by Mia Ford
“I went to college to get my dream job, Perry. You can finally be on your own and start your life. You deserve to have something more,” Caroline told me as I tilted my head. She sounded robotic, and I stepped into the room.
“More than what? More than what we had on the islands?” My voice rose in anger as she blinked at me. There was a pain in her eyes before she looked away.
“I don’t want you, Perry. I want this job and my house on the beach.” I stared at her in a stunned silence for a long moment before I turned to leave the room. I got back into my car and headed to a bar, my emotions reeling at her claim as I tossed back a few shots.
I couldn’t believe that she was moving away. I couldn’t believe that she chose the job over us, something that we hadn’t discussed since the morning that we left the resort. I ordered another shot, feeling my vision blur as the numbness set in.
I went home with a brunette that night, trying to fuck Caroline out of my system a few ways. I woke up the following morning with a stranger whose name I didn’t remember, stumbling out of the front door after I called for a cab. I had him take me back to the bar, hopping in my SUV to head home as my heart sank. Had I fucked up by leaving? Would Caroline be gone?
I pulled through the gate, into the driveway and pushed the garage door button as I stared forward. It was empty, and I blinked for a moment before pulling forward. Did she get any sleep at all before she left? Would she be all right? I came to a hard stop and hurried into the house, calling out her name. “Caroline? Are you here?” I ran up to her room to see the closet emptied as well as her bathroom before I walked into the hallway.
She was gone without saying goodbye. After all the years we’d known each other, lived in the same house, I didn’t expect this. Maybe I did with what happened when we were on vacation, but when I looked back at all of it, Caroline seemed so happy. She appeared to be a woman in love every time that she looked at me, and I wondered if that scared her as much as it did me.
I convinced myself that she would call once she was settled, or that I would. I wasn’t going to let it go this easily since she was under my skin now. I’d find a way to work this out with Caroline and convince her that we were perfect together, but for now, she could have some space. I knew how empty the house was going to feel, but there was not going to be another woman here to keep my bed warm, at least not until I spoke to Caroline about what happened between us.
The first week, I worked a lot and let her have time to settle in. Everything felt empty when I returned home, and I didn’t even bother cooking too much anymore. I just grabbed food on the way home and worked it off in the gym before work in the morning. It became routine, but it didn’t make me happy. Nothing made me happy the way that she did, the women that used to tide me over not even getting my attention these days.
I started calling the week after I assumed she was moved in and on a schedule. I got her voice mail and left a message, sending her a text later when I hadn’t heard back. I did the same thing the following day with the same results and tossed and turned in bed as the worry set in. Caroline was a beautiful girl, and anything could happen, a fact that ate away at me as days went by without any response.
I checked the news in Santa Barbara once another two weeks had passed, reading about every crime that happened anywhere nearby. I knew that she spoke to a lot of firms, but I couldn’t remember the name of the one that she was working for. I was in too much shock that it happened so fast. I never thought that Caroline would be able to leave so easily, not after the bond we formed after her parents died. I was still in control of her money as far as I knew, so we had to talk sometime.
Within three months, I still hadn’t heard anything. I asked a friend who was a private investigator to find her for me, giving him the information needed. I just had to know that she was all right and stop keeping myself up at night worrying about all the possibilities. He came back with the name of her new company, Anagrama. I promptly researched them thoroughly, which I would have done anyway if she gave me half a chance, finding them to be one of the best in the world. I couldn’t fault her company, so I wondered what was going on as I read everything that he found out in the week that he’d taken.
She seemed to be doing well as far as Matt could tell. I didn’t ask for intimate details of her life since I didn’t think I could handle that yet. I found out that she lived in a condo near the beach that was in a complex owned by the firm, giving me the impression that she didn’t have a permanent home yet. I knew that she was alive and I let it rest with that for now, giving her this time to be stubborn before I went there myself.
I fucking missed her. I missed the mornings where we’d just talk, eat dinner together or just laugh. I didn’t know how much she meant to me until we got so close on the island and left shortly after coming home. I knew that I loved her as something of a daughter, but it never clicked that I’d fall for her on a romantic level. It was more than sex, and I thought back to the nights that we spent together, trying to remember if I told her that. I hated that idea that she might think I was using her.
Once four months went by without any word from her and I knew that the holidays were in just a couple more months, I bought a plane ticket online. Caroline was going to know how I felt, whether she wanted to or not.
Caroline
I eased out of my car and walked towards the beautiful glass building as I took a slow breath. Everything was perfect about Santa Barbara, including my job and the condo that I was still living in thanks to the firm. Everything apart from the fact that Perry wasn’t here. I worked extra hours when I wasn’t exhausted, coming to the unit to shower and cry myself to sleep almost every night.
It was pathetic.
I entered through the doors and made my way to the elevators, smiling when I saw my coworker Lana. “Morning,” I told her as she blew into the cup of sweet chocolate and coffee with a need in her eyes.
“Hey there, mama. How are you doing?” She asked as she handed me a cup of decaffeinated green tea with a rueful smile.
