What was the right thing to do? Todd definitely did not want my pity. If he found out, he’d probably hate it more than having his father yell at him. Maybe I should just stay out of it, do my best and let Todd handle his own life.
“Bernie, let’s go. Are you with me?” Grant stood with his hand out waiting for me to do my part. “We’re running out of time. Do you have the RO ready?”
20
What Happened in There?
Bernie
“Yeah, hang on…” I bent my head down and wrote out the repair order only to be distracted even more by a growing buzz of conversation traveling through the arena like a groundswell. Looking around, more and more people were turning to stare at our team. Where had all the cameras and reporters come from? Were they taking our picture because I was the only girl in the competition this year?
Focus, Bernie. Biting my lip, I quickly finished writing out the repair order…giving one last look at the 3-Cs. No time to change it now.
I handed the RO to Grant who turned to rush to the parts counter, but paused mid-stride. Had he just noticed the photographers and attention too? Did everyone know we were in first place heading into this last hour?
Grant tugged his hat lower and disappeared through the frantic final dashes to the parts counter as the time ticked down. Grant and I were able to replace our last part just as the judge called time over the P.A. system.
“You okay?” Grant put his hand under my chin, guiding our gazes together. “It felt like I lost you there at the end.”
“Yeah, I just—I don’t know.” Without even thinking, I stepped into him, burying my face against his shoulder. When he wrapped his arms around me everything felt better. Everything. “Can I just stay here inside your arms for the next few hours…days…maybe longer?”
“Absolutely,” he said, but his arms and chest went tense.
Too much PDA? Or maybe he was finally giving into the tension of the day?
“Congratulations to all our students today. You’re all winners in our book. But someone has to win the scholarship prizes, so if you’ll turn your attention to the screen behind me, our computer has tabulated the results.”
I didn’t look. I couldn’t.
Grant did.
“Huh. Todd came in second. We finished fourth.” I felt more than saw Grant’s look of confusion. Right. Because we’d been on fire the whole day. “I’m not sure how that happened…”
“Maybe the other teams finished strong,” I said. “That last repair sort of stumped me, I guess.”
“No. It was me. If I’d been a stronger partner, you wouldn’t have had to carry such a heavy load during the day.” He stroked his hand over my hair, comforting me. “Feels like a tougher loss, since we were leading for most of the competition. I thought we had it. Didn’t you?”
Before I had a chance to come up with a response, the announcer got our attention again.
“I’ve got a special surprise. It’s come to my attention we have a celebrity in the competition today. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome movie star, Kingsly Grant, competing for Jackson High School! Thank you, Kingsly Grant, for helping to bring awareness to the field of auto tech!”
“Jackson?” There were only four students representing Jackson here today.
Journalists and paparazzi flowed toward us like an incoming tide, their cameras clicking away, taking photographs and yelling questions to Grant.
…Just like he was a movie star on the red carpet.
Grant? Grant, who had turned as stiff as a marble statue?
Oh no. No, no, no, no. Please don’t let this be true. Grant—my Grant—was Kingsly Grant the movie star? No.
I tilted my head back to look up into Grant’s face and I knew it was true.
The one boy I’d learned to trust had been lying to me the whole time.
“Bernie,” he said, reaching for my hand as I pulled out of his arms and away.
“I told you I don’t do well with surprises,” I said, taking a step back from him…and then another.
“Bernie, we need to talk.”
“We actually don’t.” I spun around, pushed my way through the crowd of students and rushed out the back entrance to the parking lot.
Guess who followed me.
“Bernadette, please stop. Talk to me.” Grant snagged my hand at the edge of the parking lot, turning me to face him. “What happened in there?”
“What happened?” My voice shook. “Uh…everyone found out my teammate is Hollywood’s biggest teen heartthrob who’s been hiding in plain sight.”
“I’m sorry. I was trying to find the right way to tell you. Then I realized it didn’t matter.”
