But now that we might have a second chance, was I really supposed to just give it up for the sake of my kid?
Fuck. That sounded like the kind of thing a good dad would do.
That was some bullshit.
“You don’t know me as well as you think you do,” I said to Bear finally, not sure what else to say, but I was still feeling combative, still feeling like it was me against the world, no one in my corner. Not even my damn brother, who really should’ve been in my corner.
But no. He was always the first one to give me shit. The first one to point out my shortcomings. He never missed an opportunity. The years he was overseas were kind of blissful in a way. I was all alone, yeah, but there was no one harping on every fucking mistake I made, reminding me how many others were piled up behind it.
“Whatever,” Bear said, not even trying to argue. “Dallas has got a baseball game this afternoon. You wanna come join the cheering section?”
I scoffed, the throbbing in my head intensifying when I did. “Hard pass from me, brother.”
“Figured. You say I don’t know you, but you’re not all that complicated, Knight.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I asked, voice rising because I was still looking for a fight. He had a point and I hated that. Tenley — and Cal by extension — was the only damn good thing that ever happened to me, and I’d ruined it, just by being me.
Being me was only going to ruin any second chance I had too — or maybe it already had. My reputation certainly didn’t make me look good, and I wouldn’t be surprised if after hearing some of the tales, Tenley never let Cal talk to me again.
Bear didn’t answer me though. Instead, he sighed, blowing out a heavy breath. “You know what? Don’t worry about it. Do whatever you want to, Knight. I know you will anyway. But next time, could you pick someone else to bail you out? I’ve got my own family to worry about these days.”
Funny. I’d always thought brothers were family, but Bear had always been a little hazy on that fact.
“Sure, don’t worry about it, bro. Enjoy your miniature baseball,” I growled, hanging up the phone, groaning to myself.
Why the hell did I even bother calling him? All he ever did was make me feel worse about myself. And yeah, I knew that I wasn’t a peach. Nothing about me screamed ‘great guy,’ but was it really all that bad? Did I deserve that kind of bullshit from my own brother?
Part of me wanted to call Tenley, wanted to ask her to come back, just to show Bear that he was wrong. But a different part of me, a smarter part, knew how dumb that would be. Tenley was more annoyed with me than Bear was, and with her, I didn’t even really know why. I wanted to mend that bridge, but she was probably planting bombs on the other bank.
So, I needed to wait and find out what was happening with her. If how she left last night was any indication of how she really felt, or if there was something else going on. I knew she had Cal to take care of and that was stressful, but I was willing to chip in where I could. I was a parent after all, right?
Shit, it still seemed so weird to say that, even in my head. I had a kid. And he wasn’t even a baby. He was a full-fledged kid, nearly a damn teenager. How was I going to form a relationship with a kid I’d never met?
I didn’t know, but I was going to have to find out. He was the only person left who hadn’t completely given up on me.
10
Tenley
“Kait, you’re never going to believe what I did,” I groaned, dropping my head into my hand, pinching the bridge of my nose. It was just after dawn, and the coffee pot hadn’t even finished brewing yet when I had my phone in my hand, dialing my big sister.
Kaitlyn had always been the early riser out of the two of us. At least naturally. With kids, you learned to steal free time whenever you could. But the point is, I knew she’d be awake. Hell, before I had my coffee made, Katilyn had probably already run three miles, showered, and was perfectly made-up.
There was a reason I never accepted her requests to switch our chats to video. She always looked picture perfect, and I was always somewhat of a disaster.
“Oh no, what now?” she asked. It wasn’t that I frequently made mistakes, but when I did, they were doozies.
I cast a glance up the stairs and listened for any sound of Cal being awake. I didn’t want him to hear anything about what I’d done last night. Luckily, he was starting to get old enough that he slept in from time to time — at least until eight or nine — and that meant I had some time to fill Kait in.
“Well… It’s kind of a string of bad things?” I said, stirring peppermint creamer into my coffee. It’s like having winter year-round, at least for a few minutes a day.
“Okay, hold on. I need to get a muffin for this, I can already tell,” she said. I could just picture her in her big, beautiful kitchen that was always spotless and clean. I could just barely make out the sound of a chair scraping on tile and then Kait let out a breath. “Okay, I’m ready.”
I groaned. “This isn’t supposed to be entertaining for you,” I muttered.
“Who said this is entertainment eating? Muffins are stress food, dear sister. What mess have you gotten yourself into?”
I didn’t really know how to respond to that, so I decided to just brush my issues with my sister aside. “Well… You know Cal took a bus down to Rockford—”
“What?!”
“Didn’t Mom tell you?”
“No, I haven’t talked to her in a week. Wait, what about Cal?”
I sighed and filled her in on all those details.
She laughed. “I would have loved to see that prick fall flat on his face and crack his skull open,” she said, hearing about Knight’s injury. I frowned, wanting to stand up for him, but knowing that was misplaced. I was trying to defend myself in some weird way. I always felt like I needed to stand up for Knight when it came to my family. None of them liked him, none of them thought he was worth a damn.
