In the hours since I’d left Nathanial’s house and the west coast, I’d been abnormally quiet. The first words out of my mouth, as I hopped into a SUV full of questioning eyes, had been, “I don’t want to talk about it.” And so far, I hadn’t.
No one had pressured me, even though I knew they all were wondering what the hell was going on. But, whether the recipient was male or female, I wasn’t a kiss and tell kind of girl. Rule Number One. What happens in the bedroom should always stay in the bedroom. I had no intention of breaking that rule. And besides, talking about him would only make the pain in my heart more real.
So I kept my mouth shut. Instead we talked about Ben. Rhett seemed to think it was only a matter of time before he caved and came home. He even tried to get the rest of us to take bets on the date that this would happen. We all ignored him, of course, but his optimism on the subject did make me hopeful. Maybe he was right. Or maybe it was foolish to hope. Either way, I was going to have to tell my parents that my brother was alive. They deserved to know even if that meant breaking my brother’s trust.
The holidays were already packed-full of drama at my house, so I thought it might be better to get through Thanksgiving and Christmas before I dropped the ‘Ben bomb’ on my parents. My grandparents, possibly both sets, would be in town. I didn’t want to give anyone a heart attack. So I figured I had a little more time to come up with how to tell my parents. And that would also give Georgina time to deal with it in her own way first. Seemed like a good enough plan.
I wheeled my bag down the hallway to my room. I dropped it on the floor and then fell backward with a heavy thump onto my bed. My heart and my head both hurt. I shouldn’t have become so attached to Nathanial in such a short time, but that was the thing…whether I’d planned on it or not, I’d become attached. Now I didn’t know what to do.
Grumbling and sitting up, I dug my phone out of my satchel bag. I’d turned it off at the airport and had left it off all day. I wanted to see if Nathanial had sent me his number like he’d said he would. Or maybe he’d forgotten my name the second I’d walked out his front door. I clicked on the screen and there was his text, waiting for me.
Nathanial: This is my number
That was it. Nothing else. I saved his number into my phone and decided to text him back. Nothing too life changing, but I figured it would be courteous to let him know my plane hadn’t crashed into a mountain or something equally tragic.
Me: Made it home alive
His response came a minute later.
Nathanial: I’m happy you’re alive. Thanks for letting me know. Miss you
I stared at the last two words for several seconds.Seriously? Could he seriously miss me already?Whatever. I texted him one more thing.
Me: Miss you too
* * *
Thanksgiving came and went, and the next week slipped away painfully slow. After the commotion of the holiday had passed, and Noah and Georgie went back to school for the rest of the semester, my nightly ritual with Rhett had transformed from tolerating each other into watching movies and eating frozen dinners together. Why and when had we suddenly become besties?
“Oh God,” I’d shouted at him when I realized we were spending another night hanging out, engrossed in the TV like an old married couple, “What the fuck is wrong with us?”
He didn’t seem all that alarmed. Then he confessed everything to me, like he’d been waiting for a whole week to get his secret off his chest. He told me he’d slept with Sydney on our vacation. And for the second time, she’d left him after, wanting nothing to do with him. “I don’t understand,” he said. “One moment I think she likes me, maybe even loves me, and then the next moment she’s back to avoiding me. Aren’t you broken up about your celebrity friend? I thought that’s why you and I were getting along. I thought we were bonding over common ground.”
He was right. I was broken up over Nathanial and it was starting to show. My mom had even noticed something was off. At Thanksgiving, obviously taking pity on me, she didn’t even force me into helping her cook. And that sort of thingnever happens.
It didn’t help that I felt like an invisible hand was trying to force me into picking a team. Like I needed to check either box A or box B. But what if I liked both boxes? I didn’t know if I was gay or straight. When I left the house, whenever I saw a pretty woman, I still felt the same sort of attraction I’d always felt. On the other hand, men were doing nothing for me. Less than nothing. Actually, most men were kind of repulsive when I took the time to actually study them.