“It didn’t matter?” How could he think it didn’t matter?
“Yes. Because you’re not impressed with all the Hollywood stuff. You couldn’t care less that I’m an actor.”
“True. But I do care about being lied to. About you laughing behind my back.”
“I never laughed at you.”
“Sure you didn’t. All that stuff about your first kiss.” Our first kiss. I didn’t think I could be more embarrassed. Or angry. If I were lucky, a black hole would appear right now and suck me up and away. “I’m an idiot. Was there anything about us that wasn’t a lie?”
“That wasn’t a lie. My first kiss was on a set for a TV show when I was ten. Back when I still thought girls had cooties. Of course, I didn’t count that. My next kiss was on a movie set. I was sixteen and it was with my best friend; it was like kissing my sister.”
“Whatever. The kisses are your smallest lie.” Relief flowed through me when I saw Gigi’s car approaching. “No wonder it was so easy for you to give that ‘you don’t need to fit in’ advice. You don’t need to fit in. You never have because you’re loved by millions.”
“It’s a lonely way to go through life. Too young to fit in with most of the actors. Too famous for regular friends.” He shrugged. “I’ve never had the chance to fit in somewhere. Not until now. With you.”
“Too bad you didn’t trust me enough to tell me.”
“Trust works both ways.”
“Whatever.”
“Bernie—”
Grant’s mom pulled up in her car and rolled the window down. “Grant, honey, you’ve been outed.”
“I know.”
“Hi, Bernie. I’m sorry about the competition.”
“Thanks, Mrs. Stutterfield, I mean…is that really your name?” I whipped my head to Grant—Kingsly. “Is she even your mom?”
“Yes, she’s my mom.”
“Although, it’s actually Mrs. Grant.”
“I didn’t lie to you about anything else.” He held his hand to me. “Just that one thing.”
“Right. That one huge thing that changes everything.” I rolled my eyes, because nothing about him—about Grant Stutterfield—had been the truth.
“Grant, there’s more paparazzi on the way. We need to go.”
“Bernie, I really need to talk to you. To explain.”
“What’s to explain? It’s pretty clear what happened.” I looked at Grant, still hovering next to me. “You lied to me and pretended to be someone you’re not. You should go.”
“You still didn’t answer me. What happened in there? We were winning going into the last round. I know we were. What the heck happened?”
“I messed up. It turns out I’m not as good of a mechanic as I thought I was.”
“Now which one of us is lying?”
“Why do you even care?” Thankfully, Gigi pulled up to the curb just then behind Grant’s mom because I needed to leave before I burst into tears.
I walked to Gigi’s sedan, tearing the back door open as more cars pulled into the parking lot and tabloid reporters spilled from the building.
“Grant…” his mom called.
“We are not finished here,” he said, giving me one hard look before getting into the car with his mom and driving off.
Proof that the famous Kingsly Grant wasn’t perfect
. Because he was wrong.
We were so finished.
21
A Definite Spoon Emergency
Bernie
So much for big plans. The original plan after the competition was for me and Grant to drive home together so we could stop and celebrate our win. Yeah, that’s how confident we’d been. I never in a million years could have predicted how it actually went down.
The fact that we lost, while painful, wasn’t the craziest or most painful part of the evening. Nope.
So now Grandma Gigi was driving us home with Grandma Lolli sitting next to her, throwing worried glances at me in the back seat. The Motown station was on the radio—probably to help make me feel better—but for the first time, it really wasn’t.
Gigi reached out and turned the music down.
“So let’s discuss the elephant in the car,” Gigi said, her eyes meeting mine in the rear view mirror. “Your Grant is really Kingsly Grant, the movie star.”
Yep. Grant Stutterfield was Kingsly Grant. I couldn’t wrap my head around it.
“He’s not my Grant.” Not anymore. If he ever really was. It was all an act, right? Some publicity stunt for his movie?
“So you didn’t know?” Lolli asked. “He didn’t tell you who he was?”
