by Desiree Holt
“A couple of weeks?” He almost shouted the words. “Are you kidding me?”
“I need to do this, Chase. Please understand. I’ll—I’ll call you in a few days.”
She heard the pain in his voice when she said good-bye, but she had to do this. She wanted to be sure she just hadn’t been swept up in the great sex and the novelty of having a guy like Chase hung up on her. Trust still came so hard to her.
But as one day followed another, the separation from him became more painful. She missed seeing him, missed hearing his voice. Secretly she’d hoped he’d call her, or maybe come by and try to see her. Did the fact that he hadn’t mean he’d already lost interest? One more day, she told herself. Then I’ll call.
She had just finished her shift and climbed into her car when her cell phone rang. She looked at the readout. Will. She smiled. Always the big brother.
“Hey, Will. What’s up? Didn’t I just talk to you?”
“A few days go. Is there a rule how many times I can call my baby sister?”
She groaned. “Yes, as long as you still think of me as a baby.” In Will’s eyes, she might never grow up.
“Everything still good in San Diego?”
“It is,” she assured him.
“How’s it going with the Coast Guard?” His tone was even, uninflected, but Holly read his concern beneath it.
“It’s going just fine, Will.” No, not so fine. I’m messing everything up because I’m afraid. “I promise, if there’s anything wrong, you’ll be the first person I call.”
Liar.
Will’s laughter rumbled across the connection. “I have a feeling that’s not gonna happen but okay. Just so you know I’m here for you.”
She softened her tone. “I know you are. And I love you for it.”
“Just…be careful, okay?”
“Damn, Will. I’m old enough to take care of myself”
“Okay. If you say so.” But he didn’t sound convinced. “Hey, Hol.”
“What?” Her stomach muscles tightened, knowing what he was going to ask.
“Mom and Dad would love to hear from you.”
“I’ll bet.” She snorted. “They’d love to hear me say I’ve figured out this was a mistake and that I’m coming home and picking up the life they arranged for me again.”
“They just want you to be happy,” Will insisted.
“I am happy. Please try to make them understand. Please?”
“Okay, okay.” He sighed. “I’ll do my best. The real reason I called was to let you know Chuck Hensley will be in San Diego next week for sure. Can I give him your cell number? Be nice if you’d have coffee with him.”
Damn, damn, damn. She blew out a breath. “I said I would, so yes. Just make sure he knows to behave himself.”
“I told you, he won’t come on to you. Jesus, Holly. He’s like a second brother to you.”
She wanted to tell Will that she didn’t think Chuck had brotherly feelings for her, but she wasn’t up for an argument.
“Okay.” She sighed. “Give him my number and tell him coffee would be fine, depending on my shift schedule.”
“Okay. Take care, Hol.”
“I will, big brother.”
* * * *
The past two weeks had been some of the worst in her life. Holly missed Chase with a longing that was an actual pain, but she stuck to her guns. She had to be sure what she felt for him was real. She’d hoped beyond hope that he would call and say he missed her as much as she missed him, but it didn’t happen.
“You’re a bitch to be around,” Adara told her one night when she came over and brought ice cream. “Maybe this will sweeten your disposition.”
“I’m fine,” she insisted.
“Please do not tell me the Coast Guard dumped you. I’d have to seriously hurt him.”
“We’re just…taking a little break.” Which I insisted on, stupid as I am.
The expression on Adara’s face was serious. “Honey, you know if you need to, you can always talk to me.”
“Yes. I know. Thanks. Pass the ice cream.”
She wondered if Chase’s friends were giving him the same grief. Of course, it was possible he wasn’t feeling the same distress. Maybe he was glad to be rid of her and already trolling for someone else.
No. She wouldn’t even go there. He had done nothing to make her think he was playing a game with her. It was all on her stupid shoulders, and now she had to make it right.
Cliff made it a point to take her aside at work and ask her what was wrong.
“Nothing,” she insisted. Everything, she wanted to tell him. I am suffering from a case of terminal stupidity.
“You sure aren’t yourself.”
She stiffened. “Is there something wrong with my work?”
“No, no, no.” He shook his head. “You just seem, I don’t know, a little off.” He gave a half grin. “I noticed even the guys aren’t razzing you. Something you want to talk about?”
“Nothing to say,” she insisted. “I’m fine.”
The days had dragged by with painful slowness. She wasn’t sleeping well and on her days off, she seldom left her apartment. She had finally psyched herself up to dialing Chase’s number, early, before he left for the boat. She was in the firehouse when her cell rang and it was Chase.
“I apologize for calling you at work,” he began, “but—”
“It’s okay.” The words came out in a rush. “You can call me. Here. Anywhere. Anytime.”
“I want to see you.” His tone was so noncommittal she wasn’t sure if he wanted to take her to bed or tell her he was done with her.
“Um, okay.” Hurry, she wanted to tell him, before the alarm went off.
“Tonight. I’ll pick you up about six. That okay?”
“Yes, yes. That’s fine.”
“Dress casual and warm.” Then he hung up.
