Don't Want To Miss A Thing

Home > Other > Don't Want To Miss A Thing > Page 33
Don't Want To Miss A Thing Page 33

by Mansell, Jill


  OK, time to be brave. She took a few deep breaths and peered around the side of the bushes. There was the caravan – God, the very same caravan – facing the water.

  Fifty metres further along the path, the angle altered enough for her to glimpse Stefan sitting on the top step. Her heart had never raced so fast in her life. Tightly clutching her hat like a security blanket, Hope forced herself to keep on putting one foot in front of the other. How she was still managing to walk, she had no idea. Oh Lord, and there he was, she could see him properly now. Wavy dark hair combed back from his face, the familiar angular profile . . . those perfect lines, carved into her memory and almost eerily unchanged.

  Hope’s heart sank at the irony that in comparison she should have changed so very much.

  He was wearing a red shirt and narrow black jeans. A knife blade glinted in one hand and he held a piece of wood in the other while he worked to carve it into some intricate shape; it was something Stefan had begun to do after giving up smoking all those years ago and the habit had evidently stuck.

  As the distance between them decreased, Hope felt her courage shrivel and fade. He hadn’t glanced up yet, hadn’t lifted his head in her direction. She could still turn and leave.

  Alternately her thundering heart could give out and she could drop dead on the spot. She was watching his tanned, skilful hands at work now. Or she could walk straight on past him without stopping and keep her own gaze averted, fixed on the river—

  ‘So you came back then.’

  The words, quietly spoken, stopped Hope in her tracks. She hadn’t had time to avert her gaze, had been too fixated on Stefan to implement the plan. Which was how she knew, for a fact, knew without doubt, that he hadn’t looked at her.

  Not even for a nanosecond.

  In which case, how could he possibly know?

  Her own voice barely audible, she croaked, ‘Sorry?’

  And then he did turn his head to look at her and the world stood still, frozen in time. Their eyes met and Stefan said, ‘Oh Hope, do you think I haven’t been waiting for this moment?’

  Those gentle dark gypsy eyes were utterly hypnotic.

  ‘But . . . but . . . how did you know it was me? Did Frankie tell you?’

  ‘Frankie? No.’ He shook his head. ‘I just knew.’

  ‘How could you? You didn’t look up, not even once.’

  Stefan put down the knife and the piece of wood he’d been carving. He rose to his feet and moved towards her, as lithe and beautiful as a panther. ‘Peripheral vision. I saw you coming down the path, recognised your walk. The way a person moves doesn’t change.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘It’s good to see you again.’

  Hope’s heart was clattering away in her chest. ‘You too.’

  Stefan shook his head. ‘Oh, my love. You don’t know how much I’ve missed you.’

  ‘Same.’ The word came out as a croak; it was all she could manage.

  ‘Hope.’ He raised his left hand, gently touched the side of her face with the backs of his fingers.

  She trembled in response. What a feeling. ‘You sent me away, said we couldn’t be together. But you were wrong. We could have been.’

  ‘I know, I know that now.’ He exhaled sadly. ‘With hindsight. But at the time I thought I was doing the right thing. You had your glittering career . . . how could I get in the way of that? I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself.’

  Hope gazed up at him. ‘And it never once occurred to you that you were fifty thousand times more important to me than my so-called career? The one I gave up anyway, because without you in my life I didn’t want to do it any more?’

  ‘I know. But at the time I didn’t believe it. I thought I was setting you free to conquer Hollywood. Because it would never have happened if we’d stayed together, that’s for sure. We’d have been mocked, laughed at. And I couldn’t bear the thought of that happening. To either of us.’

  Her throat aching, her eyes shimmering with sorrow for all those lost years, Hope whispered, ‘How about now?’

  Stefan placed his hands on her shoulders, fixing her with the full intensity of his gaze. ‘I never stopped loving you. Not for a single second. And now you’ve come back. We’ve wasted too much time, Hope. You’re my whole world, you always have been . . .’

  In response, she threw her arms round him and found his mouth with her own, quickly covering it with butterfly kisses. Each renewed contact filled her with joy; it was what she’d dreamed of doing for so long. Oh Stefan, Stefan, I’m never letting go of you again . . .

