by Anne Douglas
Still, it was a lovely letter, and she wasn’t at all sure that she could equal it. She’d never had to write many letters and felt she didn’t have the skill to write amusingly of her routine at the pay office, or her not very exciting daily life.
All the same, she was relieved in a way that Ross’s first letter had not been romantic. There was certainly something special between them, something they had not shared when they worked together, and it had been hard to say goodbye. Maybe they were moving towards a true relationship, but it was easier, maybe, as things were in their unsure world, to let that develop gradually and take things as they came until they could be very sure themselves. After what had happened between herself and Viktor, and how her feelings had changed, the one thing she wanted was to be sure.
At least, the way Ross had written to her, she knew what style to aim for in her reply, and spent a whole evening trying to produce something that would equal his for lightness of touch and humour, several times tearing up efforts that did not satisfy until, finally, she achieved a short account of her new life that might interest him. She sealed it up before she could change her mind and put it ready to post on her bedside locker.
‘Finished it?’ asked Josie, getting up from her bed on which she’d been lying, reading a magazine.
As Jinny only stared, Josie came over and nodded at the letter to Ross. ‘I mean your letter. My, you had problems, eh? Or, am I speaking out of turn? Sorry, just ignore me.’
‘I’m not much of a letter writer,’ Jinny said stiffly.
‘Nor me. And letters to young men are always the worst, eh? My chap is much better at writing than I am – I’m for numbers, not words – but letters are important to fighting men and you have to do your best.’
‘I know.’ Jinny hesitated. ‘This one was to my ex-boss. We’re … good friends.’
Josie’s narrow grey eyes appeared a little amused, but she only asked if Jinny would like to go for a cuppa in the canteen.
‘Yes, all right, I could do with something.’
‘After all that effort,’ Josie said with a smile.
The canteen was, as usual, wreathed in smoke and full of ATS girls, all known by now to Jinny, who knew their names, their backgrounds and their interests, just as they knew hers. How quickly it could happen, she reflected, that you could become absorbed into a crowd you hadn’t known existed before! And here they all were now – Barbara, Alice, Shirley and the rest, some talking to each other and some to soldiers, though these were in short supply. Jinny knew their names, too, but not so much about them. Girls were always more forthcoming – they liked to talk, Jinny supposed.
‘None of the fellows here is able-bodied,’ Josie whispered to Jinny over their pale coffee. ‘I mean, if they were able-bodied they wouldn’t be here, they’d be on active service.’
‘I suppose they’ve all been injured already.’
‘Well, Captain Norton was, in France before Dunkirk, I’ve heard, but often I think if they end up here they’re just not that fit.’ Josie lit a cigarette, offering the packet to Jinny, who shook her head. ‘I suppose that’s where we come in – we certainly seem to be in the majority at the pay office. How’re you liking it, then?’
‘Fine, I’ve settled in pretty well, I think. I was nervous to begin with, especially with so many strange faces around, but it’s as it was in basic training – I soon got to know everybody.’ Jinny sipped her coffee. ‘I’ve even got one girl writing to me now.’
And that was Sukie, still grateful to Jinny for her help and doing well, it seemed, in her own posting.
‘Is that right?’ Josie laughed. ‘Bet you find it easier to write to her than your ex-boss, eh? Oh, dear, there I go again – sorry, none of my business!’
‘Here’s Pauline,’ said Jinny, glad to be changing the subject as Pauline came up to join them with tea on a tray, a cigarette dangling from her lip.
‘Hey, you two, you’re ahead of me!’ she cried, setting down her tray and stubbing out her cigarette on a tin ashtray. ‘I just nipped out to the chemist’s to get myself some shampoo. “Light Touch” it’s called – guaranteed to make me a blonde bombshell. What do you think?’
‘I think your hair’s fine as it is, said Josie. ‘Who’s to notice here, anyway?’
‘Why, there’s an engineers’ regiment putting on a dance at the weekend!’ Pauline cried. ‘They’re outside Chester but Sarge says they’re laying on a bus for us. We’ll all be going, won’t we?’
