by C. C. Coburn
“Thank you,” she murmured, and he turned back to her, surprised by her remark. “Thank you for believing the judge…for believing enough to take a chance on coming to New York.”
Her voice was thready, and her lip trembled. Her emotions were naked, laid bare. Luke wanted to hold her, but resisted the urge. What Megan needed more than that, he thought again, was the reassurance that she’d done the best thing for Cody.
“No. I’m the one who should be thanking you for not succumbing to your parents’ demands to get rid of him. That must’ve taken so much courage.” He took her right hand in his, raised it and splayed their fingers, a symbol of togetherness.
“I’m not that noble. They convinced me to keep an appointment at the abortion clinic, but when I went there…” She took a heaving breath. “When I stood outside those doors and thought about what would happen to my baby in there—I couldn’t cross that threshold.” She released his hand, her shoulders slumped in defeat.
Luke placed two fingers beneath her chin, raising it so she had to look into his eyes. He needed her to know how he felt. Needed her to know she was no longer alone. “You are noble. And courageous and beautiful and the best mom Cody could have.” He leaned forward and dropped a gentle kiss, on one cheek and then the other.
Her eyes held uncertainty mixed with wonder. “Do you really mean that?”
“Yes. And now that I’ve seen you with Celeste, I couldn’t imagine anyone else being a mother to her, either.”
Megan smiled, the first genuinely happy smile she’d given him. “She’s just so sweet. I adore her already.”
“And she adores you.”
“I’m working on Daisy, but she’s always on the go and doesn’t seem to spend much time inside.”
Luke couldn’t help laughing. “She likes you a lot. She told me just after lunch.”
Megan’s eyes brightened. “I like her, too. She’s completely fearless.”
“She thinks you need fattening up,” he said, and Megan laughed, too.
“I got off on the wrong foot with Sasha, though.”
“Partly due to my interference and partly due to her pigheadedness. I won’t interfere any more between you,” he promised. “I figure you’ll both have to shake things up and see how they settle. She’s a good kid, generous to a fault.”
“She is. She didn’t hesitate to lend me a pair of boots and she likes to help out around the house.”
Luke nodded. “I wish she wouldn’t do so much, but it’s something she’s always done since Tory left, in spite of the housekeeper coming in during the week and Mom being here most of the time.”
There was a silence. Then Megan asked, “You said she’s only twelve?”
“Uh-huh.”
“How long after I went home did you and…Tory get married?”
Luke frowned. “Why do you want to know?”
“I thought—since it produced three beautiful daughters—your marriage must have meant a lot to you.”
Luke turned away and stared out at the stream. “Tory and I got married about a month after you left town.”
Megan’s heart contracted with pain at hearing that. “I see. So why would you have offered to marry me if you were already engaged to someone else at the time?” Why did you sleep with me when you were practically a married man?
Luke picked up a stone and tossed it into the creek, watching it skip across the water. Finally, he said, “Tory and I had been dating for a few months. I told you we’d split up a couple of weeks before I met you, and it was the truth. She was…too possessive.”
Megan watched him, not commenting.
“When I finally got it through my thick head that you weren’t interested in me,” he went on, “I got roaring drunk one night, ended up sleeping with her and she got pregnant.”
His explanation didn’t match Tory’s revelations to her friend in the locker room at the rec center. Something wasn’t right. “If she got pregnant just a little later than me, then where’s the child?”
Luke’s face twisted bitterly. “She claimed she had a miscarriage. It happened a few weeks after we were married.”
“I’m sorry,” Megan said softly, and touched his arm.
Luke liked it when she touched him. It made him feel wanted. He’d honored his marriage vows, tried to love her, but Tory had thrown him aside, along with their daughters. It had taken him years to realize Tory was never pregnant, had faked the miscarriage. She’d taunted him with that during one of their many arguments.
“But you have three lovely daughters. I hope that’s eased your pain.”
Luke looked at her and managed a smile. How different would it have been for him if he hadn’t been so stupid, hadn’t let Tory trick him into marrying her? But he still wouldn’t have known about Cody—and he wouldn’t have had the girls. His marriage had been a living hell—parts of it—but his three daughters were the result. They’d made it worth suffering through the bad times.
“Luke, I can’t pretend it’s going to be easy making this marriage work, but I’m willing to give it my best shot—for the sake of the children. I…I’ll understand if you need to seek the company of other women. All I ask is that you please not bring them home.”
Luke stared at her, incredulous. “What? Just what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I’ll make the best of this marriage and that I’ll look the other way if you need…female companionship outside of our marriage.”
Luke shook his head to clear it. He couldn’t be hearing her right. “Why would I want to do that?”
“Let’s be honest, Luke. This is nothing more than a marriage of convenience between two people who barely know each other.”
“But—”
“You made it pretty obvious last night that you don’t want me sharing your bed. You put me in another room at the other end of the house.”
Luke was dumbstruck. He’d put her at the other end of the house for three good reasons. He’d assumed she’d want nothing to do with him. She was exhausted. And she’d be out of temptation’s way—although he’d spent tortured hours staring at the ceiling for most of the night.
