by Lynn Young
“You’re sure I won’t be putting you out of your way?” Dallas asked with mocking
politeness.
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Anna Marie knew that he did not really care that he was putting her out of her way and found her discomfiture amusing. He was laughing at her, but that wasn’t what bothered her.
“No, of course not,” Anna Marie said in a strained voice.
Five minutes later, she was sitting behind the wheel of her twenty-year old Honda
Accord, both of her hands clutching at the steering wheel like a lifeline, keeping her eyes straight ahead, her mind frantically thinking up a way to casually start a conversation, one that would not sound contrived or desperate, or both. She had to think of something, anything to ease this screaming tension inside her. She was so aware of Dallas’s big, tall body sitting so near her. She could even feel his body heat emanating from him, detecting the faint scent of his male muskiness. He was so big and hard and muscled, barely fitting in his bucket seat. He seem to take up more than half the space of the front of the car, making Anna Marie feel claustrophobic.
For the hundredth time, she was asking herself why she was reacting this way to this man. Surely there was no reason for it, no reason for her stomach to be doing belly flops from the moment she saw him, or no reason for this gnawing need to jump out of her skin. He was just another attractive man. A very attractive man. But why shouldn’t she still be able to handle being in the presence of an attractive man? She had before with other men, including Cameron.
One, breathe, two, breathe, three, breath.
“Uh, you must be happy to see your brother after all these years,” she said, hoping it didn’t sound too weak.
“Yes, it is good to see him. I just wish I could stay longer.”
Silence again. Anna Marie chewed on her lips trying to find another opening.
Beside her, Dallas watched her, his eyes lazy and a bit thoughtful. He said, “My brother tells me that you’re a librarian.”
“Yes, I am. I work at the county library.”
“He also said that you wanted to get your doctoral degree so that you could work at the Library of Congress.”
She turned her head for a moment, surprised that Cameron would have told his brother about her most sacred aspiration. Automatically, she began to apologize and explain herself, as she always had to with her parents and sister. “I guess it’s not the most sensible ambition, and it’s really hard to get hired by them, even for those from Harvard or Stanford.”
“You must love books very much.”
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Anna Marie smiled, then, the first genuine smile that she gave him that night. She didn’t know it, but she was beginning to relax being able to talk about a topic that she was most familiar with and one that was most dear to her heart. “My family says that it’s an obsession with me. I got yelled at more for having my nose in a book by my parents than my sister did for sneaking out at night. And I love to go to these small bookshops that buy and trade in old books.
There’s one downtown, on Fourth Street. I go there a lot, I’m afraid, and just sit in the aisles and pour over an obscure book of a treatise on Darwin’s theory. Do you know it’s amazing to read the early texts on theories that have been refined and advanced in modern times. You get to see how the science community and society overall assimilated a new theory, and how they proceeded to prove or disprove it, and in what directions other scientists took to do further research.” She stopped, embarrassed that she was rambling on a topic that could be of no interest to anyone but her, including a Navy SEAL. “Well, I’m sure you didn’t want to hear all that.
Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize for talking about a subject that interests you so much.”
“I guess I don’t get a lot of opportunity to talk about old books. Not lot of people are into them the way I am.”
“Not a lot of people are interested in things that are of real value these days.”
Anna Marie turned her head to look at Dallas again, surprised that he understood how she felt. She was so used to people putting down her passion for books.
“I could use a drink.” Dallas suddenly said, struggling to stretch out his long legs in the small confines of the car.
“Oh, would you like me to drop you off at a bar?
He paused for a long moment. “I was thinking more that you could invite me to your
place for a drink.”
At first the words didn’t register in Anna Marie’s mind. When they did, she whipped her head around to him, and stared at him in shock. It was about the last thing she had expected him to say.
“Stop,” Dallas said calmly, his eyes staring back at her.
“What?”
“You need to stop the car.”
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Just in time she turned her head and saw the car in front of her was stopped at the red light. She slammed on her breaks and the car screeched to a halt, stopping just inches from the other car.
“You…you want me to invite you to my place for a drink?” she asked, unable to hide
some of her horror. She was alarmed all over again, this time at the prospect of being alone with this man in her small condo.
“I don’t much feel like having a drink in a public place, right now. Do you have any drinks at home?”
“Yes, I think I do. Wine, mostly. No beers, though.”
“Wine will do. After a couple of drinks, I’ll get a taxi to the hotel.”
The car behind them honked his horn. Dallas turned his head and watched the driver
waving his hands at them, then turned his attention back to Anna Marie.
Flustered, she shifted the gear to reverse without realizing it. She pressed on the petal and screeched to a halt again when it went backwards, earning another irritated honk. Clumsily, her face bright red with mortification, she shifted in gear and screeched forward again.
“You have nothing to worry about, Ms. Sorenson. I can be a perfect gentleman,” Dallas said. “My brother will vouch for me.”
“It…it’s not that,” Anna Marie said, trying to concentrate on her driving.
