After the heaving stopped, she leaned against the cool boulder and wondered how in the world she’d ever be able to escape on horseback with Dade. How in the world could she conquer her fear?
“I can’t do it.” She just couldn’t get back on that horse.
“Never figured you to be a quitter,” he said, and that got her back up.
“I’m not, but you don’t understand–” Her words faded into nothing, because she couldn’t understand either how one incident in her life could still debilitate her so.
“You going to tell me what brought this on?” he asked.
“I have a fear of being thrown to my death from a horse,” she said.
He was quiet for the longest time. “You ever been tossed from the saddle?”
She shook her head, knowing he’d hound her if she insisted on keeping her secret. But sharing her past with a stranger was totally foreign to her.
“No, but my foster sister was,” she said at last.
“Nowell’s daughter?”
She shook her head. “The daughter of the first family who adopted me. It was a horrible accident, and I’ve never forgotten it.”
“Reckon you never got back on a horse again, unless you were forced to.”
“There was no reason for me ever to ride,” she said.
No opportunity for her to either, even if she’d wanted to. She surely had no desire to get on a horse again.
He shook his head as he strode to the horses and grabbed their lines, his back as straight as the towering pines.
Either he didn’t believe her or he had trouble imagining that anyone could get around sans horseback. The simple truth was that Harlan Nowell had vehicles and matching teams for his family to use.
His wife was a delicate creature who spent her days in lavish gowns and being doted on hand and foot. Caroline Nowell was too crippled to even think of horseback riding.
As for Harlan Nowell, Maggie could count the times she’d seen him ride a horse.
Not so for Whit Ramsey.
The first time she’d seen him he’d ridden up to the mansion dressed in black like a dark knight challenging the fortress. Looking back that’s just what he’d done.
His horse was just as dark and restive. He’d controlled the animal with a strong hand, adding to her fear of the beast and him. But she’d also learned a valuable lesson that day from two chambermaids.
“I wager he’s one that takes what he wants,” one of the maids had said.
“He wouldn’t take no for an answer,” the other had remarked.
Maggie had put their opinions from her mind. But a few days later, she had learned firsthand that the maids were right. That’s when she realized the only way to avoid her fate was to run away.
She buried her face in her hands and pinched her eyes shut, well aware that her fear of horses worked to Whit’s advantage. She had to surmount that debilitating feelingand soon, and the only way she knew to conquer a fear was to face it head on.
The question remained: would she exhaust Dade’s patience before they had to run for their lives?
She lifted her head and met his steady gaze. To her surprise there was no condemnation or disgust in his eyes.
“Only one way you can beat your panic,” he said. “Get back on the horse.”
“What if terror overcomes me again?”
“You puke it out of your system and start all over.” He stared at her, not with rancor but with concern. “You keep doing it until you conquer your fear.”
She shook her head. “Is that experience talking?”
He rolled one broad shoulder, the movement casual, yet there was something in his eyes that belied his ease. “It’s just common sense. You either control the fear or it controls you.”
Easy for him to say. But he was right. She straightened and eyed the black mare again.
“How badly do you want to get to St. Louis and learn this nursing stuff?” he asked.
“Badly enough to get back on that horse,” she said.
The animal did have gentle eyes, and hadn’t done one thing to warrant her irrational fear. No, the memory of what could happen was doing that. She was letting the past get a stranglehold on her future.
“Okay, let’s try it again,” she said.
He dipped his chin smartly and shifted to the mare’s side, cupping his hands together again. She appreciated that he hadn’t ridiculed or tried to browbeat her. Actually, now he didn’t even look at her. He just silently waited for her to make the next move.
She thought back to his earlier instructions on gaining the seat. Grab the saddle. Swing her right leg over thesaddle and ease down. The first time, she’d managed everything but the easing down part.
She’d dropped like a stone on the saddle the first time, so she vowed to do a better job now. The black mare whickered softly, as if telling her it would be all right.
That was Maggie’s fondest wish too. She just hoped Dade couldn’t hear her knees knocking as she forced her legs to carry her toward him. She grabbed onto the saddle, having to do it twice because she simply missed the first time.
If Dade noticed that, he gave no outward indication. But she doubted much got past this man. He possessed an uncanny alertness that could well save both their lives down the road.
It was getting down the road that worried her most. They were taking off on horseback. Good heavens, she was going to do this. She refused to cave in to her own fears.
Dade gave her a boost up immediately, and she focused on swinging her leg over the saddle. She landed easier than the first time too. Why, the mare took no more than one sidestep.
Still she grasped the reins with one hand and reached for the saddle horn with the other. Out of the corner of her eye she was simply awestruck by the ease with which Dade swung into the saddle.
Concentrate on what he told you the first time, she ordered herself over the too rapid pounding of her heart. First thing was righting her skirt, which had gotten bunched under her again.
She managed that the best she could and simply ignored the fact that her stockinged legs were exposed. Acquiring a split skirt was the only means to surmount that obstacle.