He shook his head. “You’ve changed so much. You seem so unsure of yourself, Megan. Where has the carefree young woman of fifteen years ago gone?”
“I had to leave her behind a long time ago.”
“Why? Because you had a child?”
“Not only that. To…survive.”
They were both silent for a moment. Then she said, “I don’t expect you to find me desirable anymore. That’s why I won’t stop you from looking elsewhere for…companionship.”
He recalled Cody’s implication that there’d been a variety of men in and out of his life. Was that why she believed it was okay? Was that why her expectations were so low and she seemed so defeated?
He wanted to yell at her, shake her, drag her into his arms to elicit some sort of response from her, try and dredge up some vestige of the person she’d been.
“You think I want another woman in my bed?” he demanded. “You think I’d break my vows? You think I’m that shallow?”
He hated the way she stood there, her silence confirming every word he spoke. Why would she think so little of him? Hadn’t he tried to prove his commitment to her and Cody by marrying her? Yes, it might have been prompted by concern for his son, but he’d never treat her with such flagrant disrespect, such disregard.
At a loss to understand why they were so brittle, so distant with each other. “Touch me,” he whispered. And waited. Hoping to find the bridge to her heart.
MEGAN SWALLOWED. There was nothing in the world she wanted more. So what held her back? For fifteen years, she’d longed to feel Luke’s arms around her, know his kisses again, the way he made love so tenderly.
He was so close, she could lose herself in his masculine smell. She breathed in the scent of horse and hay and…Luke.
She lowered her eyes and let them rest on his mouth, then his strong neck, h
is wide shoulders, his broad chest. He was bigger than she remembered, more filled out, even more desirable now than he was all those years ago. She ached to have him wrap his arms around her, feel his lips on hers.
Megan dredged up every ounce of resistance she could muster to protect herself from Luke. She could never let him know she’d loved him all that time, wept with wanting to feel him hold her again. But she’d spent too many of those years suppressing that yearning; she couldn’t allow it to crumble so easily, couldn’t let down her defenses and confess the truth: that she’d loved him then and still loved him now.
“Touch me,” he said again. But this time it sounded more like a plea than a command.
All she had to do was lift her hands to his chest….
She glanced back up into his eyes, saw the naked hunger in their depths
With a tiny intake of breath, she understood that his longing was as great as hers.
She raised her hands and placed them on his chest. He felt so good, so strong, beneath her fingers, she wanted to coil them into his skin, lay her face against his chest, breathe him in.
Warmth and sheer male strength emanated from him, emboldening her as she gazed into his eyes, daring him to take the next step. But he didn’t. If anything, the hunger she saw there had deepened, become more raw.
It took all her willpower not to pull his head close to hers, to slip her arms around him and hold him so tightly the breath would be forced from their lungs. She wanted his lips at her throat, his mouth on her breasts, his tongue…
She molded her hands to his chest, wanting him, needing him, so much. But Luke was letting her lead this dance. If she wanted to, she could walk away. She knew by his stance that he was giving her that choice.
She ran her hands up his chest, to his throat and around to the back of his neck, clasping them behind his head. She was on sensory overload by now, powerless to resist him.
“Kiss me,” he murmured, and she leaned into him, bringing her lips to his, needing the contact, longing for it, reveling in it.
“Kiss me the way you’ve wanted to be kissed all these years,” he whispered.
And she did, realizing that Luke, too, must have dreamed of her kisses as she’d dreamed of his. He wrapped his arms around her so tightly, she gasped for air. He eased his hold a little, giving her space to breathe, and angled his mouth over hers. His kiss was at first demanding, then softened with tenderness.
His arousal pressed hotly against her belly.
With a tiny whimper of surrender, she gave him everything.
THEY LAY IN EACH OTHER’S arms, feeling satiated, complete.
Megan rolled away from Luke to stare up at the sky through the branches of the tree overhanging the creek. Tears of happiness ran from the corners of her eyes and she wiped them away, not wanting Luke to know how much their making love had affected her.
The word profound sprang to mind and she smiled secretly. No, it had been more than that, so much more intense. Had he hoped they’d make love when they headed out on their ride? He’d brought birth control. Surely that was a sign that he wanted them to share a bed, start living like a real husband and wife.
She rolled back toward Luke and placed a kiss on his chest.
We’re going to make it! she wanted to call into the meadow. Wanted to let every living creature within ear-shot hear her rejoice.
Luke lifted her so she lay on top of him. He held her face in both hands and kissed her. “Thank you,” he breathed against her mouth.
She smiled and said, “I was thinking of saying the same thing to you.”
He kissed the tip of her nose and said, “Maybe now you’ll realize you don’t need a succession of men through your bed to keep you happy.”
Megan froze. What was Luke saying? That he believed he hadn’t been the only man she’d made love with these past fifteen years? She was too choked up, too shocked, to say anything that would dispel the notion. The unmitigated nerve that he could think that of her! She bit down hard on her lip and forced the tears not to flow, forced her breathing to slow. How dared he condemn her for something she hadn’t done!
For fifteen years, she’d kept her feelings for Luke to herself. Kept the love in her heart a secret. Kept herself away from the potential hurt of another relationship. And here she was, in the middle of Colorado, right back where she’d started.
