stay here, you’ve gotta work. Nothin’ too crazy. Depends on what you’re good at.”
“I can fight,” I said. “But something tells me you don’t need a bodyguard.”
“Nah, that wouldn’t do,” she replied. “Havin’ security makes me look weak. Anywhere I go, I take a few of my bandits with me. Keeps plenty of trouble away and I get to save face.”
“Then I should find a way to fit around your needs,” I suggested. “What are you looking for, if anything?”
“It ain’t that simple, Videl,” she answered. “When I was little, I used to be afraid of the dark. During my sleepless nights, my nightingale would sing to me back in the orphanage we stayed at. That’s how we first met, and I’ve treasured her since. The work I do makes it hard for me to trust people. Most of ‘em lie to me. I miss the days when I could ask someone somethin’ and they’d be completely open with me.”
Immediately, I asked, “Is there anything you want to know? About me, or…?”
Raj smiled. “We can start with who the hell told you how to find me,” she said. “Your mentor?”
“Archangel Vespair. She’s a dark knight in the Excalibur. Dark knights have the power to tap into peoples’ darkness and pain. She’s able to track and find those who need help of some sort.”
“Well I wanna meet her one of these days,” replied Raj, looking uneasy. “‘Cause that don’t sound disturbin’ at all… And what about Mistress Fury? What did she want with you?”
“I think she wanted me… I couldn’t really make sense of it at the time. She told me she was married.”
Raj scowled deeply. “I knew it!” she said. I stared at the file in her lap. “Whatever.” I let my gaze drift away, back up to her. “I want you to figure out what’ll work best for our little arrangement. Tomorrow night at ten-thirty, we’ll have a late dinner and talk about it. Just you and me.”
“Yes, Empress,” I said, standing with her. I bowed. “Thank you for your kindness. I’ll be there.”
Raj beamed at me. “Be unique with this, yeah?” she said. “I wanna see what you’re made of, Videl.” As we left her office, I caught myself staring at the file. He really did look like the same man. “Seems like you’re on the track already! Watch your step.” I wanted to ask if she meant what I thought she did. It seemed like we were on the same page. “Oh, and wear somethin’ nice tomorrow. For me.”
I stared after her as she left down the hall. Her confident, sensual walk made me forget about my moods, if only for these brief moments while I held her with my eyes. Listening to her laugh with her gang again washed away my troubles for a moment. I’d forgotten to ask her about last night—if I’d made up the attraction between us. Her invitation to dinner definitely sounded like a date. I felt a smile on my face at the thought. But there was something I needed to take care of before I could let myself fall into anything with her. I had a feeling she knew what I wanted to do about this Kurtz Rubrum.
Why did she tell me to watch my step? I had a feeling it was important. I’d have to find out on my own.
***
I left Vassago and made my way out to the streets. Overhead, the late morning sun crept through the cracks in the artificial sky separating Elysium from Eden. I spent a few hours wandering around, getting to know the residential area of Kin and Brood. Things seemed different without Vespair whispering directions to me through our communion as fellow knights. I got to see how peaceful everyone was here. They pretended like they didn’t have much, but I knew Raj took care of them well. This part of Elysium felt as a safe haven I never knew existed. After being used to handling things on my own, this was so foreign to me—the idea that efficiency and reliability existed outside of my circle at home. The merchants selling their wares were happy to be at work; they were courteous to their customers, so unlike the snobbish attitudes I was used to seeing from everyone in Eden. Children played in the streets and their parents looked on from their windows. Back home, the streets were empty unless it was rush hour or there was an event going on. Most parents were paranoid that their children would end up in Maleficus somehow to be trafficked down here.
Despite their supposedly lesser status, the people here were happy. Luna was better off here than she was at home. There was just the matter of how she got here in the first place.
Vespair had her back against the alleyway I passed. “You’ve got that look about you, Videl,” she observed. “You’re a woman possessed whenever you have a mission. Did something strike your fancy down here?”
“Where is the Garden of Eden—?”
Vespair pulled me farther down the alley. “Slow down, will you?” she said. “There are too many eyes and ears on you in the light. We can speak freely here in the dark. They know you aren’t from here. They won’t think to keep such a close watch when they have to strain to see or hear you.”
“Who’s watching me?” I asked, affronted.
“The Empress’ gang and Mistress Fury’s whores, that’s who. The Lord’s thugs, too—not so much.”
“I don’t understand why…”
Vespair sighed. “I’m just as clueless for once,” she muttered. “All I know is that they’ve been watching you since you arrived here. I have a feeling our target will have some answers for us.” Our? I had no idea she cared about getting rid of Kurtz as much as I did. “That’s right. He’s a sick man that needs to be dealt with. That said, we can’t go into this blindly. Let me gather some information while you stay in Vassago. We’ll off him tonight. Be here at eight o’clock. I’ll find you.”
“Is there a reason why I can’t help you befor
e that?”
“You’ve a target painted on your back. If the Empress finds out you’ve been sneaking around behind her back, she won’t be so pretty anymore. I know she’s caught your eye.”
“That may be true, but I know how I am,” I said, glancing down the alley. A man and a woman had sex against the wall, far enough away that we couldn’t hear them. “It takes me so long to warm up to people. To really trust them. I was with Miranda for years and I didn’t fall in love with her. She was my everything, and yet I couldn’t be the same for her. What does that say about me?”
“It means you require an emotional investment from another,” spoke Vespair. “Your Mistress was, how can I say, quite strict as far as emotions go. The Empress is a passionate woman. I think you’ve already warmed up to her, Videl.”
I didn’t expect to hear that. I didn’t know what to say; I changed the subject: “She wants to meet you.”
Vespair laughed. “She wants to know who’s tracking her trail of volatile feelings?” she said. “That’s brave. Subjects tend to pretend I don’t exist when they find out about me. Sounds like you’ve nothing to fear.”
“What do you mean? This isn’t about me.”
“The frightened child inside of you is afraid of being taken advantage of. She’s giving. She’s selfless. She doesn’t look before she leaps; only then does she muffle her screams and hope that someone will catch her on the other end. Miranda never caught you. She took pleasure in watching you jump and fall to your metaphorical little death each time. That was her brand of sadism. You learned that it didn’t suit you.”
“Not only that,” I replied. “The Empress—she has a way of making me feel at home whenever she’s around. I feel like I can trust her already. I’m more afraid that I’d enjoy that kind of pain from her…”