Michael busied himself with his food, letting us talk.
“I’m sorry for being such a crappy friend. I know I wasn’t the only one to lose him. I just…” I couldn’t find words to finish.
“You don’t have to apologize. We understand.” It was a relief that everyone understood, better than I could have hoped.
Seconds later, Mason returned to the table, placing our food in front of us both. He turned and grabbed some garlic bread off the table and sat three pieces by both of us and one in front of Azami. I knew there was no way I could eat all of this food. I was full just looking at it.
“I want dis many, too.” Azami said, holding up three fingers. Her schooling was paying off.
I smiled over at her. “Finish what you have and then you can have another,” Knowing that she’ll be too full before then.
“Dig in.” Mason said, handing me a fork. I knew he wasn’t going to eat anything until I did.
I rolled some spaghetti onto my fork and put it in my mouth. I was waiting for the cardboard taste, but it never came. The food was delicious. I stuffed more and more of it in my mouth, feeling like I couldn’t get enough.
“This is really good.” I mumbled, through a mouthful of food.
Mason laughed, looking at my face stained with streaks of red spaghetti sauce. “Thanks.” He said wiping a towel across my face, removing the sauce.
I finished eating the bite I shoved in my mouth. “Where did you get all this from?” I haven’t eaten this good in a long, long time.
“We got a few things here and there and I saved them for this one big meal. I knew Azami would love it since her favorite food was Spagettio’s.” His cocky demeanor saying this would be her new favorite meal, “And I knew Spaghetti was your favorite.”
I smiled at him, recalling the day we talked about our favorite foods. He remembered. “This is really nice of you. You didn’t have to do this for me, Mason.”
“Yes, I did. Who else would take care of you? You won’t talk to anyone else.” My smile faltered as Jen shot Mason a death glare.
“I didn’t mean it like that, Lil.”
“I know. I didn’t think about anyone else. I’m sorry guys, if I hurt your feelings.”
“It’s okay, Hun. You get a free pass on this one.” Jen said.
“Thanks.”
We sat in silence for the rest of dinner while I stuffed my face. Surprisingly, I ate almost all of my food. Only a couple of bites sat at the bottom of my bowl when I could eat no more. I felt like I was going to explode. I placed my hand over my stomach while Mason cleaned up our mess.
Mason cleaned up while we waited on Azami to finish her food. She pushed her little plate away and patted her stomach. “Mommy? I don’t want dis many bweads.” She held up her three fingers again.
I laughed. The first real laugh for what felt like a lifetime, her voice pulling on my heart strings. “Okay.”
Mason sat back and crossed his arms over his chest, his shirt tight on his thick arms, and asked. “So the verdict is?”
“It was so-so.” I told him, wiggling my hand in a horizontal beauty queen wave.
“Is that why you devoured it?”
I nodded with a smile. “The food was so good, Mason. I loved it. Thank you so much. This really means a lot to me, more than you know.”
“What about you, sweetheart?” He asked, Azami.
“Yummy.” She rubbed her belly.
“Is it better that Spagettio’s?” He asked.
She cocked her head to the side, thinking hard, “Yes!”
“Good.” He looks so proud of himself for pleasing her.
I smiled again. “What now?”
Mason looked puzzled. “What do you mean?”
“Well. I thought that we could do something tonight. Maybe go see the stars again. Do you think Dane would let us go out?”
“I think Dane would let us do anything you wanted for just coming out of your room.”
James still bunked with me and Azami so I waited for her to fall asleep, kissing her forehead, and leaving her with James for a little while. I needed to breathe some fresh air into my life line at this moment, and I required it to function.
Mason wasn’t joking. Dane practically shoved us through the exit.
Mason brought a blanket from his room and laid it out for us to sit on. “This is amazing. I feel like I don’t have a care in the world right now because life goes on every day in the stars. They are always there, even at times you can’t see them.”
“I know.” His words were heavy and quiet.