It had surprised me how much they loved and accepted Cal in spite of him, but I guess they really didn’t like Knight from all the bullshit he’d pulled over the years.
“Kait,” I muttered, not willing to go to his defense, but still, that was my kid’s dad.
She huffed. “I’m sorry, Ten. I know you cared about him a lot when you were kids, and you have a kid with him, but even you’ve gotta admit he’s no model citizen.”
“Yeah…” I couldn’t argue with her, now could I? Even when we were only fifteen, Knight already had multiple run-ins with the law. Petty theft, vandalism, stupid stuff, but it didn’t speak well to his future. I wasn’t sure what he’d been getting himself into all these years since I moved away, but I could make some guesses, and none of them were ideal.
“So, that sounds like Cal made a bad decision… What did you do?”
I groaned. Now I wanted to tell her even less. But I had to. That was why I called Kait. Because she was the only one who could ever talk any sense into me — especially when it came to Knight Calhoun.
“Well… Cal really wants to get to know his dad, and he’s on summer break, so—”
“Oh god, please tell me you did not trust that buffoon with your child,” she said with a gasp.
“No! Of course not, come on. You think I’d just say ‘here’s a kid you never knew about, see you in two months’? Come on, Kait.”
She let out a relieved sigh. “Okay, I’m sorry. I just had to be sure.”
I wasn’t sure if the truth was better or worse.
“No, actually… Uh… Well, I sub-leased a house in Rockford for the two of us so they can spend more time together.”
She was silent for a long time.
“Are you kidding me?” she finally said. I checked the screen to make sure the call was still connected because she had been so quiet for so long.
“Um… No. I really did it. We’re already moved in.”
“Ten, that’s almost three hours away. What if something happens with you or Cal, or Mom and Dad?”
“Then I guess someone will have to drive three hours? I don’t know what to tell you, but it’s already done. We’re living here for the next two months.”
“You really think that’s a good idea? Letting Knight back into your life?”
“I’m doing this for Cal,” I said, knowing how much of a hypocrite I was for last night.
Kait didn’t say anything. I could feel her judgment seeping through the phone and I sighed.
“There’s something else,” I said, biting my thumb nail. No amount of Christmas coffee could save me now.
“There’s more?” she asked, incredulous.
“Yeah.”
“What?”
I swallowed, trying to figure out how to phrase the sentence, trying to rearrange the words in a way where they didn’t sound so terrible.
“Tenley?” she asked again.
I blew out a heavy breath and shook my head. There was nothing. I just had to say it. Like ripping off a band-aid.
“I slept with him last night.”
“WHAT!?”
I winced and held the phone away from my ear as she went into the whole litany of reasons why it was a terrible idea.
“Look, I know, it was a huge mistake. I wasn’t thinking straight. I don’t know—”
“You don’t know? It’s Knight. How could you not know? The answer is no. That guy’s never been anything but trouble for you.”
The floor above me creaked and I followed Cal’s footsteps as he moved out of his room, down the hall, and then started coming down the stairs.
“Listen, I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
“Don’t think you’re getting out of this that easily. We’re going to talk about it again.”
“Yeah, yeah, sure. Whatever. Love you, bye.”
“Love you too,” she said before we hung up.
Cal reached the bottom of the stairs just as I was putting my phone down on the table. He blinked and rubbed at his eyes, his dark hair sticking up at odd angles.
“Who was on the phone?” he asked, still scrubbing sleep out of his eyes.
“Aunt Kait. I had to tell her about our temporary move,” I said, hoping that’s a good enough cover. It should be. He didn’t have any reason to question me.
“Oh,” he said, clearly looking disappointed as he headed to the fridge and pulled out milk.
He made himself a bowl of cereal without saying anything else, and I watched him closely, my little man, growing up so fast, but still so vulnerable.
I don’t want Knight to hurt him, and I don’t trust him not to.
What’s a protective mama supposed to do? I couldn’t keep him from his father forever. That wasn’t fair to either of them.
“Why the long face?” I asked as he brought his bowl to the table and sat with me. Most kids his age would do anything to avoid spending time with their parents, but Cal was a sweetheart. He never made too much of a fuss about eating at the table. He never seemed to mind spending time with me. But something was bugging him, no doubt about it.
He shrugged.
“Come on,” I pestered, poking at his ribs, tickling him just enough to win a reluctant smirk. “What’s wrong? Your new bed too lumpy? Is there a monster under the bed?”
He gave me a look that suggested I’d gravely insulted him. “A monster under the bed, Mom?”
I grinned into my coffee, trying not to laugh. “Sorry, you’re right. Everyone knows they live in closets. They had that whole documentary on it.”
“Mom, Monsters, Inc. isn’t a documentary.”
I frowned, tilting my head to the side. “Are you sure? I’m pretty sure it was…”
“Mom,” he groaned, rolling his eyes. “Fine, if you’re going to be a dork… I was just hoping you were talking to my dad. I haven’t seen him since he fell down and…” He looked down into his cereal, not saying anything more, but everything that needed to be said was in his expression. He was worried, he wanted to see him again, he felt guilty that he’d gotten hurt because of him, there was so much going on in his young mind and I wanted to make it better for him. But I couldn’t.
