This Dark Mirror

by Tricia Owens

  "It’s difficult to believe that Hadrian is capable of such an atrocity," Jessyd mused softly from behind him. "Who would have guessed his innocence disguises such a black heart. I can only thank the gods he didn’t fool me into caring for him. I would feel like a fool. So guilty. So betrayed."

  Caled stared at the trees a moment. Then he began to laugh.

  He turned, still chuckling darkly beneath his breath. Jessyd stared at him pityingly, no doubt thinking grief had cracked him. But Caled couldn’t be cracked.

  "Once a whore always a whore, eh, Jessyd?" When the younger man looked at him blankly, Caled shook his head, amazed. "If you can’t sell me your body you’ll sell me your trickery."

  Jessyd drew his shoulders back in affront. "I wasn’t—"

  "I’m not Hadrian," Caled cut in, all traces of humor vanished. He was disgusted, actually, with how he’d allowed Jessyd to tap into his emotions. "I’m not a lute you can pluck for your entertainment. My mind is my own and it won’t be swayed by bringing up Rhiad this way. I should have known better than to trust you with truth, Jessyd. You’re a sorcerer. You remained a member of the Order long after Rhiad was destroyed. By staying, you condoned everything the ni Leyanons did. That means you’re as twisted as Gavedon and equally as deceitful."

  "I had no choice! I couldn’t leave!"

  "But Hadrian left," Caled shot back. "He preferred to battle his father rather than remain with him. He risked death!" He snorted, incredulous. "Hadrian did this. Our little lamb. And yet you couldn’t do the same. That tells me much, Jessyd."

  "Do you realize you’re defending him?" Jessyd let out a harsh bark of laughter. "Listen to yourself. You’re defending the very man you’ve vowed to kill!"

  "I’m Gavedon’s Bane, not Hadrian’s," Caled retorted sharply. "Don’t presume to know my motivations, Jessyd. Though rest assured, I will learn yours."

  He stalked off as Jessyd yelled, "I’m only trying to help you! I’ve sided with you, remember?"

  "I’m sure you have," Caled muttered to himself. If there was a sorcerer he dared to trust, it certainly wasn’t Jessyd.