‘When is it?’ asked Josie.
‘This Saturday. Jinny. You want to go?’
Jinny hesitated. ‘I suppose so – if everyone else is – but I don’t know if I’m all that keen.’
‘Come on, it’ll make a change,’ said Josie. ‘You don’t have to go out with any guys if you don’t want to, though they’ll be sure to ask you. Just have a night away from here, I say.’
‘I wouldn’t mind going out with somebody,’ Pauline murmured. ‘I know you’ve got your young man, Josie, but at the moment I’m fancy free, and that’s not as much fun as it sounds.’
‘Wait till you appear as the blonde bombshell – the lads will be queuing up!’
‘Oh, Josie, you’re such a tease,’ said Pauline, finishing her tea and laughing. ‘You never know, I might surprise you all.’
Why didn’t she want to go to the regimental dance? Jinny wondered as she went to bed that evening. Somehow she couldn’t summon up any enthusiasm, though everyone in the dormitory was talking about it. Catching sight of the letter still on her locker, she thought of Ross with a sudden, warm feeling of remembrance. Was he the reason? Was she worried that he might not want to see her dancing with other men? No, she didn’t really think so. Ross was Ross, not the type to get worked up. He knew how to kiss, though – and there was another memory. Smiling a little, as the lights went out, she prepared to sleep.
Better go to the dance, anyway, she decided – she didn’t want to appear as an outsider – and as her eyelids grew heavy and she could hear Edith in the next bed beginning to snore, wondered if she should have her hair trimmed, or if it would do.
Fifty-Nine
Cigarette smoke, of course, was already hanging over the improvised dance floor in the sergeants’ mess when the pay office staff arrived on the following Saturday evening to join the waiting soldiers and girls from other ATS units. An army band was tuning up in one corner, eyes were being cast around at possible partners, and for those sitting out there were wooden chairs placed round the walls. It was all very similar to the dance at the training centre, but larger, thought Jinny, who had in the end had her thick dark hair cut, but like everyone else had not had to worry about what to wear, as they were all in uniform.
‘Doesn’t seem like a proper dance, does it?’ whispered Pauline, whose hair was now a strange straw colour that had had her running around earlier, asking everyone if they thought it looked OK. ‘Be honest now, just say,’ she’d implored, but as no one had wanted to be honest and they were all as polite as possible, she’d decided not to try to re-do it and was ‘hoping for the best’. By which she meant success at the dance, which was not like a proper dance, in her view, as they had no dresses to wear.
‘We’d never have got ’em in our kitbags,’ Josie reminded her, her eyes busy looking round the room. ‘This is wartime, don’t forget. But here comes the CO to start things off.’
After a few words of welcome from the commanding officer, the band began to play a foxtrot, partners were selected and the dance began. There was no shortage of soldiers for the girls, some chaps indeed having to wait their turn, and were already cheekily turning the dance into an ‘excuse me’, which caused a few dark looks, though the girls were not complaining. Pauline, in fact, was truly enjoying herself. Jinny, pleased for her, smiled as she saw the blonde head in the distance, turning from side to side, quite like a professional, as the dance progressed.
She herself was much in demand, soldiers calling her ‘dark eyes’, and ‘gorgeous’, an
d didn’t object too much until a tall, raw-boned sergeant with a high-bridged nose and piercing grey eyes claimed her for a quickstep and told her he wasn’t having any of that ‘excuse me’ nonsense.
‘I’ve been waiting for a chance to dance with you,’ he told Jinny. ‘Saw you come in and thought, “Wow, what a looker!” and then lost out till now – so watch out, other guys, they’ll be on fatigues if they try to interfere.’
‘Heavens, it’s only a dance,’ Jinny said uneasily. ‘People are just enjoying themselves.’
He looked down at her coldly as he expertly guided her round the floor. ‘I’ve told you – no one cuts in with me.’
