I sighed, returning to my mascara, feeling only a little guilty. I knew he was impatient, but we just couldn’t rush into this. Cal didn’t know Knight like I did. I had to protect him in any way I could, and right now, that meant going to this dinner without him.
It’s not because you’re excited about some one-on-one time with Knight again, right? A voice in my head asked, making me scowl.
I couldn’t deny that I was excited about it. Excited and nervous. It was ridiculous that I was so nervous for dinner with him when he was pretty much the only guy I’d ever done anything with.
There had been a handful of dates in the last couple of years, but they were always guys I’d met through church or through my parents. Complete gentleman who would never even try to kiss on the first date, let alone anything else. And they’d never made it to second dates, so that’s where we were with my relationship and sexual history. Knight was it for me. The whole list from top to bottom.
So maybe it did make sense that I was a little nervous. Even though he didn’t have any hold on me anymore, there were still these teeny tiny butterflies flapping around at the thought of being alone with him. The thought of his warm, husky voice wrapping around me, sending shivers all the way to my toes and wetness flooding me…
I scowled at myself, trying to get my line of thinking under control. This whole thing was for Cal. Cal. My son. We came here so he could get to know his dad, not so I could end my dozen-year dry spell.
I stopped by his room on my way out. “You’ve got my cell phone number and there’s dinner in the fridge, heat it up whenever you get hungry.”
He pouted from the floor, giving me one last hopeful look. “Are you sure I can’t come?”
I gave him a sad smile and shook my head. “Not this time, sweetheart. You started this and I gotta clean up the mess before we see what happens next, okay?”
He huffed again, shrinking away from me as I moved in to kiss him on the forehead before I left.
“I love you Cal,” I called down from the door.
There was a muttered mumble that probably could have passed for a sulky ‘I love you too,’ and I decided to take it. He was getting to that age where everything was going to be a battle soon. Hormones were soon to become my worst enemy and I was already dreading the loss of my sweet baby boy. But that was how life went. Sweet baby boys turned into snarky hormonal monsters, and then they made babies of their own.
My blood chilled at the thought. Knight was only three years older than Cal when I got pregnant. I couldn’t even imagine Cal being with a girl that way, let alone having a kid of his own. Being on this side of it made me realize just how crazy we really were back then. No wonder my parents lost their shit.
I headed straight for Mimi’s, catching my own glance in the rearview mirror a few times. I shouldn’t have put on so much makeup. It looked like I was trying too hard. Like I wanted to look good for him.
And in a way, I did. I wanted to look good just kind of to prove that I could. That I was doing damn well for myself without him or his help. That I could manage being a single mom and still look good. But if I was being honest with myself, that was just a good cover story. The real reason I was all dolled up for Knight was because I wanted to make him speechless. I wanted to see him stare and hate himself for letting me get away. I wanted him to regret every other lousy lay he’d ever had, because they weren’t me and they’d never be me.
But that was just my ego talking. That was just a nice fantasy that I knew never had a prayer of coming true. Knight Calhoun wasn’t the type of guy for regrets. And he wasn’t the kind of guy that did romance. I’d known that all those years ago. I knew what I was getting into with him. I knew I was just the good girl he wanted to corrupt, and he knew that he was just the bad boy I wanted to piss off my parents with.
But what I never expected to happen was falling for him. When I found out I was pregnant, I was almost happy, because I was so in love with Knight back then, so convinced that we could make it work and start a family and be together.
It was ridiculous and naïve. My mother tried to make me see it, but I refused to listen. Maybe if I’d been more reasonable about the whole thing, they wouldn’t have felt the need to drag me away from Rockford and everything I’d ever known.
But the past was the past. There was no changing it now. Only moving forward. And I knew moving forward meant that I should not let Knight Calhoun anywhere near my pants again, no matter how long this dry spell seemed like it would last.
