by Sue Lawson
‘Crap stuff anyway,’ said Sas. She flicked her hair over her shoulder and marched out the door. I thrust the floaty dress at the orange girl and scurried after Sas.
‘She looks like an underfed oompah loompah,’ said Sas, loud enough for the girl to hear. ‘I’m so over these stuck-up people.’ There was something in her voice I couldn’t name.
Khaden weaved through shoppers. ‘I’m starving. Let’s eat.’
‘There’s a burger place back there,’ I said pointing over my shoulder.
Sas rolled her eyes. ‘Oh come on, we can do better than that.’
‘Yeah, but can we afford better than that?’ asked Khaden.
‘Hey, we aren’t putting food on your mum’s credit card,’ I said, both palms facing Sas.
‘It’s her old card. I only keep it in my purse to impress.’ She grinned and strutted up the street.
Khaden and I sighed and followed.
She stepped inside a café with ceiling-to-floor open windows. One look at the other diners and their sunglasses and flashy jewellery, and I knew the place was way out of our reach.
I cleared my throat. ‘Sas, that vego place back there looked—’
She cut me off with a withering look. ‘We eat here.’
‘Come on, Sas,’ said Khaden, turning to go. ‘We don’t belong in here.’
Sas grabbed his arm. ‘What makes anyone here better than us?’
A waiter dressed in black glided over. ‘Toilets are for clients only,’ he said.
‘Terrific to hear. When we use them, we’ll know they are clean,’ I said, giving him my sweetest smile. ‘Table for three, for lunch.’
‘By the windows,’ added Sas, already walking to a table in the far corner.
The waiter snatched three menus from the counter and followed Sas.
I chewed on my bottom lip to stop myself from smiling.
‘I’ll be back to take your drink order,’ said the waiter, dealing out the menus like cards. He huffed to the counter, where he spoke to other staff. It was obvious they were talking about us.
Sas flipped open her menu. ‘Order big, guys.’
I opened the menu and gasped. ‘Sas, there’s no way we can afford this. A soft drink sure, or even a bowl of chips to share, not that they probably even serve chips, but a meal…’
Khaden paled. ‘Yeah, Sas, why don’t we just—’
She banged her menu on the table. ‘What is it with you two?’
‘You definitely have this covered?’ asked Khaden, his left eyebrow arched.
She didn’t look up from the menu. ‘I’m having roasted pumpkin risotto and an iced chocolate.’
Khaden and I exchanged a look and then read the menu too.
Sas pushed her plate away from her, leant back and grinned. ‘That risotto rocked.’
‘My steak was unreal, too.’ Khaden rubbed his belly like Dad did after a big meal.
The green curry had made my lips numb and my nose run. I sipped my diet cola, trying to douse the burning in my mouth.
‘Too hot?’ asked Sas, nodding at my half-eaten meal.
‘Nah, just not hungry.’
The waiter appeared at the table and cleared our plates.
‘Dessert?’
‘Thanks,’ said Sas. ‘Three sticky date puddings. With butterscotch sauce, of course.
‘Of course,’ said the waiter, his smile cold.
Dessert? I’d explode for sure. When I opened my mouth to say so, Sas grimaced so I stayed quiet.
The waiter glided to the counter.
Khaden leant forward, frowning.
‘Sas, I can’t eat another—’
‘You don’t have to. We’re doing a runner,’ she hissed, reaching for her bag.
‘A what?’ I asked.
‘A runner! You know, run off without—’
‘I know what you mean, but—’
‘Ruby, either you run or you pay for all our meals.’ Her voice was like steel. ‘And shut your mouth.’
‘Sas, if we get caught…’
‘We won’t.’ Her eyes were on the waiters at the counter. ‘Meet at the tram stop on Malvern Road, okay?’ She pushed her chair back and stood. ‘Ready?’
Khaden grinned, a cat ready to pounce.
I clutched my bag to my chest.
‘Now,’ hissed Sas.
She and Khaden were running up Chapel Street before she’d finished forming the word.
I stumbled, and my chair crashed to the tiled floor. A harsh voice cried out as I sprinted out the open window-door thing, through the traffic stopped at a pedestrian crossing. My thongs slapped against my heels and the curry bounced in my stomach.