But one man in particular was still haunting my thoughts.
Especially late at night. Especially when I couldn’t fall asleep. I’d think of him, and his thick, gravelly voice would pop into my thoughts. The worst part was, I had a magic little box called a cellphone that would have let me talk to him whenever I wanted, assuming he’d stillwant to talk to me, but I wasn’t using it. I was too confused. But at the end of each day, when I was probably at my most vulnerable, I’d give in and send him one text. Goodnight, usually. Sometimes I would mix it up and say, sweet dreams.
He was always quick to answer that one little text. Which made me want to hope that he’d been waiting all day for it. His response always repeated whatever I’d said, just a simplegoodnightorsweet dreams in reply.
“So you send him one text per day?” Rhett asked.
“Yes.”
I waited for some lame joke to follow up my confession but it didn’t come. Rhett was being surprisingly decent right this moment. “I guess one text per day is much better than Sydney’s radio silence and her blood-hound brother. John Michaels terrifies me. He’s skinnier than a pole, but I guess it’s the skinny ones you need to worry about. I’m pretty sure he’d kill me if he could legally get away with it. If I even try to go near Sydney when she’s home from school, he’s always there—always ready to kill.”
I smiled. John Michaels had done most of my tattoos—he was very talented, owned his own shop, and the only person I trusted to touch my skin with a gun these days. I hadn’t realized John was Sydney’s brother. I’d never known her last name until right now. “John Michaels is harmless. He’s a nice guy.”
“Not when you’re in love with his sister,” he mumbled.
Rhett grew quiet after he’d uttered the l-word, grabbing the remote and turning the volume on the TV up. I wanted to say something to cheer him up—but I’d never been good at being sympathetic or empathetic or whatever personality trait a person needed for that sort of thing. Then suddenly Rhett flipped off the TV and stood up. Excitement filled his face. “I’ve got the solution. We should date.”
My dropped open. “Yeah…hell would have to freeze over first.”
“No,” he moaned. “Not each other. Like separately, go out with new people.”
“Um,” I said. “Don’t you ‘date’ all the time?” I made air quotes as I said the word date. Rhett got more ass than a toilet seat. His idea was a notch below stupid.
“Actually, no. I stopped ‘dating’ after Sydney. And that’s my entire point. I’ve neverfor-real dated…like gone on actual, get-to-know-a-person, dates. The kind that don’t lead to sex. Maybe it would be good for me to get to know someone outside of the bedroom. And for you—”
I huffed out a breath. “Oh, God. Here it comes.”
“Just listen, Ellie,” he groaned. “Maybe you should go on a few dates with a few different men. Maybe even go on a few with women too. Because I don’t think Nate West is entirely the whole reason you’re hanging out with me, depressed as hell. And after all of it is done, maybe you’ll have a clearer perspective on your feelings for Nate.”
Yikes, he was intuitive. Not that I thought dating a bunch of people was the solution to either of our problems, but Rhett had really hit the nail on the head with his assessment. My feelings for Nathanial weren’t what was bringing me down. I wanted to let myself like him—but I was just too afraid to. “I don’t know, Rhett.”
“We could help
each other make singlereadytomingle.com profiles.”
Holy shit. He wasn’t even joking as he said it either.
“I’m going to bed,” I told him, cutting off the conversation before it would get any weirder, and practically ran from the living room toward my bedroom.
“Think about it,” Rhett yelled after me.
I changed into my pajamas, brushed my teeth, and then crawled into bed—trying desperatelynot to think about making a profile on a dating website. I grabbed my phone and instead of texting Nathanial like usual, I googled him.
Looking him up on the internet was something I’d avoided so far. I knew most of the stuff I would find would be complete bullshit. But I was terrified just the same. What if I found something irredeemable out there? And, if my memory served me correctly, season two of his show almost didn’t happen because he got into a fist fight with the assistant director on set. I think Rose had mentioned that tidbit to me and it suddenly sprang into my memory. What if I found more negative stuff like that?