The minute she was in her apartment, she stripped off her clothes and hurried into the shower. They’d had callouts to three small fires today, but the size didn’t matter when it came to the lingering scent of it. The smell of smoke clung to her skin and her hair, and she washed and shampooed three times before she was satisfied. She brushed her hair until it shone, then left it loose around her shoulders. She’d taken to doing that more and more when she was with Chase. He loved to sift his fingers through it and tell her how silky it felt and how good it smelled.
The thought of that never happening again made her want to weep. Was he taking her someplace to tell her it was over? He was done with her? If she’d wanted distance, now she could have it. Forever. The thought made her so nauseous she almost threw up.
She was at the point where she thought she’d like anything he suggested.
Okay. Comfy jeans, a soft T-shirt, athletic shoes instead of sandals, and a light jacket. She shoved her necessities into a small canvas purse, and she was ready. The doorbell rang at that exact moment. She took one last look in the mirror, moistened her lips, and went to open the door.
And there he was looking down at her, looking way too mouthwatering. His worn jeans were molded to his hips and again he wore a T-shirt with the Coast Guard logo on it. He looked just as sexy and mouthwatering in them as he had the first time she’d seen him dressed that way. She was struck with a sudden need to run her hands over every one of his sculpted, well-defined muscles, and had to clench her hands to keep from doing do.
He wasn’t smiling. Was that a bad sign? Probably. Again nausea bubbled up.
What have I done?
“All set? Let’s go, then.”
“Can you at least let me know where we’re heading?” she asked as they pulled out of her apartment complex parking lot.
Chase just shook his head. “You’ll see soon enough.” He turned on the radio and found a station with soft instrumental music on it. “A little music. That okay with you?”
“Of course.” But she had to wonder if he did
that to avoid talking to her. If he was taking her someplace to break up with her, he could have just done it at her apartment so she could crawl into bed and feel sorry for herself, for ruining something so great.
“The water is such a big part of my life,” he told her, “that even when I’m not on duty I find it very relaxing.” He paused. “Funny, I don’t think I ever asked you if you liked the water.”
“We have great beaches in North Carolina. Charlotte’s not on the water but the beaches are nearby. When we were kids, my folks used to go every summer for a couple of weeks. And when I got older I scored as many weekends with my friends as I could.” She laughed. “So, yes, I guess you could say I love the water.”
“Good.” He reached over and squeezed her thigh, a gesture that eased her tension just a bit. “I knew we were on the same wavelength.”
Don’t read too much into that, she reminded herself.
Before long they were driving along the edge of San Diego Harbor. To her left were shops and restaurants and rows of marinas. She had done all she could do to keep from asking more questions. Finally they turned into Wolf Brothers Marina and parked in the gravel lot.
Holly turned to him, excitement bubbling up. “We’re going out on a boat?”
“Uh-huh. Come on.”
She climbed out of the car, pulled on her jacket, and zipped it up. She saw Chase tugging a sweatshirt over his head, also with the Guard crest on it. Then he lifted a wicker basket from the basket from the back seat.
“A picnic?” She loved picnics.
“Uh-huh,” he said again. “Come on. I hope you like this.”
With his free hand he took one of hers, another warming gesture, and led her down to the little rental shack at the head of the slips. She waited while he and the man inside exchanged pleasantries, and then Chase accepted a key ring and urged her out onto the dock. They passed several boats and some empty slips before he finally stopped about midway down the pier.
“Here we are. Your ride for the evening.”
Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. The boat was beautiful. It wasn’t the biggest one at the marina, but it was big enough for her. Gorgeous, sleek, its white hull decorated with a wide navy stripe.
“My God, Chase.” She couldn’t stop staring. “This must cost the earth to rent.”
He shook his head. “Nah, I know the guy. And he gives the Coast Guard a nice break.”
He climbed up onto the desk first, then reached down to help Holly aboard. She stood there for a moment, just taking it all in.
“This must be some important picnic,” she commented, “for you to set all this up.”
He set the picnic basket down on the table in front of the bench seats and cupped her chin in his hand. “Holly.” His voice was dead serious. “With you everything is important. Remember that, okay?”
“Uh, okay. Sure.” Her stomach was doing flip-flops she was so nervous. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Nope.” His mouth turned up in that half smile she loved. “Just come on up to the wheel with me, and we’ll get out onto the water,”
She watched while he cast off expertly, coiling the ropes against the hull, then following him to the bow. She was fascinated watching him turn over the big engines and back the boat easily and smoothly out of the slip, then reverse and head at a slow speed out pass the rest of the slips.
“As soon as we get into open water I’ll open it up,” he told her. “Okay?”
“Oh, yes.” She gave him a big smile. “More than.”
Barely five minutes passed before they were out of the harbor, passed the other boats just coming in or preparing to leave, and into open water. Chase pushed the throttle forward and they took off. The sun had begun its slow descent to the horizon, its reflection a huge golden ball on the water. The breeze kissed her face and carried with it the faint tang of the salt water. She felt a sense of freedom she hadn’t experienced in a very long time.
“I can see why you love it on the water,” she shouted at him. “It’s beautiful. A whole other world.”
