by Ally Adams
“You’ll keep,” he said.
We walked on in silence for a short while.
“Spill it,” Lucas said.
“What?” I asked.
“I can hear your brain ticking. What are you thinking?” he said.
I shrugged. He was right though, I was trying to connect the dots between the Lucases I had seen to date and the Lucas that sometimes showed he was a good person.
“Thanks for defending me.”
“It was nothing,” he said.
“It was. You have great friends, but I know you don’t think of me as one, so thanks.”
Lucas looked at me and looked away. “Yeah, I’m lucky to have kept those friendships,” he admitted. “I really blew it with them big time, but I guess they told you a bit about that when Jase thought he’d step up and play good cop the other night.” He was still angry at being locked up.
“You resent that?” I asked.
“He was over the top.”
I made a slight scoffing sound. “You weren’t on the receiving end of it. I was kind of touched he was a gentleman and looked out for me.”
Lucas’s jaw locked and he said nothing for a few moments.
“I just hate that you are working for my father and it’s hard to think of you as a friend...” he tried to justify his actions. He stopped at a water fountain and had a drink, wiping his hand across his mouth.
“What did you do to Jase and Cam?” I asked as we continued our walk and cool down.
He exhaled and looked out up the length of the beach.
“I did a shit load of bad stuff. Stressed them out, took them away from their lives, took them on, and caused problems with their relationships because I was off the rails.”
“But they’ve forgiven you.”
“It’s taken a while and if you saw how I acted, you’d wonder why they talk to me at all or why their partners would tolerate me.”
“So,” I cut to the chase, “what was the breaking point?” I’ve learned from my swabbing work that there’s usually a point of no return for families and friends.
Lucas swallowed. “I went at them. It was the off-season and I got in with a party-too-hard group. Nearly wrecked my friendships and my career.”
I watched him. It fascinated me when Lucas shared himself; his walls came temporarily down and he was like a different person.
“What did you do... to Jase and Cam I mean?”
“I took them both on... fought them, after all they’d done trying to clean me up. I went them—knocked Cam out cold...”
I gasped, shocked, and Lucas looked upset.
“Not before I broke his nose and two ribs.”
“Jesus, Lucas.”
We walked along and he didn’t make eye contact with me.
“What happened then?”
“Jase is a big guy. I did some damage on him but you don’t want to get a sleeping giant angry. He pummeled me basically. When Cam came around, they bundled me into Jase’s car, restrained me and took me to Jase’s house. They locked me down to withdraw, cold turkey.”
“What was that like?” I asked.
Lucas picked up a stone and tossed it from hand to hand before spinning it off.
“I thought I’d die. Cam’s a doctor, he knew what he was doing, but I am never going to go through that again and I couldn’t do it to them again either.”
“But what is it?” I asked. “Do you throw up or is it like smoking where you have small amounts until you’re weaned?”
Lucas made a guttural sound in his throat. “It was three days of hell. I was freezing cold and burning hot at the same time, I vomited constantly... the pain was indescribable. I screamed for drugs to stop the pain, I begged them to kill me, I abused Cam and Jase when they didn’t give me drugs, I couldn’t sleep, and every bone in my body ached. I was locked in this room in Jase’s place and I paced around it non-stop like a caged fucking animal.” He wiped his hand across his mouth. “Then when I got through the withdrawals, I spent a few days in bed being looked after by Sarah and Jessica. I was the lowest of the low to all of them and I was disgusting to be around.” Lucas crossed his arms across his chest and then unfolded them. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Let’s run to the lighthouse and back.”
He took off without waiting for agreement and I caught him up. It was so glorious on the beach and the sky so blue that I was glad Lucas beat it and could be here now and experience this.
“You wouldn’t miss this for the world would you?” I breathed in deeply and looked to the waves.
“You said it,” he agreed.
We turned around at the lighthouse and fell into step, enjoying our run back. A beautiful golden Labrador ran past us the opposite way, tongue lolling, with his owner in tow.
“We should get a dog. I’d like a dog,” Lucas said. “It would be good security for you too to have a dog running partner.”
“I might need a greyhound to keep up with me,” I teased.
“Yeah, you’re like the wind,” Lucas agreed and we laughed.
Home was in sight now and I felt Lucas bristle beside me. A car that I didn’t recognize was in the driveway.
“What the fuck is he doing here?” he snarled.
“Who is it?” I asked.
“My father.”
Chapter 18
Lucas increased his stride. “Leave this to me, Mia. Go inside and don’t come out no matter what. Understood?” he said without looking at me.
“Understood,” I agreed. Lucas was a six-foot-three powerhouse of anger and I feared for his father. I went to my wing of the house and saw him go up to his father’s prestige car and tap on the window. His father opened the car door, and Lucas stepped back, allowing his father to step out.
I entered the house and watched them subtly through the blinds. Lucas stood with his arms folded across his chest. He was at least a head taller than his dad and didn’t ask him into the house. Mr. Ainswright senior was a handsome man, very handsome—you could see the strong resemblance. His father looked over towards my window in my wing of the house and nodded towards it. Lucas shook his head. Then his father walked towards my door and Lucas blocked him. I moved away, I couldn’t watch anymore; it was painful. I couldn’t imagine turning my own father away like that. I yearned to see him.
