by Guy, Caitlin
Together, they watch the colours glimmer. The water laps at their feet and the world seems to stop spinning. They sit there until the rainbow fades away, replaced by the serene blue of the sky. They hear voices calling their names in the distance. Without needing to speak, they push themselves from the ground and make their way back to their families.
Josh turns and takes one more glance back. “Goodbye, Allie,” he whispers. “I love you.”
***
Four years later
Josh stands in the entrance of the airport, watching the letters and numbers flicker across the screen. He locates the gate number and scans across the line to read the time. Ten minutes until arrival.
The place is crowded on a Saturday morning. It takes him the better part of ten minutes to make his way through parents, lovers, friends, and colleagues waiting for their own arrivals, as well as travellers waiting to depart. There is a small group of people loitering around Gate 12. Josh stops by the window as a plane touches down on the runway, roars to a stop, and slowly turns its nose towards him. Josh glues his eyes to its form, wondering whether he would ever fly one for himself. That would be cool.
His focus is broken by a high pitched squeal and then a heavy weight on his back. Josh automatically lifts his arms to catch her feet. She remains upright, piggybacked, while Josh spins in two circles. He puts her down.
“You’re late,” he tells her.
“No I’m not!” Hailey exclaims. “He hasn’t stepped out of the plane yet, has he?”
Josh turns back to the plane. The walkway has extended to its doors and three men dressed in fluorescent jackets are running a set of stairs to the back exit. “No yet.”
Hailey turns to the window and watches at Josh’s side. She bites her lip, staring into the plane as if she could see through it if she tried hard enough. Is it weird that I’m nervous? she thinks, considering speaking aloud. Instead she goes with, “Do you think he’ll remember what we look like?”
She’s half joking, but her anxiety creeps through, making the question sound genuine. Josh laughs. He wraps an arm around Hailey in a half hug.
“Of course he’ll remember. He has the internet, right? It’s not like he hasn’t seen our faces in the last three years.”
“You don’t post any pictures of yourself,” Hailey replies.
“But you are the queen of selfies. So you have nothing to worry about.”
Josh tilts his head and smirks at Hailey’s mock appalled expression. Although, secretly, she’s probably pretty proud of the title. Besides, her selfies always get at least twenty to thirty ‘likes’. She complains about never being asked on dates, but Josh thinks it’s because she’s so pretty and smart that nobody considers themselves in her league.
“But seriously, what if we have nothing in common?” Hailey asks.
“Then we get to know each other again. It doesn’t matter, we’re still the same people,” Josh replies. “Besides, we have a history. Worst case scenario, we just reminisce the whole time he’s here.”
Hailey crosses her hands over her chest and peers down at the plane. She hadn’t visited Jayden at his university in Melbourne, like Josh had the year before. She hadn’t seen him since the week they graduated. He left like it was too painful to stay. They’d messaged, of course, and talked on occasion. But it had mostly been about their courses, films, and music that they liked. Sometimes he teased her about boys, but she’d never returned the sentiment. It was weird to think that he might be someone else’s boyfriend, not Allie’s. But it was also weird that he was now a graduated engineer, while she was still struggling to find her place in the world. She had tried two years of travelling the world and working nonstop in a small family-owned bakery to fund the airfares and accommodation; as well as a year of a general science degree, which was a massive flop.
Her thoughts are interrupted by Jayden’s head emerging from the back of the plane. He carries a bulky backpack and clings to the stairs, following a procession of passengers as they make their way towards the airport interior.
Hailey and Josh squeeze through the crowd, stopping in the prime position overlooking the glass banister. Within seconds, the first travellers appear: a man in a suit dragging a rolling suitcase behind him, a pregnant woman, a couple with two small children, and a pair of teenagers. Finally, Jayden appears. His hair is styled differently, keeping with the newest trend, and his clothes are more stylish, quirky and creative. Living in an east coast city has changed his look; but when his eyes meet Hailey’s, he grins in the same way she remembers.
Jayden races up the ramp and around to meet Hailey and Josh. He sweeps Hailey into a hug first, then embraces Josh. The boy has grown significantly since Jayden saw him last. For starters, Josh towers over both Hailey and Jayden. Josh’s hair is a shade darker, although it still flops haphazardly over his eyes. When he sees Josh standing next to Hailey, he wonders again whether anything is going on between them; although both of them would always shut down if he tried to broach the subject.
“Man, am I glad to see your faces,” he says, grinning at the two of them. They automatically start walking towards the baggage collection. “Congrats, Josh!”
“Cheers!” Josh bows his head in Jayden’s direction.
“When do you get your results and uni offers?” Jayden asks.
“December for my results and January for the offers.”
“And what are you hoping to get this week?” Jayden teases, shooting a sly look at Hailey. She giggles and sticks her tongue out at Josh’s exaggerated look of offence.
Josh frowns, still peeved that his eyesight isn’t good enough to become a pilot; but he pushes months of frustration aside. “Well, I put a double in education and arts as my first preference. But we’ll see how that goes after a year of working and travel...”