He nodded. “That it is. That’s why I wanted to take you out here. I feel more at home here now than I do on land.”
She wet her lips. “Chase, you’re scaring me. Did you bring me out here to tell me something bad? Because you could have just said it straight up and not gone to all this trouble.”
A long moment passed before he shook his head. “We need to talk, and I wanted to be where I feel the most comfortable. I wanted to share this part of my life with you. You’re special to me, Holly. I hope you know that by now.”
Okay, so maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Of course, he could say she was special but it was over. Right? Geez. She needed to stop doing this to herself. So she just moved closer to him and slid her hand in the crook of one arm, pressing against his side, silently trying to tell him whatever he said would be okay.
She hoped.
That was all the talking they did as he took them farther and farther out into San Diego Bay. They had been traveling for about a half hour, far enough from the harbor that they weren’t in a crush of boats, when Chase throttled back to idle, then finally shut off the motor.
“We’re floating now?” She raised an eyebrow.
“Only until I toss the anchor.” He motioned to the table where the basket waited. “Have a seat. This will only take a second.”
He made his way to the rear of the boat, grabbed the anchor, and tossed it overboard.
“Okay.” He cupped her chin and placed his mouth on hers, a soft kiss, a gentle one that seemed so full of emotion.
Holly hoped whatever he had to say after all this wasn’t bad.
He motioned her to a seat on the bench, opened the basket, and took out a bottle of champagne. Next came two plastic flutes that he set beside the bottle. Finally he lifted out a tray wrapped in aluminum foil and opened it to reveal crackers with cheese and spiced meat.
“I have dessert in there, too.” He winked. “But only if you are a very good girl.”
“Aren’t I always?” she teased.
The expression on his face turned serious. “Yes, you are. And I hope it stays that way, because…”
“Chase, whatever it is, just spit it out. You can tell me anything, good or bad.” She paused. “Are you breaking up with me?”
Shock swept across his face. “Hell, no. I want to know if you’re breaking up with me.”
“Oh, Chase.”
He picked up her hand, turned it over, and kissed her palm. “When you said we should take a little break, I should have been jumping up and down for joy. I mean, I haven’t been a relationship guy for a long time, and for very good reasons.” His thumb brushed back and forth across her palm. “But a funny thing happened. I wasn’t happy at all. I was halfway between pissed and scared. Because I didn’t want to break up with you and that shocked me more than anything.”
“I don’t want to break up, either,” she cried. “I was scared, Chase. Scared I was getting in over my head and it would all fall apart.” She drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I have history.”
“Me, too. I want to hear about yours, but I’d like it if you’d hear me out first.”
“You bet.” She could do anything now that she knew he didn’t want out off this.
“There are reasons why I wasn’t with anyone when we met,” he began. “I want to get it out there in the open. Indulge me, okay?”
He sounded so serious she was almost afraid to hear what he had to say. They had moved way beyond a simple friendship now. She owed him her history too. And maybe he’d understand why she ran like a scared rabbit.
“Okay,” she told him. “But then maybe I have some things to say too. Does that work?”
He held up the champagne and the flutes and gave her a crooked grin. “That’s what the bubbly is for. To smooth out the wrinkles.”
She smiled back. “Then let’s do it.”
; Yes, let’s get it all out there, whatever it is.
He popped the cork, and they laughed as some of the fizz dripped over his hand. He held it to her so she could lick the bubbly liquid from his skin, thinking how very intimate the act was. He filled both glasses and handed one to her, touching his to the rim of hers.
“To whatever tonight brings.”
Holly hoped that was meant to be optimistic so she nodded. “I’ll drink to that.”
The champagne was cold and good and tickled its way down her throat. Chase eased down onto the bench, close enough to her so he could put his arm around her. She pressed against him, the heat of his body a good counterbalance to the bite of the wind. They sat in silence for some time, sipping champagne and nibbling on the snacks. The breeze tickled their noses with the ocean scent and ruffled the surface of the water around them. It was such a peaceful scene she couldn’t imagine disturbing it with anything unpleasant. Chase had chosen the water because it was a calm place for stormy truths so she would just follow his lead.
They finished another flute of champagne and Chase set his empty glass on the table. He was silent for so long she began to get nervous again, but she forced herself to wait him out. The sun was halfway below the horizon when he spoke again.
“I don’t know how to say any of this,” he began, “except to just put it out there.”
Don’t tense up, Holly. Don’t anticipate. “That’s the best way.”
“I have trust issues. Big ones.”
She looked at him, her brows pinched together. “That’s it? You have trust issues?”
“That’s a lot more than just ‘it’,” he protested. “I don’t talk about this. No one except John knows my history.” He paused. “But I think it’s time to share it with you.”
She nodded and leaned closer to him. She wanted the assurance of the contact that whatever this was wouldn’t put a stop to what they were building together.
“We have something real,” he went on. “It became crystal clear to me when you said you wanted to take a break and I could hardly stand a day without at least talking to you. But then I thought, okay, you’ve been here before and got burned. Was I willing to take a chance again? When I realized I wanted you more than anything I knew the answer.”