by K. A. Linde
Goof, I mouthed to him.
He did the dance again. I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing harder.
Everyone started to crowd in around Jensen and Emery, so I moved out of the way. I watched Austin and Patrick step up for congratulations and took that opportunity to pull out my phone. I’d left the office early for this, and I knew I’d have to play catch-up tomorrow. I absentmindedly scrolled through my emails, categorizing them by subject and priority. My system was pretty intense.
“Are you freaking out?” Julia asked.
“Oh my God, it’s amazing!” I told her, glancing up from my phone. “Sorry, work.”
“No big. I can’t believe he proposed. Emery said they didn’t want to get married.”
“I know. Jensen said that, too.”
“I wonder what changed his mind.”
Both our eyes drifted across the room to where Sutton stood with Jason. She wore a sad smile but was putting on a strong face for all the excitement. Both of us had a pretty good guess as to what had changed Jensen’s mind.
“Are you excited to be a bridesmaid?” I asked.
“Do you think I will be?”
I laughed. “Um…yes. You and Heidi are her best friends!”
“Weird. I hadn’t thought about that.”
I shook my head and glanced back down at my phone. Another email had just come in. I checked the recipient and frowned.
“Huh,” I muttered.
“What?” she asked.
I opened the email and started to read it. My stomach dropped.
I read it again. My heart raced.
I read it again. I thought I was going to be sick. I reached out to steady myself against the wall as all the color drained completely from my face.
“Morgan, are you okay? You’ve gone pale.”
“Do I need to get someone?” Julia asked.
I could hear her. I could tell she was worried. But fear and horror were the only things that crossed my mind.
“Morgan!”
I finally glanced up at her with glassy, wide eyes. “We lost the Texas Tech construction contract.”
“What does that mean?”
“I’m totally fucked.”
Twenty-Seven
Morgan
“Don’t tell anyone where I went,” I told Julia before disappearing down the hallway and into Jensen’s empty office.
I dialed the phone number I needed and waited for the inevitable voice mail. It was the end of the day on a Friday afternoon. This email had been sent at this time on purpose. They hadn’t wanted to hear shit from me. And, worse, it had been sent only five business days before Texas Tech would be closed for the holiday break. If I didn’t get this resolved by then, my job would be on the line.
Fuck, it might be on the line anyway. Just at the thought of losing one of our biggest contracts.
How had this fucking happened? We’d been negotiating for weeks. Jesus, they had been in talks with Jensen before I even took over.
The last contract had been for ten years where Wright Construction was the sole contractor on campus. We basically had a monopoly on the system, and we’d had it for years. It was one of the things that had jump-started the company from the ground up.
It didn’t make sense. Why would they deny us the contract in the middle of negotiations? Sure, it had been taking a while, but we hadn’t come to a compromise. Part of the reason Owen was here in the first place was to work on moving all of our existing contracts into environmental efficiency. Since this one was already up, we’d been trying to work out the details to pair with what was already in place. It was hard to believe that it could go from all these negotiations to absolutely nothing in such a short period of time.
The number went to voice mail, as expected.
“Fuck!” I cried and then searched my previous emails. I’d spoken with our contact on campus numerous times. I was sure I had another number. “Aha!”
I dialed what I assumed was a cell phone. It rang twice before someone answered.
“This is Bailey.”
“Bailey, this is Morgan Wright.”
Bailey sighed. “Yes, Morgan. I thought I might hear from you.”
“You thought right. You sent me a form email, rejecting the contract. What happened?”
“I thought it was clear in the email that we’d decided to go in a different direction. We’re hiring Escoe Industrial for the construction contract going forward.”
I saw red and nearly punched my fist through Jensen’s brand-new wall. “There’s nothing clear about that. We’ve been in talks for weeks. What could have changed that fast?”
“Well, for one, I don’t have a couple of more weeks to continue negotiating with you. I wanted to get this done before the end of the semester when the current contract runs out.”
“That’s another week.”
“Did you honestly think that we’d compromise between now and then?”
“That’s why we have lawyers,” I bit out.
“I figured that you’d already seen this coming, Morgan.”
“Why?” I asked her, as if she were a crazy person.
“Well, it was Patrick’s suggestion.”
I froze in place. “Patrick who?”
She laughed a little tinkling laugh that made me want to rip her throat out. “Patrick Young, your boyfriend.”
“I don’t understand. What do you mean?”
She paused for a second. “You do know, he works for me, right?”
“He…he works for you?”
“Well, yeah. And he suggested that the other company would be cheaper. So, we pursued it, and he was right. He’s a real asset to the team. You can tell him thank you for us.”
I regrouped, putting away all the ugly things I wanted to say to this woman. I wasn’t fragile or vulnerable. Those things were not how to handle this woman. They would get me nowhere. They would only leave her with satisfaction. I could reserve all my anger for the person it needed to be directed at.
“I see. I’ll be sure to do that. Is there any way we can reconsider this decision?” I said in my most professional voice.
“The decision has been made. Contracts have been signed. I’m sorry.”