Trams rattled, cars crawled and frowning pedestrians stepped out of my way. I hadn’t been caught and the world hadn’t collapsed at our evil.
I ducked down a side street, into a driveway, where I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and swapped around my singlets so the black one was now under the red. After a deep breath, I stepped back into the street and strolled to Malvern Road, trying to look relaxed. As I neared the tram stop, I could see Sas and Khaden leaning against the shelter as though nothing had happened.
‘Told you I had it covered,’ beamed Sas.
‘You planned it, didn’t you? Before we even left my place, you knew we were going to do a runner.’
‘So?’ she asked, eyes narrowed.
‘Why didn’t you tell us?’ I was yelling now. ‘Or did you tell Khaden and not me?’
‘Hey, Ruby,’ said Khaden, looking around him. ‘Keep it down.’
‘Did you know about it, Khaden?’ I asked.
He screwed up his face. ‘No. Well not exactly. I knew Sas had a plan.’
I turned back to Sas. ‘Since when do we keep secrets from each other?’ I wasn’t sure if I was talking about the runner or the ring.
Sas smirked. ‘Ruby, if I’d told you, you would have melted down and ruined the whole day. This way you’re just ruining the end.’ She brushed past me to sit in the shelter. ‘You’re such a pain.’
‘What did you say?’
She crossed her legs. ‘You heard.’
‘At least I’m not a liar.’
Sas snorted. ‘Yeah right—shoplifting, doing a runner from a café—you’re really honest.’ She shook her head.
‘I’m walking home,’ I said, my jaw clenched.
‘Whatever,’ said Sas, not looking at me. ‘At least we won’t have to listen to you whinge anymore.’
I walked along the footpath, staring at dishevelled gardens and restaurant fronts, my brain empty and my heart a concrete slab. Near Williams Road, something made me glance over my shoulder. A tram trundled towards me, so I dashed across the road into the burger place and waited, well back from the window, for it to pass. I caught a glimpse of Sas and Khaden, sitting at the back of the tram, talking as though everything in the world was fantastic. But it wasn’t.
Inside our back gate, I picked up Mojo and buried my face in her curly hair. Her sun-warmed coat was soothing.
The door opened. ‘Where have you been?’ said Harrison, hands on his hips. He sounded and looked like Dad.
‘What’s it to you?’ I tried to brush past him.
He stepped in front of me. ‘You took off yesterday too, didn’t you?’
‘Why aren’t you at work, hero?’ Mojo squirmed in my arms.
‘Lunchbreak.’
I felt my eyes narrow. ‘So you’re spending your break home, spying on me? Pathetic.’
‘Worth it, actually. I busted you.’
I searched for a reason I’d had to leave. My brain snatched at something that would also freak Harrison out.
‘If you must know, I had leave to buy tampons.’
Harrison’s face flushed.
Mojo tucked under my arm, I fished around in my bag and pulled out a purse-sized box, careful not to shake it in case it rattled and Harrison realised it was just about empty.
‘Happy?’
‘Well I’m still te
lling Mum and Dad you cleared off.’
‘Fine.’ I pushed past him and inside. ‘I’m sure they’ll understand.’ I climbed the stairs two at a time, shut my bedroom door and lay on my bed.
Mojo nuzzled and licked my cheek. At least something in this world loved me.
Sas
You know what I wish? I wish Dad would come back and stay again, like he did after Grace was burnt. I don’t mean I want him to stay forever; I’m not that pathetic. I’ve known since Mum and Dad broke up that they were done for good. I just want Dad to come back because this time I’d try harder to talk to him and I wouldn’t be as snaky either. At least I’d try not to be. Then again, with the way I’ve been feeling lately, I’d probably be a complete bag again and ignore him. Who would know?
I’m so mixed up. Parts of my life are fantastic and other parts are, well, crappy.
The most amazing thing is, life at home is going okay. I know, who’d have thought! Having my own room helps, but it’s not just that. Since Khaden came around that night, Mum’s tried to be at home more and even asked Maddie to ‘step up and be more responsible’, which means I don’t have to do as much. Mum even hinted I could go for a part-time job next year. An alien has abducted my mother! But, hey, I’m not complaining.
