by Jenna Barton
“Oh my God…a white knight! Stop, I might come over with the vapors. Give me a hankie to wave.” We laughed together.
Something Lady Nerita said to me the first time we met echoed in my head and I laughed again over it.
A white knight. My white knight. My Sir.
“I’m going to go see him.” I stood, smoothing over my skirt. “I’m going to need some armor and a blazing standard, though. And a white horse.”
“You go on, Erin.” He laughed with me and followed me to the front door with a grand flourish. “Go on and talk your man down from his tower of solitude.”
After I’d shown Dani how to replace my spare key in the frog where she found it, I drew her to me for a final hug.
“Thanks, Rin. For everything.” She whispered into my ear as she squeezed me tighter. Stepping back, she looked at me, her eyes narrowing. “Always.”
“Dani?” I caught her hand as she turned from me. “I’m glad you were here. Thanks…you know, for helping me get through this.”
“I didn’t do anything but try to help my sister.”
“I know. That was exactly what I needed.”
The park was closed when I pulled up. I parked outside the brown access gate and stepped around, looking up at his cabin in the distance.
How to storm a castle?
Fortunately, the castle path, at least, was paved. I was, after all, still dressed for work in my gray pencil skirt and heels.
As I walked to his cabin, I didn’t hear the commentary of my mother and sister, the items on an endless tide of to-do lists, or the voice of my own judgment. I heard birds chattering. The rustle of leaves as a small animal scampered away from me. Wind threaded through the tall hardwoods over my head in a long, sinuous sigh. No straight, perfect lines. The world—the natural one—was big, beautiful, random, and older, more real than anything we could ever build. Its many ages were more truth than things we created to distract us. I was more than thought and mental processes and pulses of electronic intentions. I was this too. I was of the earth too. His world.
The screen door creaked open. He’d changed into his favorite, battered cargo shorts and a T-shirt.
“Hey,” he said, clearing his throat.
“Steve—the site director? He came to my house earlier. Alan’s gone.”
“Well, that’s good. Should’ve fired him months ago.”
“There’s going to be a company-wide workgroup on workplace harassment. So maybe it will change.” I twisted my fingers around my skirt and then forced the fabric from my hand like it was on fire. “I could have handled that better.”
“Erin, you did fine handling it. The guy was—”
“No,” I said and shrugged with a weak smile. “I meant you. I could have handled us better.”
His eyebrows rose and walked to the end of the porch. “Thought you were handling it fine.”
“Sir, I’m—”
“Can you not say the Sir shit right now? Just tell me what you have to say, Erin.”
Swallowing, I took a step forward. “I wasn’t hiding you. Well, I was. But it wasn’t because I was ashamed of you or us. I wasn’t ready to share you.”
“Share me?”
“I’ve never felt like this. I wanted it to be mine as long as I could keep it that way.”
“How would your mom and sister knowing about us take it away from you?”
“I don’t trust them with you. They…they break things, they don’t understand how delicate people can be. I don’t want anything to hurt you.”
“Delicate?” He thumped his bare heel against the edge of stone steps beneath him. “I’m strong, Erin.”
“I know you are. But I don’t want you to have to be any more. Not because of me.”
He shoved his hands deep into his pockets and leaned against a wooden pillar. “I don’t want you to feel afraid because of me.”
“I don’t. I’ve never been afraid of you when we played, Walt.”
“Not talking about playing. I’m talking about you and me.”
“Okay,” I said. My fingers fidgeted over the fabric covering my thigh, searching for something to grasp and twist. “I’ve not considered those things as distinct entities, Walt. I can’t separate belonging to you out here—” I gestured to the tall, green trees around us “—with what happens inside. At my house or Tate’s, or in a dungeon, or even inside your cabin.”
“I’m not sure I’m ready for all the time. I don’t know that I want to be like that with you 24/7. I know you don’t want the divide, but I don’t want to lose us.”
“Why does us have to be what someone says it’s supposed to be? Let’s just be us. Have our thing, the way it works for us. No titles or collars. We don’t have to be like Paul and Claire. We only have to be us.”
He cleared his throat and stayed silent.
We were going to follow each other in circles over this point. There was only one way to storm a castle. Right through the thickest wall.
“Walt, I love you.”
