I crack a smile. I cannot believe I am smiling right now.
“Come in,” he says, extending out a hand to me.
“I don’t think I can do this.”
“Come on. You can do this.”
I put one foot in, my toes instantly throb against the icy porcelain. Taylor yanks me in, and I fall over into his arms, howling as the frigid pellets hit my body. The water is so cold, I can’t catch my breath and I struggle to break free from his grip. “Shhh…shhh…” he says. “Just let it wash over you and you’ll get used to it.”
I stop and melt into his arms, the water is still cold, but the initial shock subsides. He cradles me in his arms, as I shiver.
“Shy,” he whispers into my ear, barely audible over the stream of water hitting the tub. “He’s alive because of you. Because I love you. I love you.”
He buries his nose into my wet hair, as I take in his words and touch, watching the swirls of water, now barely pink, disappear into the drain.
“Only us,” he reminds me.
I turn to look into his eyes. His lips are purple with cold, as I assume mine are as well, and I kiss him softly. “Survivors. Right?”
He nods.
“It’s weird, I don’t really feel anything about this. That’s what is scaring me the most. I feel at peace,” I say. “I don’t think that’s normal.”
“It’s amazing what we can become used to when we accept what has to be done.”
“Now, we can move on. Just live our lives. No more looking over our shoulders.”
“Yes. And I will spend every day trying to make up for the pain you have had to experience.”
“And I, you,” I say.
Chapter 40
“Jesus christ! Where were you two? Did you go kill someone and hide the body?” Henry asks as we both show up to the house nearly four hours after I left. Taylor has a perfectly acceptable backup outfit, while I have some crap Harrison picked up for me with cash at a Walmart.
“Hey big mouth,” Taylor said, walking by him as if nothing is amiss.
“How bad is it?” I ask Henry.
“Have you checked your phone? It’s all-out hysteria. I have had to stop them from putting out a fucking search party. I told them it had something to do with a last minute surprise you were planning and I couldn’t say. So I fucking hope one of you was thoughtful enough to have something planned.”
“I’ve got it handled,” Taylor says, patting Henry’s shoulder. “Thanks. Seriously. I’ll owe you big when you marry Lizzy.”
The last comment leaves Henry standing with his mouth agape.
I change into some acceptable clothes from my closet and drive back as quickly as I can to the farmhouse, calling a distraught Kristin to let her know I am on my way. Normally Harrison would do me the favor, but he is currently indisposed and will be unable to attend the wedding.
I take one final breath before entering the house, where I am greeted by a swarm of scolding, sighs of relief, tears, and pretty much all-out chaos.
“Where have you been!” my mother scolds through moist eyes. “How could you just not tell us where you would be?”
“I’m sorry! We had to meet someone for a surprise and then my phone died. I told Henry to tell you all I would be back and running late. I thought that was enough. What? Did you all think I ran away?” I ask, trying to make light of their completely justified responses.
“This better be one hell of a surprise!” Lizzy says, sounding half in the bag already.
Poor Jill looks as white as the tablecloths in the reception hall.
“I’m sorry! We have about four hours until the wedding. We’ll be fine.”
“Correction, more like two and a half. The photographer is coming to take pics of you, bridezilla,” Kristin says.
“Okay, well, let’s get going then!” I command. The ambiance is far too frantic for me to even reflect on the disastrous day. As soon as I emerge from the shower, Heather, the stylist, and her assistant take over my body: pulling on my hair, sticking my feet in soapy water, tweezing things. I just take a deep sigh, close my eyes, and empty my mind.
***
“Ready?” My mom asks as we wait for our cue to come down the walkway leading to the aisle. She adjusts my fur stole, my something old from her, one last time. “You look so gorgeous.”
Jill timed everything perfectly; the sky swirls with lavender and orange as we wait.