“I’m tired. I miss coffee,” I responded as the doors opened and we walked inside. I looked down at my belly, starting to show now as Perry’s baby kept growing inside of me. Once I took the test when I was away on my interview to find it was positive, I knew that I was going to take the job if they offered it to me. I didn’t want to inconvenience Perry with a baby, particularly since I’d assured him that I was on the pill. I knew that was stupid even at the time, but I wanted him so bad. I wanted all of him, and a part of me wondered if there was an immature part of me that wished for a baby. What was I thinking? He asked me more than once if it was safe, so I knew that he probably didn’t want to start a family. He was at a high point in his life with the company and not having to worry about a thing.
I had a good job that was tremendously kind when they found out my condition when I started the job. They kept me on and offered the insurance sooner so I could see the doctor as needed. I was given as long as I needed in the condo until the baby was born and I had some idea of where I wanted to go. I was saving a lot of money that way with the lack of rent, money that could help me buy a place if I felt brave enough to go to Perry to get it.
I left in a rush, not really thinking about the strings that connected us. There was the trust fund that my parents set up for me when I was born that was still doing very well. They had put away money for college, and Perry handled all of that for me while he supported me during school, giving me anything I could need or want. Perry was generous before we slept together, and I told Lana goodbye as I headed to my office.
I thought about the nights that we spent together a lot, wishing that it had ended differently. I got scared the moment we came home, too spooked to try to make it work. I had the perfect excuse to avoid it with the emails about jobs, something that happened much faster than expected. When I started to feel a bit off before I was scheduled to fly out, all my ignorance hit me like a ton of bricks as I knew I had to fa
ce reality.
That was why I took the pregnancy test in California. I could just be alone and cry my eyes out, so lonely and scared that it was tearing me apart inside. I sobbed most of the night, showering in the morning, and cleaning up for my interview. I wasn’t feeling the confidence that I projected but nailed it, and I was stunned when they offered me the job on the spot. It made sense to take it. I could fly home as planned and just come running back without Perry knowing about the baby. I didn’t have the heart to tell him, imagining his face as he offered to take care of us because it was the right thing to do. That wasn’t what I wanted.
I took a seat at my drafting desk and hung my purse up before setting the coffee cup on the table beside me. I had done a good job since being hired, in part because I started the job pregnant and felt like I needed to prove myself more than some of the others. It was also the way that I was and always had been. My supervisors were happy with me and assured me that I would be here for a long time to come.
It was a generous offer, but I still missed Perry. I slept because being five months along wore me out. It was a restless sleep, but I seemed to me able to nod off every time I sat down at home. I worked hard to stay alert at work, and it made me smile when my coworkers told me not to work too much since I had someone else to take care of.
I was finding out what the baby was in three days and I was so nervous. Finding out that it was just a single baby was a big relief to me since twins as a single mother sounded so complicated. I’d made some friends, but they weren’t close enough that I’d ask for a lot of help just yet. I didn’t get to go out and drink with everyone with the baby, although that was an excuse more than anything. I was always too tired from pretending how happy I was here. I loved the ocean but didn’t think any beach would be the same alone again. It just reminded me of everything with Perry.
Every kiss played through my mind when I tried to sleep at night, and the way that he felt inside of me was something that I’d never forget. It was the best feeling I’d ever experienced, and I knew that even with my hormones going insane with the pregnancy, I wouldn’t sleep with another man for some time to come. I had a lot on my plate right now, and I was just trying to sort through the confusion of being a single mother.
I missed Mom so much right now. She wouldn’t be happy that Perry was the father, at least I didn’t think so. She would still be here for me, though, helping with everything that I needed. I smiled as the other people that shared the large, open office joined me and we slipped into the comfortable routine. I worked steadily through until my break when I had a quick snack with Lana while she got another coffee. We went out for lunch a couple times a week as well, as I discovered what the baby liked as well as what they didn’t like. That was uncomfortable.
I left for the night, walking across the courtyard towards the garage when I thought I heard my name. I looked around, through the groups of people that were leaving for the day as well and didn’t see the man that I swore said my name. I barely knew any here. “Caroline.” I froze as the voice spoke again, all too familiar with it as I turned slowly to my right. Perry was there, walking towards me as I rested my hand on my stomach and whimpered to myself. He looked angry, and I pressed my lips together as he strode over with a scowl on his face. “I had to come here to find you. What the…” His voice drifted off as he glanced down to see my hand resting over my clearly pregnant stomach, and I watched as the color drained from his face. “Is it mine?” Perry lifted his eyes to my face as he searched it rapidly, reaching out to cover my hand as I stood frozen. “Caroline. Is it my baby?”
“What do you think?” I shot back as tears slipped down my cheeks. I was far too hormonal to act like this was all right, and he reached his hand around my back to pull me against him.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why were you hiding it?” His voice was filled with pain as I started to cry harder, breathing in his scent. “You’ve been alone all this time. Have you been taking care of yourself? Have you been eating well?”