“I could really use some relaxation. You must admit that dinner at your sister’s was not altogether relaxing. But, you, on the other hand, have a soothing quality.”
She looked at him dubiously. She didn’t know how he could say her company was
soothing, when her behavior since he entered her sister’s house was that of a nervous wreck. She felt, though, that she could hardly refuse hospitality to Dallas, as he was the brother of her sister’s husband.
“Well, don’t expect too much. I don’t have a lot of practice in entertaining.” Especially men, she thought grimly.
Five minutes later, she parked her car in her garage in front of her unit. She led Dallas through the door and into her kitchen. She turned on the lights and hung up her purse and keys.
Dallas took his cap off and threw it on the table, thrust his hands in his trouser pockets and looked around the small kitchen. It was a very tidy kitchen, all in white with blue trimming Secret Affair 30
and granite pattern Corion countertop. By the way the clean dishcloths hung neatly and there was no clutter on any of the surfaces, it was clear that Anna Marie used the kitchen very seldom.
She watched him examine her place. Good God, what now, she thought. What in the hell was she supposed to do with a Navy SEAL walking around in her kitchen, a big bruiser of a man. He reminded her of a jungle cat that had just been caught and was pacing in its cage waiting for a chance to attack its captor in a savage bid for freedom. She couldn’t imagine her idea of entertainment was anywhere near what he considered fun and relaxation.
She began to look around, searching. Would he prefer white or red wine? If she had red wine, where would she have put it? Actually, she couldn’t remember the last time she bought red wine other than tonight for her sister’s dinner. She opened the refrigerator an
d dug around a bit, and came across a bottle of Chardonnay that was about a quarter of a bottle full. She tried to remember how old it was, and, with her head still in the cooler, pulled the cork and smelled the wine.
“Uh, do you like Chardonnay? I only have enough for one glass.” She held the bottle out to him. “If you would rather have something else, I can quickly go to the store.”
“No, that won’t be necessary. And I’ll pass on the wine.”
“I’m afraid that’s all the liquor I have.”
“Coffee sounds good.”
“You want coffee?”
“Sure.”
“But, I thought you wanted something to drink, to relax.”
Dallas turned from his examination of the kitchen and settled his startling green eyes on her. They were unflinching as he said, “I wanted to be with you.”
Anna Marie blinked. She couldn’t imagine a man like Dallas wanting to be with a timid mouse like her. “With me? Why?”
There was a ghost of a smile on his sculpted lips, a hint of self-deprecation. “God
knows.”
They stared at one another for a moment. And, suddenly, Anna Marie felt it, looking into his unwavering gaze. She didn’t know what it was, a jolt of some kind but completely inexplicable to her, leaving her breathless with a shivery excitement.
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Unnerved again, thinking that her imagination was getting overloaded, she filled the teakettle with water and set it on the stove, completely forgetting that he had asked for coffee and not tea.
“Do you live here alone?” Dallas asked.
“Yes. I’ve been here for nearly five years. It’s small, barely two bedrooms, but there’s only me…”
“So, I take it that you’re not involved with anyone.”
Anna Marie was taken aback. Why in the world was he asking about her personal life?
“Yes. That is, no, I’m not seeing anyone, right now.”
He began to slowly walk around, his whole body deceptively relaxed, serene, as if he had nothing on his mind except a casual stroll around a cramped kitchen. “I remember my brother mentioning that you had never married.”
“No, I never have. I understand you never have, either.”
Dallas stopped examining his surrounding and gave her a small smile. “No, I haven’t.
But, then, in my line of work, I’m not the marrying kind. I can’t say the same for you, though.” She frowned. “You think that I should be married?”
“No. I’m just saying that I would have thought that at first impression. I would have given my eyeteeth that you were married with a brood of kids. In fact, if a stranger first met you and your sister, they would have said that it was your sister who is actually in your shoes, footloose and fancy free, and not you.”
Anna Marie shrugged her shoulders, a little uncomfortable, not sure where this line of questioning was going. “Why do you say that?”
“At first glance, you seem to be the soft, retiring kind, someone who likes to nest and nurture others.”
“Because of the way I look? Whereas Pepper’s beauty and vivaciousness indicates that she would have much more ambition than anything domestic.”
Dallas didn’t look in the least perturbed that he was stereotyping her and her sister.
“Something like that.”
“Believe it or not, Pepper tells me the same thing.”
“But the minute they start talking to you, they instantly realize that you’re not the domestic one, that you’re the dreamer of the two sisters. You’re not interested in kids or a Secret Affair 32
husband, because your head is too much in the clouds, thinking about things that have nothing to do with nesting or nurturing, but about history, theories of life, science, old books, new books, graduate programs.”
“My sister has dreams, too, but she knows how to make her dreams come true. I’m afraid I get a little muddled in my dreams.”
