Invitation

by Christina Hoffman

  Eventually, I made my way up his body, kissing as I went. He was still off in another place, pleasure land, you know? I felt so good. I didn't feel frightened or used or dirty. I felt powerful and sexy.

  I lay down fully clothed beside his naked body, and kissed the side of his face. I felt him smiling, so I kissed his lips very gently many times. Then I lay down beside him and we both fell asleep.

  CHAPTER SIX

  I sat up suddenly in Liam's bed and searched for a clock: 4am. We weren't late for work, thank god. I hadn't exactly been making the best of impressions with my team and I needed to make up for it. I leaned back in bed and looked over at Liam. I guess I was supposed to feel remorse, or something, but I felt pretty good. Really good, actually. Until I remembered Chloe.

  I jumped out of bed, searching in the darkness for my phone. I had put the ringer on silent, for obvious reasons. When I looked at the screen, I saw that Chloe had texted me eleven times and left six phone messages.

  I had let her know the afternoon before that I was going to meet up with Liam, but I hadn’t talked to her since. She was obviously worried; she saw clearly freaking out.

  I was a coward and decided to text her back instead of calling, but she called back right away. “Where the hell have you been?” She yelled. “Are you okay?”

  I tried to assure that I was fine, but she was too angry to listen. “How could you just disappear like that? You can't do this stuff. I almost called your father.”

  “Jesus, Chloe, don't you ever call him.” I snapped.

  “It was him or the police. I thought it was happening again. I can't believe you didn't think to call.” She stuttered a bit, like she was trying to put together her next words. “Screw you!” she hollered and then hung up.

  I looked over at Liam still in bed, his head resting on an elbow. “Wow, I heard that 'screw you' from over here. Who was that?”

  “Chloe, my roommate. My friend.”

  “She's kind of intense,” he laughed nervously.

  “No, she's great. She was really there for me when...you know. She feels guilty because she left me alone that night at the bar with Brandon. She was just scared because I didn't call. It was a jerk thing for me to do.”

  “Come here, little jerk,” he said and in spite of feeling guilty as hell, I wandered over to him and curled back into the blankets. “Do you want to try to sleep some more?”

  “Yes,” I answered. “But I won't. I'm up now.”

  “Me too. Let's eat and then I'll drop you at your place in time for work. I don't think I have anything edible around here, so let's go out.”

  I left the bed and headed into the bathroom. I scrubbed my teeth with some toothpaste and splashed cold water on my face. My awful clothes and boring hair suddenly depressed me. There wasn't much I could do about it right then, though.

  I left the washroom and found Liam already at the front door, dressed in his coat and boots, ready to go. It could have been that he was really hungry, but I felt like he was trying to hustle me out of the room, maybe out of his life.

  As I reached to put my coat on, he pulled me in for a kiss. He gazed down at me while his thumb stroked my cheek. “You are so beautiful.” He smiled and kissed me again.

  I drew back. “Stop saying that, okay? I know it isn't true, and it feels like you're making fun of me.” I looked away because my voice had cracked and I was afraid I'd cry.

  He looked so confused. “What are you talking about? You're amazing. Your face is perfect. No man could look at your lips and not want to kiss them. Or bite them. And when that gorgeous hair fell all over me – it looks like gold for god’s sake -- I thought I would come right then.”

  I felt like an idiot. Was I always going to feel bad about myself? Was I always going to think men were just dirt bags trying to use women? “I'm sorry,” I offered. “You must think I'm just another screwed-up mess. If this is a big hassle, I totally get it. We can just leave this as it is.” I picked up my phone and started dialing. “I'll take a cab home.”

  Liam took my phone, put it into my bag, and pulled me towards him. “Like hell. I owe you some fun and it's going to happen.” He started kissing me, pushing me back toward the bed. I was smiling, but nothing was going to happen. “I have to be on time today. I have to go.”

  “Oh, me too,” he sighed. “I was just trying to be spontaneous and irresponsible for once.”

  We walked to the car. We both seemed pretty comfortable, but there was still an awkward conversation ahead of us. He pulled out onto the road.

  “So,” he started. “Last night was totally amazing. Do you think you might keep me around for a while?”

  “Well, it's possible,” I said. “But I still can't guarantee you anything. Maybe you don't want the trouble?”

  “I'll take my chances.”

  We drove the rest of the way to the diner in contented silence. It was insanely early and we were both tired. At the diner we ate huge stacks of pancakes. We hardly spoke, but the silences were comfortable. He was easy to be with.

  When we had finished eating, and Liam had had three cups of coffee, we got back in the car. I gave him directions to my apartment and he dropped me by the front door.

  “I think I should walk you in,” he offered.

  “That would be great,” I started getting out of the car, “but Chloe will likely tear into me, and you don't need to start your day with that.”

  He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel and stared straight ahead. “So how about we skip the whole ‘will he, won't she call, text, email?’, crap and just say we'll see each other again.”

  I guess I could have found him arrogant and presumptuous. This was no Victorian courtship. But he seemed kind, and mature enough to get why I was sort of screwed up. He was so straightforward and honest.

  “Okay, that would be great.”

  “Tonight?”