PUZZLED BY HER SILENCE and the sudden stiffness in her posture, Luke drew back to look into Megan’s eyes. He saw nothing but loathing in her gaze. And unshed tears.
Megan leaped to her feet before he could grab her arms. She reached for her clothes and put them on, her hands fumbling with the buttons of her shirt. She gave up and tied the ends beneath her breasts. “How dare you treat me like a common whore,” she whispered through clenched teeth, leaving Luke so stunned he didn’t know how to react.
After pulling on her jeans, Megan caught Sage’s bridle and swung up onto her horse. Without a backward glance, she turned the mare’s head and rode out of the meadow.
Chapter Six
Luke clambered to his feet and strode to where Rocket grazed. He rested his head against the horse’s flanks, wondering why Megan had lit out of there so fast, said the things she had.
The only conclusion he could come up with was that she regretted their lovemaking.
She didn’t want him. Not as her husband. Not as her lover. Theirs was a marriage of convenience. How could he have forgotten that so soon?
If Luke hadn’t been expecting guests tonight—guests to celebrate his marriage—he would’ve gone down to Rusty’s Bar. Instead, he had to get himself under control and ride back home and pretend he had a marriage that was going to work for the sake of his children. Certainly not for him.
He glanced up at the never-ending Colorado sky and tried to push away the memories at the edge of his subconscious—Tory turning up that night and relating to him what she’d overheard Megan saying in the change rooms at the rec center. “She was laughing at you, Luke. Saying she’d never laid a hayseed before, that the girls back at college would think it was hysterical that she’d seduced you and then kept you waiting. She wanted to see if she could fool you because you were just a lovesick country boy.”
Dammit! He swung up into the saddle and grimaced against the pain. Damn Tory! Damn Megan! Damn every blasted woman he’d ever met!
He’d believed Tory when she’d told him that. He’d known her since they were kids. Why wouldn’t he believe her?
Tory had known about Megan, since she’d bumped into them at Rusty’s one night. She’d been pleasant to Megan, leading Luke to assume she’d gotten over their breakup.
A couple of days after Megan had left, he’d run into Tory again, and she’d told him what she’d overheard. That had been such a low point, he’d drunk too much and let Tory take him home to bed. In the morning she’d informed him she was several weeks pregnant.
She said she didn’t want an abortion, and Luke didn’t feel right about it, anyway, so he’d done the only thing he could. He’d married her. He didn’t love Tory, but when she’d miscarried, he’d been devastated. Over the next couple of years, doubts had started to surface, cracks had appeared in the marriage and he’d been on the point of asking for a divorce when Tory had gotten pregnant—this time for real. He’d stayed.
He’d stayed for three years and then when he couldn’t stand it anymore and wanted out, she’d gotten pregnant again. The third time she’d been just as desperate to hang on to him, but as was Tory’s nature, once Celeste was born, she’d lost interest in her marriage and children. She rarely spent a night at home, preferring to trawl every nightspot in the county.
They had blazing fights and, during one of them, Tory confessed that she’d never been pregnant and her miscarriage was a fake. Luke had already guessed, so he hadn’t reacted and that had only enraged her more.
When she met a rodeo star at a local bar, Tory claimed she needed more excitement in her life, so she’d packed her bags and le
ft without even saying goodbye to her girls. Luke let her go.
He’d felt nothing for Tory by the end. Her obsession with him and other men had hurt too many people. He’d suspected Tory’s crazy obsession with him had kept him and Megan apart all those years ago, but how could he prove it? She’d lied so convincingly it was hard to separate fact and fiction.
MEGAN MADE IT BACK to the ranch and her bedroom, barely maintaining her composure. It was only when she’d closed the door to her room and stepped under the shower spray that she allowed her pent-up emotions free rein. Humiliated by Luke’s accusation and angry for succumbing yet again to his lovemaking, she wanted to rail against the world.
LUKE RODE BACK to the ranch cursing himself.
He’d thought he and Megan had a chance of making this work. He grimaced as he remembered the way she’d fumbled with the buttons and instead tied that scrap of fabric beneath her breasts and gotten up on Sage and galloped off as if she couldn’t get away from him fast enough.
“What’s bitin’ your butt?” Daisy asked when he rode up to the corral fence. He leaped off Rocket’s back, threw the reins over the railing and strode toward the house.
Luke turned. “Watch it, young lady,” he warned, in no mood for smart remarks. “Or the penalty box is going to be overflowing this week.”
Daisy liked hanging on to her money, so he knew she’d apologize.
“Sorry, Daddy. But Megan rode in here lookin’ really bad a while ago and now you’re comin’ from the same direction.”
Luke could see the hurt and confusion in Daisy’s eyes. He walked back to her and ruffled her hair. “Sorry, squirt. It was wrong of me to take my temper out on you—or Rocket,” he said, observing the gelding’s heaving sides. He’d crossed over the creek and ridden the horse hard into the foothills behind the meadow to check on his brood mares and their foals. From there he could see the ranch house in the far distance. His haven, his home.
Apart from his family, it was the only solid thing he could rely on in his life.