He slid his hand over and wrapped his fingers with mine. I didn’t mind, in fact it was nice. I knew the action meant something different to me; comfort, friendship, not being alone in my world anymore. To Mason it meant something else completely; love, lust, desire. He wanted more, more than I could offer him right now. The fact was that I didn’t think I could ever love again and he deserved someone who wasn’t broken, someone whose heart wouldn’t always long for someone else, but I gave him this. I left my hand where it lay, enjoying my best friend.
~~~~~~
The next day, Mason was at my door for breakfast, in which I ate the biggest plate of pancakes I’ve ever seen, pleasing him tremendously. Azami was beside herself with joy after the first bite, this being her first time eating pancakes. They even made syrup, putting her into a thirty-minute countdown before she spazzed out, then another thirty minutes before she passed out.
After breakfast, Mason walked us back to my room. “Get your stuff ready.
Girly day, remember?” His eyes lit up as he grinned from ear to ear.
“I wouldn’t miss this for anything.” I said, grabbing our stuff and heading to the pool.
Nobody was around today. Even the bathroom seemed deserted. I wondered if Mason had something to do with it, trying to give us some alone time to relax. I went into the bathroom and put on my swim gear while helping Azami get into hers. My heart sank putting the boxers and tank top on that Ian had given to me. I wiped a tear out of my eye and scolded myself. I was going to try my damnedest to keep my mind on the now, and not on Ian. I could remember him later when the kids were asleep and I was left alone with my thoughts of what we got to share in such a small amount of time, his arms around me, and his perfect kisses. Our past never crossed my mind anymore. To me, he was my other half. Another tear ran away, but this one I let roll free. I washed my face with water, hiding my reddened eyes from Azami in the process. She attempted to dash out to swim when I insisted we brushed our teeth first. Lord knows James wasn’t making her do it every day. I still had to remind him half the time. For myself, I needed to do more upkeep on my feminine hygiene as well. Nobody wanted to see hairy pits while swimming. I finished up while Azami huffed heavily at me, out of patience by the exit. I chuckled at her and inhaled deeply, walking out to the pool.
Mason was already in the hot tub with two bottles sitting next to him.
“What are those?” I asked, climbing in next to him then turning for Azami.
She ignored me completely and jumped into the water, doggy paddling over to me. I stared at her in shock. How the hell did she learn how to swim? Her little hands grabbing at the water with each stroke, like a puppy taken to water. She climbed up my body with the biggest shit-eating-grin on her face.
“Untle Dames teached me to swim.” She wiped the droplets of water out of her eyes. “Did I do dood?” Hope shining from her baby blues.
The combination of her calling James Uncle and those blue eyes that were so much like her fathers, threatened to pull be back down to the black void I just recently crawled out of. I forced a smile on my face. My baby learned to swim.
It was one of her firsts and I didn’t get to teach her, nor did her father get to see her, but I couldn’t fight this overwhelming feeling of joy. “You did so good, baby!” Her face lit up with the compliment. “You must have practiced forever to get that good.”
“Oh, yes. We swam evwy day, fer
dhis many days.” She held up a random amount of fingers. I guess she still had some work to do on her counting.
“It certainly paid off. You are a very good swimmer.” I still wanted her to know the rules though, so I reminded her, “Azami, you do know that just because you can swim, does not mean you can come to the pool alone, right?”
“Yes, Mommy.” She replied, her voice exasperated. “Untle Dames alweady told me a whole bunch of times.”
“Okay. Good. Now come here and let me wash you with some really good smelling princess shampoo.”
“Pwincess sampoo!” She yelled and jump-swam back to me.
I washed Azami all over and then cleaned her hair. She had only had her hair washed with real shampoo a couple of other times, normally we used a bar of soap. I’d forgotten how blonde she really was. The entire reason I began calling her angel was that her hair always glowed in the sun. I applied the conditioner and her hair felt like silk.
