“They were likely saying things to hurt each other. Hurt people hurt people.”
“Yeah, well, they’re really good at it,” he muttered.
I had to smile. That sardonic humor would serve him well in the years to come. I merged back onto the freeway. “People love as well as they can. Sometimes that isn’t as much as we’d want them to, but it doesn’t mean they don’t love us the best they know how. Your mom and dad love you, Jonathan. They’re doing the best they can.”
“Alex says Grandfather is the reason Dad can’t love anyone. That he beat it out of him for years, keeping him away from his mother, belittling anything that didn’t serve the power and ambition of the Fullerton name.”
I cringed at the thought. “Older generations had different ideas of parenting and family,” I conceded. “Your grandfather was brought up in a time when people were compartmentalized. Men were expected to be breadwinners and mothers were expected to be nurturers. That’s just the way things were, and that’s how he felt children needed to be trained.”
Jonathan shrugged.
“And personally I think your uncle Alex is way off base about your father not loving anyone. He loves you, right?”
Another shrug. “I just wish I mattered as much to him as his business,” he said as we pulled into the parking lot for the pier.
I said nothing else as we parked and I walked him up the steps, where Mrs. Johansson was waiting. His head was bowed sadly as he took the older woman’s hand and walked away to meet with his mother.
He looked more like a prisoner condemned to the gallows as he shuffled away toward the carousel.
With a sigh, I withdrew my phone from my purse and texted Drew.
Any way you can join us in Santa Monica for the afternoon?
He answered within a minute. Is there a problem?
No, no problem, I texted back. I just think Jonathan could use some quality time with his father.
I’ll be there in an hour, he responded.
Perfect, I thought as I put my phone back in my purse.
“Good news?” a voice asked from behind. I didn’t even need to turn around to see who it was.
“It was,” I said. I glared at Alex as he walked into view.
“Why are we always fighting?” he asked.
“It started when you basically called me a gold-digging imbecile,” I reminded him.
“Let me make it up to you. I’ll buy you a funnel cake.”
“What is it with you and food bribes?” I asked as I crossed my arms across my chest.
“I have a weakness for fried dough,” he shot back with a smirk. “Come on. We’re both going to be here for the next hour anyway. We might as well keep each other company.”
“I’d rather talk to the seaweed,” I snapped as I turned back toward the stairs leading down to the sand. He followed me down the steps.
“Look. I know what you think of me. I’m not polished. I’m not refined. I am just a regular schmuck who just happened to get tossed in with an over-achieving family. I get it.”
I spun to face him. “Do you really think that’s it?”
“You tell me. You’ve spent more time with me than you’ve spent with him, and you still pick his side. Why else?”
“One, he treats me with respect,” I said. “Two, the person I have spent the most time with is Jonathan. He’s the only one whose ‘side’ I’m on.”
“Bullshit,” he said. “If that were true, you’d be fighting harder to let him know his mother.”
“Excuse me, but who the hell do you think brings him each and every week to these visits? Have you noticed that it’s not you?”
“You’re his errand girl, Rachel. You’re making it easier for him to ignore his son and trample all over his ex-wife.”
“If I’m so horrible, then why do you keep pestering me?”
His voice softened. “Because I don’t think you’re horrible at all. Jonathan is a smart kid. He wouldn’t love you like he does if you weren’t worth loving.”
I turned away. The last thing I needed was a full grown man talking to me about love. But he pulled me right back.
“Color me curious,” he said.
I stepped closer. “You think you’re so much better than your brother, but so far, you’re the only one who has misled me, insulted me, tried to manipulate me and coerce me to further tear this family apart. You keep telling me how much Jonathan needs his mother, but let me tell you in no uncertain terms: he needs both his parents. If you need any proof of that, look at what unbalanced parenting did to you and to Drew.”