They arrive at the baggage section, where the suitcases have already started sliding past. Jayden jostles for a position nearer to the edge, where he can reach out and snag his bag.
“Just don’t do what I did,” Hailey warns Josh, a playful smile on her lips. “You could catch that travel bug and never want to come back.”
Jayden suddenly grabs a bulging suitcase and drags it from the baggage carousel, almost knocking Josh over in the process. “Let’s go!” he says, pushing towards the doors.
Together they make their way to Josh’s car, Hailey having been dropped at the airport by a friend. It is an effort to squeeze the suitcase and backpack into Josh’s reasonably small car; but they manage, and, soon enough, they are on the road.
“So, what’s new?” Jayden asks. Hailey titters on about her latest trip; she had returned from Bali with two girlfriends only five days ago. Jayden asks questions and Josh throws in a comment here and there until he parks in front of the cafe, as they’d arranged weeks before.
“Okay, okay, Hailey. It’s Jayden’s turn to speak. What have you been doing over there since graduation?”
The cafe sinks into the surrounding buildings. Its walls are red brick and there are pot plants lining the ground on either side of the door. Inside, the room is small, but decorated with jars of strange types of cacti, the work of local artists, and a mismatched array of lanterns. Hailey, Josh, and Jayden each take a chair at the table by the window, where they’d sat the first and only time they’d come here — the day of Allie’s funeral. This time, the energy is different; happier and more relaxed, not at all how Jayden feared it would be when Josh suggested it.
Jayden shrugs his shoulders. “I’m still working with the firm, the one I did my placement with... I’m saving money, thinking about taking a leaf from Hailey’s book and disappearing to the other side of the globe for a bit.” He takes a breath, looking around the cafe before continuing. “Living on my own since Charlie moved out last month.”
Josh rocks forward in his seat, leaning on the small table. Jayden and Hailey glance do
wn at their menus, scanning the page. At first Josh chickens out of asking the question on his mind, but the curiosity proves too great. Besides, he claims to be Jayden’s friend. So he asks what he and Hailey have been wondering for years but have never been brave enough to voice out loud.
“So are you seeing anyone?”
Hailey’s head shoots upwards, first to stare at Josh with shocked eyes, then to watch for Jayden’s reaction. Then she realises she should be calm and nonchalant about it. So she looks down again at the menu. The skin around Jayden’s mouth and eyebrows crease, so even though Josh can’t see Jayden’s frown, he knows it’s there.
“I mean, it’s been a while,” Josh says. “It’s okay if you are...”
Jayden sits back, no longer pretending to read the menu. He looks into Hailey’s eyes first, then Josh’s, and all he finds is concern. They mean it, he realises. A weight lifts on his chest.
“Kind of. There was a girl; we went out for a few months. Nothing serious and she’s moved to England to work there for a year.” Jayden sighs, pushing those last strains of guilt from inside himself. “She was the only one, you know, since Allie.”
Josh nods and Hailey reaches over to take Jayden’s hand. She gives it a light squeeze. “What’s she like?” Hailey asks. “This other girl.”
“Well, she studied biology and graduated when I did. She has copper hair and is about a head shorter than me. She’s funny and nice.” Jayden shakes his head. “I don’t know what else to say...”
A waiter approaches the table to take their orders. They exchange a look and, one by one, list their preferences. Jayden chooses with barely a moment’s thought. When the waiter leaves again, he changes the topic.
“What about you, Josh? Have you asked out that cute girl from your English class yet?”
Josh laughs. “No. She’s moving interstate.” He shrugs it off, taking one sneaky glance at Hailey. She doesn’t see. She’s busy watching an elderly couple walking their spaniel out the window.
Jayden almost laughs out loud. He likes her, Jayden thinks. Jayden is sure of it — and Hailey seems to be crushing on Josh too. In that moment, Jayden makes a silent promise to try to get them together. They would be a perfect couple.
This time, it is Josh that changes the subject. They cover all the usual topics: friends, work, recent events, dreams, films, music, and even who they think they’ll vote for in the coming federal elections. It is fun. Hailey finds herself laughing hysterically at the playful conversation between the boys. She needn’t have been nervous, she realises. Jayden has changed, but no more than her after all the travelling or Josh having finished high school. Somehow they’d managed not to grow apart. They fit easily together.
Of course, it wasn’t perfect. In these moments, Hailey misses Allie more than ever. In each silence, she can tell that the others feel the same.
After they eat lunch, they move out of the cafe, past the car, and into the cemetery gardens without needing to discuss it. Jayden follows a step behind Josh. He doesn’t remember where Allie’s grave is, but Josh and Hailey track through the gardens without needing to pay attention to the paths or signs tucked neatly into clumps of flowers or on the branches of trees.
They stop at Allie’s headstone: Alison Redding, much loved daughter, sister and friend. There are new flowers on the grave. Daisies; from their parents, Josh thinks, remembering his mum and dad leaving the house with them the morning before. He takes a step back and Jayden crouches, running his hands along the stem of the flowers.
