by Lynn Young
“In less than a year as his wife he’s going to bore you to tears, if he hasn’t already. All he’s able to talk about are treasury yields and quarter point rise, in and out of bed.” Dallas took a few steps away and then came back. “Why now? And why so soon? Last time I saw you, the last thing on your mind was marriage.”
She looked away. “A lot changes in several months.”
“But why this guy? Why him? Why not wait for a man who can make you happy?”
Anna Marie gave a bitter laugh. “For how long? Look how long it took me to meet
Richard? Men who are interested in me have not exactly been lining up at my door.”
“Stop it,” Dallas said sharply. “Stop selling yourself short. Just because your sister and your parents have always sold you short doesn’t mean you have to.”
He took a step towards her, his hands reaching for her. Anna Marie pushed away from the building wall and took a few steps away from him. “Don’t! Don’t touch me!” She wrapped her arms tightly around her waist to ward off the evening chill and the lurking sense of panic that was starting to grow deep inside her.
Dallas remained where he stood, watching her. “You can’t marry him, Anna Marie,” he
said quietly, all traces of anger gone from his voice.
She shook her head vigorously, her arms tightening around her waist. “Don’t say that, Dallas, because I am going to marry him. Just because you’ve suddenly rolled into town again doesn’t meant I’m going to stop everything for you.” She was now practically shouting at him.
“Tomorrow at three o’clock in the afternoon at St. Johns Church, I’ll be standing beside Richard, exchanging vows and rings. By this time tomorrow evening, I’ll be Mrs. Richard Kragen. And there’s nothing you can do about it. Nothing.” She turned and ran into the building.
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Chapter 16
After the pre-wedding dinner was over, Anna Marie let herself into her small
condominium close to midnight. When she closed the door and turned the lock, she leaned against it and let out a long, heavy sigh, as if she had been holding it for several hours. She felt as if she had made it to her haven at last after a long struggle, one place where she could escape the demands of her family, work, and, now, Richard. The last thought caused a sharp twinge of guilt and foreboding, because she knew a man who was about to become her husband should not induce such feelings, especially on their wedding night.
She had managed to dissuade Richard from coming home with her. And he had done his
best to press her, wanting to let out some of the energy that had been building up through the dinner in bed with her. He had been caught up in the general excitement of the wedding, looking forward to the honeymoon cruise down Mexico, and then anticipating all the work that still needed to be done to set up their new married lives in his home, which meant selling Anna Marie’s condo and her belongings, buying whole new furniture for both of them, and starting to plan for children.
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When she tried to plead off from his request to spend their pre-wedding night together with claims of headache and exhaustion and needing this time alone, he had brushed aside her excuses, his eyes twinkling as he told her that he knew she was only teasing him because it was their wedding night. Then Anna Marie pointed out that it was considered bad luck for a bride and groom to sleep together on the night before the wedding,
“That’s old wives tale,” Richard said dismissively. He tried to reach for her but because he had drank a good deal of the champagne, his movements were more than a little clumsy and she was able to stay out of his reach.
Desperate to be alone for the night, she came up with a story. “Actually, I heard that a very wealthy financier right before the crash had been warned not to sleep with his fiancée on the night of their wedding, and when he did, the next day, on their wedding, the stock market crashed and he lost close to fifty millions dollars. The next day, when his office telegraphed him on his honeymoon in Paris, he jumped out the tenth floor of their hotel.”
That made Richard consider and he decided that, since he was going to be granted a
lifetime of sex after tomorrow, perhaps he could afford to be a bit judicious for tonight when it came to his investments.
Anna Marie also had to fend off her sister’s insistence that Pepper, as the sister of the bride, should be staying with her at her home that evening, so that she was there in the morning when Anna Marie began preparations for the wedding day.
Anna Marie knew that what she needed more than anything was to be alone tonight to
gather her strength and resolve for tomorrow and for her future with Richard. That was even more important now that she had seen Dallas at the dinner.
She dropped purse and keys on the kitchen table and went through the door to her living room. It was only when she walked past the living room and was already heading down the hallway to her bedroom that she realized she was not alone in her house. She back stepped and saw the towering figure of Dallas still dressed in his Navy whites standing in the middle of her living room, his hands in his pants pockets.
She stared at him dumbly. “How did you get in?”
“It’s part of my training,” Dallas said dryly.
She went to a lamp and turned it on. “What are you doing here?”
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“I want to talk to you, Anna Marie. We didn’t finish our conversation at the restaurant,” he said grimly.
“What more is there to say? I’m getting married tomorrow.”
“No, I’m not letting you throw your life away to that idiot. You’re worth much more than that.”
“Why are you doing this to me, Dallas?” Exhaustion and the shock of seeing him a
second time tonight had her on the verge of breaking point. She could feel tears stinging her eyes.
Dallas moved towards her and she instantly backed away, scuttling as far away from him as possible, poised to make a run for it. “Don’t come near me.”
