He suddenly clears his throat very loudly but I thought I heard something else in the background before he did.
“So, are you at home?” I ask.
“Uh, no. I’m out grabbing some coffee right now.”
“Oh.”
“Well baby, I’m going to go home soon and want to be able to see you, so get up and get ready to Skype me. We can spend Christmas morning together that way.”
“Okay, I’m getting up now. Talk to you soon,” I say happily into the phone. I hear him laugh and say bye but I’ve already pulled the phone away from my ear and I click the button to end the call.
I quickly take a shower and actually take the time to blow dry and straighten my hair. I decided on curling the ends a little bit and throw on some makeup. I wear another pair of Christmas pajamas because I know I won’t be leaving the house anyway. I decide on a red pair of pants that have candy canes and penguins on them with a plain white tank top and I throw on a reindeer antler headband just to make sure he laughs.
I rush to the kitchen and start making some coffee and briefly think about making some breakfast but because I took a while with getting ready, I don’t want to be cooking when Julian calls.
I go grab my laptop and open it up so I can sign into Skype. I leave it open on the kitchen table, sit down and begin waiting. Fifteen minutes goes by and Julian still isn’t signed in. I decide to just go ahead and make breakfast. My scrambled eggs are done first and the bacon is still sizzling in the pan. I grab some bread to pop in the toaster when my doorbell rings. I turn the heat down on the bacon and run to the door. I figure it’s probably Meghan. I know she didn’t go home to her family because they were having some sort of family feud. I pull open the door and my jaw drops. I don’t know whether to cry, scream, or laugh.
Standing at the door are Jade and Michelle, and they are both wearing matching Christmas pajamas. Jade is wearing a red and white striped long sleeved shirt and pants while Michelle is wearing the same except green and white. I look down and see that they both are also wearing elf shoes. I start laughing and crying at the same time. I try to play my tears off as me just laughing too hard, but I’m so happy to have my friends with me on Christmas. I haven’t seen them in so long and this is the best time for them to come. They both rush me and we have ourselves a three-way hug.
“I can’t believe you guys are here!” I squeal. I look pointedly at Jade “You said you wouldn’t be able to get off work!”
She shrugs and gives me a wide smile. “I was able to get off after all.”
I playfully scowl at her and then turn towards Michelle and wrap her in my arms. This is the first time I’ve seen here since before she went missing. I’ve been through so many emotions when it comes to her because I feel like what happened to her is my fault. She’s never blamed me for anything, but I can’t help but feel like if it wasn’t for me she would have never had run into Cyrus.
As we hug, I feel the tears forming in my eyes. She pulls away and her eyes are glistening as well.
“It’s okay. I’m okay,” she says softly.
I nod and she gives me a small smile. I know we’ll talk more later.
“I see you’re not being a scrooge anymore,” Jade says while eyeing my Christmas apparel.
“You know I’m not a scrooge! I was just half asleep, but I’m glad you girls remembered my thing for ridiculous Christmas pajamas.”
“Ridiculous? We look fabulous!” Jade exclaims while pretending to do some sort of fashion pose. We all end up breaking into a fit of laughter.
“We do have a couple of presents for you,” Michelle says.
“Oooh, presents?” I ask.
“Of course presents! We left them with our luggage.” Jade says, walking back towards the open door.
“Oh crap! My bacon!” I cry.
I run into the kitchen and I’m grateful that I had at least turned the heat down on the bacon. It’s really crispy but at least it didn’t start smoking. I turn the heat off and move the pan further back. I’ll get back to breakfast later.
I get back to the front door and once again, my jaw drops and my stomach does a flip. Julian is standing there in the doorway and when he looks up and sees me, he sends me a heart stopping smile that shows off his perfectly straight, white teeth. I almost forgot just how handsome he is. I can see his warm caramel colored eyes sparkling with mischief. I know instantly that he organized this whole trip. My eyes travel to his body and I finally notice his loose fitting red and white plaid pajama bottoms and red T-shirt that is stretching across his bulging muscles, but what tops it all is the Santa hat that I bought him, sitting perfectly on his head.
I realize that I am frozen in place, gawking at this beautiful man. I snap out of it and literally run towards him with a big smile on my face. He begins laughing and when I am close enough, I throw my body onto his and wrap my legs around his waist. His hands instantly cup my ass and my arms go around his neck. I bury my face into his neck and breathe in his scent. I feel his lips softly kiss my neck and then I feel his breath near my ear.
“Merry Christmas, Bella. I hope you aren’t mad that we just showed up,” he says quietly.
I begin to softly sob into his neck and I feel one of his hands start rubbing my back.
“I’ve missed you so much, Julian. Thank you so much for doing this for me.”
“I’d do anything for you, but I won’t lie and say it wasn’t for me too,” he says with a chuckle.
I pull back to look at him and laugh. “Thanks for being selfish too.”
He smiles at me and then leans in and gives me a soft and small kiss on the corner of mouth.
“Uhh, hello? We’re standing right here,” Jade quips. “I know this is a much needed reunion, but can you save the lovey dovey stuff for when you’re alone?”