For the first time in my twelve years of being a parent, my son had a problem I couldn’t fix.
It was a landmark I’d hoped wouldn’t show up for much, much longer, but I knew the day would come. Whether it was his first heartbreak or a speeding ticket, there was always going to be something Mom couldn’t make better.
But I hadn’t expected it to be something that Dad could. Being jealous of Knight wasn’t something I’d ever expected either.
But my feelings weren’t important at that moment. What mattered was Cal, and he wanted to see his dad.
“Well, I could take you over to his place today, if you want,” I said spontaneously. I hadn’t talked to Knight about it, but he wanted to be a dad and having to spend time with your kid was part of that, believe it or not.
Cal’s face lit up like he’d just found a wish-granting genie. I’d never seen the kid so excited.
“Really?” he asked, eyes big as saucers. Those eyes were the same damn blue as Knight’s. So, arresting.
I shrugged. “Sure. After breakfast.”
He didn’t need any other encouragement. Cal wolfed that cereal down in what I swear was record time. He even slurped all the milk, swiping at a dribble that escaped down his chin.
“Done!”
I smirked and stared at him, chin resting in my hand. “You wanna go over there in your pajamas?”
Cal looked down, looked horrified, then jumped to his feet. “No!” He disappeared upstairs in the blink of an eye and the sounds that came from his room weren’t encouraging. I had a feeling that room was going to look like a tornado had been through it. Which, I guessed I’d be cleaning up right after dropping him off at his dad’s.
He came back downstairs and let out a heavy breath, leaning against the banister.
“All ready?” I asked, still smiling to myself about how quickly he’d just raced through that process.
Where was that motivation on mornings before school?
He looked over like he was surprised to find me there, then shrugged, doing his best to seem cool and aloof. “Yeah, sure, whatever.”
I knew it was all an act, but part of being a parent of a pre-teen was having a little fun with their seriousness and mood swings.
“You sure? You don’t seem too excited. We don’t have to go. We can just stay here and—”
“No, that’s okay,” he said quickly, cutting me off. “I really should get to know him, and we won’t be here long, right?”
“Right,” I said with a nod, grabbing my purse, keeping my amusement to myself.
Before we headed out the door, I said a quick prayer, hoping this wasn’t another huge mistake. They only ever seemed to happen when Knight was involved and leaving Cal in his care was a big leap of faith.
A major leap of faith.
But Cal was twelve. If worse came to worst, he could fend for himself until I could get to him.
I double-checked that he had my cell phone number before I even started the car.
“Come on, let’s go,” he whined, after confirming he had it. He was buckled in and ready to go, practically bouncing in his seat. Guess there was no postponing it now. We were going to Knight’s.
11
Knight
I’d barely been off the phone with Bear for twenty minutes and I was already going out of my damned mind. I looked a little closer at that bottle of pills the doctor gave me — after I took them, of course — and it wasn’t subtle about the warnings not to drive. Even someone as dumb as me that never listens to reason knows better than to hop on the back of a motorcycle under the influence of pills when you don’t know how they’d affect you.
I was stuck at home. Sitting on the couch, staring at the ceiling, half-wishing someone would bring me whiskey, so I’d have some distraction. Even if the throbbing pulse of my hangover reminded me why that was such a terrible i
dea.
Right about the time I wished someone would show up with alcohol for me to guzzle, the doorbell rang.
My eyes flicked up toward the ceiling, wondering if there was somebody upstairs playin’ a trick on me. Coincidences like that always made my hair stand up on end.
It was almost enough to make me ignore it, but then boredom and plain old-fashioned curiosity got the better of me. I pulled myself up off the couch with a groan, muscles stiff from dehydration and my workout last night, and staggered over to the door, lowering my eye to the peephole.
And wouldn’t you know it, on the other side of my door was the raven-haired vixen from last night.
Tenley.
Just that quick, my blood was running hot and fast, pulse rushing, hands itching to grab that supple sweet flesh again. That girl had a way of driving me wild just by being there.
Which also meant she had a hold on me like no one else. A hold that made me almost nervous to answer the door knowing how disheveled I looked. At least I was fresh out of the shower, I had that going for me. Hair still damp, no shirt on. I shook out the anxiety and reached for the knob, pulling the door open.
“Well, well, well, look who came crawling back for another taste of the Knight sword,” I said, grinning at her suggestively.
Tenley didn’t answer. She didn’t even smirk at me. Her expression was hard and unreadable. Then she stepped to the side and I could see the kid behind her. Our kid.
Shit.
Right away I felt like a dumbass for the cheesy, arrogant pick-up line. I couldn’t help but think about what Bear said, about how I needed to set a better example for how women should be treated. I never thought about shit like that before, but I didn’t want my kid to come up thinking that the way I did things was right or good. I knew that how I handled my business made me a shitty guy. I’d made peace with it.
Or I thought I had.
It didn’t matter when it was just me.
But with a kid?
A Baby for the Daddy: Boys of Rockford Series Page 6