by J. H. Croix
Her glossy dark hair was damp and fell straight over her shoulders, brushing the tops of her breasts. I might not be able to see them through her loose T-shirt, but I knew exactly how they felt against me. I had a vivid memory of the weight of her breasts in my palms. Because that's how far I'd let things go that one afternoon five long years ago now. She’d been only nineteen years old at the time, while I’d been looking ahead to thirty. If anything, she'd only gotten more alluring in the time since. Her hazel eyes caught mine as she stepped across the room and slipped into the chair at an angle across from me.
She flipped her hair off her shoulder and met my eyes. Damn. I could’ve lost myself in her eyes for days—layers of green, gold and nutmeg, the color shifting the way shadows moved in the trees and leaves fluttered in the wind.
“Good morning,” she said simply, her voice husky with sleep.
Thank fuck I was seated at the table, which hid my instant erection. I took another sip of coffee. “Morning. There's coffee in the kitchen if you’d like some.”
“I might get some in a minute. What did my dad say last night?” she asked.
After his call and our brief talk, she’d gone to bed, which had been for the best. I’d needed her out of sight to get a grip and to keep my hands to myself.
“He was checking to see how my drive went and if all was okay with the house. If I didn't explain last night, your dad asked me to stay for the month until after the New Year passes,” I explained.
Audrey nodded, idly twirling a lock of hair around her finger. “Yeah, he's been worried about those break-ins in the area.”
“Reason to worry from what I hear.”
Haven’s Bay, like many coastal towns in Maine, had plenty of houses that sat empty all winter. They were prime pickings for thieves looking for a quick buck and things to sell.
She glanced around the room, her eyes coming back to me. “Well, the house seems fine.”
“I did a check around last night except for your bedroom. Everything is as it should be. I'm assuming you would've said something if there was something amiss in there.”
She nodded quickly. “Of course. It's fine.”
She went quiet, still twirling her hair around her finger, her eyes watching me.
“I didn't know you would be here. I hope you didn’t mention me to my dad,” she said, her eyes worried.
“I told you I wouldn’t. I figure that's up to you.”
I forced myself not to offer more. I generally took a blunt approach to difficult or painful topics, probably a side effect of being an FBI agent. I spent so much time addressing topics that sent many people to jail I found it easiest to cut to the quick. But this was up to Audrey. Not me. Not to mention I had my own personal reaction to it. She didn’t need my fury at how Matthew had wronged her to affect how she wanted to handle it.
She bit the corner of her bottom lip, worrying it in her teeth. Not helpful at all for the state of my cock at this point. I took another gulp of coffee and willed myself to think of anything other than Audrey sitting here in front of me, available and quite clear about the fact she wanted me, if last night was anything to go on.
“Do you plan to let your family know what happened soon?” I finally asked.
One shoulder rose and fell in a graceful shrug, her gaze watchful and guarded. I hated that look in her eyes, hated knowing she was worried what anybody thought about what had happened. Matthew was the asshole. She had nothing to be embarrassed about. Good riddance as far as I was concerned. She was better off with someone else.
Exactly. How about you? She wants you and you sure as hell want her.
Shut the hell up. I can't have her.
You're the only one saying you can't have her. In fact, her father would probably love for you and her to be together. At least he could trust you.
My job takes up too much of my life. There's not much room for anyone, certainly not Audrey who deserves far more than I could ever give her.
Only you can love her the way she deserves to be loved.
Fuck. I gritted my teeth and willed my mind to stop debating these points. That summer after she tried to seduce me and halfway succeeded, I’d had hours and hours of mental debates over her—what she meant to me, and what I could and couldn't do about it. In the end, what finally stopped the debates—to be honest, they never stopped but they quieted down—was when everything blew up on my case and the breadcrumbs led straight to my father. The upheaval of my family being shattered and torn apart by my father's actions had taken up all of my emotional energy.