I went up to the bathroom and ran a bath in the luxurious tub, tipping in some blue bubble bath. I had cooled down pretty quickly and the house was chilly. The plan: get a Diet Coke and soak in the tub for a while. If I heard shouting or screeching of brakes, I’d interfere, otherwise it might be safer to give them both some space. I padded downstairs again, grabbed a magazine to read and my Diet Coke from the fridge and returned upstairs, I perched them on the wide bathroom ledge—yep, this bathroom knew I was coming; it was designed for my needs. I turned the bath water off and listened again—not a sound. I then heard a car start.
Sneaking to the window, I looked through the bathroom blinds, Lucas’s dad was gone and I still needed to test Lucas. Now was as good a time as any, besides it had been close to forty-eight hours and he was due. I looked at my kit; I’d need to do the urine sample today since I had done oral samples the last few times. I grabbed the screwed secured jar and a paper bag from under my bathroom sink where I kept them and went downstairs to our adjoining door. Lucas had to be at the club soon to fly out for an away game and we’d have a couple of days away from each other. I was sure the absence would make him fonder of me—hmm.
I slid open the adjoining door and called his name.
“In the kitchen,” he called back.
I took my specimen jar and headed upstairs. He was drinking a bottle of water.
“Everything okay?” I asked with a quick look around.
“He’s gone,” Lucas said flatly. “Good fucking riddance.”
I nodded. I didn’t want to let on I knew something of their troubled past.
“What does he want fr
om you?” I asked leaning against the kitchen bench.
“He wants to play father and son,” Lucas shot back. He leaned back against the counter and looked out to the ocean.
“And you don’t?”
“Fuck yeah. I wanted to for years. I begged him to come and take me home from boarding school or to come to the games like other fathers did or even collect me at holiday time. Every year, all through high school; not once, not ever.” He wiped his arm across his face.
It was seriously revelation day—the most emotion Lucas had displayed besides out and out anger. I was too far in to get out of this discussion, so I plodded on.
“So why does he want to pick up now?” I frowned.
“Because I’m someone he can be proud of.” Lucas said it like I was a complete idiot. “His son is a sports star... his son! Who would have thought? Not fucking him, that’s for sure... not that he ever cared.” He looked at me with his eyes ablaze. He stood up straight and brushed past me, striding into the living room. “Now he wants to know me because he can parade me around and I’ll be good for his business networks.” Lucas’s fists were clenched and his shoulders taut. He looked down below where his father was parked earlier. “Well fuck him,” he hissed, “that ship has sailed.”
“But if he’s hired me to be a minder, after what you told me earlier, he clearly cares enough to make sure you stay healthy,” I suggested.
“For investment purposes only,” Lucas said. His phone rang and he returned to the counter and grabbed it. He looked at the caller and went white with anger.
He answered it. “What?”
I looked around, not sure whether to stay or go, but I still wanted the specimen. He wandered back and forward in the lounge room, listening. His hand flexed in a fist and then released, a fist and released again. Then he said in a very low and controlled voice: “Understand this—I want nothing to do with my father and if you persist in pushing his case, I’ll find a new manager.” He hung up, turned and flung his water bottle into the kitchen.
I screamed, stepping back as it hit the counter, and took two glasses off the sink, shattering them and spraying water everywhere.
“My manager can get fucked too,” he yelled.
I looked to the stairs, thinking it might be best just to make a fast retreat. Now he was glaring at me.
“Um, I’ll leave you to... I’m downstairs if I can do anything.” I backed towards the stairs. He saw the specimen jar.
“That’s what you’re up here for?” he snarled. “Give the fucking thing to me.”
“It can wait,” I decided.
“Give it to me.” He strode over and snatched it from my hand. Lucas raged down the hall to the bathroom and slammed the door. The entire upper floor vibrated with the tremor.
I wrung my hands as I waited. Outside, everything in the real world seemed so normal; I wondered if the neighbors heard all the fights and dramas. I went to the kitchen while I waited, found a dust pan and broom and cleaned up the glass. I found an old sponge under the sink and some paper towels to wipe up the water.
He was taking a while, which was a relief. Maybe he couldn’t pee under stress. I hoped he would calm down in there and be civil when he came out and not throw it at me. Almost ten minutes later the bathroom door flung open again and he stormed down the hallway. I put down the paper towel roll and he crossed the room to get to me in four fast strides.
“Here, happy now?” He shoved the paper bag with his secure sample inside against my stomach. I stood my ground this time even though the force of him swayed me.
“You can report back to Daddy that I’m behaving, since you work for him.”
“Thanks,” I mumbled. He was a Jekyll & Hyde—half-an-hour ago on my run he was charming, even fun to be around. Now he was like a huge wall of hostility with anger radiating off him, burning everything in his path.
I turned and headed towards the stairs and then I felt something hit me in the back. I flinched and turned. On the floor near me was an empty but sealed sample bottle like the one I had in the bag. I don’t know what he was aiming at when he threw it but he hit me between the shoulder blades.