His mouth thinned into an angry line as I continued. “Your family history is your business. I’m not here to fix what was done to you in the past. I’m here to help Jonathan. And the simple truth is his problems with his mother started way before I came to town. If you want to fix anything, fix that. And leave me the hell alone.”
I wrenched my arm free and stalked across the sand until I reached the shore. I walked underneath to the other side, hoping to dodge Alex for the rest of Elise’s visitation with her son. I planted my butt in the sand and watched the waves roll in, allowing the primal heartbeat of the sea quell my anger.
It would likely take a while. I was mightily offended that Alex could think that I was the kind of woman who would prefer the more successful, wealthier, refined brother, dismissing Alex only because of his gruff exterior.
So not only was I some ignorant inbred gold-digger, as far as Alex was concerned, I was superficial, too.
If I was looking for a mate, (and I absolutely most certainly wasn’t,) I’d prefer the one who treated me with respect, kindness and consideration. I didn’t care what tax bracket that person happened to fall in any more than I cared what kind of clothes he wore.
I was still fuming by the time Drew texted me that he had arrived. I told him where he could find me, and prayed that his path wouldn’t cross with Alex’s before he reached me.
I don’t know why I was shocked to see Drew in a pair of athletic shorts and a sleeveless shirt to match. It dawned on me this was the first time I had seen him dressed casually, and the closer he got to where I sat in the sand, the younger and more playful he looked.
His arms and legs were perfectly toned and his body was naturally tanned, indicating that he was no stranger to the outdoors. His normally perfect hair ruffled in the breeze. He wore a playful smirk eerily similar to Alex’s as he trotted towards me across the sand.
He landed beside me with a slight grunt. “Jonathan’s not done?” he asked.
I glanced at my watch. “Another five minutes or so,” I answered. “We’ll give them time to leave.”
“Them?” he echoed.
I nodded. “Alex is here.”
He chuckled as he drank from a water bottle. “That explains a lot.” He glanced back at me. “You okay?”
“Not my favorite aspect of the job,” I admitted.
“Most people would have delegated this task to Harrison by now,” he said. He leaned his elbows on his knees as he studied my face. “Further proof you’re not like most people.”
I laughed. “Remind me of that when I’m weaving baskets for you at the loony bin.”
“Nah, you’ll be all right,” he said. “You’re strong.”
He echoed what Jonathan had said earlier, and I didn’t know how to respond to that. Before I could say anything, my phone rang. It was Jonathan.
Drew rose first, and then offered a hand so that he could help me to my feet. His grip was so strong and so sure that it left me momentarily breathless. I almost had to brace my hand against his chest to keep my balance. Our eyes met and held for a moment before I gently tugged my hand free.
He followed me silently toward the pier. We met Jonathan just as we reached the boardwalk, and Jonathan’s face lit up like a Christmas tree when he saw his dad standing beside me.
“Dad!” he cried out as he broke into a run and vaulted into his arms. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
/> Drew wrapped those strong arms around his child and hugged him close. “Where else would I be?” he asked.
“Let’s rent some bikes!” Jonathan immediately suggested. “Are you hungry? There’s a bunch of restaurants. Let’s ride the Ferris wheel! Or we could play volleyball. No, wait! The trapeze!”
Drew laughed. “Easy, cowboy. Rome wasn’t built in a day. We don’t have to do everything all at once.”
“What do you want to do?” Jonathan asked.
“We haven’t done the rings in a while,” Drew said. “What do you think? Think you can best your old man?”
“Race ya!” Jonathan said as he took off toward Muscle Beach, where there were all sorts of gym equipment options for a Saturday afternoon workout on the shore.
The boys approached the traveling rings course, where they could swing from ring to ring and work out their upper bodies. Drew hoisted Jonathan up to grab the first ring, and then encouraged him (and spotted him) along the course as far as he could make it, which was about six rings. Jonathan hopped down, rubbing his arms with happy grimace. “Dad, can you believe it? I can do six now!” he said, beaming with pride.