“Okay!” Jill whispers excitedly, doing a rapid succession of silent mini-claps. We walk from the farmhouse using the walkway to approach the aisle. Light flurries begin to come down, just as we make it within view of the attendees. The small group of 32 are seated but turned around to take a peek at me. In the distance I spot Taylor’s tall silhouette in a dark gray tux. I take a breath, and the harpist begins to play Bach’s Arioso as my mother and I take our final march towards the aisle.
Up until this moment, I hadn’t felt nervous, but I as I get closer to the aisle, the faces of the guests come into focus and I can see their expressions, which are full of joy, wonder, pride. Lizzy waves at me as a tear trickles down her cheek, Marsha and her handsome plus-one hold hands a few rows away from the aisle. My crazy aunt Gigi holds up the biggest DSLR camera known to man.
And then I spot her when I am halfway down the aisle. Someone who I did not invite and never expected to see: Hope. My eyes widen as I come to the realization that she is here, and she smiles warmly as we make eye contact. Her fingers are interlaced with those of the man beside her. That must be Joe, her husband, who she has told me so much about. She looks happy. I glance up at Taylor, who is not too far forward in the distance and mouth her name. He smiles knowingly and gently nods. The tears spill from my eyes, touched by his selfless act.
It confirms I am doing the right thing. For so many reasons, this will be a day I will never forget.
My mother gives me away and Taylor takes my hands, which only then do I realize are trembling, and he rubs small circles on them with his thumbs to calm me. He leans in and whispers, “I decided to invite an old family friend.”
I nod, giving him a look of appreciation.
“You look incredible,” he mouths.
The sun has set and now the sky is an indigo color, making the arch above us sparkle like a halo. The officiant comes forward, and gives a small speech about marriage, but all I can do is stare into Taylor’s bluish-green eyes that reflect the champagne hue of the decorative lighting. He looks like the most perfect thing I have ever laid eyes upon. Flashes of his angry face streaked with blood from earlier today stream into my consciousness, but they don’t make me doubt my decision. In fact, they remind me just how well I know him. I know all of his sides, even the rageful beast that lives within him. We don’t have to wear a mask with each other.
Finally it is our turn to exchange vows. I am grateful to go first, as I doubt I could compose myself after hearing Taylor’s vows.
“Taylor, you are everything: Strong and tender, fierce and loving, stern and silly. I don’t think a lot of people know that about you. They see the strong, silent Taylor, but I feel so privileged to see so much more than that. And everyday I see a man who astounds me with his complexity and fearlessness. Someone who is willing to grow when he could easily sit back and say he has all the answers.
“When I first met you in that coffee shop, you saw something in me that I couldn’t recognize. I feel like with you by my side, I am unstoppable. And so, my only hope is to make you feel as loved and secure as you make me feel. I vow to be your strength. To comfort you when you are hurting, make you laugh when you are down, to listen when you decide to grace me with a few words…”
The crowd giggles in reference to Taylor’s often quiet demeanor.
“Loving you has made me believe in things. Loving you has made me grow in ways I never thought possible. It’s made me stronger than I ever imagined I could be, and able to face and accept things I never thought I could.
“I keep thinking I can’t fall in love any hard
er, but there are times when I see you and it’s like the first time.”
Taylor’s eyes wince with recognition at the words he said to me when I was at my lowest.
“It takes my breath away. Sometimes when I look at you, it’s like you are the only person on this planet—“ I choke up.
“It’s okay,” Taylor mouths, looking down into my eyes.
“—Star crossed lovers. Just as Shakespeare said. I always thought that meant something tragic, but, maybe not always.”
Then it’s Taylor’s turn.
“Based on audience response, it appears people believe I am taciturn,” Taylor addresses the guests. Subdued laughter interspersed with a few claps and even a “woot” from Lizzy confirm Taylor’s hypothesis.
“I believe that’s because I have always been a believer in actions. Words are just puffs of air that disappear as soon as they are uttered. So, I guess predictably, I don’t have much to say. And that’s because I intend to live it every day through my actions.”
