by Jill Mansell
She nodded. ‘OK, no problem. We can definitely do that.’
‘Thanks.’ Relieved, Ronan took out his phone. ‘And meanwhile, I can work out how I’m going to break the news to my mums.’
‘We’d better be quick then.’ Clemency broke into a grin. ‘Because I definitely want to be back here when Josephine turns up.’
A busy out-of-town supermarket on a Sunday afternoon might not be most people’s idea of a good time, but Sam was more than happy to be here. Just this morning he’d met up with Clemency to look at overpriced designer stilettos. Now, a few short but eventful hours later, here they were in a designated – and quite new to him – baby and toddler aisle, buying something called Sudocrem. Which sounded delicious but probably wasn’t.
And Clemency no longer had a boyfriend.
Well, she hadn’t had one before, but he hadn’t known that. Now he did.
‘OK, nappies.’ She was busy consulting the list in her hand, mentally checking off the items they’d thrown into the trolley so far. ‘Babygros. Baby wipes. Muslins. Changing mat. Oh, we need little T-shirts! And socks! Sam, which colour? These? Or these?’ She held them up to show him, clearly torn. ‘Look how gorgeous they are! Shall we get the ones with the ducklings on, or these yellow ones with the stars? How can anyone choose? Let’s have both.’ She tossed them into the trolley and said happily, ‘You can never have too many teeny-tiny socks!’
‘Of course you can’t.’ Sam smiled, because Clemency’s excitement was contagious and he really wanted to kiss her.
Better not.
Next to them, a married couple smiled too. The wife, who was buying cans of powdered milk, said, ‘Oh, the socks are adorable! Isn’t it a treat, though, being able to come out shopping in peace? Our baby always cries non-stop when we bring him in here, so my mum offered to look after him for a couple of hours. I just said to my husband, it feels like we’re out on a date!’
And before Clemency had a chance to open her mouth, Sam said, ‘Oh yes, that’s exactly how it feels.’ He rested his arm affectionately on Clemency’s shoulder. ‘We said that too, didn’t we?’
When they arrived back at the hospital an hour later, Clemency felt her hormones go into overdrive. Ronan and Kate were now even more visibly in love with their surprise daughter. The baby was gazing intently up at each of them in turn, imprinting the faces and voices of her parents on her brain.
And Clemency, who never cried, felt unexpectedly emotional, because what they were experiencing was so unique and infinitely precious. During their brief exchange with the couple in the supermarket, Sam had pretended they were new parents too. He’d done it just for fun, and probably hadn’t given it another thought since. What he couldn’t begin to understand was how it had made her feel. Just for those couple of minutes she’d been able to pretend – to a select audience of two – that it was true.
But it wasn’t, was it? And she’d just felt so ambushed with sadness because it never could be.
‘This is brilliant.’ Ronan was looking through everything they’d brought back with them. ‘Seriously, thanks so much.’
‘Our pleasure,’ said Sam. ‘We had fun, didn’t we?’
‘We did.’ Clemency nodded and forced herself to smile. OK, she needed to get a grip. This wasn’t about her; it was about Ronan and Kate, and the seismic change that had just rocked their lives.
Ronan was waiting outside in the car park two hours later when Josephine arrived. Once she’d parked and jumped out of the car, he hugged her tightly. ‘You just wait until you see her. She’s so beautiful. This is the happiest day of my life.’
Josephine held him at arm’s length. ‘You can’t be as happy as me. It’s like a miracle. I’m a grandmother!’ She paused, then said, ‘Is Marina here yet?’
Ronan shook his head. ‘No. I phoned her a little while ago and told her what’s happened. She’s coming over later, at around eight. I wanted you to be the first to meet our daughter. Because you’re my mum and I love you … well, you know what I’m trying to say.’
Visibly moved, Josephine gazed up at him and managed an emotional smile. Ronan hugged her again, needing her to understand that of course he loved Marina too, but Josephine had been the one who’d raised him, and just between themselves, she would always be the number one granny.