“I don't know when I’ll tell them,” she finally said, her husky voice piercing my thoughts. “I will. I just wanted a few weeks to myself before I did.”
“How long are you planning to stay here?” I asked.
“I was supposed to be in Italy for a month. Now I'm here, and Matthew's there and my phone won't stop ringing,” she said, pain and anger flashing in her eyes.
I looked at her phone, innocuously sitting on the table where she’d set it when she sat down.
“Is he calling you?”
It took an act of will to keep my voice calm. I was furious with Matthew to see the pain in her eyes.
She nodded. “Yeah. I guess he didn’t expect screwing one of my bridesmaids to interfere with our plans.”
Chapter 4
Audrey
I looked over at Dallas. His deep blue eyes were locked to mine. I sensed the anger coiled tight inside of him. No matter what I wanted, no matter our kiss last night and all the confusion I felt inside, I savored his anger and the way it made me feel protected. I was furious, but I was also mortified and embarrassed that any of it had happened with Matthew.
“Are you telling me he was cheating on you with one of your friends?” Dallas asked, his voice low and taut.
I took a breath and let it out with a sigh. Snagging my phone off the table and opening the screen, I spun it around for Dallas to see the row of calls from Matthew.
I wasn’t sure what Matthew had expected when I found out he’d been screwing Alyssa, but it was clear he hadn't expected me to dump him. Social impressions were important to Matthew, something that had annoyed me the entire time we'd been involved. He wouldn’t appreciate explaining our abruptly cancelled engagement and wedding.
Matthew had been a compromise in my mind and in my heart. Dating in general had been a compromise. There was only one man I’d ever truly wanted and that man sat across from me now. His eyes narrowed as he looked down at the screen on my phone. He looked back up at me, and my breath caught.
“Block his number,” Dallas said flatly.
A flash of anger rose inside. I was a mess emotionally. I’d driven all the way to Haven’s Bay yesterday. From New York City, it was a solid eight-hour drive. Add a little snow and my car breaking down, and I’d had way too much time to be alone with my thoughts. Having Dallas show up had only made my emotions more raw.
“Why do you care?” I asked.
He lifted his chin and arched a brow. “No matter what you think, I care about you. Even if I didn't and you were a random stranger, I would tell you to block his number. He's a fucking asshole. How long was he seeing someone else?” he asked sharply.
Restless, I stood. “I need coffee for this conversation.”
I walked quickly into the kitchen, aimed straight for the cabinet and poured a cup of coffee. I liked my coffee dark, just like Dallas. I hated that I knew little details like that about him. But I did. I wished I’d forgotten. I’d sure as hell tried over the last five years after he made it abundantly clear he wasn’t interested.
I spun to the kitchen window, looking outside for a moment. The lawn stretching towards the ocean was covered in snow. Waves rolled up against the rocks to one side of the beach, misting the air. I took a deep breath. I loved this place. It was home to me and always would be. I’d told myself I could make a life away from here with Matthew in New York City. We met when I was at law school at NYU. I’d tried my
hand at dating here and there through college and law school, but none of it had been great. Matthew was the first guy who really tried to woo me. He’d pulled out all the stops. Even now, I had to admit he’d done quite the job—flowers, candlelit dinners, flattering me with compliments and then some.
I let out a small, bitter laugh thinking about Dallas’ question about how long Matthew had been fucking Alyssa. I didn’t have an answer to that. I was supposed to fly to Italy the day before him because he allegedly had a big case to wrap up. My flight was canceled due to the weather, but not until the last minute. I'd returned to our apartment to find Alyssa tangled up in the sheets with him. In our bed.
My bitterness was compounded by the fact I’d tried to call off my engagement with Matthew a month prior. We hadn’t had sex in months, and the distance between us had grown to a chasm. Matthew had sweet-talked me into giving it another try the weekend before and bought us tickets to Italy. It should’ve been a clue that we still hadn’t had sex in that week, but we’d both been working grueling schedules, or so I’d thought.