He once again addresses me, looking deep into my eyes. Not just reciting words, but speaking to me. And that feeling of him and me being the only two people in the world, it happens.
“Shyla, I loved you before I even knew you. I’ve loved you when I didn’t know you were on this earth. And now that I have you, I will make every day my mission to support, protect, and adore you. Most importantly, I promise to make that beautiful smile appear on your face everyday. It’s always been you. It’s only ever been you.”
We exchange rings, and are then pronounced man and wife. Everyone cheers as we kiss, first softly, but the kiss lingers sweetly as we lose ourselves for a bit. The aisle glows in the twilight sky as we walk back up, passing smiling and crying faces.
Taylor leans in and murmurs, “Can we go now? If I don’t get my dick in at least one of those holes in the next five minutes, I am not going to make it.”
“That’s no way to talk to your wife,” I say.
***
Just as Jill promised, the barn radiates in the black night. A band plays lively jazz music on a small stage, while friends and family mingle and dance.
Finally, after nearly an hour of mingling, Taylor uncharacteristically pulls me to the dance floor for a slow song.
“Finally a moment alone with my wife,” he whispers into my ear. “How are you doing?” he asks.
We can ask those simple questions and know the exact hidden meaning without wasting our breath.
“I think I’m fine. I mean, part of it is shock, I am sure. The wedding has been a pleasant distraction too. It’s different this time around. I don’t think anything can surprise me anymore. Though, I still can’t believe it was him. I thought I knew him and he thought he knew me. That’s really the hardest thing to comprehend out of all of this. But, we did the right thing. I think it was fair. Maybe that’s why I don’t feel guilty this time. Or maybe, I just don’t give a shit anymore. I can’t say this hasn’t been one of the craziest days of my life though. Never a dull moment. ”
“Never.”
“And you?”
“As long as you’re fine, I’m fine. Just talk to me if you feel overwhelmed. I didn’t want you to see those things. That’s not who I am with you. I was afraid when you saw that, you might think that somehow it could translate.”
“Shhh…” I say, covering his lip with my forefinger. “I know. I understand. I’m here.”
I laugh to myself for a moment.
“What is it?” Taylor asks.
“Oh if that piece of shit Alan could see us now. You married his daughter, and the other one is in attendance at the wedding. By the way, thank you again. Thank you.”
“I knew you wouldn’t ask me. And because of that, I had to suck it up. You deserve to have everyone you want here.”
“Was this a one time thing?”
“I guess we should talk about a ranch in Montana, so we you can visit our close family friend?”
“You can come too.”
“I’ll consider it. She seems like a nice girl. I just hope she doesn’t give birth during the reception.”
My face collapses onto his chest as I laugh. “The nicest. She’s not sinister like us.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he smirks. “We can make up for her goody-two-shoes ways. Speaking of which, you need to come with me to the back of the barn.”
“Taylor!”
“What? Now that we’re married you’re already becoming a prude on me? I have to fuck you in that dress. You look so pure. I need to fuck it up. Let’s go, this is your Master speaking,” he says, sliding his hand down the small of my back and pressing me firmly against him. “Don’t make me spank you later.”
We sneak off behind the barn, where it is quiet and dark, only lit by light filtering through cracks in the wall. Taylor sits me on a bale of hay.
“How long has this hay been back here? Centuries?” I ask, afraid of what might crawl out.
“Shhh…” Taylor whispers into my neck, this warm breath contrasting the cold winter air. He scrunches up the dress past my knees and swats my legs open. “Fuck I am so hard. Making me wait a week is bad news for you. I am going to hurt that pussy.”
“I like when it hurts,” I say devilishly, unbuttoning his pants. His warm cock is impossibly hard. I spit in my hand and stroke him. “May I come with you?” I whisper.
“If you can keep up,” he smirks.
“I’ve been without for a week too.” I gasp as he slides into me. The raging hardness inside of me strips me of all playfulness as a quivering moan escapes my throat.
