My hand worked harder on his belt as he made me wet. His one finger morphed to two, stretching me in all the right ways. My head turned heavy, my eyes hazy as I struggled to free him.
Ducking to his knees, the stranger hooked my leg over his shoulder and kissed me in a place no one else had before.
His tongue ran over my smooth seam, flicking on the clit I’d been told did wonderful things but still had yet to learn them.
My knees almost buckled as lightning bolts appeared from nowhere. I latched my fingers into his hair, a flash of Ren filling my head with his sable copper locks.
I bashed my head into the wall behind me, wanting him out, needing him gone so I could enjoy this.
This wasn’t because of him.
This was because of me.
And he was once again ruining it.
“Della Ribbon…” the stranger moaned as his tongue entered me, and I collapsed into his arms. Pressing me against the carpet, he climbed on top of me, his hips thrusting between mine, his metal zipper cold against my heated wetness.
I squirmed beneath him, needing more, instinct making me reach for him and unbuckle his belt.
His hands fumbled for the condom on the floor as I successfully unbuckled his belt then unzipped his jeans. The minute I shoved them down his legs, followed quickly by his boxers, I gasped at the size.
I didn’t want to get hurt, but ouch, I couldn’t imagine how he’d fit inside me.
“It’s okay,” the stranger murmured as he arched his hips and rolled the condom on. Once sheathed, he cupped my cheek again. “I’ll do my best not to hurt you.”
I nodded. I didn’t know what for, but I was grateful. Out of all the horny teenagers I could’ve chosen, this boy wasn’t like them. He took his time. He kissed me sweet. He smoothed my trembles and wiped a rogue tear away as his kisses swept me away from Ren and delivered me to Ren at the same time.
“Do you want me to stop?” he whispered as my legs tried to clamp around his hips, feeling the strangeness of hard man against the soft yielding of me.
I paused, biting my lip, staring at the ceiling with a chest full of icicles and dread.
Did I want him to stop?
Not really.
Did I want him to hurry?
Yes.
Pulling his head back down to mine, I kissed him with heat and demand. “I want you to finish this.”
His eyebrows knitted together as if I’d hurt him, but his lips sought mine again as his hand wrapped around my hipbone. “I should do this in a bed for your first time.” His other hand disappeared between us, guiding the tip of him to my entrance.
I stiffened as the first press of him warned that this wasn’t a joke.
This was happening.
“I don’t care.”
I was about to lose every shred of innocence I had left to a boy I didn’t know his name.
“Wait.” I pushed at his shoulders.
He gritted his teeth but didn’t try to enter me. “You changed your mind?”
Resting my hands on his ass, I pulled him into me, making his eyes widen and mouth pop wide. As he sank into me, I shook my head. “No. But I want to know your name.”
He groaned as his length slid inside me, then hit an obstruction that pinched and burned.
He looked at me, looked through me, looked right into the person I was and said, “My name is David.”
David.
Della and David.
It had a nice ring to it.
We poised on the point of no return, his elbows jamming into the floor beside my ears, holding himself above me. “Do you want me to finish, Della Ribbon?”
My heart gave one massive kick of denial before I nodded. “Yes…”
And the rest is history.
He thrust inside, tore apart my virginity, and tried to be as gentle as he could. All the while, tears leaked from my eyes, and I kissed him with a ferocity that ended up with us rolling around on the floor as I fought him for power.
I wanted him to pin me down and take everything I had to give. Instead, he let me manipulate him. He allowed me to roll him onto his back and ride him on top, not caring that my insides hurt or the pleasure in my blood was mixed up, screwed up, and so far away from heaven that it sent me plummeting to hell where I surely deserved to live.
It lasted longer than I thought it would.
His thrusting sent ripples through me, his harsh breathing and tattered groans made me feel powerful and wanted, but when his pace increased and his fingers tightened and his kisses deepened, I didn’t leap into the void with him.
He came.
I didn’t.
He kissed me.
I kissed him back.
And then my cell phone rang, putting a full stop on one of the strangest paragraphs of my life.
Funny how Ren knew the exact moment to call. Almost as if he had some sixth sense telling him what I’d just done.
I ignored it.
Most of the time, I got home before Ren even noticed I was missing.
But not that night.
Unfortunately, or fortunately—depending on how you look at it—he caught me on the worst one, ringing me again, just as I was wiping a Kleenex between my legs and marvelling at the smear of blood.
Once again, I let it ring as I exited the bathroom attached to the bedroom where I’d lost my virginity and padded barefoot to David.
He pulled me into his arms, kissing my temple and hugging me close. “I’m sorry I wasn’t who you wanted.”
I kissed his chest before letting him go to put his t-shirt on. “You were the best person for me to lose it with. I’m glad it was you.”
He smiled. “Well, I’m honoured.” Buckling his jeans, he stood awkwardly by the door as I rearranged my dress. “Do you want to…eh, stay in touch?”
My heart fluttered at the way he looked at me. At the fascinated puppy dog crush that no doubt made him feel all protective and smitten with a girl who begged for sex in such a sad, pathetic way.