I’d torn my ring off, thrown it on the floor and left. I’d asked no questions, and I didn’t really give a damn about his explanations. Too much betrayal on too many levels. I took a gulp of coffee, savoring the bitterness.
***
Returning to the dining room, I slipped into the chair at an angle from Dallas. One glance in his direction, and I had to will my pulse to slow and my traitorous body not to have such a powerful response to him. Why oh why did I have to want him so much?
I took another gulp of coffee and set it down. He was reading something on his laptop. He glanced up, closed it and looked back over at me. With his deep blue eyes searching my face, I shifted in my chair, restless and hyperaware of my body's reaction to him—heat spiraling outward and need tightening in my belly. I tried to take a deep breath, but it wasn't particularly effective. Air was hard to come by when my pulse was going wild with Dallas’ attention fully on me.
I hoped perhaps he had forgotten his last question of me, but I knew better. He angled his head to the side.
“How long?” he asked.
“I don't know actually.”
I quickly summarized the events of my afternoon and evening yesterday. His eyes darkened when I explained I had walked in on Alyssa and Matthew. He didn't say a word, but I could feel the fury coming off of him in waves. He felt controlled and coiled tight. A hot shiver raced through me. It shouldn't turn me on to have him be protective and angry on my part, but it did. I should be more heartbroken over Matthew. Yet, I wasn't. I was just plain angry and embarrassed. I wasn't heartbroken because what I’d been trying to call love for Matthew was only a lukewarm version of what I felt for Dallas.
Dallas had held that place in my heart and in my body for too long. No one else elicited the same feelings inside. I’d probably managed to convince myself I’d moved on because I hadn’t seen him and had forgotten how powerfully I was drawn to him. As soon as I’d been old enough to be aware of men and notice them in a sexual way, he had dominated my fantasies. Five years ago, nothing more than a few minutes with him were etched into my body and mind as the hottest moments of my life. Those few moments had allowed me to think perhaps he returned my feelings, or at least my desire.
My mind flashed to last night—the feel of his lips against mine, and his cock, hot and hard, cradled at the apex of my thighs. My heart, my silly, silly heart, spent most of last night as I barely slept obsessing over what it meant that he’d been turned on. I gave myself a mental shake. Not the time or place to go there. Not with Dallas, the subject of way too many fantasies, sitting right across the table from me, his far too perceptive gaze on me.
“So what are you planning to do?” he asked.
“I broke up with him. I left, and I don't intend to change my mind.”
There were many doubts crowding my mind, but not that. I was done, completely done, with Matthew.
“Why do you think he's calling you?”
I laughed and took a sip of coffee, my laugh more bitter than the dark flavor.
“I don't know. Matthew likes things to look good,” I explained. “I'm guessing he's worried that it won't look good that I'm not in Italy with him for the month and that I've called off our wedding.”
Dallas nodded slowly, pausing to take a sip of coffee. “Good, I'm glad you're not having second thoughts. Are you listening to his messages?”
“No, I think I'll take your advice and block his number.”
I picked up my phone and did just that. Matthew wasn't worth it. Not when he’d been a compromise to begin with. When I looked back up at Dallas, he nodded firmly in approval. For a flash, I was annoyed again. I hated that he was right and that I should just cut Matthew out of my life with surgical precision. If I were being honest with myself, I hated how much Dallas meant to me and how much I wanted from him when I knew he returned none of my feelings. Except for desire perhaps.
“I would imagine you would call your family at some point in the next day or so if you were in Italy. Am I right?” he asked, his tone careful as if he wasn’t sure how I might react.
“I suppose it's best if I don't string them along and let them think I'm in Italy,” I replied with a sigh.
His eyes were carefully blank. “I’d say not. I'm assuming Matthew could be in touch with them, and it's probably better if they hear from you what happened rather than his version of events. Not that your parents would believe him over you, but it's always better to establish the narrative.”
