by Gina Azzi
“We can do it more often.”
“We will,” I agree, shouldering the bag with our skates and reaching out a hand for his.
When he places his palm in mine, I give it a squeeze and glance down at him. “You know, you can talk to me about anything, right? Even your mom.”
Ollie offers a half shrug. “You seem sad when I ask about her.”
I nod, knowing exactly what he’s talking about. “That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask. You have every right to know about your mom, Ollie. I only get sad because the woman she is now is so different from the woman I first fell in love with, and sometimes I miss that woman.”
“Why did she change so much?” he asks curiously.
We reach the car and I help him inside, buckling him in.
“Well,” I say once I’m tucked into the driver’s seat. “Sometimes, people face different challenges in their lives. Your mom faced a really, really big one. For a long time, she carried around a lot of guilt, and she didn’t know what to do with it all. I didn’t know how to help her, and so, we just grew apart.”
“But she’s better now, right?” Ollie presses.
“She’s getting there,” I agree, noting the positive feedback we’ve received from her counselor.
“And we can see her soon?”
“Absolutely.”
“But you don’t think you’ll get married again, do you?” he asks, and I can tell by his tone that he already knows the answer.
“I don’t think that’s in the cards for us, big man,” I say slowly, making a left turn toward Aly’s.
“Do you miss Charlie, Dad?”
“Very much.”
“Me too.”
I sigh at the sadness in his tone.
“It’s okay to miss people, Ollie.”
“Did she leave because of me?” he asks, his voice stricken.
I glance at him in the rearview mirror, hating how much loss he’s felt in such a short amount of time. “Of course not, Ollie. She was offered a great job in New York City. She left for her work. She was always planning on moving there. It had nothing to do with you or me.”
“But I wasn’t very nice to her. And she helped me with all of this.” He gestures to the outside, to our morning adventure.
“She cares about you very much, Ollie. No matter what.”
“No matter what?”
“That’s right,” I repeat, pulling into a parking lot.
“Do you think we could visit her in New York City?” he asks hopefully.
I laugh, shrugging. “We’ll see, big man. Maybe one day.”
I turn off the car. Ollie and I walk into Aly’s Pancake House, and nostalgia hits me right in the chest. But when I look down and take in Ollie’s beaming smile, I realize he was right to bring me here. Charlie was right to help make it happen.
Our hearts can’t heal if we try to ignore our pasts, to pretend they never happened. Instead, we should celebrate the good times, remember the great moments, and move forward. We should make better choices that hopefully yield happier outcomes.
“Come on, Ollie, there’s a table in the back,” I point out, following him down an aisle of red vinyl booths to an empty one.
We slip inside, and he grins at me. “This is the best, Dad.”
“You’re the best, Ollie.”
When Ollie begins coloring one of the kid’s menus, I pull out my phone and send Charlie a quick text.
Me: Thank you for helping Ollie create such a memorable and special adventure.
Charlie: Merry Christmas, Evan.
I smile at my son, watching him color a Christmas tree and taking a moment to be grateful for all the things I have. Today is more than just merry.
It’s perfect.
26
Charlie
“God, I’ve missed you,” Trent exclaims as I walk into our favorite brunch restaurant, a tiny, nondescript spot on the Upper West Side.
“Me too.” Ria, our server, waves as she whizzes past, her tray filled with cocktails.
“Ohhhhh, I need a Bloody Mary,” I admit as I fall into Trent’s open arms and hug my NYC BFF.
“Then you shall have two,” he replies, kissing my forehead and gesturing for me to slide into the booth. The second I slip my winter hat and gloves into my purse, he’s practically climbing over the table. “I need to know everything.”
I chuckle, rolling my eyes. “There’s not much to know, Trent.”
“Liar,” he gasps, clutching his heart. “You’ve got to give me something. Kevin and I have a wager on it, and you know how I hate to lose.”
“How much?”
“Twenty bucks. I’ll buy you breakfast.”
“Done.”
“You drive a hard bargain.” He points at me before taking a sip of his mimosa.
“You offered food.”
“Fair. Point.” He narrows his eyes at me. “Spill the beans, Char.”
I hold up one finger, so we can catch Ria as she passes our table and place an order.
“Okay, what do you want to know?” I ask Trent.
“Seriously?” He gapes at me. “Everything. I want to know everything.”
“I think I’m in love with Evan.”
He slaps the top of the table, his mouth falling open. “You’re just realizing this now?”
I groan, dropping my face into my hand. “What am I going to do, Trent? I’m miserable without him.”
“Babe, it’s been like five seconds. You haven’t even given yourself proper time to grieve the demise of the fantasy you created in your head. You need a second.”
I bite my lip, shaking my head. “This is different. Everything this time was different.”
“Then tell him you want him back,” Trent says simply.
“I can’t do that. Not without compromising his son’s happiness, his chance at more stability.”
Trent arches an eyebrow.
“What?” I ask, hoping he’ll provide some sage wisdom.
Ria drops off our beverages, and Trent orders another round. “You’re stuck between a rock and hard place, baby girl. And not the good kind of hard.”
I roll my eyes, stifling a laugh. “What should I do Trent?”