  When the kissing finally ended and they clung to each other, still trembling with emotion, he stroked her hair and whispered, ‘Why do you have all that stuff on your face?’

  Ah. So he’d noticed, then.

  ‘My desperate attempt to impress you. From now on I’m going to wear it every day. Believe me, you wouldn’t want to see me without it.’ Fizzing with joy, as exhilarated as if she’d drunk three glasses of champagne, Hope heard the words spill out of her mouth. No more hiding the truth; from now on, honesty was the only way. ‘I haven’t aged well, you see. All this make-up is to give me confidence.’ She grimaced. ‘And to stop you running away in terror. Without it, I’m a complete fright.’

  Stefan shook his head. ‘That’s crazy.’

  ‘But true. If I’d come down here to see you with my face bare, I’m telling you now, you’d have pretended you hadn’t recognized me. You would have sat there and let me walk on by.’

  ‘Never.’

  ‘You would have done.’

  ‘If you really think that, you don’t know me at all. Think back,’ Stefan instructed, ‘to when we used to meet up after you’d spent the day filming. What was always the first thing you’d do?’

  Hope remembered, of course she did. She’d used pale pink, rose-scented cleansing cream to remove the make-up from her face. And Stefan had watched her do it, had lovingly told her she was becoming herself once more.

  With a helpless gesture, she said, ‘But that’s when I was young. My face . . . it’s different now.’

  Without speaking, Stefan led her by the hand up the steps into the caravan. Opening a cupboard, he took out a glass jar filled with palest pink cream.

  Hope’s eyes widened at the sight of it.

  ‘Don’t worry.’ Stefan smiled slightly. ‘It hasn’t been sitting in that cupboard for the last twenty years. I was showing my granddaughter how to make it the other week.’

  She took the jar from him, unscrewed the lid and breathed in the smell. That was it, exactly the same old Romany recipe Stefan had used before.

  ‘Marshmallow root, wild roses and angelica.’ She remembered him telling her the ingredients.

  ‘That’s right.’ He nodded and passed her a box of tissues.

  Hope watched his expression as she applied the delicious-smelling cream to her face, massaged it into her skin and carefully wiped it off with the tissues. When the last scraps of make-up had been removed, she felt the knot of fear in her chest unfurl and relax.

  Stefan was smiling at her. Properly smiling. Everything was going to be OK.

  ‘Better.’ He nodded approvingly. ‘So much better. You look like yourself again.’

  ‘Old and wrinkly.’

  ‘Beautiful. The most beautiful girl in the world.’

  ‘Girl . . .’ Hope pulled a face, echoing the word in disbelief.

  ‘You’ll always be a girl to me.’ He paused, touching her upper lip with the tips of his fingers, tracing the outline of her mouth. Then he took her in his arms once more and Hope wondered if it was possible to die of joy. He felt just the same; the smell of his skin miraculously unaltered.

  Her life felt as if it had just changed irrevocably; she never wanted to be apart from him again. Thanks goodness she’d plucked up the courage to return to Briarwood.

  At long last she was back where she belonged.

  Chapter 52

  ‘Well, this is going to get the tongue
s wagging,’ Lois said cheerfully as she climbed into the passenger seat.

  Yesterday Dex had overheard her on the phone, booking her car into the garage in Marlbury. When he’d asked her how she was planning to make the eight-mile journey home afterwards and Lois had said she’d get a taxi, he’d offered to pick her up instead. Now, having been aware of the frequent curious glances of the woman at the garage’s reception desk, he said, ‘Does she know you?’

  ‘Her son’s in the same class as Addy. Nothing she likes better than a bit of gossip. She just said, “Doesn’t Dr Carr mind you two being so . . . friendly?”’

  Amused, Dex took another look at the woman still covertly watching them. ‘But I don’t even recognise her. How does she know who I am?’

  ‘Because everyone knows you.’ Lois rolled her eyes at his ignorance. ‘You’re a hot topic at the school gates, didn’t you realise that? When you first moved down here, all the mothers got completely overexcited because you were single, eligible and pretty damn gorgeous to boot. Nowadays they pretend they don’t fancy you any more, they’re just delighted to see you settling down with Dr Carr.’