  I laughed at his enthusiasm. “No, I'm on call.” We compared schedules and realized that one or the other of us would be on call for the next four nights, so we agreed we'd meet up on the fifth.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  It was a long time to have to wait to see him, but the days went by. As students, we started work at 7am and ended at 6pm, unless we were on call. If that was the case, then we stayed at the hospital all night and all of the next day as well. I loved seeing the kids, and I tried to block the thoughts of Liam out. But even though my mind could ignore him, my body couldn't.

  A couple of times I saw him from a distance in the hospital. My reaction surprised me every time. I felt like I was having a dozen tiny orgasms. I worried about how far I might let myself go when we did meet up again, but I wasn't worried enough to cancel the date.

  Little Mario Andretti, Alex, was in for a round of chemo. He had a type of leukemia that was supposed to respond well to treatment, but he wasn't improving much. He seemed a little sicker the next time I saw him. Within three days he was too sick to race around in his chair.

  I had a few extra minutes after rounds, so I helped him get out of bed and into his wheelchair, and headed out the door.

  “Dr. Spencer!”

  I turned to see my boss, Dr. Olsen, coming at me, looking furious.

  “This patient is immunocompromised! He can't wander around the hospital picking up viruses and bacteria!” She looked at me as though I was a moron, which was fair, because that was a pretty stupid thing to do. There was just so much to learn.

  So, I put him back to bed and went downstairs to the gift shop. I was in luck; in-between the birth announcements and the flowers I found a box of toy cars. I took them back up to Alex's room. This time I put on a mask before I went in.

  “Close your eyes, kiddo.”

  “Forget it. That's what they say right before they do something that hurts.”

  This working with sick kids was going to take some getting used to. He was only six, yet he was completely unafraid of telling adults off. He’d spent too much time in hospitals. “Okay,” I
sat on the edge of his bed. “Fair enough. I brought you something.” I handed him the package of cars.

  A giant smile burst across his face. He tried to open the package, but was too weak. I opened them for him. He started building a make-believe highway on his sheets right away.

  Suddenly Dr. Olsen reappeared. “Alex, where did you get those? Have they been cleaned?” Alex pointed at me and shrugged.

  “They're new,” I responded. “But I can wash them off anyway. Just in case.”

  “Do that”, the doctor snapped at me. “Then finish rounding please. We need you in radiology for a tutorial.”

  When she left, I looked back at Alex.

  “Sorry I keep getting you in trouble,” he said. “I really love the cars.”

  “Oh, don't worry about it. I'm pretty much always in trouble.” He gave me a huge grin, which made getting into trouble almost worth it.

  I say it was “almost” worth it because the woman did still hold my future in her hands. Medical school is no place for independent thinkers or rebels, and I'd have to start convincing her I wasn't some lazy, brainless flake.

  As I left Alex's room and turned the corner, I ran right into the tall blond guy from orientation. He was so close to the door that I wondered if he had been eavesdropping.

  “Boy, she sure doesn't like you,” he said to me.

  I didn't understand. “Excuse me? Who?”

  “Dr. Olsen. It's rough if she decides not to like you. She'll be on your case like crazy for the next three months for sure.”

  I was taken aback. I hadn't really done anything so bad. Not bad enough to doom me for the next three months. Had I? It suddenly occurred to me that I didn't even know this guy's name.

  “I'm sorry. I know we met the other day, but I'm bad with names...”

  His face clouded over with anger. He was obviously not used to people forgetting about him. Just that morning I had been warned about his temper and told that he slept around a lot; but since I had once been almost destroyed by rumors, I refused to listen to them. His smarmy manner was making me wonder, though.

  “I'm Owen. And I can help you out with Olsen.” He leaned too close to me and I took a step back. Once again he seemed really annoyed.

  “What do you mean? How?” I felt a powerful urge to get away from the guy, but I was trapped. He was a senior resident, so eventually, somewhere along the way, we would be on the same rotation and he would be in charge of me. If what he said was true, and I was off to a rough start, then I needed to make more friends and fewer enemies.

  “She likes me, and I can put in a good word for you.” He leaned against the wall as though we were having a casual conversation, but I suddenly felt a little nauseated.

  “But you don't even know me.”

  “Well,” he put his hand on my shoulder. “Things can change.” I stood very still, wanting to slap his hand off me, but very aware of the trouble this guy could cause.

  “Okay,” I laughed nervously as I moved away from him. “Well, sure, I guess.” I took a few steps away. “I've got to get downstairs.” I practically ran away from him. On my way past the nursing desk I thought I saw the head nurse give me a sympathetic look. My life had gone from nothing happening to too much happening in such a short time.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  After work, I was at home tidying up when Chloe arrived. She threw he bag on the floor and melted into the couch. “Is it just me, or is being a medical interns probably going to kill us?”

  I laughed, but nodded in agreement. “God, I know. It's only been a week, but I've already been on call three times and I'm so tired that during the day I fantasize about pillows and blankets, and going to sleep.” There may have been one or two other fantasies in there, but never mind.

  Chloe sat up. “Me too. Hey, you wanna do something tomorrow night if we're not both dead?”

  I had been dreading this conversation, but it had to happen.