And no one did, though Jinny caught plenty of glances from soldiers coming his way and moving on with haste. Obviously, he was a tough one; not many would care to trifle with him.
‘You’re from the pay office, that right?’ he asked her. ‘And Scottish, eh? How d’you like being in England?’
‘This part is lovely.’
‘I’m from Manchester myself. Name’s Bart Randall. And you are …?’
With some reluctance, she told him. How long was this dance going on? She was beginning to feel trapped.
‘Jinny,’ he repeated. ‘Well, Jinny, how about a trip to the pictures with me sometime?’
As his sharp gaze rested on her, she couldn’t think what to say. She was never going to go anywhere with him, but how was she to refuse gracefully? How avoid the full battery of those cold eyes meeting hers?
‘Oh, that’s – that’s very kind of you,’ she heard herself murmuring, ‘but—’
‘But what?’ he asked starkly.
‘Well, I don’t really go to the pictures much.’
‘Come off it, everybody goes to the pictures. What else is there to do? What you’re saying is that you don’t want to go with me, is that it?’
The dance at last had come to an end, with the bandsmen putting aside their instruments. It seemed it was the interval, thank God – now she could get away …
‘Thank you very much, it was nice dancing with you,’ she said quickly, ‘but I see my friends over there—’
‘Wait a bit, wait a bit.’ He took hold of her wrist, not hard but with definite intent – it was clear he wasn’t going to let her go without a struggle. ‘Just why don’t you want to go out with me? You don’t like sergeants, or what?’
‘I have someone,’ Jinny snapped, her dark eyes suddenly flashing. ‘I don’t want to go out with anyone else. And now, would you please let go of my wrist?’
‘I don’t see any engagement ring, Jinny.’
‘I didn’t say we were engaged. And it’s nothing to do with you, whether we are or not!’
‘All right, all right.’ Slowly he let go of her wrist and shook his head at her. ‘Quite the firebrand, aren’t you? Well, I don’t want to take another guy’s girl – if he exists. All I’ll say to you is you don’t know what you’re missing.’
With which parting shot, he marched across the dance floor as though he were on the parade ground, leaving Jinny to hurry across to where Josie and Pauline were standing, Pauline looking flushed and excited, her hair seeming brighter than ever, and Josie looking at Jinny with interested eyes.
‘What was all that about? Thought you were going to have a stand-up row with that sergeant!’
Jinny shivered, not looking round in case she saw Bart Randell again, and as Josie drew on a cigarette she almost wished, if it would calm her nerves, that she could have one herself.
’He was awful,’ she whispered. ‘Wanted me to go out with him and, when I said no, took it as a personal insult.’
‘They do, they do – it’s a question of manly pride, dear. “Who are you to turn me down?” Et cetera, et cetera. I hope you told him what to do.’
‘I did my best, but he held my wrist and I thought he might not let me go, but of course he did in the end. I just hope I don’t have to see him again.’
‘What a shame!’ cried Pauline. ‘Now the fellow I was dancing with just now is so nice. Did you see him? Curly hair, lovely smile … He’s getting us some coffee. You want one, Jinny?’
‘I’ll say,’ said Jinny.
When Pauline’s cheerful dancing partner had passed her one of the coffees he’d brought, she felt better, though still alarmed at the thought of meeting Bart Randall again. There was also a certain amount of wonder in her mind that she’d been so quick to mention she had ‘someone’, and that the someone she’d thought of had been Ross. Should she have described him like that? Well, they were, after all, special friends. More than friends, you might say, though it was true they had not really spelled out what their feelings might be, despite their passionate kiss. Ross had been keen, though, for them to meet again, and that kiss …
Oh, whether or not it had been right to describe him as her ‘someone’, she knew, as she sipped her coffee, how much she would have given to have been with him then, how much she did in fact miss him. If only she could have skipped the rest of this dance to go back to the billet to write to him!