He remained where he stood, staring at her for a moment, his face inscrutable. “Why did you write that letter, Anna Marie?”
The question took her by surprise and for a second she was at a lost as to the answer. “I thought it best for both of us if I stopped…things with us.”
“I didn’t realize you were so unhappy with our affair. Why did you never tell me
before?”
She smiled, some of the tears falling down her cheeks. “But, you see, I wasn’t unhappy.
It was the last thing I was. When I was with you, I was the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.” He shook his head, a baffled look on his striking face. “Then, why, if you were so happy, did you end things between us? And then turn around and be with an ass like Kragen? Don’t tell me it’s because you love him, because I know that’s the last thing you are.”
Anna Marie gave him a helpless look, conflicting thoughts and feelings warring on her face. She closed her eyes tight for a moment and when she opened them, they carefully watched him. “I guess I should have told you this at the time when it happened.”
“Told me what?”
“I was pregnant with your baby.”
There was a shocked silence.
“When?” Dallas asked softly.
“A few months before I wrote you that letter.”
“What happened to it?” Then his face tightened almost painfully, paling. “You didn’t…”
“No, no. I miscarried. About two months into the pregnancy.”
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A spasm of pain flashed across his face, darkening his green eyes. “And you were never going to tell me about it?”
She shrugged her shoulders helplessly. “I don’t know. Maybe I would have told you
eventually, but what would have been the use? It all happened so quickly. One day, I was carrying around inside me this most wonderful being I can imagine, and the next day, it was all gone. I didn’t
know what to say to you, Dallas. I had no idea how you’d feel if you knew that I had been pregnant with your baby. For all I know, you might have been embarrassed.”
“So, why break us up?”
Anna Marie’s eyes widened. “Break up what? There is really no us. I mean, you and I
were never really much of anything, except several nights of passion. We never talked about anything. There was no understanding. When we got together we never thought about anything but sex. There was no future to think of. I guess when I wrote you that letter, I didn’t really think you would care one way or the other.”
“I did care,” he said icily, resentfully. “And I do care. How do you think I felt when I opened that letter? As soon as I had some leave, I flew half way across the world to see you, only to find you’re about to marry some money-grubbing idiot who has the imagination of a fence post.” He paced a little, shaking his head in disgust.
“Why are you so mad”
“Because I can’t believe you’d lower yourself to that level. The woman I knew would
never have let a guy like that touch her, let alone marry him. What happened to her, Anna Marie?
What happened to the woman who never would have settled for less than what she wanted, or let her family’s opinion of her drive her to doing something she knew was wrong for her? That’s the woman I remember the last time I flew out of here. What happened to her? Tell me.”
Anna Marie could feel the tears welling up again, this time with anger as well as with exhaustion and pain. “You have no right to say that to me, Dallas. I grew up. That’s what happened. I realized I no longer can live in a fantasy world, and it was time to face reality, the hard facts of life. And one way a person grows up is to start being an adult, and being an adult means settling down and raising a family and starting to plan for your future.”
“That’s your sister talking,” he accused. “Not you. You were wonderful just the way you were, with your spontaneity, your passionate nature, your dreams of getting a doctorate and working for the Library of Congress. What changed all that?”
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“I lost my baby, that’s what happened,” Anna Marie shouted at him. Then she burst into tears, collapsing into the nearest chair and weeping softly in her hands.
Dallas walked over to her, crouched in front of her, and rubbed the back of her bent head, resting his forehead against her temple. His show of comfort and understanding made her cry all the harder.
“You don’t know what I went through losing your baby,” she sobbed.
“I think I do. I do now,” he said gently.
He put his hands on her arms to pull her into his arms. But she jumped to her feet and pulled away from him. “Don’t touch me. Just stay away from me. Alright?” She quickly dashed away the tears from her face. “Just stay away.”
He let his arms drop loosely at his sides and stood where he was. “I need to hold you, Anna Marie. That’s why I’ve been coming home in between missions since I met you, because I need to hold you in my arms.”
She shook her head vigorously. “No, don’t say that. Don’t say such things to me.”
“Why? Why aren’t I allowed to tell you how I feel about you?”
“Because I know you don’t really mean them. You’re just feeling sorry for me, that’s all.”
Anger heated his normally shuttered green eyes. “Now you’re telling me how I feel about you? Have you already absorbed some of your fiancé’s idiocy?”
“It’s impossible for you to have feelings for me.”
Dallas stared at her, looking completely baffled. “What? What are you talking about? Do you know what it is you’re even saying?”
“Don’t act as if you don’t know what I’m talking about,” she shot back. “I mean, look at us. Look at me. Look at you. You’re this incredible looking man, who’s rich and powerful, glamorous and worldly, globetrotting all over the world to strange and exotic places doing top secret missions, and you’re about the sexiest man living on this earth.”
“Thank you,” he said sarcastically.