Right now her mode of dress was the least of her worries. She had to cope with her debilitating fear of riding and become comfortable on this horse.
Dade glanced back at her, his captivating gaze probing hers. “Ready?”
She huffed out a shaky breath and nodded. God help her. “Ready.”
They started out at a walk, but she had the feeling it was more for the horses’ benefit than hers. He still held the line to her mare, which relieved her more than she wished to admit.
“Let’s ease into a trot,” he said and matched action to words effortlessly.
Her little mare followed his gelding’s lead, and though they weren’t moving fast, the gait was torture. Her bottom slammed the saddle, and her teeth were sure to shake from their sockets.
“Relax,” he said.
Was he joking? “I can’t.”
He brought both horses back to a walk so quickly she nearly cried out in relief. “Plant your feet in the stirrups, sit back in the saddle, and move with the horse, not against her.”
Easier said than done with yards of petticoat, a small bustle, and a corset that was suddenly choking her. Those restrictions would have to be severely modified before they embarked on their jaunt. But she wasn’t about to explain that to him.
For now she’d just make do. Oddly enough, getting a good footing in the stirrups did ease the ache that had begun in her lower back.
Dade urged both horses into a trot again. “Stop holding your breath, Maggie.”
How could he tell she’d been doing that when she wasn’t even aware of it? She exhaled heavily and tried to breathe normally.
“Let out a little more rein,” he said.
Then he went on to explain that each shift she made in the saddle and on the reins gave the horse an order. Some were self-explanatory.
Four were crucial to master. The commands to walk, trot, gallop, and stop.
“You lead this time,” he said. “Break into a trot when we reach that stand of aspens to your right.”
She followed his instructions, so intent on doing everything he’d said that she hadn’t realized they’d trotted across the clearing until he brought both horses to a stop near the tree line. It hadn’t been the most comfortable jaunt, but she’d done it.
“How do you feel?” he asked.
“A bit jarred, but not as afraid.”
“Good.”
He thumbed his hat back and smiled, and Maggie simply forgot to breathe again. Without a doubt Dade Logan was the most handsome man she’d had the pleasure of meeting in a long time. Why, his mouth had the most inviting bow to it.
Shaken by that admission, she fixed her attention on the little mare whose ears were perked as if taking in everything. She really was a pretty horse.
“You said you got this mare at the livery?”
“Yep, bought her from Tenfeather,” he said. “He’d had her for a year and rarely rented her out because of her size.”
She stared at him, scarce believing what he’d done for her. “You bought her for this journey? For me?”
He dipped his chin. “I rode her once, and she had a good steady gait for a greenhorn. No offense, Maggie.”
Again that arresting smile that did odd things to her insides, warming her and leaving her tingling all over. Her experience with men was so minimal it was laughable, but she’d seen others flirt. She’d heard the change in a woman’s laugh when she was smitten with a man.
Those were things she’d have to guard against now, for she was surely smitten with Dade Logan.
“Best we walk the horses for a spell and get you used to leading your mare,” he said.
He swung from the saddle. Surely she could manage dismounting from her mare.
Putting action to words was a whole other thing. Through no fault of her own, the smart little heel on her halfboot got caught in her skirt.
She clung precariously to the saddle horn and tried to kick her foot free but couldn’t with her weight on one stirrup. So she swung her leg back to gain the saddle. That must have given the mare a signal because the horse suddenly moved.
Maggie felt suspended in midair, as one foot remained caught in her skirt and the other slipped from the stirrup. She yelped as she fell.
Only she slammed into Dade instead of the hard ground. His arms banded around her and crushed her against the solid wall of his chest.
“You should have waited for me to help you down,” he said, though there was no heat in his words as he untangled her skirt from her heel.
“I didn’t want to be a burden.” But she’d become one anyway, and my, didn’t it feel wonderful to be in his arms.
Before she could extract herself from a position that was far too cozy and too comfortable, he turned her to face him. She looked up at him, expecting a lecture on being impetuous to follow.
He cupped the side of her face in one palm, and the glide of his thumb over her hot cheek sent a delicious shiver coursing through her.
“Beautiful, independent Maggie,” he said. “What am I going to do with you?”
“What do you want to do?” she asked, a bit shocked by her own boldness.
A low sound rumbled from his chest, but she scarcely heard it over the hammering of her heart. And then he did just what she’d dreamed he’d do.
He lowered his head and captured her lips with his. This wasn’t the tentative peck that she’d expected.
He kissed her with bold intent. He kissed her as if he wanted only her.
She felt safe, desired. She felt his need in his touch and the change in his body, and an answering want zinged along her nerves. She was startled by her own electrifying response.
All the reasons she should avoid an intimacy with the man she’d be traveling with for one month drifted to the back of her mind. She just wanted him to go on kissing her. She wanted to pretend she could have a romance with a man without looking over her shoulder for Whit.
Bringing that man to mind was all the impetus she needed to tear her mouth from Dade Logan’s.