When I pulled into the parking lot of Mimi’s, Knight’s bike wasn’t there. Of course, his tardiness wouldn’t be much of a surprise, so I just sighed and trudged in, ordering myself a coffee while I waited for him.
And waited.
And waited.
Twenty minutes went by and there was still no sight of him. At that point, I started to get pissed off. I pulled out my phone and thought about texting him but decided against it. Either he was going to remember this dinner on his own, or that was all I really needed to know about Knight and how much he’d changed — which was seeming like nothing at all.
I ordered a plate of fries, just because I felt bad for keeping the table to myself with no one showing up, and I munched on them angrily, every minute ticking by without him walking through that door just making my blood boil more.
After another twenty minutes, the waitstaff started to look sympathetic. They could tell I was being stood up. I was dolled up and sitting alone, glaring at the door. The signals weren’t hard to read. I’d given him long enough and I wasn’t giving him anymore.
I couldn’t believe he’d done that to me after I decided to give him a chance. After I brought myself and Cal all the way out here because he said he wanted to do better.
I couldn’t believe I fell for it. That old Knight charm. He could sell ice to an Eskimo, I swear, and he sold me a pretty story that I should’ve known not to believe.
But after I paid for my fries and coffee and stormed out to my car, I couldn’t seem to bring myself to go back to the house I was renting. Instead, I angrily put the car in drive, and headed straight for Knight’s place. If he was going to break my kid’s heart, the least he could do was give me a damn explanation to my face.
7
Knight
“Fucking dumbass,” I grumbled at myself, chucking another beer can at the wall, the crunch not nearly satisfying enough to me. I wished they were bottles. I wished they were shattering into a million little pieces with each impact.
I felt like I needed to break things. I couldn’t say what it was, but there was this pent-up anger balled up inside me and it wouldn’t go away. I didn’t know if it was about Tenley or the kid, about Bear and all his bullshit, or maybe it was still the damn head injury and the meds the surly nurse said would give me mood swings.
Hell, if I knew.
I did remember that that nurse told me I shouldn’t be drinking with those meds. And I wasn’t listening. Probably anyone would tell you it was a bad idea to get trashed less than twenty-four hours out of the hospital, but if those people knew me, they’d also tell you I’d never been known for making wise decisions.
How was I supposed to live with myself if I wasn’t shit-faced and buried in between some stranger’s thighs? How the fuck was I supposed to make peace with all the shitty garbage I’d done?
I couldn’t. Being sober reminded me of all the things I knew I should feel guilty about. So, I drank. And I tried to amuse myself by singing silly drinking songs, but the whole time, I knew I was lying to myself. I was just trying to justify that everything was fine, that my life the way it was didn’t bother me. That I was happy being alone in a house that smelled like stale beer.
Whose benefit was the lying for?
I knew the truth. Deep down I knew that this was a miserable existence and I wanted more. I just didn’t think it was possible for a guy like me. A guy like me didn’t deserve more. And when a guy like me lucked into it, he inevitably fucked it
up.
That was especially why I was nervous about this whole kid ordeal. I’d gone through a shit ton of emotions since finding out about him. From denial that it could be true, to anger at Tenley for keeping it from me, fear that I’d be a disappointment to him like I had been to everyone else in my life, and under it all, there was a little bit of excitement. When Tenley said he was just like me, I knew she wasn’t saying it as a good thing, but it warmed my heart. It made me think that maybe the little guy and I could get along, could have some form of a relationship.
But then that thought stopped me. I’d never been able to maintain any kind of relationship. Hell, my own brother hated me half of the time. So, what made me think my kid would be any different? What made me think that I’d be any good at being a dad? It wasn’t like I had a good example.
And I knew the kid was excited to get to know me, but the more I looked around at my life, my shitty house, my business that barely pays the bills, the revolving door of mediocre women… The more I wondered if I was someone worth getting to know. I looked at my life through the eyes of a kid and I looked like a fucking loser.