Chapter 41
Celebrating her birthday in style had always been Belle’s favourite thing. Birthdays were for being spoilt and the centre of attention, for fresh flowers and breakfast champagne, for laughter and fun and the promise of a delicious day ahead.
And so far, she’d been doing an Oscar-worthy job of pretending she was loving every minute. But how much longer could she keep it up, when inside she felt like one of those cans of toy snakes that just sit there and sit there …
Until they explode.
‘This is so lovely.’ She gestured to the bed, covered in opened cards and presents, and discarded wrapping paper. ‘You’ve bought me far too much. These shoes are … amazing.’
It just went to show what a perfect boyfriend Sam was; so many men wouldn’t have had the first clue that the dove-grey suede stilettos would be her favourites.
‘OK, confession time.’ Sam’s tone was rueful. ‘I can’t take the credit for those. Clem helped me choose them. In fact, she told me to buy them for you.’
Ah well. ‘That’s even more impressive, then. Knowing the kind of shoes Clem usually goes for.’
But he had been generous. He’d bought her a set of Tom Ford make-up, a perfect white cashmere sweater and a huge bottle of her favourite scent … not to mention the trip to Venice …
Oh Venice, and no ordinary hotel either. They were booked into a suite at the Cipriani on Giudecca Island, with its ethereal views over the lagoon. It was somewhere she’d always longed to stay, but it had never happened before now. And knowing that, Sam had arranged the ultimate mini-break because he was a thoughtful person who wanted to give her the best possible gift.
Belle’s throat tightened once more. Who wouldn’t want to visit Venice and stay at the Cipriani with Sam Adams? Anyone who didn’t had to be out of their mind.
Well, either that or …
‘Hey, you haven’t opened all your cards yet.’
She blinked. ‘Yes I have.’
‘You missed one.’ Sam nudged the crumpled duvet to one side to reveal the pale yellow envelope tucked beneath it. He dropped it into her lap. ‘There you go. I think that’s the last one.’
Belle hesitated, knowing perfectly well who it was from. Wasn’t that why she’d tried to push it out of sight?
But she couldn’t not open it, could she?
Slowly she unstuck the flap and slid out the card, ducking her head slightly so that her hair fell forwards and Sam couldn’t see her face.
It was an ordinary enough birthday card; not a comedy one, just a simple painted view of a beach similar to Mariscombe Bay. Flipping it open, Belle saw what was written inside.
Hope you have a lovely birthday! Verity xx
The words were as innocuous as you could wish for. The tension expanded inside her ribcage as Sam said, ‘Who’s it from?’ and she passed the card over to him. Her skin prickled as she imagined Verity leaning against her, moving closer and murmuring aloud the words written in the card.
And now she was able to hear them with unbearable clarity, as if Verity were here with her right now.
Hope you have a lovely birthday, my darling …
‘Oh, from Verity. That was nice of her.’ Sam added the card to the little pile on the bedside table. ‘How about a Bellini, then, to celebrate Venice? Sound good?’
Belle knew she couldn’t speak, was physically incapable of uttering a word. The pressure-cooker sensation was building unstoppably inside her chest, her mouth was dry and she was teetering on the brink of saying the unsayable.
Because once it was out there, that was it; there was no going back. She was so afraid of what might be about to happen, but was it really physically
possible to carry on living a lie?
‘Hey.’ Sam rested his hand on hers and leant forward in an effort to see her face. ‘What’s up?’
Belle shrugged helplessly and managed to croak, ‘Nothing.’
‘Come on. Are you OK?’
She nodded. ‘Yes.’ Then the nod became a shake. ‘No, not really.’
His expression changed. ‘What’s wrong? Are you ill?’
Oh God, poor Sam. He’d been through hell with Lisa dying. Belle said hastily, ‘I’m fine, it’s nothing like that. It’s just … just …’
Sam waited. Outside the bedroom, happy children were laughing excitedly as they made their way down to the beach. Overhead, a seagull let out a mocking cry. Belle raised her gaze to look at Sam, and felt herself begin to tremble.
Did she have the courage to go through with this?
‘You can tell me,’ Sam said steadily.
‘I don’t know if I can.’