  Settling down? Dex wouldn’t have called it that. Taken aback, he said, ‘We’re just seeing each other, that’s all. It’s very casual.’ And mainly at Amanda’s instigation. The thought that so much more was being read into the relationship was alarming.

  ‘Oh, but you know what I mean. It’s going really well, isn’t it? And she’s such a great doctor. They all want you to stay together.’ Lois gestured expansively with her braceleted left arm. ‘The whole fairy-tale happy ending.’

  ‘Fairy tale?’ echoed Dex. ‘Why would it be a fairy tale?’

  But Lois was no longer looking at him; she was staring directly ahead, her one visible cheek uncharacteristically flushed. The silence stretched between them. Dex, who had spent the last week or two idly wondering if the time was coming when he should make the inevitable break, sensed that something significant was up. Finally he repeated, ‘Why fairy tale?’

  ‘Look, I wasn’t thinking. I shouldn’t have said it. That’s me,’ Lois shrugged. ‘Queen of the foot-in-mouth situation.’

  ‘Tell me.’ He couldn’t begin to imagine what was going on.

  ‘You should ask Dr Carr.’

  ‘Ask her what? Come on, Lois. Just say it.’ Switching off the ignition, he said, ‘We’re not moving until you do.’

  Another hesitation, then she reached her decision. ‘Fine then. Maybe you do have a right to know.’

  ‘I think so too,’ said Dex. ‘Fire away.’

  ‘It’s just that you’ve got gorgeous Delphi, and you’re single. And so’s Dr Carr, and she can’t have children.’ Evidently still embarrassed by her faux pas, Lois said, ‘Which is why you two getting together and becoming a proper family would be so perfect.’

  ‘She can’t have children?’ Dex felt as if he’d been winded. Not because he wouldn’t want to be with someone unless she was capable of giving birth, but by the burden of the responsibility this revelation created.

  ‘Sorry,’ said Lois.

  ‘How do you know?’

  ‘She told one of the other mothers at school. Everyone knows.’ Lois nodded at the key stuck in the ignition. ‘Can we go now?’

  Dex restarted the car. ‘Don’t worry. Thanks for telling me.’

  She looked rueful. ‘You kind of forced it out of me. I’d make a rubbish spy. I’m usually good at being discreet.’

  ‘You run a pub. I’d imagine you have to be.’

  ‘So am I allowed to ask? Are you in love with her?’

  ‘With who?’ For a split second Dex was caught off guard; he’d been thinking about Molly, wondering if ‘everyone knows’ meant she was aware of it too. ‘Oh, you mean Amanda?’ God, no, of course I’m not. But he could hardly say that aloud. Discreetly sidestepping the question he said, ‘So does the whole village think we should be together?’

  ‘Not quite all. I didn’t say I did. To be honest, I always thought you and Molly could have had a bit of a thing going on.’

  Aware of her gaze upon him, it was now Dex’s turn to keep his eyes fixed on the road ahead as they made their way back to Briarwood.

  ‘Little giveaway twitch there,’ Lois murmured. ‘Did you two have a thing going on?’

  He shook his head fractionally. ‘Never happened.’

  ‘Did you try?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘She wasn’t interested.’

  ‘That surprises me. I thought she might have been.’

  ‘Well,’ said Dex, ‘you were wrong. And now she has Vince.’

  Perfect, car-polishing Vince . . .

  Another pause, then Lois said, ‘Yes. Do you like him?’

  Dex was getting better at keeping his thoughts to himself, not getting caught out. It was always nice not to end up looking like a complete idiot. Aloud, he said, ‘Vince is a nice guy. Not sure he’s right for Molly, but she seems to think he is.’

  Lois nodded in agreement. ‘Oh well, there you go.’

  And they drove the last few miles in silence, each alone with their thoughts. You can’t always get what you want.

  At the Crown Inn in Marlbury, Dex waited at a table by the window for Amanda to arrive home from work.

  It was no good, he wasn’t looking forward to the ensuing conversation but it had to be done. And ironically, this was where he’d first met her, when they’d bonded over the awfulness of the band playing up on the tiny stage that evening.

  And now he was back, here to end the relationship. Not pleasant, but pretty much the only way to go. For both their sakes.