“No. He failed to share that information with me.”
Ugh. I tried to push him from my mind, but my brain kept flashing up moments of all the time we’d spent together. With each memory the more appalled—and angry—I got.
My first kiss ever? I wasn’t mad that Grant Stutterfield was the first boy I kissed. I was mad that he’d told me I was his first real kiss, but there was no way I was Kingsly Grant’s first kiss.
The fact that I “coached” Kingsly Grant—a guy known to be a great athlete who does half his own stunts according to Lacey—for two weeks! Was he laughing at me the whole time?
And the cars! All the pride I’d felt over my project car and our team car in shop class—and Kingsly Grant probably has a fleet of fancy high-priced cars in his garage.
“Did he—”
“Can we not talk about him right now please?” I knew my grandmas were simply trying to be there for me, but I just couldn’t deal with Grant/King right now.
“Sure, but that leaves us with the competition,” Gigi said.
Right. The great thing about my grandma Gigi was how she tackled things head on. That was also the not great thing about her in moments like this.
“What’s to talk about? I lost. Again.” I stared out the window at the blur of fenced pasture land and cows we passed.
“It’s such a shame, too.” Lolli sent me a soft smile. “You and Grant were in the lead after the morning session. I simply don’t understand how you lost.”
“It’s a mystery, isn’t it, Bernie?” The other great/non-great thing about Gigi was how perceptive she was. Did I mention my grandma Gigi used to be a police detective? Oh, yeah. Dad used to say Gigi made Walker Texas Ranger look like an amateur.
I knew if I went with an “I guess I’m not as good a tech as I thought I was” excuse, Gigi would pounce all over it. Because that wasn’t what happened. But considering I wasn’t sure I understood why I did what I did, I had serious doubts that Gigi would like hearing the real explanation. Lolli might, but she had a marshmallow for a heart, so yeah.
“No, Gigi.” I looked straight into her eyes in the rear-view mirror again. “It’s not a mystery. But it is done and I do want to talk to you both about it—just not yet, okay?”
“Take all the time you need, dear,” Lolli said.
“Just make sure all the time you need doesn’t last more than forty-eight hours,” Gigi said. “Sometimes it’s better to deal with things sooner rather than letting them fester. That goes for the competition and Grant.”
I wasn’t planning on letting things fester. I was hoping I could bury it all deep, throw lime over it to help it decompose faster and pretend none of it ever happened. It was a nice dream, but the way my phone was already blowing up made it clear that was impossible.
Kids I didn’t even know were texting me and sending me messages on social media. I ignored them all and focused on the text from Lacey.
Lacey: I just heard the news and can’t believe it. Grant is Kingsly? Are you okay?
Me: Yeah. I mean, I’m a little pissed, but I’m okay.
Lacey: Sorry about the competition! Gigi texted me the results. Want me to come over tonight? I can spend the night and we can trash talk Todd and Grant.
Me: LOL. Thanks, Lace. Not tonight. But that sounds perfect in a day or two.
Lacey: You got it. Call me if you need to talk tonight. I’ll be by tomorrow.
We stopped by the HEB close to home. Gigi ran in and bought me my favorite Bluebell ice cream. She said ice cream didn’t solve problems but it sure did make a girl feel better while she was thinking about them. It was definitely the perfect night to shove my face in a pint of Butter Crunch.
Gigi dropped Lolli and me off at home, but wrapped me up in a big hug before she left.
“I know you’re hurting, baby girl, but you’re going to be okay. Sometimes things happen for a reason, only you may not find out the reason for days or months or even years. Have faith, baby. You’re strong as steel and you are loved.”
“Thanks, Gigi.”
Lolli and I stood on the porch, watching Gigi drive off until her tail lights disappeared.
“She’s right. You’ll get through this, Bernie.” Lolli took my hand and gave it a squeeze. “Would you like to watch some TV? It might help take your mind off of today.”
