“I’m thinking about applying for jobs in the campus’ area. So locally, but really, I can work anywhere with my degree.”
“Oh. So you ain’t going home? Be near your family?” she asked.
I forced myself to smile at the question, though the family I found myself in was the last thing I wanted to talk about. “My family actually lives in town. It’s just my dad. My mom died when I was in middle school.”
I probably shouldn’t have mentioned them. Not Dad. My mom… not at all, and I knew as soon as the looks of remorse flashed around the circle at me. I appreciated their sympathy, but in this case it didn’t feel warranted. It felt inappropriate to mourn for my mom considering the circumstances in which she left me.
A hand moved over mine, one so warm and familiar. I looked up to see blue eyes, clear and always inviting. Griffin didn’t stare at me the way the rest of his family did. There was sadness there, yes, but the expression seemed lighter, less intense, and when he smiled at me I knew it was different. I felt as he was looking through me, telling me something with his eyes. The gaze had me holding his hand tighter, forgetting and releasing everything but him.
A throat cleared and my instinctive reaction was to let go. A cold breeze moved by my hand, the warmth from Griffin’s hand leaving my fingers and palm. He stared in the direction of the noise that separated us. His dad. The man didn’t look at us though, not acknowledging a thing. Griffin’s smile was faint my way and he gripped his hand in his lap like he was feeling for that previous link between us. I knew because my hand was clenching too as if feeling for his.
Griffin’s gram patted my knee. “I’m so sorry to hear that, Roxie. It’s… it’s always quite hard. Losing someone.”
She nodded after she said that, her eyes faraway, and I wondered if she lost someone. She was elderly. I suppose she could have.
I looked at Griffin, and like he knew my thoughts, he mouthed me two words: my mom.
I blinked, looking around the group as if to see her. I imagined crystal blue eyes and gorgeous blonde hair like her sons. I didn’t see their features in any of these women before me. It didn’t even occur to me Griffin never introduced her. He’d lost his mother, too? I wondered how and prayed he’d been too young to remember. I hoped he was saved from that pain that not all of us were.
“Oh, Roxie. What happened with your toes? They’re all scratched up.” Griffin’s gram gestured toward my feet.
I gazed down and she was right. I’d gotten welts and scratched from the gravel earlier.
I curled my feet in, pushing them under my chair as if to hide them. “I wore the wrong kind of shoes. My sneakers are in my bag, but the airline misplaced it.”
The older woman looked nearly mortified by my words, and Griffin quickly leaned forward. “They’re delivering it in the morning, Gram. And actually I was going to ask Pop if I could borrow his keys and take her to Walmart. Get her some shoes and things.” He gazed over at him. “Pop?”
He didn’t look like he wanted to, but he lifted his hip and retrieved a ring of keys out of his pocket. Heat blazed my face that I was inconveniencing him.
“That’s not necessary, Griffin.” Griffin’s gram stood to her feet in her boots. “I’ve got plenty of extra things around here. Socks, toothbrushes. All unopened as folks tend to forget to bring things when they come over every year. And Robin,” she gazed at Griffin’s aunt, “she looks about Marlene’s size, doesn’t she?”
Griffin grinned and leaned over the arm of his chair to me. “That’s my cousin. She’s away at college.”
Aunt Robin studied me at all angles. “I think you’re right, Momma. She can use her nightgown and things. Sweetie pie, what size shoes do you wear?”
My mind spun at being fused over. “Nine?”
“Perfect,” Griffin’s gram crooned. “You can wear Marlene’s boots. Let’s get you out of those flip flops.”
The pair swarmed me like bees to honey. Next thing I knew, Griffin’s aunt was pulling me to my feet.
“We’ll also get you out of that dress and into some shorts,” she said. “We’re walking the land later, honey. You’ll need some walking clothes.”
I turned my head back to the group as I was being dragged away, and Griffin simply gave me a small wave, smiling. His attention went to his dad when he called his name.
The large man lifted from his seat. “Why don’t you join me in the kitchen for a beer. I want to talk to you about something.”
The man’s eyes flashed to me, so I didn’t catch Griffin’s response, and when I was tugged forward up the porch steps, I knew I’d never get it. I didn’t want to be paranoid, but I couldn’t help the feeling prickling my brain. Something told me his dad’s drink invitation was less about getting a beverage and more about me.
Chapter Twenty-One
Griffin
I followed my dad’s large frame into my gram’s kitchen, not really knowing what this was about. Pop and I didn’t have heart to hearts. We just didn’t. Maybe he was just curious on how things were with me since the holidays. There really were no new developments. Except for Roxie that was. I always kept my gram in the know of what was going on with me professionally. Everything was still on track for my career, and I was doing fine in school. She relayed that info to the rest of my family. I only hoped this chat didn’t last long. I didn’t know how long Roxie would be and I wanted to talk with her. I had no idea she’d lost her momma, too. Although it was under different circumstances since her mom passed away and my brothers and I were abandoned before I’d even hit kindergarten. That loss connected Roxie and me when I grabbed her hand. I felt that, and I think in a way, she did, too. We needed to talk about so many things. I not only needed to know, but I wanted to know everything about her. And I wanted her to have the same with me. She needed to know she could trust me. Only then could we work through whatever was bothering her.
