“Don’t be sorry. Cry as much as you need to. But tell me what’s wrong and we’ll see if we can sort it, okay?”
Holly’s soothing, no-nonsense tones helped calm Flora. They entered the storeroom and once the door was shut Flora let her guard down, slumping onto a crate. Holly sat down next to her and placed a hand over hers.
It was just the right amount of bodily contact - enough for Flora to know she wasn’t as utterly alone as she felt. Holly didn’t speak, just waited quietly next to her and her patience soothed Flora’s strained nerves.
“It’s been a weird couple of days…” Flora found her story coming out. Not all of it, she didn’t think it was right to share the details of what had happened at Zac’s parents, that was his secret to tell.
“How do you know he doesn’t think you wanted to end it?” Holly asked when Flora had finished. “Some people jump before they’re pushed you know?”
“I suppose.” Flora fell silent, thinking about Zac. It had all been going great until Christmas day and the thing with his parents.
“Did you even give him any indication you really liked him and wanted to carry on seeing him?” Holly asked, rocking back on her crate.
“Of course not.” Flora almost smiled. “And risk being humiliated?”
“Could you really feel any worse than you do right now?” Holly fixed her gaze on Flora.
“You’ve got a point.” Flora sighed.
“If you only listen to one thing I say today then make it this - be open with him. Zac’s one of the good guys.” Holly patted Flora’s hand. “I like him, I think he’s worth fighting for. You could do a lot worse. Well from the sound of it you already have done a lot worse…”
“You’re right there.” Flora grimaced.
Holly stared at her, her eyes thoughtful, as though debating something internally. “You know it wasn’t all plain sailing with me and Scott getting together?”
“Really? But you’re perfect together.” Flora turned towards Holly, surprised.
“Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith. Particularly when you’re a survivor. Having bad stuff happen to you makes it harder but it doesn’t make it impossible,” Holly said. “We obsess so much about timing or what we should be doing but really – if something good comes along in this life I say you need to grab it with both hands and hold onto it. Otherwise you’re living a life of fear and that’s really not much fun.”
Staring into Holly’s eyes Flora knew that her boss really knew what it was like to have her life implode. She understood.
“How did you get so wise?” she asked.
Holly shrugged. “Life happened. But let’s think practically. A bit of breathing space might be a good idea and I’ve got a few things that could take your mind off it, if you wouldn’t mind helping with some last minute wedding prep? I’ve been having a bit of a problem with organising the urns for the Glühwein to help the guests keep warm while we’re in the chapel. As you know it’s so tiny we’re not all going to fit in for the first bit.”
“Hey, I’d love to help. It’s the least I can do to repay you for the pep talk!”
“Well, anytime you need pepping, I’m your woman.” Holly patted Flora on the back. “Ready to face the masses? I warn you Scott’s parents are a little, erm, stuffy so I’d steer clear of them. But don’t tell him I said that. You know what it’s like, we criticise our own parents all the time but no one else is allowed to do it!”
“Sure.” Flora smiled and followed Holly out of the storeroom, not feeling better exactly but certainly a lot calmer.
It was time to stop lying to herself and grow up a bit. She had something special with Zac, a connection she’d never experienced with Tom. And to let that go because of some misguided notion that she ought to be single for a bit was madness.
She was going to fight for Zac. Even if he said no and didn’t feel the same way at least she’d know she’d given it her best shot.
But there was something else she needed to do first.
Flora saw Zac before he saw her. She put her skis into the rack, not wanting to be encumbered and needing a moment to get her thoughts together before she went for it. It was such a fun idea of Holly’s for them to all ski, board or skidoo down from the tiny chapel. Those outside the chapel would be able to warm themselves with glasses of Glühwein before the whole party made its way down to the canteen for a Swiss food extravaganza of raclette, fondue and rösti.
It was certainly very different from the traditional wedding she’d planned with Tom. It was as though she’d been a completely different person back then, not even knowing her own preferences, so anxious was she to keep everyone happy. She barely recognised herself.
Holly and Scott were having their wedding the way they wanted it, despite the grumbling from Scott’s parents. Good on them.
All the preparations for the wedding day were done and Flora was glad she’d been around to help. But now it was time to do something nice for herself.
“Hi there,” she called out. He turned, eyes lighting up with recognition.
It felt like coming home.
“Hi there.” His smile reached his eyes and she wanted to kiss him.
Talking first, kissing second.
“How are you?” She walked over to him, feeling her heart beating hard in her ribcage.
Be brave!
“I’m, er, great.”
He didn’t look great. Sure he looked super hot as per usual but his eyes were bloodshot and tiredness was etched into his face. Had he not been sleeping?
Is it conceited to think I might be the cause? Go on Flora, it’s the only way you’ll ever know. Holly was right - who wants to live a life full of regrets?
“I really like you Zac,” she blurted out, too nervous to begin her preprepared speech. It was hard to remember her lines now she was actually standing here, taking a chance.
“I like you too, but…” He shook his head.
“Ssh.” She placed a finger on his lips before he could go on and, softly he kissed it, his eyes gleaming. Now she knew for sure she was doing the right thing. “Let me say what I’ve got to say first, please?”
He nodded.
“I’d like us to start seeing each other,” she said. “No wishy-washy, vague flings or friends with benefits. I think we have something special and we shouldn’t throw that away, for any reason.”
Zac shook his head again, slowly, sadly. Staring into his eyes she saw real anguish.
“Why don’t you just tell me what’s wrong?” She reached out a hand to touch the sleeve of his ski jacket, as though trying to keep him anchored to her. The sun had disappeared behind a cloud and the cold wind from the snow covered Alps chilled her. What if this didn’t work after all? “Everything was fine, well it was more than fine, until Christmas Day at your…”
“Exactly. My parents. I don’t think it’s fair to put you through that again Flora. You need to be well away from…well I saw how much that day affected you.” He stared at her imploringly, his eyes begging her to understand. He gently stroked the side of her face, his fingers were warm against her cold skin. “You were as white as a sheet that day and it was my fault for taking you there. I can’t expose you to that again.”