“Don’t ever take such liberties again,” she said, hoping she sounded affronted and not breathy with passion.
The mouth that had moved so powerfully over her own pulled into a grim line. “Sorry to have offended you, Miss Sutten.”
She offered a pained smile, but he’d already turned away from her and didn’t notice. His cold dismissal was like a northerly blast off the Rockies.
His broad shoulders were impossibly stiff and unyielding. “We need to get back to town. I’ll give you a leg-up.”
“Thank you.”
He boosted her onto the saddle and swung astride his gelding. She’d hurt his feelings and felt absolutely miserable about doing so.
But it was for the best.
Whit wouldn’t stop looking for her. He’d track her down if only to punish her. If there was a man in her life then, she knew Whit would kill him just to hurt her.
No, she couldn’t risk getting close to anybody, especially Dade Logan.
Chapter 10
Dade had to get his damned head out of his ass. There was no other explanation for kissing Maggie Sutten like there was no tomorrow. None other than that he’d thought about it since the day he met her.
He slid her a glance and noted the stiff way she sat the saddle. She hadn’t expected him to kiss her. That was evident in that shocked moment when their lips touched and she went still as death.
Even when she did kiss him back, there was a hesitancy there. Once her shock wore off, she pulled away like he was a rattler she’d ventured too close to.
Now the little lady had her back up and for good reason.
For one thing, he’d had no right to kiss her. For another, he’d grabbed her like she was a saloon girl and laid one on her–never mind they were alone out here.
He’d taken what he’d wanted without respecting her wishes. Mind you, he wasn’t sorry he had done it. Nope, he wouldn’t trade the memory of her sweet lips moving beneath his for anything.
But now he had to deal with the consequences.
She’d likely not want to travel with him. Hell, he was lucky she was willing to ride back to town with him. But four weeks was a long time to be in the company of a man she couldn’t trust. And she surely wouldn’t trust him after that stunt.
Oh, he could tell her it wouldn’t happen again. But he wouldn’t place that bet on himself.
Nope, the best thing to do was to stick to their plans. Allis Carson was far more dangerous to her than Dade. Surely she could see that.
“You did good today,” he said, breaking the silence that had been roaring around them.
“I feel awkward on a horse.”
“You’ll get used to it.”
“When do we leave?”
“Tomorrow.”
“So soon?”
He heard the panic in her voice and grimaced. He surely didn’t have time to coddle a woman with cold feet.
“Duane Tenfeather is fitting right into the job of deputy and is prepared to take over as sheriff,” he said. “I want to be gone before Allis Carson returns.”
She was quiet a good long time, and he suspected she was weighing her options. “I don’t know if I’ll be ready to ride all day this soon.”
“You’ll be fine, Maggie,” he said.
“I’m afraid,” she said, and the troubled look she cast him proved she was telling the truth.
Damn, he should’ve figured she’d be green in the saddle. But even if he’d had another day to teach her, he couldn’t see where it would make that much difference.
“I know I’m asking a lot in asking you to trust me, but I just have a feeling we’d best get going while the getting is good.”
This time she hauled back on the reins and stared at him. Her eyes said it all. Behind the very real
fear she was likely questioning if he’d decided to hustle her off quickly so he could get her alone and have his way with her.
Damn tempting, but he’d only do it if she was game. Even then it didn’t set well with him to take her as a lover when he had no intentions of marrying her.
“Trust is something one earns,” she said. “As yet you have failed to do that.”
“You’ve got every right to doubt me. Make up your own mind. Stay here and risk getting caught by Allis Carson or leave with me tomorrow.”
“You make it sound so simple.”
“It is, Maggie. Help me find Daisy, and I’ll see that you’re safely delivered to that nursing school.”
She looked away from him, her gloved fingers tightening around the saddle horn. “All right. I’ll go with you, but if you force yourself on me again, I’ll run away.”
“I kissed you, Maggie. That was all.”
“Kissing can lead to other things.”
“I’d never go farther than you wanted me to,” he said.
He was many things, but he’d never force himself on a woman like she was thinking. It was the one thing he could remember his ma telling him over and over again. It was the one thing he feared would raise its ugly head in him some day.
Don’t abuse a woman in word or deed, boy, she’d said.
As far as he could recall, he’d had the misfortune of seeing his pa wallop his ma far too many times. He guessed at least one of his uncles was just as disrespectful, for his uncle Brice had been there the last time his ma took a beating and didn’t do a damned thing to help her.
He’d just stood there while Dade’s pa knocked his ma to the ground, her belly swollen with child, her split lip bleeding.
Yep, there was bad blood in the Logans, and he couldn’t promise he’d stay civil the rest of his life. He didn’t aim to marry for that reason. If he ever did cross that line, it’d be with a woman who could protect herself from him if necessary.
History wouldn’t repeat itself with him.
He wouldn’t pass on that vicious streak to his sons, and if he ever harmed a woman–if he hurt Maggie–well, he hoped to hell she shot him dead.
In a Cowboy’s Arms Page 13