by S Doyle
The Lover
S. Doyle
Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Copyright © 2017 by S. Doyle
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
The Bride Series
Book 1: The Bride
Book 2: The Wife
Book 3: The Lover
One
Ellie
January
“We should probably have the talk,” I said.
Jake was driving me to college. It was really happening. In another hour we would arrive at the university, and he would drop me off and head back to the ranch. I figured it made sense to get things settled between us.
Because we were divorced now.
Did I tell you that part? Short recap.
Jake married me to save me from a foster home after my dad died.
I fell in love with him.
He didn’t fall in love with me.
We were hurting each other, so I came up with a way to divorce him.
Oh… and I gave him my virginity as a consolation prize.
It was really rather generous of me, I thought.
Now it was done. I was going to go to college, and he was going to start building his house so that when I was done school he could go back to living on Talley land.
We were both super excited about our prospects for the future.
Or not. Or we were both super miserable instead.
Still, it was important to me to set the record straight.
“To be clear, so there are no hard feelings. I’m single. You’re single. You’re free to date who you want, and I’m free to date who I want.”
He glanced over at me. “Are you serious? I just took your virginity a few days ago. Can we maybe not talk about you dating someone else right now?”
“Fair point, but I wanted it on the record.”
“Noted,” he bit out.
I stared out the window, but there was nothing to see. “I think you should get a dog.”
“Where is this coming from?”
“I don’t want you to be lonely. I’ll be at school with all my new friends that I’m hopefully going to make. You’ll be on the ranch. Alone until Rich comes. You need company. Remember how much you loved Luke?”
Actually maybe it wasn’t the best idea. Jake had adored that dog and it had nearly killed him when it was time to put him down. A sure sign he got too close to his animals. I was convinced he liked them more than people. Well, maybe not me.
“I’ll think about it.”
More silence. Which was not helping.
“Do you really think I’ll make friends?” I asked. I was a person most people liked. It seemed reasonable. Only this was a university, not a small town in the sticks. What if people thought I was corny?
“Yes.”
“It’s also been a while since I had to do schoolwork.”
“You’ll be fine.”
He was placating me. “I don’t want to do fine, I want to do really well.”
“You’ll do that then.”
It had been like this for the entire ride. Me chatting nervously, Jake being Jake.
I had no idea what he was thinking. If he was sad, relieved… heartbroken.
I was sad. I was nervous. I wasn’t heartbroken though.
I guess it was because I didn’t really see this as an end. Like we weren’t quite at the conclusion of our story, but still in the middle of it.
Was it the sex that gave me hope?
I didn’t know. The sex had somehow changed us. It was there. This tangible thing that happened. That we had done together. We were altered, and yet the same. It was just that one time. Neither one of us, I think, wanted to keep doing it. It would only make leaving that much harder.
I knew leaving was necessary. I had to go, if only so we could both see clearly what we wanted. Not going to lie, now that I was in the truck, heading away from the ranch, it was starting to dawn on me how truly hard this was going to be.
Finally we got to Missoula and then the university. I had the address for my dorm and Jake carried up all my stuff, mumbling I had brought too much. My scales were carefully packed in a box I kept in the back seat of the truck because I didn’t want to risk their safety.
It was the last thing to be carried up, which I could do myself.
I set the box down next to me and waited for Jake to realize the same thing. It was done. I was here, and there was nothing left to do except say goodbye.
“I don’t know how to do this, Ellie. So I won’t.”
I nodded. I didn’t know how to do this either. For the last two years Jake had been the center of my existence. The cause of all my happiness and all my pain. The idea of saying goodbye to him was unacceptable but inevitable too.
“You’ll call? Check in?”
I nodded.
He nodded back. I watched him get in his truck. I heard the engine start and realized this was happening.
“Jake!”
He rolled down the window with a look that said this had better be good, because Jake was not a guy who liked dramatic farewells.
“We’ve got this. Right?”
He nodded again and I smiled.
I watched as he pulled away. Stayed there the whole time until his truck was out of sight.
Then I picked up my scales, looked up at my new home, and got ready to start my new life.
Three weeks later
It was Sunday. I sat back on my bed in my dorm room and hit Jake’s name on my cell.
He answered on the first ring.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey back. How are things going?”
I took a deep breath. “I want to come home. I think I made a mistake.”
He sighed. I knew he was going to sigh. I also knew what he was going to say next.
“Ellie, you just got there.”
“I know, but Jake, this is so…” I struggled for the word and finally landed on, “pointless.”
Another sigh. “I thought you liked your roommate.”