He leans in closer and drops his voice. “The only thing I think you can do is…”
I nod, waiting.
“Drink through it,” he supplies, shaking his head and handing me my Bloody Mary. “Because Char, you’re fucked either way.”
Clinking my glass against his, I take a long pull. “Thanks for that eloquent advice, Trent.”
“Anytime, babe. That’s what I’m here for.”
Stifling a chuckle as my sarcasm sails right over Trent’s head, I direct the conversation toward our new jobs.
“Oh my God, I can’t believe you start on the second.” Trent gestures toward me with his mimosa. “You can’t even get that blitzed on New Year’s Eve. You’ll only have one recovery day.”
“That’s all I need. I’m not planning on going hard this year,” I tell him. The truth is my heart isn’t in it. It takes nearly all of my energy just to get up, brush my teeth, and get dressed every day. Moving back to New York couldn’t have come at a better time because I was desperate for the distraction and the fact that moving forced me to do something. Mostly pack. But I also found a new place and threw myself into decorating, which cheered me up and made the days between Christmas and the New Year fly by.
Still, Trent gives me serious side eye. “Don’t you want to spend your night in the arms of a sexy stranger?”
“Definitely not.” I make a face, the thought far from appealing.
“The fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” Trent points at me before thanking Ria for our breakfast plates.
“Trent, that advice is overrated,” Ria huffs, placing a hand on my shoulder. “He do you wrong, babe?”
“No, he’s wonderful,” I lament, my shoulders slumping.
“What’s the issue?” Ria deman
ds.
“She let him go because it was the right thing to do for his family. For his son,” Trent summarizes.
Ria gives me a look. “Seriously?”
I nod.
“You’re a better woman than me, Charlie. I’ve got nothing,” Ria says, wrapping her arm around my shoulder for a side hug. “I’ll bring you another Bloody Mary.”
“Thank you.” I sniff, talk of Evan making me emotional. “I’m happy I start work so soon. I’ll need the distraction, something to throw myself into.”
“Don’t become a workaholic.” Trent groans. “Then you’ll let your nails and eyebrows go, and I won’t be able to be seen with you in public.”
I snort, scrubbing the back of my hand over my eyes. “I’d never do that to you, Trent,” I swear.
He beams and pushes my drink closer to me. “Drink up, Char.”
Locking the door to my apartment behind me, I toe off my boots and hang my coat in the hall closet. Flipping on the lights, I survey the space that’s now mine. It’s cozy, comfortable, calming. In fact, in a matter of hours, I transformed the small space into a haven of sorts, and suddenly I’m happy I’m here.
Free of Frankie.
Not forced to face Evan.
Out of Chicago.
I blow out a sigh, swipe my phone from my purse and settle onto my new couch. I FaceTime Zoe.
“How’s my little New Yorker?” she answers on the first ring.
“Missing you but happy to be back,” I answer truthfully.
Zoe grins on the screen. “How’s Trent?”
“Ecstatic that I’m back. The worst advice giver on the planet. Swears pastels are making a comeback.” I give her the rundown as she laughs.
“How are you?” she asks the loaded question I don’t know how to answer.
I shrug. “I miss him.”
“He misses you.”
“How is he?” I ask, too curious to care how desperate I sound.
“Do you really want to do this, Charlie?” Zoe asks.
At her words, my body tenses and my thoughts race. Are he and Sophie back together? Is Zoe dreading breaking the news to me? Was I really right to leave? Chewing the ends of my hair, I nod.
“He’s miserable,” Zoe blurts and I snort, mostly in relief.
“Sophie?” I ask.
“Doing well in rehab. Eli and Evan both offered to cover the cost of her treatment, but Frankie says a deal’s a deal.”
“He’s the worst. He just doesn’t want to leave an opening for Evan and me to reconcile.”
“Correct,” Zoe agrees.
“But she’s doing well?” I’m genuinely happy to hear that Sophie is getting clean. I want Ollie to have his mom in his life.
“She is. And Ollie is really happy. They visited Sophie twice already, and both sessions have had a positive influence on Ollie.”
“That’s great. I’m glad to hear it,” I say and I mean it. Deep down, the reason I made the decision to walk away was for Ollie. I don’t want him to have unanswered questions and doubts about his mom that way I do about my dad. It messes with a person, and he deserves better than that. “How are you feeling?” I snuggle deeper into the couch, changing the topic of conversation.
“Pretty good.” Zoe glances down at her baby bump. “This little nugget will make an appearance in another seven weeks or so, and I am counting down the days.”
“I can’t wait to hear if it’s a boy or a girl. My bets are on boy.”
Zoe shrugs, grinning. “We’ll see.”
“Wait.” I sit up straighter, practically hitting my nose against the screen. “Do you know the gender?”
Zoe shakes her head. “No. But I have a feeling it’s a girl.”
I throw my head back and laugh until tears form in my eyes and spill over onto my cheeks.
“What? What’s so funny?” Zoe asks.
I point at the screen. “Are you kidding me? You’re always wrong about these things!”
At the truth underlining my words, Zoe begins to laugh, and soon the two of us are hysterical, cracking up and clutching our stomachs.
