by Desiree Holt
“You’re pretty quiet over there.”
The sound of Chase’s voice startled her. She’d been doing it again, having inappropriate thoughts about him. Inappropriate? Hell, they were downright illegal under the circumstances.
“Just thinking about the barbecue.” Which she’d done off and on since she got up that morning. “This is kind of our first ‘official’ appearance.”
“Sure is.” He reached over and took her hand, sending little flashes of heat through her body with his very masculine touch. “You ready for this?”
She drew in another breath, did her best to ignore the traces of his aftershave, and nodded her head.
“As I’ll ever be. Think we can pull this off?”
“Well,” he drawled, “as long as that chip doesn’t pop up on your shoulder again I think we’re good.”
“What is it with everyone and the so-called chip, anyway?” She was irritated.
“Holly, you’ve got an invisible shield around you, whether you realize it or not, that says ‘fuck with me and I’ll break your nose.’”
She was startled, although she knew she shouldn’t be. She’d deliberately adopted an attitude when she left North Carolina behind, a protective shield to let the world know she was tough and not to be messed with. She’d never let anyone hurt her again the way Brad had. Was it possible she’d nurtured it to the point where it was offensive to other people rather than serving as a warning?
“Sorry,” she said. “I guess… I don’t know what I guess.”
“I’d say someone hurt you very badly,” he said in a soft voice. “Trust me when I tell you I’m no stranger to that kind of pain. You don’t want to let people in.”
She could hear pain in his voice, sharp enough that she wondered if he’d had a similar experience. Should she ask him about it? No, they hadn’t yet got to that point in their relationship. Maybe they never would, depending on how things progressed.
“I’ll do my best to leave it in your car,” she joked, trying for levity.
“No sweat. If you need help with it, just wink at me and I’ll know.”
An image of him rushing to her side to help lift a huge boulder from her body struck her as so funny she burst out laughing.
“Glad to see you can joke about it. And the timing is right, because here we are.”
He pulled to the curb in front of an attractive two-story house with nice landscaping and a large tree in the front yard. Two cars took up spaces in the driveway and several more were parked up and down the street. They could hear voices and laughter coming from the backyard.
“Looks like we’re the last ones here,” she murmured.
“Save the best for the last, I always say. Remember, I’ve got your back.”
“Same goes.”
She gathered her purse while Chase lifted the desserts from the back seat. Then she followed him to the front door and rang the bell.
“They’re all out back, I think,” she commented. “Should we just go back there?”
“Maybe, Let’s—”
Just then the door opened and Lara grinned at them.
“Oh, good. We were afraid you guys had chickened out and weren’t coming.” She looked from one to the other. “So what Cliff said is true? You two are hanging out together?”
Holly nodded. “We are.”
“Well, good for you. Both of you.” She stepped back. “Come on in. Everyone’s out back. Let me take those boxes from you, Chase. Then you guys go on out there and get yourselves something to drink.”
Holly thought she’d been prepared, but all of a sudden butterflies began beating wings in her stomach. She sent them a strong message to go to sleep.
As if he sensed her sudden attack of nerves, Chase took her hand in his warm one and gave it a little squeeze. “Here we go,” he whispered.
“Here we go indeed.”
The yard teemed with people: adults and children. Everyone seemed busy chatting and drinking and watching the younger kids. When they stepped out onto the back porch, a few people looked up and smiled, and Cliff waved to them from the barbecue grill. Well, she thought, what did she expect? That they’d all stop what they were doing, frozen in shock at the sight of the two of them together? This might be their official coming out appearance, but it seemed it was most significant to the two of them. She had to remind herself that only their closest friends made the situation their business. To everyone else, especially the people they hadn’t been introduced to yet, they were just another couple.
Cliff stepped away from preparing the grill and joined them on the porch.
“Glad you guys got here.” He shook hands with Chase and gave Holly a warm smile. “Together,” he added with a grin. “Let’s get you some drinks. We have beer, wine, and soft drinks.” He motioned to the big tubs on the porch. “What’s your poison?”
“Beer for me,” Chase told him. “Whatever you’ve got.”
“Me, too,” Holly added.
“Not wine?” Chase asked.
“Not today. I’m in a beer-drinking mood.”
She wanted to tell him it was in fact her drink of choice. She’d just developed her wine habit as a reaction to all the men she’d dated who thought female firefighters should only drink beer. She was just so sick and tired of everyone’s preconceived notion and opinions. With a deliberate effort she shook it off, determined to enjoy the day.
John McFarland broke away from a group he was chatting with to come over and greet them.
“Good to see you again,” he told Holly. “John McFarland. We met after the game the other night.”
She nodded and smiled. “I remember.”
“I’m glad to see you guys got together. Chase needs someone to kick him into the dating game again.”
“Damn, John. You sound as if I’ve been living like a monk.”
Holly felt the tension in his body as Chase squeezed her hand.
“He was just waiting for me,” she teased. “Right, Chase?”
