You may ask how I can be so casual and nonchalant about everything that is happening around me? I can only relate it to the fact that I have to be. I have to be numb. I have to not care in order to maintain my status and the little bit of control that I do have over myself and my situation. I’ve watched Antonio, and a number of his goons, point a gun and fire it into someone’s head. I puked only the first time. It’s not easy seeing a person’s face when the bullet hits, let alone how their body flops to the ground immediately afterward — some of them still move. The second and third time I saw someone being killed, I cried only because they were women. I’m grateful for the fact that I’ve only had to watch or be near when someone’s been shot. There have been some stories that trickle around about how people’s fingers, hands, or toes are chopped off, bodies being torturing in all sorts of ways, including burnings, and other things I don’t dare repeat.
Antonio apologized profusely the first three times to me when I witnessed people being killed, claiming that it’s only a part of the business and it must occur . His actions are how he needs to establish fear in all of them in order to maintain his leadership. He professed that he would never have me killed because he loves me as much as he tells me on a regular basis. He professed his feelings for me the first night we had sex.
His attitude changed toward me when I saw the fourth person killed. I think I earned Antonio’s respect at a whole new level after that. I’m not sure why and I honestly don’t want to know, but I think it’s because I didn’t flinch when it happened.
I think Antonio is a coward. Actually, I think they’re all cowards. Anyone who uses fear to gain and obtain power is a coward. They’re just insecure bullies who do it to validate themselves. Jack was my first real bully outside of the stupid shit you deal with as a kid in school, and I think he hates me because he can’t bully me anymore. Antonio won’t have it. I won’t have it.
Two - Leia
“Leia, my love,” Antonio calls, tightening his grip around my waist. “Are you cold, sweetheart?”
“I’m fine,” I reply, brushing off my jitters.
We’ve been standing outside by the docks as Antonio speaks with a few of his men.
“You sure?” he checks. “I can have one of the boys get you a warmer jacket.”
“No,” I oppose. “I’m fine. I just need you to keep me warm.” I snuggle into him, pretending that I like it.
“Ahh,” Antonio replies. “I’ll be happy to keep you warm…now…and, perhaps tonight?”
“Perhaps,” I tease with a smile.
“The boat’s pulling into the harbor now, boss,” one of Antonio’s henchmen reports.
“Wonderful,” Antonio praises. “Let’s hope we don’t have the same mishap as last time.”
Escorted by several of his body guards, I follow Antonio into his office while the rest of his entourage take care of their duties getting ready for the receiving of the shipment. The shipment that arrived last month came on time, but all of the products that were supposed to have a pulse were, let’s say not breathing, so they’re on a higher alert to make sure things are running smoothly.
Antonio pours himself a glass of scotch and offers one to me as well. I take it, barely sipping it, hoping to keep a clear head for tonight. He repeatedly kisses my neck as we sit together on the couch by the desk as Shepard lays on the floor. Five minutes in to waiting, my nerves get to me and I down the scotch, enjoying the bittersweet fiery burn of it running down my throat.
I can no longer count how many times I’ve gone through this process alongside Antonio during his shipments. They contain girls, drugs or both. Every time the Feds had an opportunity to seize and arrest the group when Antonio was present, nothing has happens. The delivery location does change from time to. There are ten different locations inside the U.S. border. The Feds have had all the necessary information from me to stop Antonio, but they never acted and always backing out at the last second. I wonder as to why now? Why this particular time to capture Antonio? What’s changed? Was someone on the inside a part of it and they finally caught him or her? I can’t image it would be that easy or else I would have been exposed.
Sometime later, Antonio’s phone rings. I’m able to listen in on the conversation since I’m sitting on his lap.
“They’re all alive, boss,” the voice comments. “It looks like they sent a few extra this time to make up for the previous batch.”
“Good. Good,” Antonio praises. “I’ll be right down to inspect them as they’re loaded in the vehicles.”
I shift to get up, but Antonio pulls me back down. Hoping for this night to finish quickly, I suggest slyly, “Come on, baby. I want you to hurry up and finish business so you can keep me warm back in your bed.”
“Mm,” he hums into my neck. “You make me want to start right now.”
“Really?” I muse.
“Yes,” he confirms. “Maybe I should get another taste of that sweet pussy of yours before I finish business.” He licks his lips and starts kissing down my chest.
The thought to give the Feds a little more time to get here arises, so I encourage, “If you insist.”
“I love it when you tease me, love,” Antonio says. “Jack does not know what he’s missing with you…he should have treated you good right from the start.”
I let out an exasperated sigh.
“What?” he checks, knowing that my sigh is not a good thing. “What happened?”
“You mentioned…him,” I whine.
“My apologies, sweetheart.” Antonio profusely kisses my lips and neck. “How can I ever make it up to you?”
“I told you,” I say, twirling his hair in my fingers.
“I can’t kill him, baby,” Antonio counters. “He’s one of my best on the inside with the cops.”
“I know,” I huff irritation. “I just want to be done with him. You know that.”
“I know, baby,” he soothes. “We’ll get the divorce documents from the lawyer this week.”