As I typed his name into the search engine, that was the first thing that popped up.Nate West to Start Filming this Sunday with Black Eye, Assistant Director Fired Because of It. That actually made it sound like it was the other guy’s fault, but as I read on I found out that Nathanial had been the first to strike and had threatened to walk unless they fired the other guy. That didn’t sound at all like the person I knew. That sounded like a demand an asshole would make. But I had to trust that Nathanial had to have had a really good reason for doing something like that.
Then came the photos of him and Kelly Patterson together. There were entire Instagram pages and YouTube videos devoted to the two of them together. People were obsessed. ‘Nelly’ was their cute celebrity couple nickname. It seemed the world didn’t know that they were no longer a couple. And site after site had photos of him spotted with different women—all suggesting that he was unfaithful to Kelly.
But the worst thing of all, out of everything, were the endless, perfect images of his face. He was entirely too handsome, completely out of my league, and these pictures were rubbing salt in my wound.
But nothing I read was irredeemable.
Nothing stopped me from wanting to send my one text message of the day.
Me: Goodnight
Nathanial: Goodnight, Ellie
CHAPTER 15:
NATHANIAL
“I hate doing these things,” Kelly complained. She tapped her nails against the wooden armrest of her chair incessantly, driving me insane. In the real world, for most men, when their lying, cheating, bitch of an ex-girlfriend broke their heart, they never had to see that person again. In my world, I had to see Kelly all the time. Parties, premiers, award shows…it never ended. At least we’d come to a mutual understanding after our break-up. A mutual understanding where neither of us spoke to one another unless we were delivering lines.
So I wasn’t sure why she was talking to me now. This was a photo shoot. No talking necessary.
“But being on the cover ofEntertainment Weekly…even I can admit that’s pretty cool,” she gushed. “And I love how they’re releasing special edition covers of each of us individually. I wonder which of us will sell the most copies.”
“It’s cool,” I muttered, flipping through a magazine, trying to ignore her. I’d never minded photo shoots—they were easy enough and sometimes even fun. I wasn’t about to admit it to Kelly, but I was also excited about the individual covers. I’d finished my side project—a TV commercial set to air in the days before Christmas—and after today’s photo shoot, I’d have a couple months free or…relativelyfree. My manager was pressuring me to fill that time with another gig, anything really before filming of season three ofDragon Wars began, but I was looking forward to the time off.
“Did you hear the rumors about season three?” Kelly wore next nothing in the princess-barbarian outfit her character was famous for. We were shooting the cover photos in full makeup and costumes. She was a beautiful girl, and her outfit showed off her curves impeccably. No wonder so many men turned up for Comic-Con every year—they were probably all there to see her barely covered ass. But it was another girl’s body I kept picturing. I hadn’t been able to shake Ellie since the night we’d spent together. Almost three weeks had passed since—three lonely weeks with nothing but my imagination to comfort me.
I needed to move on and forget Ellie, but that just wasn’t happening.
“Did you hear me?” Kelly repeated.
“What?”
She groaned. “Next season—we won’t be filming together. After murdering your father, you’ll be shunned by the tribe. You’re starting next season on the opposite side of the world with the Trenadine Clan. Sisiline’s family. You’ll work your way up the ranks of their military—excelling and training their dragons. Haven’t you read the books?”
Okay, so maybe I’d skimmed the novels and read summaries on Wikipedia. I’d started them and always meant to finish them, but life got in the way. Maybe I would try to tackle them again in the coming weeks, but each book was around one-thousand pages and there were six books in the series. On top of all that, the author still had several more books he planned to write. If the popularity of the show continued, I’d probably have this job for life.
“Don’t worry, you and I get back together eventually,” Kelly informed me. “Not until next season or possibly two seasons from now, and by then we’ll be foes. It’s romantic, though, because our characters fall in love all over again.”