Julian and I laugh and he places me back on my feet. I turn around to face the girls and they’re both smiling at me. Jade throws me a wink and I know even though she’s giving me a hard time, she’s really happy for me.
I can’t wipe the smile off my face as I look at three of the most important people in my life.
“You guys have no idea how happy I am right now. I can’t believe you all flew all the way out here and in those pajamas!” I laugh.
“You have no idea how many crazy looks we got, but we also made a few people smile and laugh,” Michelle says.
“I love you guys,” I say, looking at each of them. When I look at Julian, he has a small smile that melts my heart.
“And we love you!” Jade yells.
Julian grabs the luggage and pulls it into the living room and closes the front door.
“Who’s ready to open presents?” he asks.
“Who’s ready to eat?” Jade asks from the kitchen.
Julian laughs. “Okay, I guess we can eat first.”
We all go to the kitchen and Julian and I end up cooking breakfast for us all while Michelle and Jade tour the apartment and hang out on the deck outside, enjoying the warmer weather. It feels just like before, us moving around each other perfectly, making another meal together. He keeps slipping me adorable smiles and winks. He’ll occasionally rub up against me which causes my heart to race. He claims it’s all accidental but I doubt his front rubbing up against my back in this spacious kitchen is an accident, especially when it happens more than once. I won’t complain though.
After breakfast is made, we call Jade and Michelle back in and all sit around the table to enjoy some eggs, bacon, toast, smoked sausage, fried potatoes and tortillas. I always have to eat my eggs with tortillas.
While we were eating, I decided I wanted them all to stay here with me. I only have two bedrooms but we can make it work. I couldn’t imagine sending them all away to go find a hotel to stay in. I’ve been alone for long enough, and want the company for as long as I can get it.
After we’ve finished eating, Jade and Michelle excuse themselves and say they are going to go unpack some of their things. I know it’s mo
stly just to give Julian and I some alone time, and I appreciate it.
“So,” Julian says as he looks around the room.
“So,” I repeat, watching him.
“This is a nice place.”
“Thank you. I got lucky in finding it.”
He nods his head and then looks at me. We stare at each other for a little while without saying anything. I know eventually we’ll have to have another talk about our relationship and what’s going to happen, and if I plan on moving back and when. I just don’t know how to start it and I don’t want to start it right this second. Maybe once the girls are asleep, or maybe tomorrow we can go out somewhere to be alone.
Julian’s phone beeps and he looks at it briefly before putting it on the table.
“I have another surprise for you,” he says, looking a little nervous.
“Besides the presents?” I ask.
“Yep. I hope you’re okay with it.”
“I’m sure I will be. I can’t imagine this day getting any better, though.”
“Well, we’ll see. Stay right here and I’ll be right back.”
Julian walks off and I stare after him. I’ve missed being around him so much. While he’s off getting my surprise, I decide to clear off the table and start loading the dishwasher. Once I’ve gotten the counters in the kitchen wiped off, I turn around and head back to the dining room table. Sitting at the table is Lucas.
“Oh my gosh! Lucas! What are you doing here? How did you get here? I can’t believe you’re here!”
Lucas laughs and gets up to walk over to me and gives me a hug that lifts me off my feet. I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him back. When he puts me down, I look past him and see Julian standing there. He gives me a smile and then walks away.
“Did Julian ask you to come here?” I ask.
“Yeah. I hope you aren’t mad. He wanted to have this whole reunion for you and I couldn’t say no.”
“I can’t believe it. Are you guys…friends now?”
Lucas throws his head back and laughs. “Uh, I don’t think I’d call us friends, but we don’t want to kill each other,” he says with a cheesy grin.
“Ha ha, funny,” I say, playfully scowling at him.
“We’ve talked a few times on the phone. I guess he isn’t too bad,” Lucas says with a shrug.
“What have you talked about? When did you start talking to him? I’m so confused!”
“We haven’t been talking too long. He got my number through my brother and wanted to explain to me everything he’s told you.”
When I furrow my brows in confusion, Lucas continues.
“You know, about his past and what he’s done and all that. He just wanted to clear things up. He also wanted me to know about his feelings for you and that he didn’t plan on giving up. He said he was okay with me and you being friends and stuff like that.”
“What do you think about all of that?” I ask.
“Bell, you know I’ve only wanted you to be safe and happy. If he makes you feel that way, then I’m happy for you. I told you before I wanted to be in your life and I do. We were friends before, we’re friends now and we can continue to be friends. I know you’re in love with him and I’m not going to try to mess that up. I love you and always will. We had our time and it was great and then I messed up and we grew up and grew apart. It happens. I had hoped that we could be together again, but I know now that we are great as friends. I can talk to you about anything, we laugh, we joke, we give each other a hard time but more importantly, we are there for each other, we support each other, listen to each other and I really don’t want to take a chance at messing that up. You are my best friend, Bell. If your husband is okay with us still being friends, and being able to talk to each other, then I have no problem with him.
I let out a sob and throw my arms around his neck. We stand there and hold each other for a minute before the sound of someone clearing their throat, breaks the silence.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Julian says.
“No, you’re fine,” I say as I pull away from Lucas and wipe my eyes.