He relaxed a fraction. “That’s it. So can we just not make a huge deal out of this? Okay?”
John looked from one to the other as if trying to read their expressions. Holly hoped he saw what they wanted him to.
“Sure. Just happy for my friend here. Come on, you two. Chase, we’re over there with some of the guys from our team. And Holly? Amy is anxious to see you again.”
Chase tightened his grip on her hand, as if both seeking and giving reassurance. “Just remember. I’ve got your back.”
“Same goes,” she whispered.
Chase’s friends were very welcoming but not over the top. John’s girlfriend, Amy, seemed to go out of her way to make them feel comfortable, but in a low-key way that didn’t make Holly feel as if they were on display. Even though, she thought, they probably were. Her friends from the firehouse did the same for Chase, with Cliff taking the lead, and before long she discovered she was enjoying herself. If it weren’t for this unexplained sexual tension humming between her and Chase, an electricity that had been evident, at least to her, on their first official date, she’d relax even more.
She insisted on helping Lara set out the rest of the snacks and get everything else ready in the kitchen. It gave her a chance to chat with the other women who were also helping, the ones not minding the small children. It occurred to her with a shock how long it had been since she indulged in female chitchat. She’d been so focused on getting herself established here, getting a job, and then making sure she did it to perfection she hadn’t reached out to any other women except Adara. She recognized now the few times she’d hung out with Adara and her friends she’d kept herself apart, for whatever reason. Maybe this friend situation with Chase would help with the rest of her life too.
She had just carried another bowl of chips out to the picnic tables when her cell phone vibrated in her pocket. She took it out and looked at the screen. Will. Why didn’t he have something better to do on a
Sunday afternoon than call her? No, that was unfair. Will was the best brother a girl could have.
Excusing herself, she walked toward the front of the house where it was the quietest and answered the call.
“Hey. What’s up?”
“This and that.” His voice always made her feel so secure. Her connection to home. “Just making sure you aren’t sitting at home by yourself on a beautiful Sunday.”
“Beautiful? Hmmm. What if it’s raining here?”
He laughed. “It’s not. I checked the weather. So what have you got going on today?”
Holly drew in a breath and let it out. Should she say something? This was supposed to be a charade to keep their friends off their backs. But what if it worked with Will too? And when it was over, she could always say she broke up with him. Just thinking that gave her a sense of empowerment.
“Well,” she drawled, “it just so happens I’m on a date. Sort of.”
“How can someone be on sort of a date?” She could almost see him frowning.
“He’s, uh, in the Coast Guard, and we’re planning a game between his guys and ours from the firehouse. We sort of, uh, know each other so we decided to come together.”
“What’s this ‘sort of’ business, Hols? Are you hedging your bets again?”
“Always.” She sighed. “Look. It turns out he seems to be a good guy. We seem to get along so we had dinner together. And coffee a couple of times. Please, please, please do not make a huge deal out of this. He could turn out to be the world’s greatest asshole.”
“I admire your faith in the male species,” he joked. Then in a more sober tone, “Listen, Holly. You know I want you to get out there and date. I’ve been pushing you to finally get past that asshole, Brad. But I want you to be careful too. Who is this guy? How much do you know about him?”
“Crap, Will.” She blew out a breath. “First you tell me to get out there, then you want to know if I’ve had the guy investigated by the FBI.”
“What can I say?” She could visualize him shrugging his shoulders. “I’m your big brother, and I want you to be careful. Not just grab some guy so I’ll stop bothering you.”
And ouch! Wasn’t that just too close to the truth.
“Don’t worry, Dad. I’m careful.”
“Listen, kiddo—”
“It’s okay, Will. I get the point. I’m happy and healthy and actually having fun. You can hang up without worrying.”
“I hope. Love you, sis.”
“Love you, too.”
She disconnected and held the phone next to her, as if holding her brother close. One of these days she’d get him to come out and visit and show him she was doing well. He didn’t need to be her babysitter. But she couldn’t resent his support and interest. It was more than she got from her folks, who didn’t know what to do with a daughter who, in their words, “insisted on doing a man’s job and putting herself in danger.”
“Bad news?”
Chase’s voice was low in her ear, his breath warm against her skin. Where his hand rested against the small of her back, she felt the imprint of each of his fingers.
Holly shoved her cell back into her pocket. “No, just my big brother checking up on me, as usual.”
“Does he think you need checking up on?”
She laughed. “He’s believed it was his God-given duty to do so since I was five years old. He’s ten years older than I am and takes the big brother role very seriously.”
“Is he in North Carolina?”
She nodded. “Still there. Has a very successful law practice.”
“And isn’t too happy with your move clear across the country,” Chase guessed.
“He’s dealing with it. But he does like to check up on me.”
“Must have been something spectacular to make you pull up stakes like this.” His voice was gentle but probing.