Then there’s Khaden.
Khaden, Khaden, Khaden.
He came round this morning before Mum left for work to give her a gift to say thanks for helping him the other night. Mum loved the pen—she raved on about it for ages, a bit too long if you ask me.
Then, after Mum took the girls to school, Khaden gave me THE ring that I’d tried on at the Junction. It’s the coolest, most awesome ring ever and I love, love, love it! I swear I made a strange noise when I unwrapped it—a gasp, cry and squeal all rolled into one. Very embarrassing.
The ring is so unusual. It curls around my finger with one end fat and the other skinny and pointy. It reminds me a bit of the Play Doh snakes I used to make when I was little, only the ring’s silver and chunky, not blue and salty. Does that even make sense? Who cares! I love, love, LOVE it.
And that’s the amazing stuff in my life. Now for the crappy stuff…
Khade’s on that list too—well, not Khade exactly, but what happened to him the other night. It was so awful. I wish I knew how to handle it. Should I try to talk to him about it or do I just pretend it didn’t happen? And what if Mike hits Khaden again and Khaden is seriously hurt? The whole thing scares me.
The other thing, or person, I don’t know how to handle, is Ruby. Bit fat sigh! I wish I understood what was going on between Ruby and me. We used to be best friends and never argued, but now just looking at her makes me angry.
After she stole the lipgloss, I decided to stay away from her for a bit, just to let things settle down between us, but today she drove me nuts again. Well, not all day. While we were trying on stuff at those expensive shops, we had fun. Sure, we couldn’t afford anything, but pretending is free.
Ruby started driving me nuts at the café, then, when she turned up at the tram stop, tops and hair changed, and couldn’t see the funny side of what we had done, I lost it. Sure, what we did was kind of risky, but it was hilarious. If only I’d seen the look on that stuck-up waiter’s face when he realised we’d done a runner.
Anyway, I didn’t mean to call her a pain, but that’s what she was. I tried to feel bad when she stormed off, but to be honest, Khaden and I have more fun without her. The whole way home we talked about bands, Gossip Girl (okay, so I talked about that and Khaden listened), and if thick shakes were better than milkshakes. There was no complaining or bitching, just talking and laughing. It was easy, the way it used to be with the three of us.
Khaden reckons we have to tell Ruby about us, but I’m not so sure. She already thinks we’re leaving her out—imagine how she’ll react when she finds out that Khade and I are more than friends now.
And how am I supposed to tell her, when just looking at her makes me mad?
Grrrr. It’s so confusing.
Text Message—Sas to Khaden
Sas: Hey, thanks for the ring. I ♥ it
Khaden: Want to hang out 2morrow?
Sas: Sure. Where?
Khaden: Supposed to be hot. Beach?
Sas: Hell, yeah! My place at 9.30
Khaden: Don’t u sleep?
Sas: lol. Hey—do we ask Ruby?
Khaden: Ummm … make it just us
Sas: Probably best. Running out of credit. C u 2morrow x
Khaden: K
How do I capture a perfect day? Sure, I took photos of Khaden and me sunbaking, eating fish and chips for lunch, and of the seagull poo that landed on Khade’s calf that made me laugh ’til my stomach hurt. But how do I keep hold of the feeling? Not just the chill of the water against my hot toes or the softness of Khade’s skin, but the bubble of complete happiness surrounding me, us.
Maybe sticking photos, the fish and chip docket, the seagull feather and a crispy strip of seaweed into my journal will do. That way all I have to do is open my journal and everything will flood back.
IM Chat
Ruby: Hey! Hot enough today?
Sas: At least you have air con!
Ruby: Yeah—true. So what did u get up to?
Sas: Nothing really. Just chilled
Ruby: I cleaned my room. Had to! Guess what I found? The flashing ring
Sas: Heart-shaped one?
Ruby: Yep! Still flashes. What colour was yours?
Sas: Purple. Don’t know what happened to it
Ruby: Mine’s red. How much fun was that trip to Luna Park?
Sas: Khaden screaming on the big dipper! Lol
Ruby: Fairy floss fight! Sticky hair
Sas: Good times!