A loser sitting on his couch alone, drunk and singing ‘99 bottles’ in a slur while chucking random shit at the wall, hoping it would break or leave a dent or something. Something to mark the ball of rage inside of me that the alcohol had locked in a cage. It doused the flames just enough that the only way I could express my irritation with myself was throwing random shit away from me. Because in my drunken state, I didn’t deserve to have anything. I didn’t deserve that soft pillow behind me. I tossed it at the wall. It hit the mountain of beer cans and made a satisfying avalanche.
I didn’t deserve the lamp on the table, shining light on all this misery around me.
Actually, I probably did deserve that one, but it pissed me off, so I flung my hand out and knocked it off the table. The shade bounced against the carpet and the light didn’t even go out. Now it was just on the floor, casting weird shadows on everything, making my head spin while it reverberated from the impact. Or from the meds.
“Fuck,” I groaned, the throbbing in my head making me wince. It felt like a massive pressure behind my eyes, pushing on them, trying to pop them out of my skull. I closed them tight and pressed my fingers to my eyeballs, trying to make sure they couldn’t explode from their sockets, when there was a fierce banging on my door.
It didn’t stop. It sounded like someone was determined to knock right through the damn thing.
“Go ‘way,” I grumbled, knowing it wasn’t loud enough for them to hear, whoever it was making my walls rattle.
“For fuck’s sake,” I huffed, swaying to my feet, clinging to the couch for support. I wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or the injury or a combo of the two, but I felt way more fucked up than I should. I didn’t drink that much. Not for me anyway. I figured it was Bear on the other side of the door, back to give me more shit and probably get on my case about the state of things here. I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t need the lecture from my big brother, who only a few months ago wasn’t doing a whole hell of a lot better than I was.
He got lucky with Lexi, but luck never happened to me. Not good luck anyway.
When I yanked the door open though, it wasn’t Bear standing there. It was Tenley. A red-faced, frothing at the mouth, wild-eyed Tenley.
She was clearly pissed — an expression I knew all too well — and she stood there fuming, staring at me.
“What the hell, Knight?”
I winced at her tone, fingers going up to touch my tender temple. “What?” Besides the rage that radiated from her, I noticed that Tenley was dressed up. She was wearing a flirty little dress and her face was made up, her hair in big, soft curls that I wanted to reach out and slide my fingers through. She was all dolled up… for what? Why was she pissed at me? I struggled to connect the dots.
“Our dinner, Knight. You told me to meet you at Mimi’s,” she growled, her face going even redder, the hot flush spreading all the way down her neck, to her chest. The glimpse I had of the top of her breasts even flushed pink with annoyance.
God she was cute when she was riled up like that.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” I slurred, knowing that wasn’t going to help my case at all. But seeing her had me sobering up. Seeing her pissed at me and on my doorstep sent alarms going off in my head saying, ‘don’t fuck this up asshole.’
“They told me I might forget things with the concussion…”
It was a shitty excuse and I knew it. Even if I truly didn’t remember the plans to meet her. It totally seemed like something I would do, to stand her up after all this. But I wouldn’t. Maybe with anyone else in the world. But not Tenley. I would never skip a chance to see her.
“That’s really the best you could come up with? I came all the way down here because I thought you wanted this—”
“I did… I do,” I said, but her eyes flashed fire at me, her plump lips going thin with a harsh look. And she was breathing hard enough to make her chest in that cute little dress heave up and down, a force of nature, captivating, enthralling, so much rage in such a tiny package.
“I don’t know why I ever believe anything that comes out of your mouth,” she huffed, hands on her hips. “When are you going to grow up, Knight? Be responsible? This is why I didn’t tell you about—”
I couldn’t help myself anymore. She was like a furious mouse trying to tell off a lion. I cracked a grin and that only made her angrier.
