Grown Woman

by Jen Luerssen

  He nods. “Yeah, my mom calls me every day and I tell her everything because otherwise there’d be nothing to talk about. It’s going to take a long time for me to be able to trust her and forgive. I’m not telling her shit from now on.”

  “What about the picture with the woman?” I ask, not sure I want to know.

  “That’s my Tia’s neighbor, Valentina. She and I are always hanging out when I’m visiting. This time I also got to hang out with her partner, Laura. They are getting married next year,” he says and I relax a little more.

  “So, this is all a ridiculous misunderstanding, your mom hates me, you still love me, and the woman you went on dates with is gay?”

  He nods. “Pretty much.”

  “Why are you here though? You were supposed to be gone two more weeks.”

  “My hope was to make a grand gesture to show you how much I love you. You’ve seemed doubtful of that and I couldn’t stand to be apart either.”

  I take a deep breath and look around the kitchen. There are poppies everywhere and an envelope with my name on the front. “This is a lot of poppies, where did you find them?”

  He smiles sheepishly. “My dad and I spent all morning picking them.”

  “Oh shit, I thought it was illegal to pick them?”

  “I looked it up and actually you can pick them as long as they are not on state or federal land. We got them on the side of the road in the East Bay in some places and then my dad’s neighbor let us pick some in her backyard. Just know that I would break laws to make you happy though.”

  I raise an eyebrow. “Oh really? I’ll keep that in mind.”

  He pulls me back into his arms and I feel like I’m where I’m meant to be. “Lia, there will always be people who have opinions about us, our age difference, our inequity in the looks department.” I slap his chest. “Obviously, I’m talking about how much hotter you are than I am. People will say things and they don’t matter, even my mom. All that matters is what you and I say to each other. Our love, support, and dedication to each other are what matters.”

  “Are you saying nothing else matters?” I ask being a total asshole right now.

  He chuckles and then kisses me, for a long time.

  “Are we supposed to go to the brunch? I don’t want to go,” I whine when we break apart.

  He lifts me onto the bar and carefully moves some of the vases away. “First, I am going to feed you the rest of this waffle and bacon. Then, I’m going to feed on you and lastly, I’m going to make sweet fucking love to my girlfriend while I fantasize about her in that blue dress from last night.”

  “I like this plan but I have an amendment,” I say as he prepares a bite of waffle with ice cream and a chunk of bacon too. Good Beach Boys I love him.

  “Your wish is my command,” he says in a sexy low voice and now I just want to get to the ripping his clothes off part.

  “After you make sweet fucking love to me, I want you to fuck me while I’m wearing the blue dress.”

  “Hell yes!” He high fives me with his free hand. “Why are we cursing so much for Trent Reznor’s sake?”

  “Ozzy only knows,” I say and he pops the fork into my mouth.

  The end.

  Epilogue

  My name is called and I start to cry as I walk to receive my diploma. The past four years have been a dream. I’m so proud of myself for pulling my rocky butt out of the bottom. I ended up majoring in creative writing and have been working on my first book. For work in the meantime, I’ve been hired as a volunteer coordinator for 826 Valencia, a nonprofit that provides tutoring and support to kids for writing and creative writing. I volunteered as a tutor for the past two years and was able to finagle a job with my endless charm.

  I return to my seat and feel a sharp pain in my side. I’ve been nervous all day and now am looking forward to hearing my amazing boyfriend’s name. While I wait, I cheer when Shirley gets called and then Mike. They are still going strong and Mike knows all about Javi and I. When we came back after the winter break, after all the drama with Javi’s mom, we decided to let it all go and just be with each other, no hiding, no shame. Mike laughed at us because he said he knew there was something going on before he even asked me out. He said he couldn’t resist at least trying to take me out. He and Shirley are getting married next summer in Hawaii so we made sure we got invited to that awesomeness.

  When Javier Rojas is called, I stand on my chair and whistle, holler and make a general fool of myself. Another sharp stab in my abdomen brings me off the chair and I dry heave a little on the grass. Guess I should have eaten something this morning. I feel like someone punched me in the stomach. I am so proud of Javi though, he got his degree in programming and has been interning at a game company. He’s on a short list for a couple of openings there but will supplement his income with his pedicab in the meantime.