“I just wanted to be able to talk to you both. I know I’ve spoken with you separately but I want to say this now, while we’re all together.” He takes a deep breath before continuing. “Bella, you know that I love you. I will always love you and I want nothing more than to be with you again. You are now aware of everything in my past. I’ve come clean about everything and don’t want to lie to you about anything ever again. I will never be able to apologize enough, but I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you if you let me. You saw everything dark and ugly about me and if you can try to be with me after all of that, I promise to try to make you fall in love with me all over again.”
He turns his body to face Lucas. “Lucas, I know our…relationship is a little unorthodox, but I told you everything as well because I know you are going to be in Bella’s life and I want you to at least be able to respect me. I don’t want you to think of me like a monster or think I’m somebody who could ever hurt her, because I never would. I know we had some misunderstandings between us, but I can put it all behind me now if you can. I know you two have a past and have history. I will not keep you two from having a friendship because I know that would hurt Bella. I want us all to be able to get along and hope that if Bella chooses to have me in her life again, that you’ll be able to be okay with that.”
I stand there listening to Julian’s speech and I’m sure my jaw is touching the floor. I can’t believe he’s offering to be friends with Lucas and hopes we can all be friends. This is something I never expected, but I can’t say I’m not happy about it. I couldn’t imagine not having Lucas in my life again and I’m so grateful that Julian seems to understand that. With his talk about honesty though, I can’t help but feel like I need to let him know about the kiss Lucas and I shared at the airport. I just hope that this news won’t end the cool, calm and collected Julian that stands before me now.
No more secrets.
“Julian,” I say softly, my eyes jumping between him, Lucas and the floor. “I uh, I have something I need to tell you.” I look back over at Lucas and wonder if he knows what I’m about to say. His facial expression gives nothing away and when I look at Julian, he seems to be just as stoic. “I just want to be honest with you because I agree. I don’t want us to have any more secrets between us. That obviously doesn’t do anybody any good. I will admit that I’m afraid of how you’ll react but I just want you to know this before we continue talking about anything else.”
I pause and wait for a reaction from either of them. They both look at one another briefly before all eyes are back on me, and I still can’t read their expressions. I rub my hand across my forehead and take a deep breath in and hope for the best.
“The ugly truth is better than a hidden lie,” Julian says with a reassuring smile.
“Okay, I don’t know how to say this in the best possible way so I’m just going to say it.” Another deep breath. “Lucas and I shared a kiss before I came here. It was the one kiss and we never saw each other again after that. I mean, I spoke to him on the phone, but you know that, and that’s it. I love Lucas, he will always be important to me, but I am not in love with him. I am in love with you and I…” I stop talking because I know I am only rambling due to my nerves. I stopped looking at them after the first few words came out of my mouth and stared at the floor. I stand there twirling my fingers, too afraid to look up. I eventually do because the silence seems to go on for too long.
I see Julian look at Lucas again and then back at me. I try searching his eyes face for any kind of hint at his anger or sadness, but I see nothing. He eventually gives me a small smile and walks towards me. He cups my face in his hands and kisses me on my forehead before he speaks.
“Thank you for telling me, Bella. I appreciate the honesty, but I already knew that.”
Once again, my jaw drops and my eyes widen. I stand back and gape at him. “What? How do you know?”
I see Lucas raise one hand. “I might have told him about it.”
“What? When? Why?” I ask, dumbfounded.
“One of the times when we spoke on the phone. I wanted to be honest with him after he spilled his guts to me. I told him what happened and that was that.” He shrugs his shoulders like it was no big deal. Meanwhile, my heart feels like it’s going to beat of my chest and flop onto the floor.
“Bella, don’t worry yourself. It’s fine,” Julian says softly. “I won’t say I wasn’t upset at first but he told me that you guys were just friends and that you haven’t had contact past phone conversations and that I had nothing to worry about. He said he knew it might have been his only chance because he didn’t know if he’d see you again, and if he did, he wasn’t sure that it wouldn’t be without me with you.”
I look over towards Lucas and he gives me a sheepish smile. He always knew I’d go back to Julian. Did I always know that?
“Have you two been in cahoots?” I ask, narrowing my eyes at them.
They both burst into laughter.
“I wouldn’t say that, no,” Julian says.
“Cahoots, Bell? Really?” Lucas chimes in, still laughing.
“Oh whatever,” I respond.
“Well, I will say that I’m glad we were able to be together for Christmas. I have to thank Julian for that,” Lucas says with a nod in Julian’s direction. Julian nods back.
“So you were in cahoots for this trip!” I shriek, pointing at them both.
“Well, he called and asked if I could make it and I said I’d try. I was still figuring it out when I told you hopefully we could make it happen. I didn’t know for sure yet. I was just trying to see what your reaction would be if I said I wanted to come see you, you know, since you didn’t want to let me know where you were exactly,” he said with a smirk.
“Mmmhhmm,” I mumble. “Thank you, Julian, for setting this all up. This will be the best Christmas I’ve had in a long time. You guys, Jade, and Michelle are my family and I never want to lose any of you.”
“You’re welcome,” he says with another striking smile, obviously pleased with himself.
The Secrets That We Keep Page 23