“I do.” I did. Maryanne was cool and we were starting to get to know each other, but it wasn’t home. With Jake.
“You said your business class was interesting.”
“It is, but seriously most of it is stuff I’ve already taught myself over the past two years. I miss the ranch. I miss Petunia.”
I missed him, but that didn’t need to be said.
“You said you wanted to do this. You said you wanted to try this new experience.”
“I know,” I grumbled.
“You’re homesick, Ellie. It will pass.”
I didn’t think so, but I knew after only a few weeks he wouldn’t let me drop out this soon. He would see it as quitting, and he would remind me I’m not a quitter.
“Fine. I’ll stick it out.”
“That’s my girl.”
I smiled. Jake thought I was his girl.
“I got to go, Isabella is acting up. I think she might have an infection in a tooth.”
“See? I should totally be there
for that.”
“That’s why I’m here, Ellie. You’re where you need to be right now.”
Then I couldn’t help it. I had to know. “Don’t you even miss me a little bit?”
God, I hated how pathetic that sounded.
Another sigh. “This is the right thing for you.”
His answer, or should I say his non-answer, didn’t surprise me.
“The right thing blows.”
“Call me next week?”
It was becoming our thing. Sunday night. One call per week. I wanted to call him every day, talk to him every day. But this seemed more measured. More controlled. As if Jake was a controlled substance I had to limit my use of in order to stay functioning.
“Yep. Tell Petunia I miss her and tell Isabella I hope she feels better.”
“I’ll get right on that.”
“Bye.”
“Night, Ellie.”
I was sitting in class the next day, listening to the TA drone on about profit and loss and thinking about Jake. About how he hadn’t answered my question.
He had to miss me a little bit. I was missable. He’d said it before when I was freezing him out over the whole Carol (which now I sort of automatically hated everyone named Carol) thing.
He didn’t say he didn’t miss me. That would have been awful.
Not that this was much better.
“Who is he?”
I was startled by the guy sitting next to me.
“Who is who?” I asked him.
“Whoever it is you’re mooning over?”
“How do you know I’m mooning over anyone?”
“Because you’re the only girl in the room not drooling over the TA teaching this class, who by the way is HAWT.”
He fanned himself with his hand. It was probably the most feminine gesture I had ever seen a man make except for on TV.
Which prompted me like an idiot to say, “Oh my god, you’re gay like on TV.”
Which he thought was the most hilarious thing he’d ever heard, to which he replied, “No honey, I’m gay like on reality TV.”
“I’m sorry,” I said immediately. “I didn’t mean to be rude. I’ve just…”
“Never seen one in real life?”
I shook my head. Everyone in Riverbend had suspected David Tillerson, Jeff Tillerson’s older brother, was gay, but nobody ever spoke about it. Certainly not David Tillerson.
“When class is over, you can buy me a coffee to make up for it and tell me all about the guy. I love a good romance.”
Denny—he told me his name—walked me to the campus Starbucks. I ordered two coffees, and he looked at me like I had lost my mind. He changed the order to two caramel macchiatos and my life, as I knew it, was changed.
We sat down at a table and I thought I would never be able to have coffee again. Which was a shame, because I really liked coffee, but nothing would ever be as good as a caramel macchiato.
“So… who is he?”
“He’s just a guy. From back home.” I didn’t want to tell him the story. One of the best parts about being here was that I didn’t have to be Weird Married Ellie or Weird Divorced Ellie. At least for a while.
“Is he pining for you too?”
“I don’t know. I guess if he missed me more, he would come get me and bring me home.”
“And leave all this?” Denny said, gesturing around with this hand. It really was so strange to see this handsome man use his hands like that. Denny was definitely handsome, too. Blond, thin, but built. I imagined he did very well for himself with other gay guys, but obviously I wasn’t going to go there.
“I don’t think I’m cut out for college. I’m a rancher’s daughter.”
No, that wasn’t right. I had been a rancher’s daughter. What I’d learned by coming here was that I was rancher. Period. I belonged on my land and not in a classroom.
“Well, if you won’t give me the gory details then there is nothing I can do to help. Which means as your new official first gay male friend, let me take this time to tell you that the color orange does NOT work for you.”
I looked down at my shirt. I had never really given it much thought, but Denny seemed to know exactly what he was talking about.
Jake
Sunday
The phone rang and I swiped to connect the call. It was Sunday and I had been waiting for her. She was a little late tonight, but that was all right.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hey back. How is it going?”
“Okay.”
Okay was better than can I come home. She hadn’t asked it since I told her no, but I could tell each week she wanted to. This time she sounded a little different. This time her okay was a little less depressing.