  He would keep an eye on the brown-haired man. Though Manix might think Jessyd a misguided victim, Caled wasn’t so certain.

  ~~~~~

  Three days passed and on the fourth morning, Manix announced they would be entering the Glass Falls later that afternoon. It was also on that morning that Hadrian’s horse went suddenly lame. Neither Caled nor Manix could determine what was ailing the animal, but for safety’s sake it was agreed that it shouldn’t be ridden.

  Caled straightened from his inspection of the horse’s hoof and caught Jessyd looking at Hadrian peculiarly. The mercenary couldn’t explain what he saw in that look, but he knew that he didn’t like it.

  "Hadrian will need to ride with one of us," Manix was saying. "I think—"

  "He’ll ride with me," Caled declared. The others were surprised, but it was the way Jessyd’s eyes lit up that disturbed Caled the most. What was the sorcerer up to?

  "You wish me to ride with you?" Hadrian studied him skeptically and with no little wariness. "If you intend to harass me while we ride—"

  "I won’t. We aren’t children. Just get on my horse, Hades."

  The young sorcerer flushed at Caled’s impatience but he obediently swung himself atop Caled’s horse.

  "Changing your tune, are you?" Caled looked up in aggravation. Gam had ridden up to him and was grinning widely. "Decided to give in to his shy charms, have you? You may as well. He’s infatuated with you. It’s a waste to put him off when you could be enjoying him."

  "I’m giving him a ride on my horse, not my cock, you idiot." Caled gave his thief friend a dirty look for the benefit of the others watching, but lowered his voice to speak privately. "Watch out for Jessyd," he warned his friends. "He’s a little rat who’s up to no good. I think he may have sabotaged Hadrian’s horse, so watch our backs."

  Lio immediately scowled, his green eye all but stabbing Jessyd who was checking his gear. "I thought they were friends."

  "That’s what Jessyd would have us believe but Hadrian can’t stand him."

  Gam nodded sagely. "Fair enough. We’ll each keep an eye on him." He grinned at his joke. Caled snorted.

  "Anytime you’re ready, Elder," he called out as he returned to his own horse and pulled himself up into the saddle. Hadrian sat as straight as an iron rod behind him, making Caled smirk as he reached for the reins.

  "May as well relax, Hades," he murmured, turning his head slightly. "It’s a long ride and you’ll be more comfortable if you hold me close."

  "Is this your way of getting me to grope you?" Hadrian muttered.

  "No. If I wanted that, I’d ask you outright." Caled smiled to himself, knowing Hadrian couldn’t see it. "I know you like touching me, Hades."

  He thought Hadrian would hit him, but instead the sorcerer clasped him around the waist, his chest coming to rest against Caled’s back. "Maybe I do," Hadrian said after a long pause, and Caled was surprised enough by the admission to say nothing more as they began their ride.

  The grasslands slowly gave way to rockier soil, but it still made for an easy ride. Caled, as was his habit, kept an eye out for ambush or anything suspicious, but he sensed the danger—if there was any—would come at the Falls. They had many hours still until they reached the area, so he decided to use the privacy he had with Hadrian to do some digging.

  "I learned this morning that Jessyd wants to aggravate the tension between us." Caled shifted in the saddle to ease a cramp. "Tell me why he pretends to be your friend when in truth he wishes you ill."

  Hadrian tensed. "What did he say to you?"

  "He shared his belief that you intend to start your own Order of sorcerers and wreak havoc on the Council of Elders."

  "He’s mad."

  "Manix thinks he’s jealous of you and lusting after me." Caled cast a sideways glance at Jessyd. The sorcerer rode between Gam and Lio, returning their heavy flirting. That was good. The thieves could keep watch over him better that way. "I think Jessyd isn’t motivated by lust, but rather by power." He transferred his attention to the man riding behind him. "Was he jealous of you while you and he were growing up?"

  "If he was, I had no way of knowing. My father forbid us from spending time together. The one time Jessyd caught me alone, he wasn’t especially interested in discussing magick."

  Hadrian sounded embarrassed.

  "He touched you." Caled hadn’t meant to say it, but the words slipped from his mouth, unbidden.

  He wished he could see Hadrian’s face as the younger man shifted nervously behind him. "He told you?"

  "He said he could have had your virginity." Caled’s fingers tightened around the reins as he said this. He imagined wrapping the leathers around Jessyd’s throat and slowly pulling them tight.

  "Then he lied." Hadrian cleared his throat. "I would never have given it to him." He paused. "It was meant for you alone."

  Caled tensed.

  Hadrian went on quickly, as if afraid of losing his nerve. "Jessyd never stood a chance with me. In my heart it has always been you. Even before I knew you existed it has always been you."

  "That makes no sense," Caled snapped more sharply than he’d intended.

  "Few of my feelings do," Hadrian sighed.

  Words failed Caled. Hadrian being forthright with his feelings was uncomfortable for Caled. Parts of him longed to believe that Hadrian was a lovesick fool caught up in tragedy, while the rest of him warned to guard his heart against further deception and hurt. Times like this, Caled hated him. He didn’t like being torn by his allegiances. The dead of Rhiad demanded one thing, while his heart demanded another.

  "You obviously don’t believe that Jessyd left the Order for the reasons he claimed," Caled began, gracelessly changing the subject. "Why do you think he’s here with us?"

  "He’s leading us into a trap." Hadrian’s voice sounded heavy, as if disappointed that Caled had changed the subject.
"I believe he’s still a member of the Order. In fact I’m certain of it. I don’t understand why Manix trusts him as he does."

  "Perhaps Manix doesn’t either, but is testing him."

  "Perhaps." But Hadrian sounded unexpectedly scornful.

  "What, have you lost your faith in our wise Elder’s council?" Caled teased, knowing that Hadrian considered Manix almost a second father to him.

  "Let’s say I’m learning that not everything my father told me was a lie, though most of it was."

  Caled twisted around in the saddle in surprise, forcing Hadrian to loosen his grip. The sorcerer looked angry, and for once, that anger wasn’t aimed at Caled.

  "I believed much of what my father told me," Hadrian went on, meeting Caled’s eyes with a look of steel. "That was my own fault. But I won’t do that any longer. Nor will I believe without question those who claim to want the best for me. Like Manix. No one should want the best for me. Not for a killer. If they do, they must be lying or want something from me." His brows drew together. "I’ve only now come to realize how much I can be used."

  Caled couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Hadrian had finally opened his eyes? It was about time. And even as he thought this, Caled realized that he believed it. He believed that Hadrian had been ignorant this entire time. His behavior was far too consistent for it to be an act.

  Caled turned back around in the saddle. "And what of this mission? Are you doing it because you believe in it or because the Council insists on it?"

  Hadrian’s arms wrapped around him once more, but they were tighter this time, the grip nearly desperate. "I’m doing it for us. Because he destroyed what should have been."

  "And what is that?"

  "You and I together for the rest of our days. Nothing else remains of this life that can grant me the same happiness."

  "There is life beyond my charms," Caled said stiffly, his emotions entangled.

  "Not when you’re me." Hadrian’s voice was barely a whisper. "Not when death hides in your shadow and rises with the sun. There is nothing left for me without you. No purpose, no light. You don’t believe me when I say I’m being punished, but Caled," his voice cracked, "you don’t know what it’s like to be me."

  But Caled did. He had been in the trees when Hadrian promised Manix he would kill himself. He had been shocked by the pronouncement and by the determination in Hadrian’s voice. If given his freedom Hadrian wouldn’t run—he would die. It was a truth of Hadrian that affected Caled deeply.

  "I’m Gavedon’s Bane, not Hadrian’s." Caled had once spoken those words. How true were they?

  The dead of Rhiad wailed for vengeance. Flames of fury snapped over a city that would never rise again. Though Caled heard, he did not listen. The black certainty of guilt faded to the gray of Hadrian’s eyes.