“And look at me. I’m this mousy, timid librarian, with bad hair, short, extremely average looks, not all that exciting to be with, and lives a very ordinary, boring life. By natural law, you should have gone for someone like Pepper’s friend, Samantha, or Sandra, or Sarah. Your brother Secret Affair 205
fell for a woman who was right for him, a perfect compliment to his good looks and lifestyle.
You should be dating a movie star or a rich heiress or some other famous person.”
“I have.”
The short answer took some of the wind out of her sail. “You have?”
“Yes, I have dated all those women you’re recommending.”
“Well, why didn’t you marry any of them…” Anna Marie shook her head. “That’s not the point.” She gave a sigh. “I guess what I’m saying is that I knew from the beginning that things were only temporary between us. Which was fine at the time. It worked for me as it did for you.
But, then…”
“You lost the baby.”
“Yes. I lost the baby. I guess, it was then that I realized I couldn’t go on that way with you, living my life as I did interspersed with infrequent wild nights of passion, then, afterwards, waiting for you to come back into town in god knows how long, and then have you go off again the next night and never knowing if you would come back again.” When she smiled, it was full of affection and warm memories. “I’ll never regret our time together, Dallas. It was so wonderful being with you, to be wanted like that, and to want a man that much and that I could be so, well, passionate in bed. It was all so librating to let myself go with a man, and no one but you allowed me to do that. I’ll always treasure what we had.”
Dallas thrust his hands in his pockets and came near to her. When he was standing inches from her, he pushed his face down to hers, and there was almost a deadly look in his eyes that made her shiver. “That’s a very nice speech, Anna Marie, but I’m not letting you say goodbye.” Her eyes went wide as she stumbled back. “What?”
“You heard me.” When he advanced another step towards her, she backed away again.
He reached out and grabbed the front of her shirt, pulled her to him and covered her mouth hard with his and gave her a thorough kiss, leaving her breathless and very confused. When he ended the kiss he pushed his face even closer to hers. “Now, you and I are going to get a few things clear between us. Number one, I’m not letting you go. Ever. Number two, you’re not marrying Richard. Number three, to me, you’re about the most insanely sexy and attractive woman I’ve ever met.”
Anna Marie’s pale gray-hazel eyes widened even more until they strained at the rims.
“Huh?”
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Dallas put some distance between them, his shoulders vibrating with fury and emotions that she couldn’t begin to comprehend. He turned and faced her again, pinning her with dark, accusing eyes. “How do you think I felt when I got your last letter? Did you think I would just shrug my shoulders and take it tamely being dumped by you.”
She shook her head, her eyes staring at him wildly. For a moment she felt as if speech was completely obliterated from her physicality, because her heart was pounding inside her so hard, and her head was whirling with his words, trying to comprehend what he was saying. “But I wasn’t dumping you.”
“The hell you were,” he shot back, his raised voice like a crack of the whip, making her flinch.
“I’m sorry,” Anna Marie said helplessly. “I didn’t really think you’d care one way or the other.”
Dallas sighed. “I didn’t either, until I opened the letter.” He lifted his hands to cup her face. “Look, baby, I don’t know if what I feel is love.”
“Love? I didn’t say anything about love,” she said with some panic, her eyes skittering away from his.
“What else can we call it then when I feel as if my gut was being ripped out when I
read your letter and it makes me take the next flight back home as soon as I could?”
Anna Marie stared at him, her face white with shock and disbelief. She shook her head, opened her mouth to try to say something but ended up shaking her head again. “Are you…are you saying that you want me?”
He looked at her with such exasperation. “Why do you find that so hard to believe?”
She gave him a threatening look. “Answer the question or so help me god, I’m going to hit you. And I don’t care if you are a black belt in all those martial art stuff. Answer the question.”
He looked at her steadily, intensely, and it took her breath away to see the fiery emotions that burned deep in his eyes, emotions that she had never dreamed would be there for her.
“Yes, Anna Marie. I do want you. I’ve wanted you from the moment I first laid eyes on you in your sister’s kitchen. I’ve wanted you when I was away from you going through my missions. I want you now.” Dallas gave a small smile, shaking his head a little, as if he were amazed. “Haven’t you figured it out already?”
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“Figured out what,” she said with some impatience. “None of this make sense to me.”
“Don’t you realize that after I’m finished with a mission, the first thing I do is think of you and try to come home to you?”
Anna Marie blinked at him. “You do? Why?”
He walked over to her, took her hand and led her to the couch and sat down next to her.
He began to undo the buttons on his white jacket. “Who knows why I feel the way I do when it comes to you. It’s like who can explain why we humans are on this earth, or why the universe is the way it is. I just know that once I’m done with a mission, I can’t wait to come back to you.
Before I met you I felt I had no reason to come home. I’m sure that’s not very loving to my family. I love them but I just never had the need to see them every chance I could. But you,” he reached out a hand to stroke her hair. This time she didn’t flinch. “After a mission, I can’t wait to get my hands on you. I need to be able to hold you in my arms, be inside you, be with you. I need your presence. I can’t explain it. I don’t even try.”