“That’s all I’ve done besides work,” I told him as he led me to the side of the large fountain and held my face as he stared at me. He looked angry, sad and relieved all at once before he kissed me.
“I was so fucking worried about you when you never called. Is this why?” Perry asked me as I nodded. “Why would you do that?”
“I didn’t think that you would want us,” I admitted as he shook his head before pressing his lips to mine firmly as he seemed to take everything in.
“You’re crazy. I wanted to tell you when we were away that I was falling for you, but I thought I’d wait until we got home. Then you pushed me away, and all the jobs came up, and you were here, interviewing. Then, gone. You just left me, Caroline, when you mean everything to me.”
“You were falling for me?” I asked as I choked on my sobs, losing control of my emotions.
“I fell hard. I love you, Caroline.” I looked at him before I wrapped my arms around his waist and cried into his green t-shirt. “I want you and the baby. I don’t want to be apart. Should I start looking for something here?”
“What?” I asked as I stepped back to look at him. “Your company!”
“I’ll sell it. I’ll run it from here. Anything to be with you, Caroline.” He kissed me hungrily again before pulling away. “What is it? A boy or a girl?”
“I find out in a couple of days. Want to come with me?” I barely got the words out before he was kissing me again, his tongue slipping against mine as I tried to breathe.
“Yes. Are you kidding me? I am never leaving your side,” Perry told me as I pulled him down for another kiss. “Where is your condo?”
“How do you know I live in a condo?” I asked as he laughed. “You had someone look for me, didn’t you?”
“I was worried, heartbroken and bordering on crazy. I had to know something. Let’s get you and my baby some food and go there. I want to know everything about the pregnancy…every detail.” Perry said as my stomach growled, making us both laugh. “Come on. What are you craving?”
We got some Indian food, a new phase for me. Perry paid for the four bags and drove me back to the condo, unlocking the door to walk inside and look around carefully. I made my way to the fridge for some cold water for both of us before he brought the bags to the small bistro table. We did it like we used to, with just forks as we passed the containers back and forth.
I was crying again when I finished telling him everything. Perry looked devastated as he pushed the food away and ran a hand through his growing hair. “I am so sorry. I was scared, and everything happened so fast.” I took a deep breath. “I was never on the pill, Perry. I just wanted you.”
“We were meant to create this,” Perry told me as I raised an eyebrow at him. “We were meant for all of this, just like you said.” He cleaned up as I watched, then took me to the couch as he cleared his throat. “I brought something from the house for you.”
“What?” I asked as he drew close and kissed me softly.
“I planned this before I saw you,” he assured me as he reached into his pocket and drew something out. “I like that you’re wearing the necklace, Caroline. I have something to match it.” Perry looked into my eyes and held something close for a moment. “I realized that I loved you when we were on the island. All of you. I have never felt that way with a woman before in my life. It was magical.” He showed me a box that clearly held jewelry, flipping up the lid to reveal the diamond wedding set that graced my mother’s left hand every day of her life with me. My eyes widened as I looked into his eyes. “I want you to marry me, Caroline. I will do anything I need to be with you and our child. I just know that I never want to be without you ever again. To hell with what people think.”
I threw myself into Perry’s arms, crying as I told him that I would marry him. He slipped the ring on my hand and kissed me hard as I moaned, knowing that I could have him now. “You know the worst thing about being pregnant?” I had whispered before I kissed hi
s neck. “The hormones. I have been getting myself off every night since I am kind of crazy about this particular man. Want to help me with that?”
“Fuck, yes,” he told me as he claimed my lips hungrily. We stripped on the couch, and he made me come with his finger against my clit before he carried me to the bedroom. “You’re taking tomorrow off,” Perry told me as he dropped me on the bed and lowered his mouth to mine.
“I can’t. They have been so nice to me,” I protested as Perry lowered his lips to my neck. “I’ll take the day off for the appointment the next day.”
“I am going to find us a house on the beach then. Something with room for us and the baby,” he murmured in between kisses as I laughed. “Do you want to stay here?”
“I don’t know. I am still wondering if this is a dream,” I whispered as I arched my back and offered him my breasts. He cupped them gently, telling me how beautiful I was with his baby growing inside of me. I knew that I was bigger and I cried out as his mouth covered my nipple, sucking gently. He slowly kissed down my body, his lips pressing gently against my swollen belly as he told our baby that he loved them.
He was between my legs after that, his mouth rough and hungry as he tasted me. I tugged on his hair as I rocked against him, screaming his name as I came all over his lips. Perry moved right up and over me, slipping his cock inside of me as we both groaned together. “I love you so much,” I told him as I stared into his eyes for a long moment. It felt like forever since I realized my feelings and a weight was lifted once I spoke them aloud.
“I love you. I can’t wait until we see our baby and find out what we’re having,” he told me as he kissed me again, driving himself into her hard and deep as I cried out his name.
We came together in a rush of heat, our bodies toppling together as he rested gently against my body.