  ~~~~~

  Hadrian was tired. Perhaps something of Jessyd’s sleep Cast lingered in his body because he couldn’t keep his eyes open. He leaned heavily against Caled’s back and drifted into unconsciousness.

  When he awoke, he still leaned against Caled, but his arms had dropped to loosely cradle the mercenary’s hips. His gloved hands were warm because Caled held them in one of his. His palms were resting near the older man’s groin. The musk of Caled’s body filled his nostrils like a sensual cologne.

  The sleep cleared from Hadrian’s senses. His heart began to thump against his ribs. He shifted his hands until he felt Caled’s sex against his gloved fingers. Every dip of their horse’s gait pushed Caled’s length into his hands. Pent-up frustration narrowed Hadrian’s awareness. Acting on need rather than caution, Hadrian curled his fingers around the large mound of Caled’s cock.

  The moment he did it, Caled sucked in his breath. It wasn’t a loud enough sound to draw any of the others’ attention, but Hadrian heard it. He froze, shocked at his own brazenness. He cringed, afraid the other man would suddenly elbow him in the stomach for daring to touch him.

  But Caled did no such thing.

  Instead, Caled used his grip to press Hadrian’s hands harder against him. And then he rocked forward.

  Hadrian shuddered as lust roared through his body. Even through his gloves and the fabric of Caled’s breeches Hadrian could feel every bump and ridge of the other man’s cock. Caled was plump and curled to the right. But as Hadrian continued to hold him and as Caled used the natural motion of their riding to rub against his palms, that semi-hardness became rock solid and straightened along one pant leg.

  Hadrian tentatively squeezed him, trembling when his fingers curled around tubular flesh. When Caled continued to show no signs of resistance, Hadrian began to rhythmically squeeze him, eager to take advantage for as long as he was given the chance. Caled groaned very quietly.

  Hadrian was certain he would go mad with the depth of his lust. He parted his lips and helplessly mouthed Caled’s shoulder as his own hips pushed forward against the mercenary’s backside. He wanted Caled’s bare flesh in his naked palm. He wanted to hold that velvety heat and stroke it. He wanted to taste it. Oh, gods, he wanted it inside him.

  "Please," he groaned.

  "Easy," Caled murmured, though his voice sounded deeper. “This is enough, Hades. This is more than I should."