‘Hey. Will you feel better once you’ve said it?’
‘Maybe. Not sure.’ She forced herself to hold his gaze. ‘I’m scared.’
He shook his head slightly. ‘One thing you’ve never been is a coward.’
Oh if only he knew. A tear rolled down Belle’s cheek. ‘I am, though.’
‘Just say it,’ Sam prompted. ‘You’ve started, so you may as well finish.’
The tip of her little finger was resting on the edge of the birthday card from Verity. Taking strength from the contact, Belle mentally braced herself. ‘I’m sorry. There’s someone else.’
Then she had to close her eyes, because the look of shocked disbelief on Sam’s face was just too much to bear.
‘You mean there’s someone else you think you like? Or someone else you’re already seeing?’
‘That one. The second one. I’m so sorry.’ God, poor Sam, what must this be like for him? She was about to break his heart and he really didn’t deserve it.
‘You’ve been seeing someone else. For how long?’
‘Not long. But it’s … the real thing.’
‘You’re in love?’
He was putting on a brave face, but how he must be feeling inside didn’t bear thinking about. Slowly Belle said, ‘Yes.’
Oh please don’t let him cry.
He nodded slowly. ‘So what you’re saying is, you and me are over.’
‘I am. But listen, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not you, it’s me. You’re perfect, Sam … please, you mustn’t blame yourself. Anyone would be lucky to have you.’
‘Thanks.’ His jaw was taut but he was holding up emotionally. ‘So who is he?’
‘What?’ Belle’s stomach tensed up, because now came the even more difficult bit.
‘What’s his name?’ said Sam. ‘Do I know him?’
Was this how it felt to experience extreme stage fright? Belle glanced down at the birthday card, then back at Sam.
‘You do know them. But it isn’t a he.’ And finally the words were tumbling out. ‘It’s a she, and I love her more than I can say. It’s Verity.’
Stunned, Sam took in what Annabelle had just told him. One minute he’d been battling to conceal his joy, because being told their relationship was over was the answer to all his prayers …
And now this. Talk about a double whammy.
It was a shock, but it also explained a lot. A hell of a lot, in fact. So many questions that had been inwardly puzzling him for months were now answered.
Of course. It all made complete sense, once you knew the truth.
‘Hey,’ he said gently, because more tears were now slipping down Annabelle’s thin tanned cheeks. ‘It’s OK, it really is.’
He wanted to laugh with relief, to tell her this was fantastic news and he couldn’t be more delighted, but he also knew that wasn’t what she’d want to hear. Belle still had her pride; she wouldn’t be remotely happy to know he’d been waiting for his chance to escape their relationship.
Besides, this was about her, not him. And it had taken her all her courage to tell him the truth. That was all that mattered for now.
‘I’m s-sorry,’ hiccupped Annabelle.
‘No need.’ He passed her a tissue from the box on the bedside table. ‘It’s fine. Does anyone else know?’
‘No one at all.’
‘Have there been other girls? I mean, before this?’ Even as he asked the question, Sam knew instinctively that there hadn’t.
‘Never.’ She shook her head. ‘I was always too scared. I didn’t want to be gay. I tried so hard to make the feelings go away.’
‘Must have been difficult to do,’ said Sam.
‘It was. But I put on a good show.’ There was the flash of pride in her green eyes. ‘Nobody ever guessed. I mean, you never suspected a thing, did you? I know you didn’t!’
And again, Sam knew how much it meant to her to hear the right answer. Even though their sex life had never felt entirely right. He hadn’t guessed the reason for it, but the emotional distance had always incontrovertibly been there. Sleeping with Annabelle had never been comparable to the easy intimacy he and Lisa had shared. He’d wondered if he might be the one at fault, if maybe losing Lisa had resulted in him inadvertently putting up mental barriers that just needed more time to be brought down.
Now he knew it hadn’t been him after all.
Well that was a relief.
Aloud, he said, ‘You’re right. I didn’t suspect a thing.’