No such luck – the band was beginning again, and already Pauline was waltzing with Curly-top, Josie with a lean, freckle-faced corporal, and a nervous-looking engineer had come to ask Jinny to take the floor with him. At least he wasn’t Sergeant Randall – quite the reverse, in fact, seeming too worried about his dancing to make conversation.
‘I’m not much of a dancer,’ he muttered in a soft West Country accent. ‘Expect you can tell that already?’
‘Don’t worry, you’re doing very well.’
‘Quickstep is bad enough,’ he went on, finding his voice, ‘but the waltz – I can’t get the hang of the timing! Never thought when I volunteered for the artillery that I’d have to dance.’
‘It’s supposed to be fun!’ Jinny said, laughing.
‘Things are only fun if you’re good at them,’ he told her bleakly, and she had to agree that there was something in that.
The rest of the dance passed off without problems, except for one sticky moment when Jinny saw Bart Randall moving by with a blonde girl who was not from the pay office, and at his scornful blue stare Jinny flinched and began to talk animatedly to her partner, who seemed amazed that she had so much to say.
‘Wasn’t too bad, was it?’ asked Josie later, when they were back in their dormitory. ‘Apart from your little run-in with that sergeant, of course.’
‘As I said before, I just hope I don’t see him again.’
‘I can set your mind at rest there. That dance was the battalion’s farewell – I heard it on the QT from one of the chaps. They don’t like broadcasting their movements until they actually go, so I don’t know the date, but it’ll be soon.’
‘That’s a relief. Can’t think why he asked me out then.’ Jinny looked suddenly anxious. ‘You don’t suppose he’ll be left here, do you?’
‘Not he! I bet he’s the kingpin of the whole thing. You’ve only got to look at him to see he’ll know everything.’
‘Well, if you hear any more on the grapevine, let me know.’
‘Such a shame you had to meet him,’ commented Paulie, back from the bathroom and draped in a towel. ‘But what did you think of my chap, then? Chris Fielding, he’s called. Didn’t you think he was sweet? Did I tell you he’s asked me out?’
‘I’m sure everybody around heard that!’ Josie exclaimed. ‘Wednesday night at the flicks, eh?’
‘I’m so glad he’s in the Pay Corps and not an engineer,’ Pauline said with satisfaction. ‘He’s got bad asthma, you know, and I’m sorry about that, but it does mean he’s staying here.’ She put a hand to her lips. ‘Oh, dear. Do I sound selfish? Sorry, girls. I know you have fellows who’ll be fighting somewhere.’
‘No need to apologise,’ said Josie. ‘There isn’t one of us who wouldn’t feel like you.’
Later, when the dormitory lights were out and Jinny was lying awake, she thought of Ross and of her renewed wish to be with him again, to feel safe, protected from the like
s of Sergeant Randall. And then she felt ashamed about playing the ‘little woman’, as though she needed protection, when she was perfectly capable of looking after herself. Except that to think of being with Ross was just so comforting, she couldn’t blame herself too much for wanting to have his shelter.
When would they, in fact, meet again? On Christmas leave, perhaps? That’s if they could get Christmas leave, which was doubtful. Deciding to hope for the best, she fell asleep.
Sixty
In the event, neither Ross nor Jinny managed to get Christmas leave, and though Jinny succeeded in being given New Year leave instead, Ross wrote that he didn’t expect to be home before Easter. His present to her was a pretty silk scarf he’d found locally, while hers to him was a pair of silver cufflinks from an antique shop in Chester. Lovely gifts, but they had had to be exchanged by post instead of in person, and there was the disappointment, but it couldn’t be helped. So many folk were so much worse off, Jinny felt she couldn’t complain, and in fact she knew she was lucky, being able to go home for Hogmanay. Not only would she see her father and May, there was the added bonus of seeing Vi, who had leave from the driving course she was taking following her basic training.
‘Oh, I’m so excited about it!’ she told the family when she arrived the day after Jinny. ‘You know I had a few lessons before the war – didn’t get round to taking the test – but when they asked me after basic training if I’d like to drive for the army and that I’d be trained for it, you bet I said yes!’