  Hadrian didn’t want him thinking about that. Caled was finally giving in. Caled was finally giving him what they both wanted and Hadrian wasn’t about to let the other man change his mind when Hadrian had waited so very long for this.

  They were at the back of their line, the others riding ahead, so Hadrian squeezed his thighs together and lifted himself high enough to put his lips on the sun-warmed skin of Caled’s nape. Caled flinched, but Hadrian persisted, moving his lips over that warm, golden skin and finally touching his tongue to it. The moment his tongue made contact, Caled’s entire body shivered and his hand crushed Hadrian’s against him.

  "Hades," he groaned.

  Hadrian shut his eyes and savored the lust riding in waves through his body. Courage which he hadn’t known he possessed fueled his hands and his words. He leaned up and whispered, “What you did to me in that boat was not unwanted.”

  Caled’s entire body stiffened. Their horse bobbed its head, sensing the new tension.

  “Damn you, Hades.”

  “My body still aches from how you took me. It’s an ache I take into my dreams.”

  "We’re not doing this," Caled panted, sounding almost angry as he continued to thrust into Hadrian’s hands. "Not here. Not now."

  “You have become my master in torture,” Hadrian ground out. “Grant me relief.”

  "I would master you in many ways.” Caled shook his head. “But it’s not that easy. Not—for me."

  Slowly, and with obvious effort, he peeled Hadrian’s hands from his groin and placed them in a safer position higher on his abdomen. When Hadrian started to slide them back down, Caled clamped down on them, holding them in place.

  "No, Hades." Caled took a deep, shuddery breath. "Just... no."

  Hadrian buried his face against Caled’s back and fought to control the raging, unsated desire burning up his body like a torch. He held Caled tight as tremors worked their way through his body.

  “Always you taunt me,” he complained through gritted teeth.

  “Not always intentionally. I am...but a man. And you are you.”

  A nonsensical explanation, yet Hadrian understood it perfectly.

  “I like you weak,” he dared to say.

  Caled grunted. “Sometimes I wonder which of us is predator, and which prey. Sometimes it’s not always as clear cut as I would expect.”

  Hadrian pondered that. He didn’t believe he had power over Caled, but that was naiveté speaking. Of course he possessed power of a carnal nature. But despite what he claimed, Caled would forever be the predator, because Hadrian relished being hunted and conquered by him.

  Some minutes later when they were both in better control of their bodies, Jessyd dropped his horse back to join them.

  "A stroke of bad luck that
you two must ride together," he said pleasantly. "You being mortal enemies, and all. It must curl your innards, Caled, to have the object of your hatred sharing the same ride."

  Though Caled didn’t say anything, the sudden rigidity of his spine said everything. Hadrian gave Jessyd an icy glare, but in his mind he imagined only fire—wrapping golden and red around the other sorcerer’s smiling face.

  Chapter Five

  Caled pretended he was being paid. He was a mercenary. Occasionally his job involved protecting other people—though admittedly not often. So he pretended that that was what this mission entailed: Manix had hired him to protect the group. It gave Caled a task—scan the forest for danger—which helped him remove his thoughts from the fact that Jessyd had spoken true: what Caled was feeling for Hadrian at that moment was nothing less than wrong.

  Hadrian’s arms were around him, gloved hands holding tight to Caled’s abdomen. The other man’s scent surrounded him, reminding him of days spent rolling around in bed together that week when they’d first met. It was torture, plain and simple. Two pasts sat behind Caled—the young man he’d loved, and the cold sorcerer who’d betrayed him. It was up to him which version he chose to believe. To say that he was afraid of choosing the wrong one was like saying Rhiad had been a bonfire.

  Absently, he noted the further hardening of the soil as they moved into rockier territory. He occasionally glimpsed dark cliffs ahead the few times the forest thinned enough to afford a view. They were nearing the Glass Falls, and Caled’s instincts told him he needed to have his head clear by the time they reached the area.

  But his brain was befuddled. Mentally he cursed the Dimorada for opening a door that should have remained shut. If it weren’t for that damned aphrodisiac in his blood he would never have attacked Hadrian in the boat, would never have regained his taste for the sorcerer’s body and responses. The door had been unlocked that night.

  Today, Caled had kicked it wide open.