So far, this new year isn’t off to a bad start, and I’m going to embrace it.
I’m going to just do me.
27
Evan
One Month Later
“Thank you for coming,” Sophie greets Ollie and me warmly as we enter the room for family counseling.
I nod, smiling at her. “How are you?”
“Doing really great.” She smiles, opening her arms for Ollie.
He falls into them, his eyes closing, and I soak up the moment, so much more at peace now that he has his mom in his life again.
“Are we ready to begin?” the therapist, Dr. Grates, asks.
We all take our seats, and Dr. Grates leads us through the session.
“Sophie, you’ve been here for just over a month now. Have you give any consideration to the future at all?” Dr. Grates asks at some point, and I feel Ollie’s gaze swivel to me.
I lean back in my chair, keeping my focus on Sophie.
The truth is I’m curious. Does she think there is a future for us? We’ve had two couples counseling sessions, during which I tried to make it very clear that I’m not interested in rekindling a romantic interest. While I’m willing to support Sophie to the ends of the Earth so she can be a capable mother for Ollie, I’m not willing to bring her back into our home and try to recreate a relationship that no longer exists.
Sophie shoots Ollie a wink and takes a second to glance at the both of us. “I think I’d like to leave Chicago.”
Panic blares across Ollie’s face, and I feel my stomach twist, incredulousness mixed with a blaze of protectiveness for my son ripping through me.
“To go where?” Dr. Grates asks.
Yes, to go where?
“Well…” Sophie drags her hands over the thighs of her jeans, and I can tell she’s nervous. “I won’t go unless it’s a family move, but…” She shoots me a look. “New York? My sister lives in the city, and I’d like to reconnect with her and her family. Ollie could live near cousins his age. He and Marcus would even be in the same grade at school. And, well, I think Evan would be open to it.” Everyone in the room stares at me as I try to process this bomb that just fell from the sky and detonated in my lap.
“Evan?” Dr. Grates cocks his head in my direction.
But I’m too focused on Ollie, trying to guess at the thoughts whirling in his mind. “You want to leave Chicago?” he asks in a small voice, his question directed toward Sophie. Ollie sits on his hands, and I know it’s because he’s conscious that he’s fidgeting, getting worked up over the idea of moving.
“Not unless we all move,” Sophie says slowly, her eyes compassionate. “I want us to have a fresh start somewhere, a new beginning. But only if you and your dad want to give it a try, too.”
“Evan?” Dr. Grates prompts.
New York City. Charlie. A fresh start. A new beginning.
“Well, I’m open to it but…are you sure?” I ask Sophie.
She nods. “As long as Ollie’s onboard. And if it’s possible for you with work, I know you’re heavily invested here…”
Work. Is it strange that the thought didn’t even cross my mind until she said it? A fresh start would mean new opportunities…new paths that I can’t consider while I’m here. What if I didn’t keep representing the bad guys? What if I practiced a different type of law? Or consulted? Or did something entirely new with better hours and less stress?
“Dad?” Ollie asks me.
“Well, it’s something we can certainly consider,” I say, not wanting to commit to anything in this moment. “We have time to talk it through and make sure it works for all of us.”
“You’d be by Charlie,” Ollie points out.
I nod, noting that while Sophie’s expression tenses, she doesn’t look devastated by Ollie’s observation. She knows. She knows what Charlie did for her, and she’s trying to make amends for that. My e
steem for Sophie increases, and I realize how hard she is trying. How much she wants to make this work, to rebuild her life, to have a place in Ollie’s future. “We’ll all think about it.”
“I don’t care where we live as long as we’re all in the same place,” Ollie blurts.
I chuckle. “What about school? And soccer? Your friends?”
He shrugs. “I’ll miss my friends if we move. Especially Keith and the guys on my team. But you always said family is the most important thing, Dad. You always talked about how you and Uncle Eli grew up doing everything together. I think it would be nice to be by my other cousins, to get to know Mom’s family. I love Maddie but she’s three.” He holds up three fingers and I nod, seeing his point. “Would you miss Uncle Eli?”
“Of course. But we’re really lucky because Uncle Eli and Aunt Zo are in New York a lot. It won’t be like seeing them every week for dinner, but I’d bet we’d still see them once a month.”
Sophie’s expression softens as she watches Ollie sort through his thoughts. “I think we should do it,” he says finally.
“Yeah?” I ask, surprised that he made such a quick decision. But his expression is smooth, not the face of a little boy trying to people please, but the expression of a young man making up his mind.
“Yeah.” He nods, grinning at me and Sophie. “I think it will be fun.”
Sophie smiles and I chuckle and Dr. Grates stares at us. “Well, we can pick this back up at your next session,” he concludes.
When we step out of his office, we trail Sophie to the cafeteria and eat lunch with her. Amid salads and sandwiches and big chocolate chip cookies, something shifts. It’s subtle but it’s there. We take a step forward, all of us, at the same time. We stop being three individuals obligated to try and start being the loosest formation of a team wanting the same things: Ollie’s best interest, stability, happiness.
It’s the first spark of a friendship between Sophie and me.
It’s the first moment I realize I haven’t lost all hope regarding Charlie.