“Way to go!” Drew praised with a congratulatory fist bump. “My challenge is seven, then.”
“Five!” Jonathan giggled.
Drew turned to me. “Looks like you are my impartial observer. How many do you think I should do?”
I held up my hands. “Don’t get me involved. This is a testosterone thing.”
He laughed as he peeled his shirt from his body, which he tossed to me for safe keeping. I nearly choked on my tongue as my eyes scanned across his perfectly chiseled torso. His skin had a satiny glow under the blazing sun overhead, and a light smattering of dark hair covered his chest, tapering all the way down to a thin line pointing straight towards his shorts like nature’s arrow. I was speechless as he walked to a more advanced ring course. We followed silently behind.
His muscles rippled under his skin as he jumped to grab that first ring. His arms were rock solid as he swung from the first ring toward the second. He maneuvered his body with such mastery along the course that bystanders gathered to watch. He paused only briefly from ring five to ring six, glancing down to his son with a teasing smile. “Should I go for it?” he asked.
Jonathan’s head bobbed up and down. “Go for it, Dad!”
Drew swung easily all the way to the end of the course, where he used two rings to do a flip and hold before he dismounted. When he landed on both feet in the sand, his audience of fans clapped, even though I was willing to wager not one of them knew who he was. He gave them a salute before he trotted over to where we stood. He grabbed the shirt I had forgotten I was holding to wipe the glistening sweat from his face and chest.
Though I never considered myself one of those girls who would go bug-eyed over a hot physique, I found myself unable to speak.
He wore that affable smirk as he grinned at me. “Your turn.”
I shook my head but Jonathan bounced next to me. “Yes! Rachel, do it!”
“Do I look like a gymnast to you people?” I asked as they pulled me back to the wussier course.
Drew took me by the hand and guided me under that first ring. “You can do this. Summon your superpower,” he added with a wink.
I glanced at the ring and shook my head. “This is more your thing,” I said, but Drew was undaunted. He stepped closer, and I had to physically stop myself from taking a step back.
“I’ll help you,” he said softly as he wrapped those strong hands around my waist. “Jump,” he commanded softly.
I jumped, and he effortlessly lifted me higher to reach the ring. “Swing backward, use your momentum to get to the next ring,” he instructed, his hands still around my waist as he guided me to swing to the next ring. I missed it twice before I grabbed it in my hand, but I couldn’t muster the transition to the third ring.
“You got it, Rachel,” he said.
I tried to swing and let go, but ended up slipping right out of the ring and toppling headlong into the sand, taking one of the most powerful men in the world along with me. We landed together in a thud, his body covering my own.
For a moment, I was completely discombobulated. His eyes drifted to my open mouth as I gasped.
Jonathan was on his knees beside us in a flash. “Are you OK?”
A smile tugged at the corner of Drew’s mouth as those knowing eyes scanned my face. “She’s perfect. Aren’t you, Rachel?”
I nodded, incapable of speech.
“Looks like you won, Dad,” Jonathan laughed.
He hopped to his feet and pulled me up to join him. “Valiant effort,” he offered with a slight bow. I grimaced in pain as his hands held tightly to mine. He turned them over to inspect my palms, which were beet red and partially skinned. He brought one hand to his mouth and lightly kissed the boo-boo as his eyes bore into mine.
Jonathan repeated the process on my other hand. “Sorry, Rachel,” he said as he held on to my hand as gently as he could.
I shook my head to dismiss his apology. “I guess I’ll have to train to compete with the likes of you two,” I offered gamely. Neither Fullerton let go of my hand as we walked toward the boardwalk and towards the pier, where Jonathan had a whole litany of activities planned for us. He chattered excitedly, completely oblivious to the fact neither Drew nor I were speaking at all.