I idly traced the edge of the placemat in front of me, taking another sip of coffee. I wasn’t worried about my parents believing whatever bullshit story Matthew might concoct, but I didn’t want them to be concerned. My chest and stomach had been tight with anxiety and anger since yesterday when I walked in on Matthew and Alyssa. The sensation hadn’t faded after seeing Dallas. His presence had only thrown something else into the mix. The ache in my heart and anxiety in my belly were for wholly different reasons.
I stood and walked to the dining room windows. We had a bay window that looked out into the trees. Snow was still falling softly. It had snowed throughout the night with several more inches piled on the lawn.
“How much food is in the kitchen?” I asked, spinning around to look at Dallas.
“Not much,” he said with a shrug. “I was planning to head into town for a run to the store in a little bit. Is there anything you'd like me to get? I'm also guessing that car I drove by last night on the side of the road was yours.”
I sighed. “Yup, it is. I suppose I need to deal with that today.”
“My SUV can probably get it out of the ditch no problem. We can take care of that before I go into town.”
I laughed a little. Of course Dallas was prepared. He always was.
“What's so funny?” he asked.
I shrugged, feeling my cheeks heat a little. “I should’ve known you’d be prepared. I bet you have a tow cable and everything.”
His gaze never wavered. “Of course.”
“Well, maybe we can deal with my car and then go to the grocery store together.”
The moment I spoke, I wondered what the hell I was thinking. I needed to come up with a plan. I couldn't allow myself to stay trapped here with Dallas. I had intended to stay here for a few weeks and then head down to see my parents in the Berkshires. Those plans had not included Dallas being here. With my ego wounded and my doubts about my desirability in general crowding the front of my thoughts, the last thing I needed was too much time alone with Dallas.
No matter what though, I wasn't leaving today. I was too tired from the drive yesterday and the snow was still coming down. Looking out over the ocean, I could see the gray clouds extending as far as the eye could see.
Dallas was standing before I finished my train of thought. “Let's do it. We’ll take care of your car first and then we can run to the store. Anything else you might need in town?”
I shoved my worri
es about coming up with a plan to the back of mind and went upstairs to get my snow boots.
Chapter 5
Dallas
Several hours later, I stood in the grocery store in Haven’s Bay, listening to Audrey as she chatted with Sherry Levesque. Sherry and her husband Emile had owned Haven’s Bay Grocery, along with a few other businesses in Haven’s Bay for as long as I could recall. Come winter, the population in Haven’s Bay thinned considerably. Those who stayed year-round were always happy to see other locals make an appearance in town. Though Audrey, like myself, didn't live here anymore, she'd been born and raised here so she would forever be considered a local. Sherry was peppering her with questions about her job, New York City, and how her fiancé was.
Audrey somehow managed to keep the conversation going without directly lying about the fact she’d just broken off her engagement. I felt for her. I knew she didn't want to get into that with Sherry. If anyone in Haven’s Bay found out she’d called off her wedding, her parents would be getting a phone call before sunset.
Sherry belatedly looked over at me where I stood with the grocery cart. The cart was filled to the brim. While Audrey and I hadn’t discussed it, I’d shopped for what I needed for the month. I’d yet to come to a decision about how to handle her presence here, but I wasn’t backing out on my commitment to her father to stay here for the month and keep an eye on things. As we’d shopped, she’d tossed a few items in the cart.
Being with her like this was harder than I'd imagined. Hard could apply to more than one thing at this moment—difficulty, or the state of my cock anytime she was too close to me.
“Well Dallas Tate, it's so good to see you,” Sherry said warmly. “How are Noah, Ian and Thea?” she asked, referring to my two brothers and my sister.
“Good to see you too, Sherry,” I said, resting my elbows on the cart. “Noah’s busy in DC, Ian’s working so hard I barely talk to him, and Thea’s still busy in New York City doing the legal thing.”