“I don’t want to go home to him anymore,” I complain. “He never treats me good, is verbally abusive, and still tries to have his way with me when no one is there… and…and he doesn’t even get me off.”
I hoped to use Antonio’s supposed love for me to at least get the divorce before I high-tailed it out of Florida on my own. After the first three times the Feds didn’t do anything other than keep telling me that they need more information, I decided to take matters into my own hands. Just in case the Feds don’t keep their agreement this time, I need to ensure my own safety.
“I told him he’s not allowed to touch you,” Antonio says sternly. “Has he?”
I lower my head and nod, while conjuring up fake tears to add weight to my lie. Jack has touched me, but not how I’m making it sound. When Antonio found out about it, it didn’t end well for Jack. Jorge came back into the house forgetting something and saw Jack trying to rip my clothes off confirming my allegations to Antonio. That night, Jorge, Alberto and Jesus stayed in our house with explicit instructions from Antonio to keep Jack away from me. I locked myself in the bedroom for the rest of that night. A few days later when I saw Jack again, he was limping and was banged up a bit.
“I’ll deal with him later,” Antonio professes. “Come, love. Let’s get this business taken care of so I can take care of you the rest of the night.”
“I’ll only stay if you promise,” I barter.
“Baby,” he whines.
“No,” I return sharply.
“Okay,” he confirms. “I promise. First thing tomorrow morning, we’ll have the divorce lawyer come and you can move in.”
“You won't get any for a month if you’re lying to me,” I challenge.
I need to secure my safety and my divorce from Jack if the Feds prove to be another disappointment and abandon me yet again.
“A month?” Antonio says in shock. “Anytime I haven’t kept a promise, it’s only been a week.”
It’s amazing how much power
a woman possesses when a man thinks with his dick. I didn’t realize it at first until I started pushing boundaries. It’s almost addicting testing how far I can push it.
“Well, this time it’s a whole month,” I demand.
“Anything for you, my love,” he announces, kissing me several times.
“Anything?” I speculate.
“Okay, almost anything,” he shares.
“And here I thought you really did love me,” I reply, toying with his emotions.
“I do, baby. I do,” Antonio confirms. “You know I can’t stop this business…there’s too much money to be made.”
“I told you. I don’t care about money,” I remind.
“I know,” he admits. “But, you know me. And, I can’t have them finding out that I’m pussy-whipped.”
“Would that be such a bad thing?” I goad.
He gives me a stern, yet amused look.
For all of the issues with Antonio, he would honestly be a guy I would consider being with if it wasn’t for the type of business he’s in. He’s great in bed and takes care of me.
I pray to God, if there is one, that this is the final night of my charades. I’m tired of having to be someone I’m not and be around people who I would never associate just to save my skin.
Three - Leia
My bare feet slap against the cold cement as I run as fast and as far as I can. The first sound of gunfire caused me to trip and fall in a failed attempt to sprint from the scene. Antonio instructed Jorge and two of his other goons to get me to his car. He had to grab something from the office first. As Jorge holds on to me with his free hand, he yanks me around different containers to hide as we make our way to the vehicles. The other two goons are still behind us, and I need to figure out how to get away.
The Feds came right as the first two trucks were being loaded with the girls and drugs.
“Holy fuck, this is happening!” I think to myself.
As I round the corner of one of the large, metal containers, my body bounces against something and I fall to the ground. Pain sears through my palms a few seconds after I land. I fell backward and my arms take most of the blow, but my tailbone has already begun to throb. I can barely think or see with how hard my heart is pounding in my ears.
The sound of a gun going off from behind startles me enough to cause me to scream.
A hand reaches down and offers to help me. “Leia, it’s not safe,” Jorge announces.
“I know,” I confirm, looking back over my shoulder and see that both goons are dead.
“Here,” he says, offering me a gun. Jorge shows me how to flip the safety on and off. “Stay behind me and I’ll get you to safety.”
“Okay,” I mumble, taking the gun.
An odd sound whizzes past my head and Jorge’s body drops to the ground.
“Holy fuck,” I blurt, slapping my hand over my mouth. I crouch low, trying to get my bearings straight. I need to figure out where everyone is and who may or may not be the Feds.
Almost everyone is outside on the docks, so I make a run for it into the building, seeking cover. Guns continue to fire all around me as I flee, desperate to get to safety. As I try to control my breathing, I see Jack loading one of the trucks with something. When I realize that no one else is in the building with him, with us, I aim the gun and start firing at him. My finger tugs on the trigger. Some bullets whiz in the air, hitting only God knows what while others bounce off of the truck. I’m an idiot. It’s fucking bullet proof. At least none of them come back. The gun makes a clicking sound as I continue to walk toward Jack, hoping there just might be one more left.
“What the fuck are you doing, Leia?” Jack shouts.
“Getting my divorce,” I announce as I scan my surroundings with my peripheral vision to see if there’s anything I can use to kill him.
Jack’s cackle reverberates off the metal in the building. “You’re trying to kill me?”
“I’m not trying,” I confirm. “I will. Consider this the last time you ever fucking lay a hand on me.”