“Your sister has goals and knows how to reach them. There’s a difference there. Goals are tasks, a benchmark for measuring your success, measuring your worth. Dreams are more than that. Dreams are made of possibilities beyond what is real in life. They hold the future.” Not knowing exactly how to take his words, Anna Marie stared him. She realized that in one way, he was talking to her about the same subject that her sister often railed her about, which was the lack of a personal relationship and family in her life. But with Dallas, the conversation turned out completely different than it did with her sister. When he talked to her about her life, she didn’t feel like such a failure or that her dreams were nonsense.
Dallas ducked his head a little to look at a small row of cookbooks on the countertop. The books looked brand new and never opened. He said with idle interest, “Cameron told me that it was you whom he first dated, before he met your sister.”
“Yes, that’s right.”
He turned his eyes to her. “Did your sister steal him from you?”
“Steal him? No, it wasn’t like that at all.”
Dallas went back to reading the titles of the cookbook. As if he had every right to, he pulled out one and began to peruse through it. “Then you weren’t in love with my brother?”
“No, I wasn’t.”
“That’s a little unusual, Ms. Sorenson. Most women upon meeting Cameron fall for him instantly. Your sister certainly did.”
Anna Marie wondered what women did upon meeting Cameron’s brother. They didn’t
fall. They went into a stupor and lost all functioning brain cells. Like she did. “He just wasn’t my type.”
“You mean you don’t go for good-looking, charming, rich men?”
“I…I don’t know.” She looked at him with some concern, because she was beginning to
feel as if she did something wrong. “Should I have fallen for your brother, is that it?” Secret Affair 33
Dallas put the cookbook back in its place, thrust his hands in his trouser pockets, and faced her. “No. Not at all.”
Anna Marie turned and checked the kettle, thinking that it should have been whistling by now. Was it just her imagination or was it that being around this Navy man slowed down time to a tortuous crawl?
She said, “You know, you’re nothing like your brother, either. Both of you are from a rich family. Neither one of you chose a life of leisure, but he, Cameron, still looks like where he came from, with his expensive clothes, dinner parties, opera, galas. He still has that air of privilege that rich people have. But you are so far removed from the world of money and refinement. You go out on these dangerous missions, risk your life, have to deal with all these nasty people. Not a lot of rich people would do that. In fact, not a lot of poor people would, either.”
“Has Cameron ever talked about me?”
“A little. He said sometimes you got into trouble in school. That’s because you weren’t one to stand down from a bully or walk away from a fight. He said you almost got kicked out of school a few times.”
“That should tell you that I don’t often do or behave what’s expected of me.”
“I would think that the army and its demands for strict discipline and hierarchy was the last place for a person like you.”
There was a ghost of a smile on Dallas’s hard, impassive face. “The Navy didn’t keep me around for the purpose of trying to discipline me. Once I graduated, they pretty much let me loose.”
“But you went to the Naval Academy. That’s all about establishing pecking order. I’ve heard that if you don’t fall in line, especially the underclassmen, that it can be quite brutal.”
“I got through it. I won’t say that I didn’t get beaten up a few times in my first two years, but I survived. I even got my own back.” He did smile then, showing very white, very even teeth thanks to some very expensive dentist, but his grin was not friendly at all. “The upper classmen soon found out that I could be one mean son-of-a-bitch.”
The uncivilized smile echoed what she had said earlier, that he w
as a man who did not walk away from conflict. More than likely, at times, he invited them, even thrived on them. She was beginning to see why there was so much appearance of control about him. It was because Secret Affair 34
there was so much of him that was uncivilized and wild that he had to keep a constant rein on himself.
And, good God, she was alone in her kitchen with him.
She said, “Cameron said that you have quite a brain, that all your tests were off the charts. You could have done anything you wanted, be anything you wanted, go to any college…”
“Like go to Harvard Law School and be a lawyer like my brother?”
“It’s safe. For the most part you’re not putting your life on the line.”
“It’s also boring as hell. It’s fine for Cameron, but not for me. It took the Navy less than a month of my being at the Academy to decide what I was going to be doing for them after graduation. My brains, my physical, mental, and emotional endurance, that I can be quite a bastard, made me a perfect candidate for special ops. After graduation, they sent me down to San Diego where I trained as a Navy SEAL for two years. The day after I graduated there, they sent me and five other men to Angola for a three-week mission. The following week, we were sent to Guam. For over a year, I was sent to places to assist with certain…what some would call political negotiations. Then they brought me back to the states. And you know why?”
Anna Marie was staring at him with eyes wide open, fascinated, as she would be if he were telling her about his trip through space.
“They wanted me to get a doctoral degree. So for the next five years, I enrolled in Yale.”
“Really? In what?”
“In whatever I wanted.”
“Which major did you choose?”
“Political science and history, of course.”
“What was your thesis?”
“The political youth of the American government.”
“That sounds interesting. I would like to read it sometime. What do you mean by youth?” Dallas looked at her. It was not a typical reaction to the title of his thesis. Then he remembered that Anna Marie was a librarian and was aspiring to work in one of the world’s biggest library. She would be very interested in anything that had to do with history and the government.