I couldn’t quite think past the moment Drew’s body covered my own. It felt oddly familiar, thanks in no small part to my lascivious dreams. As a result, it was not altogether unpleasant. When his thumb absently brushed against the center of my palm, it sent a shockwave throughout my entire body. I immediately withdrew my hand. He glanced down at me with a half-smile but I stared straight ahead.
When I recovered my ability to speak, we would discuss this issue. A line had definitely been crossed, and we needed to cross back over it, pronto.
Chapter Fifteen
As it turned out, I didn’t get a chance to discuss the matter of appropriate employer/employee conduct that entire afternoon. Jonathan wedged himself between us, likely simulating the traditional family unit that he desired so badly, for our entire day we spent out at the beach. Most of which we spent at Pacific Park, the amusement park adjacent to the pier. Roller coasters were more my speed than the traveling rings course, so it was easy to distract myself from all these new, conflicting feelings with other, safer rushes of adrenaline.
We saved the Pacific Wheel for the end of our trip, soaring 130 feet above the pier for breathtaking, panoramic views of the coastline right at sunset. I couldn’t even be sure which was more colorful, the ride itself, or the fiery sunset as the sun sank into the endless ocean.
“Dad, did you know this is the world’s only solar-powered Ferris wheel?”
Drew chewed on the corner of his lip to bite back any amusement. In our afternoon together, Jonathan had worked as our guide, telling us all we ever needed or wanted to know about the pier, the beach and the park. “Are you auditioning to be a tour guide?” Drew finally asked.
Jonathan shook his head as he laughed. “Rachel won’t take me anywhere unless I research it first. Right, Rachel?”
“It’s true,” I admitted. “I’m a big believer in research and review. You get more out of it and take more away from it.”
He nodded his approval. “The results are irrefutable,” he agreed. “I guess my next question is… what do either of you know about Disneyland?”
As he realized what his father was implying, Jonathan’s eyes widened like any nine-year-old boy’s would. “No way. Dad. Are you serious?”
“Used to be an orange grove, I believe,” Drew teased on. “But with a little imagination and innovation, somehow it turned into the happiest place on earth. Or so I hear. We might have to go see for ourselves. If your teacher can find any educational value in it, that is,” he concluded with a wink my direction.
Jonathan nearly came out of his seat. “Oh, can we? Rachel? Please?”
I laughed. “You’re the boss,” I offered gamely, but immediately regretted it the moment I saw Drew’s eyes darken. I hadn’t had to fend off suitors in a decade, but something dangerously close to interest lurked in those bright blue eyes. It was something I knew I had to nip in the bud.
Unfortunately the night ahead would not give me any opportunity. We took our separate cars back to the house, where the Drew virtually locked himself into the study to finish work he had put aside to join us for the day.
Part of me welcomed the delay. Given that Jonathan was now hyped up about our plans to tackle Disneyland the following weekend, he jumped in both feet to learn everything he could about it. He used his tablet all the way home to begin his research.
Though he never said it, I suspected that he wanted to prove something to Drew by excelling at this task. Their recent history had been so problematic, with Jonathan seeking negative attention as opposed to no attention at all, that any hint of positive reinforcement from his father had Jonathan beside himself to overcompensate.
I knew this meant more time spent with Drew in the future, which unsettled me more than I cared to admit. But I could hardly discourage this new aspect of their relationship when it was clear Jonathan needed his father’s time and attention so desperately.
I was the grownup. It was my job to figure out how to deal with the complications that came with it. I faced my first test that night, when Drew called my private line in my room and requested that I meet with him in his study.
Since I had the night virtually to myself, I had changed into my pajamas and settled down with a good book by nine-thirty. I stared at the same page for nearly an hour. My mind kept circling back to that afternoon at the beach, when I was pinned to the sand by Drew’s body.
I didn’t even want to think about what it would do to my subconscious. I put off sleep for as long as I could, which meant I was wide awake when he called just a little past eleven.
His voice was husky, most likely because of the late hour and our busy day. It poured into my ear like butter. “Did I disturb you?”
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