“Okay?” I prompted.
“I made another friend.”
“What’s her name?”
“His name is Denny. He’s really funny.”
Denny. Swell. My hand tightened on the phone.
The pause must have revealed something of my… irritation?
“He’s just a friend, Jake. It’s not… like that.”
“Oh.”
“There was a guy who asked me out, though. Which was so weird. Like he didn’t know me at all. We had never talked. He just saw me in the bookstore and was like, want to go out sometime?”
Sometimes I forgot that about her. She truly didn’t get it. How gorgeous she was. Of course any guy in his right mind who saw her would be attracted to her. Why not ask her out if he had a chance?
“What did you say?”
“I said I would think about it… but I don’t know. I mean, I don’t know him at all and I don’t know if I feel comfortable going out with a total stranger.”
This was the part where I was supposed to say how are you ever going to get to know him if you don’t go out on a date with him.
Instead I said, “Go with your gut. If you don’t want to go out with the guy, then don’t.”
“Okay. I won’t. How is Isabella?”
“She’s finally turning a corner. Sam thinks she’s out of the woods for now.” Sam was the large-animal vet in town. He’d been making weekly house calls. Probably to put my mind at ease. Everyone, I suppose, knew how I was with the animals in my care. Like an overprotective father.
“Good.”
I thought to bring it up. To ask her if she was settling in better, but if she wasn’t asking to come home I suppose that said it all.
I was happy about that. Happy she was making more friends. I was.
I was also lonely as hell and missing her like crazy. Not that I could tell her that. If she saw weakness in my armor she might attack, and I couldn’t have that because I was fairly certain I might cave.
“Classes are still going good?”
I didn’t know what else to ask about. I certainly didn’t want to talk about guys in her world anymore. I only knew I wanted her to continue talking. Because it was Sunday night and Sunday night was Ellie night.
She rattled on and I took it all in, and when she finally said goodnight I got that feeling again in my chest.
The feeling that we had gotten this all wrong.
I didn’t know it at the time, but Ellie was going to fix that with one really stupid mistake.
Two
Ellie
February
“Denny, have you ever been in love?”
We were sitting in the coffee house after class as usual. I had quickly become addicted as expected. See, that was how Starbucks did it. The great con. You drink one damn caramel macchiato, and suddenly the idea of paying four dollars for a cup of coffee doesn’t seem like a stupid idea at all.
“Of course. Like a thousand times.”
I glared at him. “It couldn’t have been love if there were a thousand different guys. Which I’m having a hard time believing there are even a thousand gay guys in the entire state.”
He tilted his head. “Okay, maybe not a thousand.”
“Is it hard?” I asked, cur
ious about a lifestyle I knew so little about. “Being gay in Montana? People don’t harass you still, do they?”
“Some. But it’s not like it was years ago. Besides, being gay in Montana does have its upside.”
“What?”
He leaned in and wiggled his eyebrows. “Gay cowboys. Hawt!”
I laughed.
“Why are you asking me about love? Are we back to the guy you are always mooning over but won’t tell me about? Sister, have I not explained the advantages of a gay BFF? You can tell me everything you would tell your girl friends, only I can tell you what the guy is thinking from the male perspective. Remember just because I’m gay, doesn’t mean I don’t still think like a man.”
“I told you it’s complicated.”
“That’s the best kind of story!”
I thought about what I had done this week. I knew it was going to be a fight. One I thought I stood a better chance of winning over the phone.
Or not. Either way, this Sunday’s call was not going to go well.
But I had made up my mind, and when I did that I could be really stubborn.
Denny was right. I was brooding again. Because Jake and I were going to have this fight first, but the next fight after that was going to be even worse.
I had to be strong.
“Oh my goodness… Speaking of hot cowboys. Yum! Please let him be gay, please let him be gay.”
I looked over at the door that had just opened.
Holy shit. Jake! My heart nearly flew out of my chest and up into my mouth. He was here. In person. I was actually looking at him again and it was like this missing piece of my body suddenly reconnected.
“He’s not gay,” I told Denny almost breathlessly.
“Bitch, how do you know?”
“Because that is my… ex-husband.”
Jake was looking around the coffee house as if expecting to find me here.
Denny’s jaw dropped. He actually shut it closed with this finger. “You were married.”
“I told you it’s complicated.”
“And you divorced thaattt? Girlfriend, are you insane? Oh look, he saw you. He’s coming this way. Oh my goodness, is that scowl real? Holy shit, I think I’m going to crap my pants.”