“Thanks, Lolli, but I’m going to sit in the garage and eat this whole pint of ice cream.”
“Then you’ll need this…” Lolli opened the purse hanging on her forearm, reached in and handed me over a spoon.
“You carry a spoon in your purse?”
“You’d be surprised how many spoon emergencies crop up,” she said. “I’ll be watching TV in the family room…if you need to talk…or just a hug.”
“Okay.” I stepped off the porch with my pint of ice cream and escaped to the garage and the solitude I’d been needing since the news broke at the end of the competition.
Grant was Kingsly. How was that even possible?
Throwing myself on the loveseat, I proceeded to set a new Guinness Book World Record for fastest ice cream eating while juggling emotions. For the first time in maybe ever, my grandma Gigi was wrong. Because I didn’t feel better while eating the ice cream. That didn’t stop me from finishing it though, but it didn’t help at all.
After tossing the empty pint in the trash, I paced in the space in front of Earl, but the more I looked at Earl, the more memories of me and Grant working, laughing, talking bubbled up and that invisible hand reached out and grabbed my lungs again.
I was confused, angry, sad, heartbroken and feeling more alone than ever before. Desperately needing some connection, I dragged the cover off the Mustang and slid into the driver’s seat.
“Mama, I really need you right now.” I gripped the steering wheel in both hands. “I’ve been trying to stay strong for dad, but right now I feel like dandelion fluff in a hurricane. I’m lost. So, so lost…Which is ridiculous because yesterday I knew where I was. At least I thought I did.”
This wasn’t working. I needed music. I turned the key but the battery was dead. Not a problem. I jumped out of the car and lifted the battery charger from the back shelf. I raised Tammi’s hood to connect the charger and froze at what I saw. Sitting on top of the 302 Cubic Inch V-8 Engine was a faded pink envelope with my name in Mama’s flowery script... Bernadette.
When I finally caught my breath, I picked it up and slid back behind the Mustang’s steering wheel and opened it with shaking hands.
To my baby girl,
Your brothers will have received their letters. Right after my death. But you are so very young. So instead, my hope is that you’re finding this a few years later. Maybe even exactly when you need to.
First, I want you to know how very hard I fought to live. You, your brothers, your father, and your grandmas mean everything to me. But life isn’t fair. Sometimes life doesn’t turn out the way we want. So I find strength in the fact that I married an amazing man who is an amazing father. It won’t be easy, but your daddy will be the rock for each of you to hold on to.
And you have your brothers. They’ll watch out for you. Even when you insisted on tagging along everywhere they went and you pestered them to no end—they looked out for their baby sister. Of course, they teased you to no end too, so it was a hard-earned tradeoff. I find comfort in knowing how much you love each other. How strong you’ll be together.
I’m so sorry I will not get to see you grow up as I so want to.
I won’t be able to drop you off on your first day of high school.
I won’t be able to help you dress for your first date.
Or hug you in my arms when your heart hurts.
Or cheer when you graduate.
But I’ll be there.
I will be there for every minute, my darling girl.
I ask a special favor…Please watch out for Grandma Lolli. I worry about her the most. I am her only child and this will be so very hard for her. She and I are close. We’re much alike. We’d have our girls’ day out in the city where we’d shop, stop in at the tea shop, and talk about “Project Runway” while we got our nails done. We made the mistake of including you once.
Do you remember? You ended up so bored you rearranged a window display, getting us all kicked out of the dress store. Lolli was embarrassed and I pretended to be, but you were quite creative. Needless to say your brothers gave you high-fives, but after that we let you stay home when Lolli & I had our girl time. Be patient with her and maybe give her an extra hug whenever you can. You girls will need to stick together.
In life, many people will say you cannot do things. Don’t listen. You can do anything you set your mind to. Surround yourself with people who believe in you.
The Tomboy & The Movie Star: A Sweet YA Romance (Jackson High Series Book 3) Page 13