“You think this is amusing? This is funny to you? Why can’t you take anything seriously? He’s just a little boy, Knight—”
“It’s not funny,” I said, stepping closer to her, my head still a dull ache, but the fog was gone. The alcohol fuzz was lifting. I was staring deep into those dark eyes and losing myself all over again.
“You’re… What are you—” she said, her voice softer, breathless as she had to tilt her head back to look me in the eyes.
“You’re still so damn cute when you’re all fired up, you know,” I purred, watching her breath catch, her eyes flicker across mine. If I gave it another second, I think I’d lose my shot, but I didn’t. I didn’t waste a moment. I grabbed her right there, my hands going around to pull her tight against me.
“Knight—” I wasn’t going to let her protest. Before she could say another word, I kissed her.
I kissed her the way I’d been thinking about kissing her for twelve damn years. I kissed her like it might be another twelve before I got to do it again.
Nothing else existed. My lips touched hers and it was magic. She was in my arms again, her sweet lilac scent in my lungs again — Tenley was a part of me again, and there was no denying it to myself. She always had been. I thought she might push me away once I kissed her, but she didn’t. She let me kiss her. She let me savor the moment. Hell, maybe she was savoring it too. I wanted it to last forever, with our lips seared to one another’s, our hearts beating as one.
And then I deepened the kiss. I traced my tongue along the seam of her lips, teasing at the corners until she opened for me, let me in again even though I knew I didn’t deserve it.
She tasted like heaven. Her mouth was as sweet as I remembered — sweeter maybe, even — and she was just as eager as I was, her tongue just as insistent with me.
A tiny gasp that turned into a whimpering moan escaped her lips. It was the tiniest sound, would’ve been impossible to hear if anyone else had been around or if there was any sound other than our frantic heartbeats and hasty breaths. But I heard it. I heard it and I growled, pulling her tighter against me, my hands on her ass, dragging her up against my cock, thickening at that very moment thanks to her and her tiny sounds.
She practically melted against me, clinging to me, her hips rolling against my erection like she wanted to fuck me through my jeans.
I couldn’t believe this was happening. I thought kissing her would be the end of it. I’d half expected her to slap me when I moved in. Smack me right across the
face and storm out, never to see me again.
But instead she kissed me back. And she wasn’t just kissing me back. Tenley was sending me all the right signals. All the green lights. I nipped at her bottom lip and she gasped, arching up on her tiptoes, her fingers tightening on my shoulders.
I took a step back, back into my house, pulling her across the threshold with me. When she didn’t protest, I knew that was it. She was mine again. At least for tonight.
8
Tenley
Oh my gosh. Tenley! Hello! What are you doing? A voice in my head screamed. And reasonably so. A voice I should listen to because it seemed to understand that this was a terrible, awful, no-good, very wrong idea.
But there was another voice in my head. The voice reminding me that it had been twelve years since I’d had sex. The voice pointing out how good Knight and I were at kissing each other, how he made my toes curl while his hands cupped under my ass, fingers kneading my flesh, making my knees buckle against him. That voice tempted me. It tempted me to find out if Knight was as good as I remembered, or if after all these years I’d blown his skills up to impossible fantasy proportions.
Knight didn’t seem to be having any kind of internal debate. His kisses were demanding and rough, his hands all over me. He started dragging his lips down the side of my neck, yanking at my dress straps, and I threw my head back on a wanton moan that didn’t even sound like it came from me. It sounded like it came from some other woman. Some woman who had sex all the time, that knew her body and what she wanted. A woman who didn’t let her desires scare her into a life of chastity.
We had only just made it into his house, the door closed behind us, but that was as far as we got. Before I knew it, Knight had me pressed against the closed door, his thick erection hot in the cleft between my legs as his lips and teeth nipped and sucked down my neck. He dragged one of the thin straps of my dress off, over my shoulder, and tugged the fabric of the sundress down lower, exposing my naked breast to the air before he covered it with his mouth.
A Baby for the Daddy: Boys of Rockford Series Page 4