Jack pops from around the back of the Escalade, pointing a gun directly at me. “Fucking bitch,” he snarls. “You fucking, stupid bitch.”
A loud sound from my right, Jack’s left, catches our attention, giving me enough time to duck around the front of the truck that precedes the one he was loading. Crouching low, I watch for feet to see where Jack went while two bodies try to crawl out of the truck that just barged through the wall of the building.
Once they’re dead from Jack’s bullets, Jack and I play a little game of cat and mouse. As I dart around the vehicles, I take out the keys of each one, including the one Jack was planning to use as a get away. When I turn around, Jack is facing me, standing just a few feet away with his gun pointed at my forehead.
“Give me the keys,” he demands.
“No,” I object.
“Give me the fucking keys, Leia,” he repeats.
“You’re such a fucking coward,” I taunt, knowing if I get him riled up his ability to act rationally diminishes and he becomes a blubbering idiot despite his lame police training.
“I said, give me the fucking keys,” Jack orders.
“No,” I repeat and throw them behind him.
Jack turns to get them and I make a run for it. There’s no way I can kill him unless I have a weapon. I need to buy myself some time to get one and not give him the chance to kill me first.
Chaos continues outside the building as I go in search of a weapon. There’s only one way I can get out of this alive and that’s with Jack dead. If he’s alive, he’ll find out that I was the one who helped the Feds, then he’ll hunt me down and kill me.
“Leia,” Jack’s voice taunts as it echoes. “Leia, sweetheart. Where are you?”
My only chance is to trick him into looking for me at the other end of the building while I head for Antonio’s office. There are guns hidden up there.
“Fuck you,” I shout, cupping my mouth for it to project in a particular direction.
“It was you, wasn’t it?” he charges. “You’re the leak…you’re the one who brought the Feds.”
I manage to get to Antonio’s office where I left Shepard and grab two guns. “Shepard, baby,” I say. “You’ve got to be quiet for mommy. Please. Just stay with me and be quiet.”
After Shepard and I get across the upper walkway, I shout, “Wow…you actually do have a brain.”
“It’s there for when I need it,” he says, sounding closer than I’d like.
Jack and I continue our chase, baiting the other to get closer. At some point, I find a crowbar and climb up on containers, instructing Shepard to stay close. Learning to use hand signals during training really pays off in a situation like this. Jack continues to try to elicit a reply from me which makes it easy to find him. I toss the crowbar as hard and as far as I can off to the right to distract Jack again. There’s something hanging from the rafters above in the direction where Jack is headed, so I wait for the second he’s directly under it to shoot to make it snap. Just before I pull the trigger, the Feds start filing into the building — damn it!
I watch Jack from higher ground and wince each time he takes down an officer. When there’s just one agent left, a searing pain on my left arm forces a yelp from me. I cover my mouth, but Jack sees me. Ducking into the shadows, I notice that I got nicked from a bullet whirling by — thank God it’s just a scratch. I move as stealthily as I can to get away. Luckily, the boxes beneath my feet are close, allowing me to step from one to the other rather than leap as I move further away.
As I cautiously lower myself to the ground from one of the containers far away from where I last saw Jack, I hear Shepard growl. My head turns and I find Jack standing about forty feet away with a sneer. “It’s okay, Shepard.”
My feet slam to the ground when I let go and I stick out one of my guns in Jacks direction, ignoring the pain in my legs.
“There you are, sweetheart,” Jack taunts.
“W
e’re in here,” I shout, hoping there’s still an agent close by.
“They’re all dead,” Jack announces, taking a few, slow steps toward me.
“You killed them?” I say on a breath out, already knowing the answer.
“Yep,” he chuckles.
“Don’t come any closer, Jack,” I demand.
“Or what?” he checks. “You’ll shoot? Please, baby. You haven’t shot me yet.”
“That’s because you’re pointing a fucking gun at me, dumbass,” I retaliate.
“Oh,” he condescends. “Should I point it somewhere else…like…let’s say, at Shepard.” Jack’s hand shifts slightly.
“Don’t you fucking think about it!” I yell. My hand stops shaking as clarity snaps into my brain.
Shepard growls like he’s ready to launch the instant I give him the command.
Fear no longer exists in any part of my body because it’s so filled with rage. Rage for them, the Feds and their lies, claiming that they’ll protect me. It’s been eleven months and all they kept doing was using me to extract information about who’s he’s talked to, who he works for and any and all little details I can recount since being married to Jack. Most importantly, I’m filled with rage for him! Rage for my husband. Or, should I say, my ex-husband?
After the years of lies, years of verbal and physical abuse, I’ve had it. I will no longer be the victim. I’m taking back my power. I’m taking back control of my life.
I don’t hear the gun. No, instead I hear Shepard whimper and that’s when my finger presses against the trigger. The first two bullets hit Jack in the chest, forcing him back onto the ground. I’d move to shoot him in the head, but there’s a burning pain spreading down my left arm and into my chest. My body slumps to the ground, causing me to land on my knees first. I can’t feel anything else other than the fiery burn.
My bloody hand reaches for Shepard as tears pour from my eyes. He killed him. He fucking killed Shepard, my only friend.
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