Ruby: We should go back. Soon
Sas: Hey, should be hot again tomorrow. Pool?
Ruby: Sounds good
Sas: K & I will come around 2morrow @ 11
Ruby: K
Sas: Hey, gotta go. Mum’s home
Ruby: C u! x
Khaden
Khaden hummed a Bowie song he couldn’t name as he turned into his driveway. He pulled the junk mail from the letterbox and a cream envelope fell to the ground. He stared at the neat, curled writing— Mr Khaden Elliot.
Maybe he should have read the first letter or written back, told her to leave him alone. He snatched up the envelope and stalked inside, the Bowie song and thoughts of his day at the beach with Sas crushed by a cream envelope.
After dumping the junk mail in the bin, he took the letter to his bedroom. He flipped it over.
Anika Moloney, c/o Armidale Post Office, Armidale.
Armidale was in New South Wales, wasn’t it? Khaden shuddered. She was closer.
He turned the envelope over and over, thinking of nothing, yet everything. He slipped his finger under the flap and tore the envelope open.
One page. Tight black writing.
He slumped onto his bed and read, his heart hammering.
Dear Khaden,
I’ve tried to write this letter so many times, but I haven’t been able to make it sound right. I thought I had nailed it last time, but I haven’t heard from you, so I guess I didn’t.
Khaden, I know there are no words that can explain or excuse what I did, but believe me, at the time I truly thought I was doing the best thing for you and Taj.
Mike was so much better with you two, especially you. He was calm, loving and just knew what to do. I didn’t. I felt like I was drowning.
But believe me when I say, I loved you, will always love you, with every part of my being.
I left to protect you and to find me. Maybe you have a bit of an idea of what it was like to grow up the ebony in a family of ivory. But at least you can see yourself in Mike. There was nothing of me in my parents. How could there be? And worse, I was never allowed to ask about my birth family or the country where I was born. Do you know what that does to you? Never fitting in? Not knowing? Being the dark haired and skinned one in a fami
ly of pale red-heads?
Khaden, I’m not trying to make you feel sorry for me, I just need you to understand. I know I’ve blown my chance at being a proper mum, but I’d like us to know each other.
Could we meet somewhere? In the city maybe? I understand if you don’t want to. Taj made it clear he didn’t want anything to do with me. He’s very like Mike, isn’t he?
Please think about it. I’ll be in Canberra until Christmas. You can write to me at the Deakin Post Office. Send me your mobile phone number and I’ll call.
I’m looking forward to seeing you, Khaden.
Love and peace
Mum
x
Khaden lay back on his bed and stared at the ceiling. She’d been in contact with Taj, and Taj hadn’t told him.
A car door slammed.
Khaden slipped the letter beneath his pillow and reached for his guitar.
Ruby
In the family room I sat on the sofa, stalked to the kitchen and back to the sofa, turned on the PlayStation, turned it off, sat on the sofa again, checked my watch for the seventh time in thirty seconds, and picked up the novel I’d brought down from my bedroom.
Mojo’s bark from her kennel on the decking changed into an excited yap.
I took a slow breath, curled my legs under me and tried to look like I was engrossed in the book. I didn’t look up until there was a tap on the glass. Khaden smiled. Sas was patting Mojo. I waved them inside.
‘It’s cool in here,’ said Khaden, dumping his towel on the bench. ‘It’s so hot already.’
I uncurled my legs and placed the book on the coffee table. ‘It’s supposed to be hotter than yesterday.’
Sas stood by the back door fiddling with the fringe on her towel. ‘Wasn’t too hot at the beach, was it Khaden?’
‘Nah, the breeze kept it cool.’ He flopped into Dad’s chair.
My skin tightened. They’d been to the beach without me. Why hadn’t Sas mentioned it last night when we were texting? ‘Was it packed?’ I asked, trying not to sound annoyed.
Sas shrugged. ‘Didn’t notice.’
Khaden cleared his throat.
Sas sighed. ‘Ruby, last week … I didn’t mean what I said…’
I knew she was waiting for me to jump in, to say it was okay, but I’d promised myself I’d be strong, not a ‘pain’. I clamped my jaw tight. The tension was crushing.