  After the ceremony, I find Javi, my parents, Jane and Niall, Paul, Mike and Shirley, Antonio and Mariana, Javi’s mom. She and I have found an uneasy truce. She still hates me and I ignore her, she’s like Carol. I know the source of her misery isn’t really me. It’s her own stuff and I have no control over that noise. I can only control my reactions to her. Jane calls it ‘bitch and release.” You complain to one person about it and then let it go like fucking Elsa. I try to spread out the complaints amongst my friends and keep them to a minimum with Javi. Surprisingly, the best person to talk to is Antonio. He has a healthy view of his ex-wife and is understanding of all sides. He helps me see her perspective, even if it’s nuts.

  My stomach is cramping and I am in bad shape by the time we get to our apartment. Javier moved into my place a little over a year ago when Paul got his own apartment after he got a huge promotion and was making bank. Javi and I are having a small party. He made empanadas and tamales with his mom this morning. They got up at 5 am to start. I was asked specifically not to assist in any way by Mariana. I made like Elsa and left them to it. I am feeling like shit on a shoe and I’m trying to hide it. Not very well, Paul and Jane are headed my way and they look concerned.

  “Lolita, what’s up with you? You look like you’re going to shit your pants,” Paul says.

  “Well, I’ve already thrown up three times, the night is young.”

  “Dude, are you pregnant?” Jane whispers with a hopeful look on her face. She’s about 6 months along with kid number two. I was super sad they left my Tenderoni with Dottie for the weekend. She’s still the best kid in the universe.

  “No, I am definitely not pregnant,” I say. “This doesn’t feel like morning sickness. This feels like Sharon Stone is stabbing me in the gut with an ice pick.”

  “Why are you faking the funk then? We can cover for you if you want to go to bed.” Paul rubs my back and I want him to stop touching me.

  “Please stop touching me,” I plead and he pulls his hand away. “Sorry P, I think I may be dying. Now that my life is right, I have an awesome man, a degree, and a job, it must be time for me to die. Now that I’m a real grown woman. Right? God, I sound like Fucking Frank.”

  Jane puts her hand on my clammy forehead and then my cheek. “I think you have a fever.”

  I hear clinking of a glass and Javier is hitting his beer bottle with a fork. “Can I get everyone’s attention, please?”

  There are only about 20 people but everyone stops chatting and turns to Javier. I smile weakly at him, Iron Maiden I love that man. He motions for me to join him and I swallow queasily and walk over and hold his hand.

  “Thank you for coming today. Lia and I are very happy to have graduated from college and we could not have done it without your support, money, and pizza deliveries.” Ugh, pizza, kill me now. “Since this is a big day and Lia and I are about to embark on exciting careers, I thought I’d make it an even bigger day.”

  Blah, blah, big day. Wrap it up HFA.

  The crowd laughs and I think I just said that out loud. Javi looks at me and his smile could light up the entire city. All of the sudden, he turns
me to face him and drops to his knee.

  Oh shit, this is not happening right now.

  Another laugh and I think I’m hallucinating but also saying all of my thoughts out loud.

  “Lia Kiley, my Diva, I love you. You shine brighter than all of us and I’m honored that you feel I’m worthy of you and your love.”

  God, I love his forearms, maybe I can just lean on them for a minute. His tamale isn’t that bad either.

  This time Javier laughs too and I’m totally screwing up his proposal because I feel like someone is driving a railroad spike into my abdomen.

  “Diva, are you okay?”

  “Mmhmm,” I mumble and nod. I hope he gets the rock out soon so I can go throw up.

  “Okay.” His eyes are blazing with love and it doesn’t matter that I’m going to crap myself, I’ll always remember this moment.

  I hear Paul say, “This is such a Lia proposal.”

  “I promise to love you every day with my arms, my mind, my tamale, and my heart. Will you marry me, Diva?”

  “Fucking Grace Slick on a pony, yes I will,” I say.

  Javier slips a ring on my finger, stands and then turns to our guests and lifts our joined hands up. Then, I throw up all over his mom.

  My appendix burst. I know! What a fun time to get engaged. After I puked on Mariana (not sorry), I passed out and was rushed to the hospital in my Dad’s rental car. Once admitted, they did a bunch of tests and found that my appendix was leaking shit all over. I barely remember anything except Javier holding my hand in the emergency room right before they wheeled me in for surgery. He had to take my new ring off and I was pretty pissed. I finally got a good look at it and is was so perfect. It was a thin white gold band with three stones, a black diamond, a purple sapphire and a ruby. It was the most perfect ring I’d ever seen and still is.