This was the best news ever. No Kelly for two years. Halleluiah. “Do you think Sisiline is Lucian’s sister?” I asked randomly, remembering Ellie’s theories.
Kelly laughed. “No. Who gave you that idea?” As she said this, she rested her hand on my arm and leaned in against me.
I froze and the magazine fell from my fingers to the floor.
What the hell was she doing?
Several of the crew working the photo shoot watched us with curious eyes. And I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that one of the fan sites would have an article about this out by tomorrow. Since the speculation of our breakup had hit the internet, there was a new article with my name on it practically every day. For months now my manager had urged menot to confirm our split. She lived by the thought that ‘all gossip was good gossip.’ But I had to wonder what Ellie thought of it all. Would it hurt her if she read somethinglike,Nate West and Kelly Patterson Get Cozy at the Entertainment Photo Shoot?
I cared about Ellie. I cared what she may or may not be reading. So I roughly whispered to my ex, “Kelly, kindly remove your hand from my arm before I cause a scene. You remember what happened the last time I caused a scene…your boyfriend lost his job.”
“For your information, he was never my boyfriend,” she refuted. “Why can’t you be a grown up about all of this? People make mistakes. I made a mistake. How long are you going to continue to punish me for it? Don’t you ever think about what we had? I want to giveus another chance.”
Wow. I did not see that coming. “What part of cheated do you not understand?”
She huffed, then she stood and stormed off.
And that precise moment, my phone buzzed. I had it shoved down the leg of my armor costume and had to wiggle to get it free. It was too early for Ellie’s ‘goodnight’ text and was probably only my mother—she’d recently started texting and had a tendency to share her every thought. But on the off chance that it might be Ellie, I needed to check.
It wasn’t my mother texting. It was Ellie. This was shocking, and even more shocking was the fact that she’d used more than one word in her message.
Ellie: I’m sick of this bullshit not talking thing.
I took a deep breath and thought carefully about how to respond.
Me: Then you should talk to me. I’m here.
Ellie: Okay. Good. I’ll call you on Friday.
Friday?It was Monday.Why did we have to wait so long? I didn’t care that it was almost my turn for the photos—I j
ust wanted to talk to her. Now. But then again, setting a date to talk, even if it wasn’t today, was better than nothing. At least she’d decided she wanted more.
Me: Friday is good.
Ellie: I miss you.
Ellie: It’s crazy. I shouldn’t, but I do.
Ellie: I haven’t figured anything out. But I haven’t stopped thinking about you since I left you.
I was in the middle of a crowded room. It was loud—people talking, the camera flashing, and the photographer yelling directions. Ellie was three-thousand miles away. But my heart was slamming in my chest like she was right there with me. The rest of the world ceased to exist. The noisy room faded away. It was just me, my phone, the girl on the other line, and the stirring feelings I felt deep in my stomach.This wasn’t one sided.
Ellie: And now you probably think I’m insane.
Ellie: Sorry. It’s been a rough day.
Me: I really want to fucking call you right now.
I had so much to say. It seemed like maybe she did too. I waited in agony for her to message me back. Finally she did.
Ellie: Okay. For a minute.
Wow. Trying to keep calm, I dialed her number. As it rang, I took slow breaths. After three long weeks, I couldn’t believe I was finally getting to hear her voice again.
Then she answered. “Hey,” she said, her voice soft and unsure.
One word…and, Jesus Christ, my heart was palpitating. “Hey,” I repeated. “How are you? Is everything okay?”
“I’m fine.” She sounded about as nervous as I felt. “Sorry about the text explosion. I’m not sure what came over me. I couldn’t really stop myself.”
“You don’t need to apologize. Because I feel it all too. And I haven’t stopped thinking about you either.” I had my phone pressed to my ear so hard that I was afraid I might break it. I wanted more than just her voice. I wanted to see her. I wanted to hold her.
Changing Tides (Kill Devil Hills Book 2) Page 12