I smiled, picking my beaded bag off the floor and stuffing the two unused condoms inside. “It’s fine. I knew what I was doing. You don’t have to worry about me.”
My phone danced around again, chirping its annoying little chirp.
“Are you going to get that?” he asked.
“Why? It only hurts.”
He held open the door for me to exit the room. “Want me to talk to him?”
I laughed. “That would be interesting.”
The chirping grew louder, and I sighed. “He’ll be concerned about me.”
“In that case, you better answer it.” Tucking a curl behind my ear, he murmured, “Come find me after. We’ll have a drink. Get to know each other a little.”
The fact that he liked me enough to want to hang out even though he’d already gotten me into bed made me warmer than I’d been in a while. “Sure.”
With a handsome smile, David left me alone as I sucked in a steadying breath and smoothed down my dress one last time.
I pressed accept on the call. “Hello?”
My voice was empty and flat like it was most of the time these days, and I didn’t have time to fix on the Della false brightness and strength that Ren was used to hearing from me.
“Della?” His tormented tone slipped into my ear making tears stab my eyes. “Where are you?”
“I’m safe, don’t worry.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
I let silence gather between us as I stared at floral wallpaper in some stranger’s house.
“Della?” His voice dropped to a whisper. “Tell me where you are. What happened?”
Now, there were two scenarios I could’ve done and knowing the outcome of the one I chose, I should’ve gone for the other one.
I should’ve told him I was fine, and that I’d be home soon. I should’ve kept my secrets just a little longer, hidden my heartbreak for just a little more, but with my insides bruised from another man and that same man actually wan
ting to spend time with me, I was done playing this part.
I was through pretending and wanted to ensure the canyon that’d formed between us could never be repaired.
And I had the perfect way to do it.
“Della, answer me,” Ren commanded.
So I answered him.
I told him things I should’ve taken to my grave because who wants to hear about another being so vindictive and lost they’d practically do anything for a sliver of happiness.
“I’m at a house party a few blocks from home. I Ubered here in my little black dress with no underwear, and I selected a boy from the dwindling crowd.”
His harsh inhale sounded like thunder in my ear.
“Do you want me to continue?” I breathed, rubbing at the fiery ruin of my heart.
“Yes,” he strangled. “Finish. Tell me.”
“This boy kissed me and took me upstairs, and I told him I was a virgin who was tired of being a child. I asked him to relieve me of it.” Tears cascaded down my cheeks as I confessed, knowing full well I broke his heart as well as mine. “And…he did.”
Ren hung up.
CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE
REN
* * * * * *
2018
IT WASN’T HARD to find her.
Whatever Facebook group she joined, I joined too.
Whatever event she tagged as interested in attending, I clicked the button too.
Thanks to social media, I knew more about Della’s schedule than she thought, and tonight was no different.
I killed my bike outside the house.
Music still filtered from cracked windows with a few shadows of people dancing in the living room. I wanted to stab out my heart that this was the place where Della had come for comfort instead of confiding in me.
I’d failed her so fucking much.
When she’d answered on the third call, I’d been relieved but furious. I’d wanted to tear into her to delete some of the panic in my blood, but that was before I heard her voice. Before the hollow defeat replaced her normally beautiful tone, hinting that tonight…something had happened.
I’d wanted to yell at her for leaving me. I’d wanted to demand her excuses why I’d come home to an empty apartment after meeting a girl I’d met online for the second time.
I’d come home early.
I should never have gone.
It was a mistake.
Every meeting was a mistake.
I’d had a drink with her and let her down gently, my only thought of returning to Della and laughing with her at something stupid on TV or debating the pros and cons about a new camping device.
Each woman I hooked up with was just buying me time, even though I felt it running out. I told myself things between me and Della would go back to the way things were if I got my rampant desire under control. That it wasn’t her I dreamed about but some nasty side effect of not having sex for so long.
I’d done my best to believe my lies. I’d honestly wished they were true as I smiled at faceless women and touched unwanted places.
It didn’t matter that my lust was being controlled, it didn’t stop my dreams becoming more graphic or my days become more difficult the deeper I fell into Della.
I could fuck every female I could find but in the end…no one could cure me but her.
And now, I’d hurt her so much she’d snapped just like I had.
She’d willingly chosen self-harm because it was the only way to leach out some of the pain.
So yes, I wanted to be livid with her. I wanted to strike her, grab her, kiss her with every red-tinted rage, but hearing such desolation from the girl I loved, I couldn’t do it.
All I cared about was her safety, her happiness.
All I needed was to get her home.
I clutched at my hair, digging fingernails into my scalp, doing my best to get myself under control. I didn’t want to think about what she’d told me. I didn’t want to visualise what she’d done. And I daren’t focus on how crippled I was knowing she was no longer a virgin.
“Yo, man, party’s over.” A tipsy boy waved my way, his arm slung over some brunette as they made their way down the garden path. For a house party, the place was well tended with manicured bushes and lush grass.
I didn’t know why that bothered me. Why this place was ten times nicer than the apartment Della and I shared or that whoever had accepted her invitation to sleep with her might come from much better stock than me.