“Take that too.” He gave me a cruel smile. “I see the way you check me out, wanting something from me like everyone else... well there you go. If you get that to your sample company quickly they can freeze it and you can get inseminated. No one will know we didn’t do it; your word against mine and then you can bleed off me with the alimony for the rest of your life too.”
I know my mouth was open as I looked at him in shock. “What?”
“Don’t you want to live somewhere like this forever?” He turned around in a slow circle with his arms out. “I heard you saying that to Alice.”
I looked from him down to the container on the floor. It was revolting; I could see now that it wasn’t empty; it had a milky pale liquid in it. He’d wanked off in the bathroom, that was why he took so long, and then he threw it at me.
I felt the color drain from my face and my eyes must have been huge, staring at it. He heard right; I had said I’d love to live here to Alice, but who wouldn’t love this place? It was girls’ talk. I couldn’t believe that’s what he thought of me—that I would rush to keep this, have a little child who wasn’t wanted by him and bleed him dry with a web of deception. Just when I had let my guard down with him again!
I looked up at him and he continued to stare at me with hard eyes. He began to read my shocked expression and he frowned.
I swallowed and blinked, before speaking; clearing my head of all the hurt he had just thrown at me in that little jar.
“I think that must be the most awful thing anyone has ever done to me,” I said feeling my chest and throat thicken. My eyes welled with tears.
I looked at the specimen on the floor again. I couldn’t believe it. Then I turned and went downstairs and locked the adjoining door between us.
Chapter 19
I put the chain on our shared door and closed all the curtains, blocking out the front of the house and the divine view. Lucas had keys and I didn’t want him barging in. In fact, I didn’t want anything to do with Lucas at the moment. He was right, I wasn’t going to break the record; he just broke me.
I leaned over like an athlete at the end of a race and took some deep breaths. Then I heard him coming down the internal stairs outside our adjoined wall. My heart raced with anxiety. He knocked softly on the door.
“Mia.”
I didn’t answer. At this moment, I hated him and was just that little bit worried about what he was capable of doing. He was the nastiest piece of work I had ever come across. Even my regular clients were never nasty. Sure they railed and got angry and abused me for wanting to take their test, but it was never personal about me, it was just about the situation.
He tapped again, then tried the door.
“Mia, open up.”
I realized I still had his specimen in the bag in my hand. I had to test it. Work came first and I wasn’t going to not finish the job especially given the price I had paid to get this damned pee. I took it to my little laundry area, tested it and he came up clear. I tipped it out, disinfected and cleaned up. All the time, I could hear him outside the door.
Clear is right, I thought. Clear of all compassion and trust. I found my phone and texted the number I had to text with the results.
The thump at the door got heavier as I moved back out to the living area.
“Mia, please let me in. We need to talk. I’m flying out in a few hours.”
I stood rooted to the spot, willing him to go away.
I heard him inhale. “Mia, I know you can hear me, I need to talk with you now... please open the door.”
Fuck you Lucas. Fuck you big time. I hope you get majorly fucked over because you’ve paid back every shitty thing that’s ever happened to you on all your friends and family, the people who least deserve it. And now, me too.
I heard him take the s
tairs back up to his living area and I breathed a sigh of relief. But moments later he was back and his key fiddled in the door. The chain prevented him from opening it. Lucas muttered some creative swear words. I stayed out of his line of sight as he tried to see me through the gap in the door.
“Mia, please open the door. I don’t want to break it down.”
I stood back against the counter. I wasn’t frightened of him, I just wanted to avoid him forever or until I could face him, which might be forever too.
He pulled the door shut and I heard him exiting the front door. Crap, he was going to let himself in my front entrance. I ran around and put the chain on my separate entrance and just in the nick of time. Moments later he tried his key and opened the door the few inches it would allow.
“For fuck’s sake Mia, take the chain off. I just want to talk with you,” he hissed through the door.
I crept up the stairs, up to my next level. I heard him slam the door down below. He tried the other door one more time but he didn’t kick them in. I locked myself in the bathroom. My Diet Coke sat in a ring of water from condensation, and the bubble bath called me. I glanced at my phone; Lucas had to fly to Seattle for an away game tomorrow and wouldn’t be back for the weekend. He was expected at the club for the airport bus within the hour. It was a blessing in disguise. I had a couple of days to get my gear and be well and truly gone before he returned. His father could start looking for minder number six.
I took a deep breath; I would have my last bath in this gorgeous bathroom—and then I would pack and go. I stripped off my running gear and lowered myself into the tub; it felt divine. I would miss this bathroom. The pad location and beach outside my door would be hard to part with too, but parting with Lucas would be easier if he just dropped me like he dropped the others and moved onto his next minder. If I could hold onto this anger and disgust it would make the separation easier.
Then the text messages began.
“M, please let me in. I have to leave in 15. I need to talk with you. L”
I didn’t even want to text him back. I just wanted to slink away, pretend that Lucas Ainswright had never entered my life and given me some of the most amazing highs and lows of my existence in just two weeks.