  I’ve been home for a few days and I’m waiting for Javier to get home from his new job as an app programmer. He went back to his internship and they hired him for a permanent position the minute he walked through the door. I am disappointed to already have to take a leave of absence but when you have surgery in your abdomen and have to be on IV antibiotics, working isn’t really all that fun or convenient. My new job was very understanding, as they know me, and was concerned for my health and not worried about me getting back to work right away. So, I was able to watch every episode of House Hunters: Tiny House edition and just admire my ring.

  It’s back on my finger and I’m obsessed with it. Not as much as I’m obsessed with Javier but close. I was able to move a little bit more today so I made dinner. I was feeling useless and lazy, even though it hurts to do anything, including laughing, crying, breathing and moving.

  The door to our place opens and Javi walks in, looking ridiculously hot in his dark jeans and button down plaid shirt. He’s like a hipster lumberjack and I want to ride his wood. Unfortunately, that activity is off the table for a few weeks, the doctor warned me.

  “Hey, Diva, you look pretty,” Javi says as he walks to me, leans down and gives me a peck on the lips. He notices the set table and the food on it. “Did you cook?”

  “I did. I was feeling like a mooch so I decided to start pulling my weight more,” I say. “It wore me out though, so you’re going to have to help me with dessert.”

  He smiles at me and I feel cherished. “Only if I can have you for dessert.”

  “Cheeky, I’m banned from sexual activity for another week though.”

  “You are, but I’m not,” he says with a wink.

  After dinner, Javier recreates the touch-less car wash orgasm, but cheats and uses his tongue a few times. I am a little sore from the exertion but who cares?

  “I have another surprise for you, amor,” he says and I’m curious. He sets a large, flat envelope on my lap.

  “Axl on a pony, is this my hospital bill?” I ask half joking.

  “I said it’s a surprise. That usually implies something good, Diva, Open it.”

  I open the envelope and slide out the contents. There’s a pretty leather bound notebook and a sheaf of papers. Inspecting the papers more closely I see that it’s an itinerary. It’s for a literary tour of Ireland at Christmas time. There are three days on either side of the tour marked “Jane family time.”

  “The notebook is for whatever you want to write while you are there. I thought it would be a nice honeymoon,” he says nervously. Jane and Niall’s baby will be about three months and Jane already informed me that she was not traveling home for the holidays.

  “Javi, this is incredible,” I say, crying. “You are incredible. Wait, so does this mean you want to get married in the next six months?”

  He looks to the ceiling, biting his lip. “Well, I made an appointment at City Hall for next Friday but we could cancel if it’s not what you want. Since we’ve talked about what we want for a wedding I thought you might be okay with it.”

  He’s so right, I have no desire to spend money on a big ceremony, I’d rather use it to travel. I want to get married, go out to eat, have cake and call it a day.

  “We have to wait a whole week?” I joke and he smiles that smile that sends tingles all the way to my toes.

  “A whole week to start the rest of our lives,” he jokes, pulling me into his embrace. “What shall we do while we wait?”

  This book took me a whole year to write. I think since it’s partly based on my own story, it was a tough one to get through.

  I want to thank my gorgeous HFA hubby for all of the inspiration and for supporting and loving me. He is my biggest fan and I wouldn’t be able to do any of this without him.

  To my M, I love you more than I thought possible. Everything is for you and I’m so happy you came along.

  So many thanks to Meaghan for fixing my words, kicking my ass to get everything done, and taking care of things I don’t even know I should be doing, I’m lucky to have a friend like you.

  Thanks to JM Walker at Just Write. Creations, for the amazing cover that was exactly what I wanted.

  Thanks to all of my colleagues. I’ve made so many friends in this journey and you are all rock stars.

  To Jim, Jamie, and Andrew, you guys are the best and I love you.

  To my dad, thanks for reading my books, no matter how mortifying that is, I love you.

  To my mom, an endless source of courage, positivity and love. I love you more than words can say. Thanks to Ray for caring so well for her.

  Finally, to the readers, I am still surprised that anyone takes the time to read my books. I know there are endless choices of amazing books out there. Thank you so much for reading mine.

  Too Far to Care

  The Tide is High