“Feel your hair, angel.” I took her hand and ran her fingers through its soft length. “See? Princess hair.”
Azami’s eyes were alight with concentration. “It’s weawy soft, Mommy. I am a pwincess.” She said so matter of fact, she caused me to giggle.
Mason’s eyes devoured me. As I let Azami go to swim around the pool, Mason leaned into me, whispering in my ear. “I’m glad to see you’re having a good time.”
I smiled at him. “I am. Thank you.” I looked away for a moment and then back. “For everything, not just this.”
“It’s my pleasure.” He said, sliding closer and reaching out for my hand. “Now come here. It’s your turn.”
Mason guided me back against his chest, settling me on his upper thighs, leaning my head back and into the water to get my hair wet. He lathered my hair with shampoo and rinsed, repeating the action with the conditioner, soothing me into a trance.
“How are you doing so far?”
“I’m doing alright. I still have my moments, but I’m getting there.” Just saying those words out loud helped me heal a little more inside.
“Does that ‘alright’ include crying in the bathroom before coming out here?” My red eyes must have given me away.
“These are Ian’s clothes. He gave them to me to swim in and they made me think of him. Sometimes it’s still too overwhelming. I was lucky during the Flash. I survived. I had no personal attachments, no one to miss. No one has ever loved me or even cared about me for that matter, so when most of mankind died, it didn’t change much for me. I didn’t miss anyone. But now I know what everyone else felt then.” I stared off, thinking about Ian. “Have you lost anyone? I mean, I know you did, but do you miss them?”
He’s not talked about his life before the Flash, nothing of significance anyway. Most of what I’ve learned has come from Jen or Michael.
“Yeah. My Mom and Dad. They were working when it happened, but most of all, I miss my little sister.”
“I didn’t know you had a sister. You’ve never mentioned her before.” This was the rest of the PG story he’d denied me the first night we were outside.
“The pain it causes when I remember her is overwhelming sometimes. She was only seven. I played with her all the time. This, here with you and Azami, reminds me of our play dates. I washed her hair too. My parents always worked late so I helped out, getting her ready for bed and helping with her homework. After the Flash, we returned to find them. Tara, my sister, was in her room, lying next to her dollhouse and the babysitter laid lifeless downstairs. My parents were a little harder to find. We had to go to each of their work places to find them. That’s what took us so long to get here, all the searching.” He leaned back, lost in his thoughts of the past.
“At least Michael survived. You have him.” I tried to reassure, even though I knew the words didn’t take away from the hurt.
Mason smiled down at me. “Yes, I have him. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I was the only one to survive. I think that’s why I understand how you feel. Ian was the first person who cared for you without strings attached.”
“Actually, James was the first, but I loved Ian in a different way than I love James. It’s a different kind of loss.”
Mason nodded and then dunked himself under water. When he came up, the water dripped off him, sliding down his chest and reflecting the light. For the first time, I thought of him as sexy. I immediately blushed and turned away to hide the crimson on my cheeks.
“Come here.” He said, grabbing my elbow and pulling me back into him. He turned me in his arms so my back was to his chest, “Just lay back and relax.”
I did what he said and his arms supported me. He wet my hair again and began running his fingers through my long strands, caressing my scalp. I moaned without meaning to, encouraging a laugh from him.
“Feel good?”
“Yes, it does.”
“Good. Just relax and float for a while. I’ll watch Azami.”
I smiled with my eyes closed, not realizing I needed this until now. I heard him chuckle so I opened my eyes and smiled up at him. “What?” He had a silly grin on his face, but then his face takes on a more serious look.
“Nothing. I like to watch you, especially when you’re happy.”
“What else were you going to say, Mason?” I knew where I was leading this conversation, but I didn’t want anything unsaid between us. No communication would only make the situation more awkward.
“Because I enjoy being around you and I missed my friend.” That’s not what he was going to say, but I’d take it.