His fingers hovered toward his ear but he folded his arms across his chest instead and a grin slowly spread across his face, lifting his cheeks, crinkling beside his eyes. “I swear, I never know what’s going to come out of that head of yours.”
I took another step, finding worn stone instead of a gravel path under my foot. First line, passed. “You know, I’ve never been inside your cabin.”
“There’s not much to see. It’s an old park service cabin, Erin. Just a place to sleep and stay dry.”
“But it’s your place.” I took another step. “It’s where you’ve slept and lived and been Walt for twelve years. It’s where you’ve been waiting for me.”
He stepped aside. “You going back to California?”
“No. I’m not leaving. I like it here and I like being with you here.”
“It’s okay if you need to go. There’s gotta be a forest or two left in California that needs looking after. I love you, Erin. We’ll figure it out.”
I threw myself over the highest wall, reaching for him.
And he caught me. I knew he would.
“Hey, whoa. Got you.” He chuckled and held my arms. “Erin, wait. It’s…you just need to know that. If you don’t want to stay—”
“Don’t? How could I leave you? You’re my home.”
“Home? Nobody’s ever called me something like that.”
“I said it because you’re where I belong. I need you, Walt. I need to be where I belong. Please let me stay.”
He drew me into him, settling his forehead against mine, and scooped me up into his arms. It made me squeal and giggle and sound ridiculous, like a girl.
“What are you doing?” I laughed as he shifted me against his chest.
“What do you think I’m doing?” He grinned down at me as he crossed the porch. “I’m acting like a caveman.”
“Oh, I like cavemen.” I trailed my fingers over his shoulder and followed them with my mouth, tasting the skin behind his ear. “Let’s go inside, Ugg.”
“All right, then.” He pushed the screen door open and stepped inside his cabin. “Let’s do that now.”
THE END
Acknowledgments
Without question, my words wouldn’t feel complete without the eyes and hearts and minds of a special group of people who open their inboxes on occasion to find all kinds of ravings and word stew from me. They have the kindness and grace to read, mull, and respond to me. If not for them, I’d still be stirring and making mush. With profound gratitude and love for Gilly Wright, Kari Haines, M.V. Freeman, Jennifer Grizzard Ekzarkhov and Alexandra Sevilla, my beta readers. You’re all blessings to me. Thank you. So very much.
To the forces of nature known as Kendall Gray, Rie Warren, Heather Savage, and Aaron Michael Ritchey: Let’s just meet in the lobby.
Thank you to Eric Lohmeier who was there in times when I needed an adult, a warrior on my side, and a cooler head.
I’ll always be grateful to Heather Hall, Janice Pauls Crampton,
Bec Pishkin, Mer and Jess, Miss Patsy, and always dear Jilly who encouraged me to take this leap. Em girls always!
Early on, I engaged in a number of brain-storming sessions with Venessa Guinta about the structure and POV of The Enclave series. I’ll always be thankful for her suggestions and encouragement to go my own way in finding the voices of this series.
I can’t quite describe the moment of shock and awe I experienced when I received an email from Lisa O’Hara telling me Omnific wanted this series. I’ve admired this company and what they’ve accomplished for a long time. It has been my sincere pleasure to come to know Lisa, Elizabeth Andrews, Micha Stone, and Traci Olsen. I’m beyond thrilled to have my first book birthday with all of you. Thank you for your patience and your wisdom.
Michelle Grajkowski, my agent, has already talked me down from a number of high branches. I’m so glad to have her on my side and still surprised I’ve been so lucky to find her there.
Kasi Alexander, you are the editor I needed and I’m so glad I got you. Thank you for your calm, your insight, and your patience.
To the PRGs. Always.
About the Author
After many years spent onstage mouthing the words of other writers, Jenna Barton found her own voice while playing with an online community of mouthy broads. Writing down her own stories proved to be far more satisfying than dodging the human and inanimate hazards that come with backstage life, as well as alleviating the need to walk and talk and gesture while inhabiting 89.37% of someone else’s reality.
Mostly settled into a life of carpool lanes and checkout lines, Jenna happily resides in suburbia with her husband and their two children. Sadly there are no drooly, furry, corpulent lapdogs at Chez Barton. For now. For. Now.
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Sets
The Heart Series Box Set (Beside Your Heart, Disclosure of the Heart & Forever Your Heart) by Mary Whitney
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