“Hey, isn’t that my decision to make?” she asked softly. “And don’t I remember you giving me a lecture about not taking responsibility for other people’s actions? What happened that day was your father’s fault. End of.”
She was dimly aware of the people around them, gathering to ski or board to the chapel together. But all that mattered to her was Zac and at the moment she didn’t give a fig what anyone thought of her, either here in Verbier or back home in England.
This was her world, right here with Zac, the world she was making.
“But, the thing is, it doesn’t seem fair to you…after you’ve escaped that kind of relationship. You see I’m never going to stop wanting to look out for my mum so I can’t promise what happened will never happen agai
n, you know?” Zac sighed heavily, the weariness from the previous nights clear in his face.
She wanted to soothe away the stress and let him sleep in her arms. She wanted to make things okay for him. Could she? Would he at least let her try?
“I wouldn’t expect you to. You don’t need to worry about me. I can look after myself, hey I can even look after you when you need it. It’s not a one way street.” She planted a soft kiss on his lips and then buried her head on his chest, not even knowing how the distance between them had closed. “We can look after each other.”
“What if I turn out to be…like him,” Zac said in a low voice. With one ear against his chest she could hear his heart beating, it was kind of comforting. “You must have thought I was like your ex when you saw what happened with my Dad.”
“No! You had to stop him.” She pulled her face away from Zac’s chest to stare at him. “How can you even think that? I’d have done the same. You are nothing like my ex and nothing like your dad from the little I’ve seen of him, which was enough. Look I have something to show you.”
She pulled her phone out of her pocket. “Look!”
Scrolling down the screen she showed him the few listings she had on Etsy for the bags she already had made and had pictures uploaded. “I went through that paperwork you gave me and I’ve made a start.”
“I thought you hated me sticking my nose in.” Zac raised an eyebrow.
“I kind of did. At first anyway,” she admitted. “It pushed my buttons, you know, having someone telling me what to do… But I’ve realised what the main difference is between you and men like my ex and your Dad – they only ever try to belittle the women in their lives, to make themselves feel bigger. Whereas you…you do the opposite. I’ve been stupid, okay? Stupid and scared.”
He pulled her into a hug but she held her face away, maintaining eye contact. This had to be said and she needed to know he was listening.
“You want to help me. You’re trying to build me up. That’s why you’ll never be like…them.” She wiped the stray tears escaping from her eyes. “Oh no, I’m sorry, I appear to be leaking again! Do you think we could stop talking and you could kiss me? That usually seems to fix it.”
“I thought you simply walked up to guys you wanted to kiss and went for it. Isn’t that the way you usually operate?” The corners of his mouth twitched and his eyes crinkled in amusement, teasing affection replacing his previously haunted expression.
She glowered at him and he grinned at her outraged expression.
Then he dropped his mouth to hers and they kissed. With all the doubts bulldozed away her body filled with pure, unmitigated joy. No guilt. No shame.
No regrets.
She never knew kissing could be this good and didn’t want it to stop. She clung to him and ignored the wolf whistles from the crowd around them. This time she didn’t give a stuff.
When they eventually pulled apart she whispered in his ear. “Want to play Truth or Dare with me?”
She did have something prepared, this was part of her script, but now she was here in front of Zac she worried he might find it a bit cheesy.
“My Truth is I think I’m falling in love with you Flora.” He held her face in his hands and although he’d ruined her lines she loved that he got it, that he’d even copied her speech idea without realising. “My Dare is I dare to trust you.”
“And your Forfeit?” she asked, holding her breath.
“Well…My Forfeit is… Wait, I’ve got it, I want to forfeit being single. I want there to be an ‘us’ instead of just a ‘me.’ What do you think?”
His usually confident expression wavered a little, a hint of vulnerability had crept into his eyes and it made her love him all the more.
“And you, what’s your Truth?” Zac’s grin was infectious. Flora’s own mouth stretched into a wide smile.
“Well my Truth is I think I love you too.” She giggled, deciding not to care if her lines were cheesy, she meant them. “And my Dare is to take a leap of faith with you.”
“Oh, what sort of leap?” The corners of his lips twitched. “Will you let me teach you to snowboard?”
“Maybe.” She shrugged and, in an attempt to casually lean back, managed to lose her footing on the snow, sinking down into an unexpectedly deep patch. She reached out to grab his sleeve and deliberately pulled him over with her into the drift. She got the giggles as they tumbled onto the ground next to each other.
“And what do you Forfeit?” He murmured in her ear, brushing some snow out of her hair. “Other than your sanity, which you’ve clearly lost already.”
“Oi, you,” She swatted him. “I’m merely proving to you I don’t care what other people think any more. My Forfeit is…me. I give you me.”
She snuggled up against him, pressing into his body, suddenly not feeling cold anymore.
He groaned. “I’m quite happy with that Forfeit.”
Even through their thick layers of clothing her body responded to him, darts of excitement and anticipation finding their targets. She didn’t care about the whistles or calls to ‘Get a room’ from those around them. She could have laid like that for ages, the snowfall was fresh and powdery, making a comfortable bed. But then her gaze fell onto Zac’s watch.
“Help! We need to get going. Hold that thought for the moment.” She got up to her feet and reached out her hand to him. “Let’s get my skis and your snowboard. We’ve got a wedding to go to.”
The End
Don’t miss the first in Lorraine Wilson’s Chalet Girls series, Confessions of a Chalet Girl available now!
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