She wasn’t.
Sorry was an empty word. A word that meant nothing and said nothing and did nothing. A word that was utterly pointless when it had no actions to back it up. When it was a total lie.
“I understand. I’ll be in touch on Monday morning.”
Bailey sighed heavily into the phone. “Fine. I’m already out of the office. I’m going to go. Talk to you on Monday.”
I hung up the phone, knowing it was likely that there was absolutely nothing that could be done on Monday that could have been done today. The contract had been sold out from under us.
That meant two very real things: I was very likely out of a job, and Patrick was at fault.
I leaned forward against Jensen’s desk and took a few deep breaths. It didn’t seem to matter how many I took because I still felt like I was hyperventilating.
Rationally, I could probably fix this. I might be able to spin what had happened to the board. I could probably talk it over with Jensen. We could come up with a game plan. We could stay on top of this before it spiraled out of control.
In reality, I was freaking the fuck out. And I was pretty sure my life was over. What the fuck did it say about me that I would lose such a huge contract after just starting this job? It had to mean that I was a train wreck. That I wasn’t cut out for this. That I couldn’t hack it.
Everything I’d ever second-guessed about myself was a reality. I was living my own worst-case scenario.
Worse even then I’d thought because I never pictured that Patrick would be the one to fuck this up. Of course, I hadn’t thought that Patrick would be in the picture until he was. But him ruining my life? Fuck.
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. A migraine was coming on strong.
I needed to
get out of there. I needed to walk out the back door and not look back. Because, if I had to deal with anyone right now, it was not going to be pretty.
Without a backward glance, I shouldered my purse and headed out of the office. I reached the back door when I heard my name. I closed my eyes for a second before pushing the door open and walking out into the cold.
My breath fogged in front of me. I hadn’t had time to put on gloves, and already, my fingers were cold. I stuffed them in the pockets of my peacoat as I hurried away.
“Morgan!” Patrick called behind me.
I didn’t turn around. I didn’t look back. I didn’t do anything, except continue to rush toward my car.
I’d never been a runner. It was inherent in my personality to take things on headfirst. But this was different. This was Patrick. This was my dream. And I knew that, if I faced my dream, it would shatter and reveal the nightmare.
“Morgan, where are you going?”
He was closer this time. He was following.
Fuck. I’m going to have to do this.
Right here. Right now.
I whirled around. “I’m leaving.”
“Julia sent me to check on you. She said that you’d gone pale. That you looked sick. Are you okay?”
“No. No, I’m not.”
“What happened? Are you sick? She wouldn’t say what was going on.”
“Sick,” I said with a tight laugh.
“Uh…fuck, you’re pissed.”
“You think?” I nearly growled.
“Yeah. Tell me what happened. How can I help?”
“Help? No, I think you’ve helped enough.”
He stepped forward toward me, and I took a step back.
“Stop.”
He froze in place. I could see anguish on his face at my resistance. “Morgan, please. Why are you upset?”
“God, as if you don’t know!” I cried, losing my temper.
“Know what?”
He gave me the perfect dumbfounded face. I wondered if he’d practiced that in the mirror. Had he considered carefully how he’d stand here and lie to my face?
“Do you think I’m stupid?”
“What? No, of course I don’t think you’re stupid. If you’d just tell me, I could…”
“I lost the Tech contract.”
“Shit.”
I ground my teeth together. “Yeah. Why didn’t you ever tell me that your boss was Bailey?”
“You didn’t know?” he asked.
“Oddly enough, you never mentioned it.”
“It wasn’t on purpose.”
I held my hand up. “Just don’t. I don’t want to hear it. I really don’t want the excuses.”
“I’m not making excuses, Morgan.”
“Ugh!” I screamed and turned away from him.
Of course, he was going to make this difficult. He’d hide it. Try to cover it up. Fuck, I hated this. I just wanted to lay into him. I wanted to pound my fists into his chest for the betrayal. I ached, and it was his fault.
He placed a hand on my arm, and I yanked it back.
“Don’t touch me!”
“Morgan, I’m sorry that you lost the contract. It fucking sucks, but I don’t understand why you’re so upset with me.”
“Oh, so you weren’t the one to suggest to Bailey that they should go with Escoe Industrial?”
He opened his mouth. The no was on the tip of his tongue. His lips shaped into the word I so desperately wanted to hear. I wanted it to be a lie that Bailey had told. But then he scrunched his face up, and I knew. I knew what I’d already known. It wasn’t a lie. It had never been a lie.
“I did,” he said slowly, “but…”
“No! No, but! Don’t even bother,” I said, cutting him off. “That’s all I needed to hear. You betrayed me to your boss. I don’t even fucking know why you did it. Were you using me all along? Was none of this real? You must be a spectacular actor. Was fucking me a bonus for using me, or did you actually hate it all along?”
“That is not what happened at all,” Patrick said.
“Whatever. I’m sure you have some formulated answer for all of this, but I wouldn’t believe it anyway. Fuck, I’m such an idiot,” I groaned. “I should have known better. You know what they say when something is too good to be true.”