Jayden stares at the words. And girlfriend, he adds. They forgot ‘much loved girlfriend.’ Even after all these years, it’s strange for him to think she’s lying beneath the ground. Sometimes it’s as if she just disappeared, floated away one day, out of his life as quickly as she became the centre of it.
The sound of chiming shakes Jayden from that line of thought. Josh pulls a phone from his pocket and answers, stopping the sound.
“Hello?”
Hailey wanders to the nearby stones and reads the words, although she has already memorised what they say. Anthea Munter: adored mother of two beautiful children. Liam Foladare: here lies an endlessly curious, kind and giving man. There are also plaques on the trees, and sitting underneath the leaves of low lying plants, are pretty purple flowers.
“Yeah, we found him fine; just ate lunch. Well, he probably wants to see his parents first! We can organise dinner another night. Yeah, okay. Bye.” Josh hangs up the phone and turns to Jayden. “My parents want to see you.”
Hailey laughs. “They’re pretty excited to hear what you’ve been up to. That’s all they’ve been talking about for the past two weeks.”
Jayden smirks. How much time has Hailey been spending at Josh’s place? At the same time, his heart sinks. He has been dreading the moment he’d have to face Allie’s parents again. Of course they would be kind and gracious. He has no real reason to fear them. Still, anything remotely connected to Allie reminds him of her. When he’d tried dating, he could sense Kayla getting frustrated as he’d lose himself in a daze. One time she’d suggested they watch The Invincibles, one of the first movies he’d watched with Allie; before he knew she had cancer, when Jayden realised he was falling for her. The memory hit him like a sudden storm, erupting within his heart and mind. He’d left her, fleeing the apartment with barely any explanation. It wasn’t true, what he told Josh and Hailey. It didn’t end because she moved to England. It ended because he wasn’t ready. After four years he still wasn’t ready.
Still, it was a start. Baby steps. Not every girl could be like Allie.
There is silence as Jayden, Josh, and Hailey stand looking down on the grave and flowers. The sun is high in the sky by now. There are no clouds, so the only shade is provided by the trees.
“Come on,” Josh says eventually. “Let’s go somewhere.”
“Where?” Hailey asks.
“Anywhere but here. This is depressing. She wouldn’t want Jayden’s first time returning home to be like this. We can’t stand around mourning her. She wouldn’t want that.”
“Okay. So we have fun?” It’s like Hailey is asking for permission.
“Yes.”
Josh nods and Jayden half tilts his head, which Hailey takes in assent. They each turn and walk towards the car. This time, Hailey takes the passenger seat, with Jayden in the back. Hailey directs a clueless Josh along the roads until they find themselves in the outskirts of the city.
“Let’s go!” she calls, all but falling out of the car in her haste.
Josh and Jayden follow, both at least a little curious. They are forced to run to catch up with Hailey. She is about twenty metres ahead, half skipping and half running. There are trees the size of three storey buildings on either side of the path. The shrieks of birds fill the air, and even if you can’t see them, you can tell they’re colourful parrots of some description. The sights and sounds remind Hailey of an enchanted forest.
“The zoo. Of course,” Josh mutters. He gives Jayden a sideways look of exasperation, but can’t help but smile. Jayden laughs at the expression.
They run through the doors, only stopping long enough to purchase their admission. Then it is enclosure after enclosure: tropical birds, native Australian animals, large cats, and wild dogs. There are animals that Hailey can’t name. Jayden wishes he had a camera. Everything is bright, including the people. Everyone is laughing and pointing excitedly. He hasn’t used his camera for a while now. Study had taken over his life. But he feels reenergised, fresh.
“This is the coolest animal in the world!” Josh yells, stopping without any warning. Hailey peers through the leaves and sees it.
“A sloth? Seriously?” Her mouth presses into a tight lipped frown. She tilts her head to the side and stares at the creature. “It’s the ugliest, creepiest animal on Earth.”
Jayden laughs, but Josh is horrified. He sends Hail
ey a look of utter disgust, his mouth hanging open and nose scrunched. “Did you know that they sometimes mistake their arms for branches, and fall to their deaths?” Josh asks.
“No way!” Hailey steps forward to get a closer look and promptly trips over her own feet. She falls face first into the fence and crumples onto the ground.
“Shit, Hailey! Are you okay?” Josh asks, his voice fast and frantic.
At first it sounds like moaning, but the sound gets louder and Jayden’s heart beat eases back into its usual rhythm. Laughing. Hailey rolls on the ground in hysterics. Jayden chuckles, leaning down to pull Hailey upright by a flailing arm.
“Well, maybe some humans aren’t descended from monkeys...” Josh mutters under his breath, loud even that they can all hear him. His blood still races through his heart.
“I’m descended from the coolest animal in the world?” Hailey asks. A smile lights up her face. “Thanks, Josh!” she coos.