  There was her car now, the sporty silver Peugeot slowing to a halt outside her house. Watching through the window as Amanda jumped out of the driver’s seat and locked the door with an electronic flourish, Dex drained his coffee and braced himself for the ordeal ahead.

  Amanda’s initial delight at seeing him soon faded once they were inside her house and she learned the reason for the unexpected visit.

  ‘What? But why?’ Her eyes widened in disbelief.

  ‘Because . . . it’s not fair on you.’

  ‘Oh please, don’t give me that.’ Amanda shook her head. ‘It’s the oldest line in the book. Everything’s been great, hasn’t it? We’re great together! You can’t say the sex hasn’t been fantastic.’

  ‘I know, but—’

  ‘You won’t get better than me.’ There was an edge to her voice that made Dex realise why he was going through with this; natural self-confidence was one thing, but there was a limit to the amount he could truly be comfortable with.

  ‘Maybe not, but it’ll just have to be my loss.’ A degree of guilt meant he had to be gentle with her. ‘And I’m sorry, really I am, but it’s for the best. You’ll thank me in the long run. It’s better to make the break now, for your sake.’

  ‘Is it someone else?’ They were in her immaculate kitchen; Amanda crossed to the sink and filled a glass from the tap.

  Dex hesitated and shook his head, wondering if she was about to chuck the cold water at him. ‘No . . .’

  ‘Rubbish, you’re lying. Of course there is. You’ve got the next one lined up, ready to go.’

  ‘I haven’t, I promise.’ Oh God, he wished he had.

  ‘But we’re perfect together!’

  ‘On paper, yes. But it has to feel right too.’ The amount of practice he’d had at this over the years, you’d think he’d be better at it by now. Unconsciously pressing his hand to his chest, Dex said, ‘It has to feel one hundred per cent, properly right.’

  She gripped the glass. ‘And there’s nothing I can do or say to make you change your mind?’

  Another shake of the head. ‘No. I’m really sorry. About everything.’

  ‘Right. Well.’ Pride kicked in, thankfully. Amanda wasn’t the type to beg. She drank the water and put the empty tumbler in the sink. ‘In that case, what a shame. I’ll miss you. And Delphi. Where is she now? Let me
guess, you left her with Molly while you came over here to do the evil deed.’

  ‘Frankie’s looking after her.’ It hadn’t felt right to ask Molly, under the circumstances. To be kind, Dex said, ‘Delphi’s going to miss you too,’ even though he didn’t think she would. ‘Look, I know how you must be feeling, but we can’t stay together just because of Delphi . . . that’d be crazy.’

  ‘Is that what you think? That we should break up now before Delphi’s old enough to find it traumatic?’

  ‘I didn’t mean it that way,’ Dex said with compassion. ‘I’m talking about you not being able to have children and Delphi filling the gap, and that being the only reason for us staying together.’

  Amanda tilted her head to one side and surveyed him for several seconds. Finally she said, ‘Excuse me?’

  ‘Someone told me.’ Dex wasn’t going to name names. ‘Apparently everyone knows.’

  ‘Everyone knows what, exactly?’

  ‘That you can’t have children.’

  ‘Really? How interesting. You’d think someone would have told me that,’ said Amanda. ‘Seeing as it’s my womb.’

  What?

  ‘OK, I’ll tell you what I heard.’ Having listened to Lois expanding on the situation, Dex did his best to recall it accurately. ‘One of your patients came to see you at the surgery, upset because they were infertile, and you told them you had the same problem, the exact same thing wrong with you.’ He gestured helplessly. ‘That’s about it. That’s all I know.’

  Amanda nodded slowly, her frown clearing. ‘Right. Got it. And that’s how it happens, is it? Chinese whispers around the village? One of my patients was having problems conceiving because she was suffering from something called endometriosis. I have the same condition myself. I told her that. But endometriosis causes lots of symptoms and it doesn’t mean you can’t have children, just that you might have difficulties. God, I had no idea she’d misunderstood what I was saying to her. So . . . everyone’s been feeling sorry for me, have they? Thinking I’m infertile?’ The corners of her mouth twisted into a rueful smile.

  ‘Seems that way,’ said Dex.

  ‘And there’s you with Delphi . . . well, no wonder all the mothers kept telling me how pleased they were that we’d got together.’

 

‹ Prev