“It usually is,” he supplied.
“Exactly.”
I took one last look at the man I’d wanted to be with for so long, and then I let that hope fly off. I sighed and then started back toward my car.
“Please, Morgan, let me explain,” Patrick said, following after me.
“Save your breath.”
“This isn’t what you think it is.” He reached for me again.
I wheeled around and snatched my arm back. “It’s exactly what I think this is! Fuck, I loved you! Do you know that? I loved you and you betrayed me and you ruined everything!”
Patrick’s jaw dropped open. “You…love me?”
“Past tense,” I spat.
“I love you, too,” he said.
“No!” I yelled at him. “You don’t get to say that to me! You have no right! If you loved me, then you wouldn’t have done this shit. You wouldn’t have sold me out to your boss. You certainly wouldn’t have stood back and put my job on the line. You don’t love me, Patrick. You love yourself. So, basically, nothing has changed.”
Twenty-Eight
Patrick
Snow fell all around me.
It blanketed the world in a clear, crisp white.
It covered the remnants of that fatal argument.
It erased any trace of Morgan’s tire tracks as she’d peeled out of the parking lot.
I couldn’t even comprehend what the hell had just happened. Everything had been going so perfect. Too perfect, but who was I to question it? This was everything I’d never known I always wanted, and I wasn’t going to get off the train. I certainly wasn’t going to jump off the train while it was still moving at full speed. And the aftermath of that conversation felt like hurtling off the train and the searing pain after the fall.
The first snowfall of the year couldn’t have had better timing. Now, I was cold, wet, and freezing inside and out.
I stood there for who knew how long. Until I couldn’t feel my fingers or toes or ears. Until Julia came rushing out the back door and to my side.
“Patrick, you don’t even have a jacket on! You’re fucking freezing. Get back inside,” Julia said, actually pushing me back toward the building. “Tell me what happened.”
I didn’t say anything until she dragged me back into the warmth. I shook the snow off myself and then blankly stared at the wall.
“Patrick!” she said, snapping her fingers at me.
“I think Morgan just broke up with me.”
“Oh, shit! What happened? The contract?”
“She told you?”
Julia nodded. “She told me not to say anything, but she looked like she needed you.”
“Morgan doesn’t need anyone.”
“That’s not true. Morgan’s strong but not invincible.”
“Fuck.”
“Yeah,” she muttered. “Do you want me to try to talk to her?”
“I don’t think anyone is going to get through to her right now.” I shook my head in frustration. “Fuck, I am such an idiot.”
“I don’t know all the details, but I think maybe you guys need to talk about it once she’s calmed down. Speaking from experience, nothing good comes from discussions when you’re angry.”
I closed my eyes and shook my head. Fucking fuck fuck. I couldn’t believe this had happened. I should have told her about my boss. I should have told her about what Bailey had wanted me to do. I should have just fucking confided in her. Instead, I had been so worried about piling more bullshit on top of her that I ended up making it worse. Now, she didn’t trust me. She didn’t even want to be around me.
“I need to leave,” I told Julia.
“Okay. Will you
be all right getting home?”
“Yeah. Just…don’t tell anyone what happened. I’d rather deal with this before I have three Wright brothers breathing down my neck.”
Julia zipped her mouth shut. “I won’t say a word.”
“Thanks,” I said in a hollow voice.
She frowned in dismay and looked as if she wanted to say something more to me, but I didn’t give her the chance. I grabbed my coat and got the hell out of there. I couldn’t be around her happy family in the midst of Jensen finally proposing to Emery and the ribbon-cutting and all that. So much happiness. And then there was me.
I didn’t think I’d been broken up with since high school. Since that dick Travis Jones had taken my girl out from under me. I’d played it cool since then. Never gotten too close. Never really been interested in a relationship. Definitely not interested in girls who wanted to be in a serious relationship. I’d had a good life.
And then Morgan had happened.
Everything had changed.
Everything.
Suddenly, the life I’d been living before her felt meaningless. The world I’d found myself accustomed to didn’t matter. The casual sex, the late nights of drinking, the fake relationships—it all meant nothing.
Until Morgan, I hadn’t realized what I was even doing with my life. Austin’s drinking problem and rehab had been the wake-up call. But I’d turned it all around for Morgan.
Now, that was gone.
I crashed back into my house in a daze. My body felt leaden. My heart, an empty hole in my chest.
She’d said she loved me.
I couldn’t get over the words. The three words I’d wanted to say to her. That I’d traced against her skin and said in my mind every night before she went to sleep and kissed against her lips. But I hadn’t said them. Even after I realized that was what I was feeling. I’d been afraid to say them to her. Afraid it was too soon. Afraid she didn’t feel the same. Afraid I’d fuck it up.
Like I just had.
I turned the shower onto boiling and stripped out of my clothes. My fingers were still stiff from the cold. When I got under the spray, they stung from the heat. I curled my hand into a fist and threw it into the tiled wall.