  “I think I'm going out tomorrow. With Liam.” Chloe's face shifted rapidly from surprise to disgust. “What?” I asked defensively. “He's a nice guy. I can't stay afraid forever.”

  I sat down beside her on the couch but she got up to pace in front of me.

  “We've talked about this so many times.” She glared at me and threw up her arms. “Last time nearly destroyed you. Life is stressful enough right now. You've got to concentrate on school.”

  Chloe really had been so good to me, but I was suddenly tired of the lectures. “Chloe, it's been two years. For two years I've been a shell of a person. I'm afraid of everything.” I picked up the edge of my shirt and flipped it away from me. “I dress like a bag lady.”

  “No, you don't.”

  “Give me a break.”

  “But you've been safe.” She said this like it was the end of the discussion. I was starting to see that Chloe treated me too much like a child.

  “Yes, I've been safe, but I have been lonely!” She looked at me, offended. “Don't even start with that. You know exactly what I mean. I miss being touched. I miss using my body for fun things, not to just get through the day. I don't want to spend the rest of my life just surviving!”

  “He'll break your heart. They always do.”

  “Who are these 'they's'? I had a couple of sweet boyfriends in high school, and then asshole Brandon. One jerk who hurt me.”

  “A whole bunch of jerks hurt you.”

  “But Brandon was behind it.” She conceded the point. A bunch of guys had been involved, but I could only be blamed for my terrible choice of one of them.

  “Liam could be the same. These medical guys are all assholes. They're loser nerds until they put on a lab coat, then every female, or male depending on sexual affiliation, in the hospital is falling all over them. They go all insta-arrogant.”

  I laughed. “Not quite. Plus there are plenty of asshole female doctors, too.” I could see she was considering some of our classmates. She smiled a bit, but it was a sad smile. “He'll bring you down.”

  “No, he won't. He can't.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “We talked about it. No love, no big commitment. No hearts and balloons and violins in the background.”

  “You talked about it? How do two strangers sit down and just start talking about this?”

  So, I explained to Chloe about the coffee shop disaster and how I had told Liam some of the stuff about The Incident. I told her how easy it was to talk to him.

  “But,” she interrupted. “You told him about what happened to you and his plan was to not be nice to you, but just to have sex?!”

  When she put it that way it didn't sound great. “No, that's not it.”

  “Whatever.” She was pissed now. Chloe was really good at giving advice, but she turned pretty ugly if you didn't follow it.

  “Chloe, listen. Everyone has either treated me like disgusting damaged goods, or like some pathetic victim that needs to be locked away and kept safe. He is the first person who has ever heard about it and been nice about it, and then just treated me like an adult.” I really wanted her to understand. “I feel healthy with him, and powerful and sexy, in a really good way.”

  “Oh Maddie, he's just using you. This is so fucked up.”

  “It's not fucked up. He is being nice to me by treating me like a whole, desirable woman. Being with him physically is amazing. He is nice to me AND we get physical. It doesn't have to be one or the other.”

  “I can't believe you're having sex with this stranger.”

  “We're not having sex. There are a lot of rules. I'm in charge.”

  “Oh, bullshit. This is all bullshit, because you WILL get hurt.”

  “No I won't. No love, just fun.”

  “Oh, seriously, come on. You probably love him already.” She stormed out of the room and slammed the door.

  I appreciated her concern, I really did, but it was becoming too much. She was turning into my father, and I had left that scene behind a long time ago. I really hoped we were going to
be able to work this out. I didn't think we'd be able to stay friends and roommates if she was going to live in the past. It didn't feel right that she was so angry with me for trying to move on in a healthy way.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Friday evening came at last, and I tried to push all of Chloe's negativity out of my head.

  Liam and I met again by his car. We were both exhausted and hungry, but I perked up completely when I saw him. I couldn't even begin to play hard to get. This man knew I wanted him. I was playing the game all wrong, and so far I was having the time of my life.

  We agreed on a local vegetarian restaurant. He said he loved the pizza there. I was willing to try anything as long as it didn't make my breath smell awful. I got butternut squash soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. Of course the names of the items were long and complicated, and there was some kind of exotic goat cheese from the island of something or other. But at heart it was just warm comfort food. The best kind of meal for a romantic, or at least a physically exciting, rendezvous on a rainy evening in Seattle. Easy to digest and no garlic! It was a winner all around.

  We ate and chatted about work. When we had finished eating, we passed on coffee and dessert, eager to get going.

  We went back outside. The rain was torrential once more, so we hustled into the car. I love driving in the rain. I feel cozy and safe, and I love the shoop shoop of the windshield wipers. We were both relaxed and comfortable and didn't talk much on the drive. I wished Chloe could see how it really was. It was so easy to be comfortable around him. I hadn't thought I would ever feel comfortable around another man, and here I was. It seemed like something to celebrate, and I was determined to keep ahold of my new optimism.

  Eventually we ended up back at the peaceful pseudo-apartment beside his parents’ house. It seemed like a long drive for him, to and from the hospital, but I was beginning to understand how nice it was to feel like we were really getting away from there. The change in geography definitely helped us to leave the stresses of work behind.