Holly tensed. “Not a subject for discussion.” She gave herself a mental shake. “Did you have a reason to come looking for me?” She bit her lip. “Sorry. I didn’t mean that to sound so hostile.”
“It’s okay.” He grinned. “You make hostile charming. And no, no reason except I saw you on the phone and wanted to make sure there wasn’t a problem or you weren’t getting called out.”
“Oh, you’d know it if I was. Cliff would get the call first. And it would have to be a disaster to bring us in off shift.”
“Okay. Good. Then how about a burger? Food’s ready.”
“That sounds good.” To her surprise, she found she was really hungry.”
“Come on. Let’s grab a couple of plates. Mancini and his girl are saving us seats. And I want a big slice of that chocolate cake before it’s all gone.”
In a moment she had a filled plate in her hands and another beer, and Chase was guiding her to where his friends were sitting. Even through the fabric of her clothes she felt the heat of his hand. When he took it away, she missed its warmth. What the hell? She would have puzzled over it, but she was immediately scooped up in the conversation, a friendly debate over which group would field the better team.
“Cliff says you’re a great player,” Lara commented. “We’re counting on you to do the female contingent proud.”
“That’s right,” a redhead seated to her right chimed in. “I’m in awe of anyone who can play sports. I’m a klutz with two left feet and no coordination at all.”
“That’s me, too,” someone else added. “Holly, we’ll all be there cheering you on.”
She felt heat creep up her cheeks. Playing softball in high school and college had honed her skills, but she hadn’t played that much since graduation. The few pickup games with the guys at the firehouse had been okay, and she hadn’t embarrassed herself, but this would involve a lot of strangers. What if she screwed up?
“You’ll do fine,” Chase murmured, as if he could read her thoughts.
She cleared her throat and looked around the table. “I’ll do my best. It will be nice to have my own cheering section.”
“Oh.” Lara laughed. “We’ll definitely be that.”
When the food had all been cleared away and tired children were held in laps, they got down to the business of arranging the game. With everyone’s schedule there didn’t seem to be a date that worked all around for another three weeks. Cliff and John took the lead, making sure everyone had the details. Cliff would book the field and John would round up the umpires. Thirty minutes later everything was in place and people began to drift off.
“We should probably go, too,” Chase told her. “Everything’s cleaned up and put away.”
“Cliff and Lara probably want to tend to their kids,” she agreed. “Yes. Let’s go say our good-byes.”
Lara gave her a huge hug. “I didn’t want to make a big deal about it when you guys showed up together,” she told Holly, “but Cliff and I could not be happier for the two of you.”
“We’re just giving it a shot,” Holly told her. “We’ll see where it goes. Right now we’re just having fun.”
“And that’s fine. You deserve to have fun, Holly. Cliff said you’re the hardest working member of his squad. Enjoy life while you can.”
“Thanks.” Holly didn’t do well with praise these days, but Lara’s words gave her such a good feeling. “I’m trying.”
The other woman studied her face as if trying to read inside her mind. “I don’t know what’s behind the mask, Holly, but you’re a good person. You deserve to have good things happen.” She blew out a breath. “And that’s enough of that for tonight. Chase, good seeing you again. See you at Wednesday’s game.”
“Of course.” He winked at her. “Thanks for putting this together.”
“Our pleasure.”
“That was nice.” Holly leaned back in her seat as Chase navigated the car through the residential area. “We used to do that a lot when my brother and I were younger. Even after that. My dad’s a big barbecue fan.” She thought a minute.
“Was.”
“They don’t do it anymore?”
She shrugged, trying to be as nonchalant as possible. “I don’t know. I guess. Maybe.”
“Huh.”
Holly could practically hear the wheels grinding in his brain. “Go ahead. Ask. I know you’re dying to.”
“I am? What is it you think I want to know?”
“Why I have no idea if my folks still have their barbecues.”
“I assume it’s because you haven’t been home for quite a while. That kind of gets you out of the loop.”
Holly laughed. “Chase, you have the best manners of anyone I’ve ever met, I swear. Is that how they raised you in Texas?”
“It’s how my dad raised me,” he said. “I figure if you wanted me to know what’s what, you’d tell me.”
Did that mean he really wasn’t interested? And why should she care? They were just friends, right? Nothing deeper than that. But friends told each other about themselves.
“I haven’t been home in more than a year,” she said at last.
“Oh. Well. That’s a long time.”
“It is,” she agreed. “We didn’t exactly part on the best of terms when I moved out here.”
After another long moment of silence he said, “I’m going to assume if you wanted to give me the details you would, so I’m not asking.”
“Long story.” She sighed. “Long unpleasant story. That’s for another day way down the line.”
“Seems we both have some unpleasant history.”
Holly sat up a little straighter. “You don’t speak to your folks, either?”
“My dad and I are close. I try to get back at least for a weekend every six months.”
“What about your mom?”
He waited so long to answer she was sure he was going to ignore her.
“She left when I was ten.” He spoke the words in a hard, cold voice.