‘See? I knew it. I was the perfect girlfriend. And I know I keep saying it, but I am sorry.’ Impulsively, she took his hand. ‘First you had to lose Lisa. And now you’ve lost me too.’
Sam nodded gravely. ‘I’ll get over it in time.’ Then, terrified that he might burst out laughing, he said, ‘You’re doing something very brave, you know.’
‘I don’t feel brave. I’m scared. But I can’t live a lie any more.’ She searched his face. ‘All these years I’ve felt so ashamed … but I shouldn’t, should I?’
‘Of course not.’ He felt incredibly sorry for her, so desperate her whole life to fit in with her friends that she’d denied her own true feelings and sexuality.
‘I’ve always envied people who are brave enough to be themselves, but I was just too terrified to do it because I was convinced my friends wouldn’t want to know me any more. Except if they don’t, that’s their problem, isn’t it? Not mine. I need to be me and I want to be happy.’ She raised her chin. ‘And Verity makes me happier than I’ve ever been before in my life.’
‘Good for you.’ Sam gave her a hug. ‘You’re doing the right thing. I think you’re going to be fine.’
She leant back and gazed up at him. ‘Sam, you’re amazing. You’re taking this so well. I’ve broken your heart and you’re being so good about it.’
There was no way he could tell her about his feelings for Clem, not right now. He said, ‘I want you to be happy.’
‘Thank you. And after you gave me all these lovely presents too. I do feel bad about that.’ She looked at him. ‘Do you want them back?’
She was stroking the shoebox as she said it. Sam smiled. ‘Don’t worry, you can keep them. They wouldn’t fit me.’
‘There’s this, too.’ She picked up the envelope containing the details of their trip to Venice. ‘Could you get your money refunded, do you think?’
‘No.’
‘Not even through the travel insurance?’
Sam imagined calling the insurance company and explaining that the reason he was unable to go on holiday with his girlfriend was because she’d come out as a lesbian. Then again, presumably the people who worked in insurance claims departments heard all sorts of wild excuses.
He shook his head. ‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘Oh, the Hotel Cipriani though. It’s such a waste.’ Annabelle gazed longingly at the booking form. ‘If I can get a flight for Verity, could I take her with me instead? No, no, I’m sorry, forget it!’ She covered her mouth apologetically. ‘I can’t believe I said that, I’m so thoughtl
ess. As if you haven’t suffered enough.’
With great difficulty, Sam managed to keep a straight face. For her sake he had to let Annabelle believe he was at least partly heartbroken. In a brave, stiff-upper-lip, Gregory Peck kind of way, of course.
He shrugged. ‘It’s your birthday, your trip. You can take whoever you like.’
‘You’re such a lovely man.’ She beamed and exhaled with relief. ‘You deserve to be so happy. I really hope you find someone who’s perfect for you.’
Sam said, ‘Thanks. I hope so too.’
Chapter 42
Josephine smiled to herself; she couldn’t stop watching the two of them together. Except it wasn’t the two of them, was it? They were three now, a family unit that had come about completely unexpectedly but at the same time in the most perfect way.
Three days ago, out of nowhere, Izzy Byrne had arrived in the world, and all their lives had been changed as a result, dramatically and for ever. It was a magical experience, witnessing the newly created family and the palpable connection between them. Her heart swelling with love for them all, Josephine hung back and watched the way Ronan and Kate were together, and the way they radiated absolute happiness.
The surprise aspect of the birth had meant Kate staying in hospital for three days, but this morning she’d been discharged and now Ronan had brought her to Victoria Street to see Terry’s traditional whitewashed cottage for herself.
Initially, of course, the plan had been for Kate to buy the property and live in it alone. Now, if she liked and approved of the cottage, the three of them could be moving in together.
‘Well? What do you think?’ said Ronan. He was holding the baby in his arms, smoothing the dark fluffy whorls of her hair as he stroked the tiny head. He looked at Kate, who broke into a grin.
‘You know what I think. You knew from the first moment you saw this place. It’s just perfect.’
‘Really?’ He looked relieved. ‘I mean really really?’
Kate gestured around the living room with its sunny aspect and sea view. ‘It feels like home already.’