“Shhh…” Taylor covers my mouth as he thrusts inside of me, the sounds of the rustling dry hay are the only telltale sign that we are back here. He rubs my nipple over the dress with his thumb and it firms to his touch. Once it is hard, he pinches it, sending a sharp pang of pleasure straight between my legs. My pussy tenses around him, my insides growing with desire with each passionate thrust.
“I’m coming!” I try to whisper, but it’s more like a weak cry.
“Relax,” he says, sealing his hand over my mouth and nose and pressing, effectively keeping me quiet while restricting my breathing. I pointlessly suck for air as he comes inside me, pulling me tightly to him and squeezing, letting out a husky series of groans into my ear.
“Fuck, I needed that,” he says, pressing his face into my neck.”But don’t think I’m done with you. That was just so I could think straight for the next few hours. Oh the things I have planned now that I know you can’t run.” The dim light casts shadows on his twisted smile, revealing his dark intentions.
“The fact that excites me confirms that you have succeeded in corrupting me.”
Then there is a loud bang. “What was that?” I ask, hastily fixing my dress and still in a post-orgasm haze.
“That’s the last minute surprise we planned this afternoon.”
“We did?”
“Yup.” I look up and see flickers of gold and silver light raining from high in the sky with the moon as its backdrop. “They are from me to you.”
“You got me fireworks?”
“I did.”
I kiss him on the cheek. “Where did you come from, Mr. Holden?”
“Oh, that is a very, very long and complicated story.”
Chapter 41
The night is a joyous blur and eventually it all catches up with us. Both Taylor and I are utterly exhausted and after about four hours of celebrating decide to head home. We have a flight to the Maldives the next evening and need our beauty rest. And yes—maybe some time for other things before we hit the hay. Wink.
I grab the mic to announce to the group that we are leaving, but to please party ’til the cows come home, which may be entirely possible on this farmland. Taylor also gives everyone a very brief thank you, and we take the five-minute drive back to his—our—house.
We pull up to the front of the house, which is unusual when we are driving ourselves home as we usually pull into the
garage.
“Taylor, why are we—“
That’s when I see it, his gift for me, sitting right in front of the house with a giant red bow on top.
“Oh my god!” I say, running over to the cream Mini Cooper with black racing stripes.
“I thought we’d pay our respects to Ladybug by not replacing her exactly.”
“I could just slap you! The fireworks and then this! I didn’t get you anything…”
“Shut up. I have you. And that trip to the Alps was something I will never forget.”
I run up to the car and sit in the driver seat, jumping up and down in glee. Taylor leans in, and I have a flashback to when I first sat in Ladybug and he leaned over me with his suffocatingly sexy presence. “So, what are we going to name this one?” he asks. I think he secretly loved that I had a name for Ladybug.
“Hmmm…how about Creamsicle?”
“I think that’s perfect,” Taylor says.
***
“I am so exhausted,” I say, kneading the tense muscles of my neck once we settle into the house. “It was an incredible day though, in every possible way. Did everything work out?”
“I don’t want you to worry about that. If I say something will be taken care of, consider it already done. Tonight is about us. By the way, you don’t look tired, you look stunning. I can’t say that enough.”
“Taylor, all I could think of was how insanely handsome you looked in your tux tonight. I am such a lucky lady.”
Taylor walks up behind me, and pulls out a pin from my hair, then another. One by one, the tendrils of my updo collapse onto my shoulders. He grazes my neck with his full lips, stirring arousal between my thighs. Taylor slides his large hands over my waist, resting them on my hips. His hardness presses up against my ass.
Then the doorbell rings.
“Who in the hell?” I ask.
“Fuck,” Taylor says, adjusting his erection.
“Let me get it. That bad boy is hard to hide,” I say with a wink.
I walk over to the front door and peak through the peephole. “It’s Nan.” I mouth to Taylor.
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