He might have money, manners, and mansions.
And what did I have?
Fucking nothing because Della had deliberately torn out my heart and ensured nothing would ever be right again.
Swinging my leg over the bike, I ignored the leaving couple and marched up to the front door. Pushing it open, I entered the cream foyer and narrowed my eyes at the reek of booze and weed.
Only a few lights were on, scattered like islands in the darkness as I made my way through the living room to the kitchen to the den.
No signs of a blonde girl in a black dress.
With sick despair, I followed more rooms, past making out students and giggling girls until I stumbled upon the one thing I couldn’t live without.
Curled up in another man’s arms, her cheeks pink as he murmured something in her ear.
His hand on her thigh. His lips on her throat.
It was more than I could fucking bear.
Della ran a fingertip along the rim of a champagne glass looking every inch an adult. There was nothing girlish about her with her sex-tussled hair, tight dress, and jaded look in her stunning blue eyes.
I stumbled at the sight as the man grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch and draped it over her lap, stroking her softly. She smiled in thanks, tucking it behind her, hiding the long expanse of beautiful legs, sneaking away the ribbon tattoo complete with its R.
I thought I couldn’t stand seeing him touch her before. But it was nothing compared to the shredding, slashing sorrow now.
“Della,” I breathed, marching as steadily as I could toward them.
She froze. Her eyes round and shooting to mine. “Ren…what—what are you doing here?”
My hands curled as the man looked me up and down, studying me, judging me, waging war with just one glance.
Tearing my eyes from my enemy, I said, “I came to take you home.”
She sipped her half-full champagne. “I’m not ready to go home yet.”
Anger sneaked over my pain, granting me safe haven from my misery. I latched onto it, desperate to feel anything but the grief I had no right to feel. “Don’t argue with me.”
“Don’t command me then.”
“I’m not commanding you.”
“Yes, you are.” Her eyes narrowed. “I’m a big girl, Ren. Run along back to Rachel989.”
I stiffened. “What?”
“You heard me.” She slugged back the rest of the drink in one mouthful.
“I can take her home. Don’t worry about her,” the man dared to say.
I didn’t look at him, keeping my eyes fixed on Della as I tried and failed not to see the change in her. The new knowledge in her gaze. I’d hoped…
Fuck, I’d hoped it was a lie.
That she’d said something so hurtful on the phone just to punish me, but now, I knew.
She was telling the truth, and she’d fucked the guy currently holding her close like I wanted to do.
And shit…that fucking hurt.
“Della. Now.” I growled, quickly losing my temper. I’d never beaten someone up before, but if I didn’t get her out of his grip soon, I would.
Shoving off the blanket, Della swooped upright. Fire blazed in her eyes as she stalked in bare feet and stabbed me hard in the chest with her finger. “You don’t get to boss me around any longer. I’m almost eighteen, Ren. You don’t get to baby me anymore.”
Grabbing her wrist, I jerked her through the space and toward the front door. “You and I need to talk.”
“Hey!
” She struggled. “Let me go.” Her fingernails scratched my skin, but I didn’t release her.
The front door beckoned, night sky and streets to get lost in before we had a conversation that would probably end us forever.
“Oi!” A hand landed squarely between my shoulder blades, shoving me forward.
Stumbling, I instinctually let go of Della so I didn’t make her trip with me then spun to face who’d dared touch me.
The man.
“David, don’t!” Della called, tripping to get between us.
But it was too late.
All the pain and regret manifested in my fists, and I swung without thinking.
David ducked, his blond head narrowly missing being hit.
He rammed his shoulder into my chest, sending us both slamming to the ground.
“Stop! Both of you!” Della screamed.
We didn’t listen.
I kneed him in the ribs, sending him rolling to the side. He shot to his feet, trying to punch me again.
I punched him first.
I wanted to kill him.
My broken wrist, long healed from being cow-kicked, twinged as I swung hard and true and connected with his jaw.
He reeled backward, right into Della.
Oh, fuck no.
I charged forward, intending to throw him off her, but she pushed David to the side and leaped in front of me.
Slamming on the brakes, I managed to avoid bowling her over. “Move, Della.”
She crossed her arms. “No.”
David stood behind her, his eyes glittering with malice and triumph. He knew he’d won because he’d had what I couldn’t. He’d taken the most precious thing in the world to me, and fucking gloated about it.
I couldn’t help it.
I couldn’t walk away from this without making him bleed. He’d fucking destroyed me; it was the least I could do.
I swung again, aiming over Della’s shoulder at the bastard’s face. Only, she shied the wrong way. David bumped her, sending my fist half into his jaw and half into Della’s temple.
“Fuck!” Catching her as she fell, I choked on worse pain I could’ve imagined. I’d come here wanting to hurt someone, and I’d ended up hurting her.
She moaned, cupping her head with a wince.
David tried to grab her, but I snarled in his face. “Touch her and I’ll kill you.” I wasn’t joking. I didn’t need any other reason to murder him. I wanted to kill him. Needed to.
Ren and Della: Boxed Set (Ribbon Duet Book 3) Page 40