We stayed in each other’s arms longer than I intended and when I pulled back, he shocked me by leaning in and kissing me.
His lips were warm and soft; softer than they should have been. All too soon, I found myself getting lost in them. I kissed him back, causing him to groan as he pulled me tighter against his chest. But then Ian’s face flashed across my closed lids and I pulled back with a shocked gasp.
“What’s wrong?” Mason asked, his voice thick.
“I have to go.” I whispered, looking everywhere but at him.
Panicking, I picked up Azami who had climbed out of the water and begun playing in the mud, to rush down to our room. Escaping the situation.
Once we reached our room, I tore my wet clothes off and pulled on an oversized shirt and shorts. Azami’s little eyes watched me cautiously, unsure of what to do or think. I knew Mason would follow not far behind us to check on me. I couldn’t believe I’d kissed him. Ian’s only been lost to us for four months. Definitely not long enough for me to be lip-locking with another man.
I changed Azami out of her swim gear. Once she had on dry clothes, I gave her the pencil and paper that I knew would keep her busy for hours.
What have I done? Oh. My. God. I disgraced Ian’s memory because I couldn’t control myself. I buried my face in Ian’s pillow, swallowing up the last of his scent. I missed him so much that my chest ached.
Soon after I laid on the bed, Mason busted through the room like he was the damn police. “What was that about?” His voice was agitated, maybe even mad. He glanced at Azami, knowing we couldn’t have an outright argument with her in the room.
“I’m sorry, Mason. I’m so sorry.”
“Stop saying that.” His voice grew softer, as he sat next to me on the bed. “What are you sorry for? That you let your guard down? That you may like me too? It is okay, you know. You have the right to move on.”
“No, I don’t.” I wasn’t that girl. Ian was the only man I had ever been with or loved.
“I know this is hard for you. It’s hard for me too, and I don’t want you to hurt anymore. I want to be with you. Ian’s been gone for almost four months and I know that’s not that much time.” He breathed out heavily. “Just give me a chance. I can wait until you’re ready. I thought because you kissed me back that…I don’t know, that you might like me too.”
“I do, Mason. I do. But…”
“But?” he repeated.
“But I’m no
t there yet. I won’t pretend that I’m ready to move on when I’m just not. I’m not there yet. It doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t be someday, but it’s not now.” I put my head down because I didn’t want to see the look on his face.
“Fine. When you think you can get over the fact that Ian is gone and I’m here, you know where to find me.” He stormed out the door, making me feel like an ass. I led him on, led him to believe that I may have wanted more, when all I really wanted was someone to be there for me, someone to lean on; a friend. I couldn’t put that on James and Mason filled the role without me asking. I guess this just shows that I can’t really depend on anyone because I don’t know how to handle them with the care that I want in return. I’m to blame for this, and I don’t know how to fix it now.
Chapter 13
The first few days after Mason and I fought, I avoided him. I ate at odd times of the day, trying to avoid any questions. James and Azami were the only people I socialized with for the most part. Sometimes I’d take Azami to school and help teach the classes. She loved spending the day with me, showing me all the new things she’s been learning.
The nightmares started again. They were always the same. The people that played a part in my dreams always stayed hidden in the dark, never revealing themselves. The only thing I could decipher was one was male and the other female. James listened to me when I explained the dreams to him, but he couldn’t understand what they represented either. After the first few days, I realized I was going back into my old routine of excluding myself from everyone and inverting into myself again. I didn’t want to look like that girl in the mirror again. She scared me.
I got up that next morning and ate breakfast with everyone else. Most eyes were on me when I walked in. Azami, having gotten up early with James, was already there. When she noticed me, she squealed and came running to hug me. I scooped her up and made my way over to where they were sitting and ate. When we were through, I sent Azami off to her lessons for the day and made it a point to locate Dane.
“Where do you want me in the work rotation?” I asked him when I found him hauling in bags of rice.
Flash Series (Book 1): Infected Page 17