I was thinking about that when my dad opened the fridge, retrieving the two beers he promised. He handed me one, not really making direct eye contact, but that was Pop. He wasn’t into the bonding thing. That was fine. My gram provided that for us. As rough and county as my brothers and me were, we all had hearts of gold. That showed through in the women we settled down with. Hayden had a great wife. A great kid. And Brody was finally starting to date women worth his time. Colton was still young of course, but he would come around at his own time. Then there was me...
Pop took me out of my thoughts when he settled against the counter, twisting to use that same counter to open his beer. I chose the bottle opener on the kitchen island. Gram would never forgive me if she knew I used her counter.
Pop sipped his longneck bottle back, swishing it in his mouth before swallowing. All the while he didn’t look at me, staring out the window to the side of me. I drank, doing the same to the side of him. I knew if I waited long enough he’d come out with it. He did things on his own time. We all understood that and respected it.
“So, um,” he paused. After clearing his throat, he sniffed. “How are you doing?”
I shrugged. “Fine.”
He took another drink, and I waited while it went down. He wiped his arm across his goatee after he was done. “That’s good. Good.”
My dad was never good at small talk. But again, I gave him the time he needed. It seemed he was ready when he didn’t have any beer left. He chugged it back then rested it on the counter. I felt the need to do the same. He came over to me near the island and rested back against it. I did the same.
“Now you know I’m not about getting into your business, Griff,” he said, his gaze hard as he stared down at the floor.
I did know that. He always trusted us, trusted our decisions. I knew that when he supported me after deciding to take a chance on ball instead of going into work with him and my brothers in construction. “Yeah, Pop?”
He nodded. His blond whiskers moved when he worked his mouth before speaking. “I normally wouldn’t say anything, but you’re my kid and I gott
a do my job. Guide you. I know I haven’t been the best at it without your momma.”
“You’ve been fine, Pop. What’s this about?” I had to admit I was kind of worried now that he was bringing Mom up. He’d done fine with us, and we always let that be known. I could imagine it was hard raising four boys into men without a woman to help, but he’d done a damn fine job.
“I guess I just want to know,” he said, finally looking at me, “what you think you’re doing with that girl you brought?”
His statement caused my eyes to widen. “Roxie? What do you mean?”
Did he for some reason disapprove of her? I noticed he wouldn’t really look at her and wasn’t really listening when she was talking, but I didn’t understand. I casted it off. He had no reason not to like her.
“Like I said, I’m not trying to get into your business,” he said, raising his hand while he spoke. “But I’ve seen the type of girls you’ve dated, like that one you brought down here last time, and you bringing that girl you brought today just don’t make sense. She doesn’t really seem to,” he paused, searching the floor as if scanning for a word, “fit you or your lifestyle.”
Now I pushed off the counter. What was he getting at? How did Roxie not fit me, as he said? He could have been referring to all kinds of things, but the one that set off red flags was one of the more obvious differences between us. Her race. But that just didn’t make sense. My dad wasn’t a racist man. Never had been. He gave no reason for me to think of him that way. I was a product of him and considered myself very culturally aware. We grew up around people of color in school and the clubs and activities we were in. I didn’t get it, and I was about to ask him, but he continued.
“You’re young and I can imagine you’re still in that mindset of feeling like you still got running to do, and that’s fine if that’s what you want.” He huffed, pushing off the counter. “I really don’t want to get on you or lecture you, but that is a nice little girl you brought, and you shouldn’t be messing with her if your mind ain’t right for her yet.”
My jaw dropped at the turn of the conversation. I moved my mouth, but words weren’t really coming out. Eventually, I got out a confused, “Pop?”
He crossed his beefy arms, shifting on his boots restlessly. It looked like it took all he had in him to keep this conversation going. “You’re grandmamma really likes her, Griff. She and your aunt are upstairs now fiddling with her and getting all attached. You got to be conscious of that. It’s not fair to them and it’s not fair to that little girl. I’m just saying that she is the type of girl you marry. She’s the one you settle down with. Make a family with. You don’t mess around with her and confuse her feelings. You just don’t get with girls like that if you’re not ready for them. It’s not right to play around with them.”
I couldn’t believe it. My dad, the most tough, dry man I’d ever met, was worried about not me but the girl I brought. He was worried I was messing with her feelings and would hurt her. The respect that moved upon me for him grew in spades. My dad was a good man. I always knew that. I always did.
I smiled, setting my hand on his shoulder. “I’m not messing with her, Pop.”
He looked up at me, bushy eyebrows narrowed. “You’re not?”
I shook my head, lowering my hand. “Not at all. I really like her. In fact, more than like her.”
His brows twitched, and slowly, he lowered his arms. “Well, that’s good. That’s real good, son. I just… I guess I just assumed with the girls I’ve seen you date and that girl you brought over here that irritated your grandmamma…”
I couldn’t help it. I snorted.
“That you weren’t really ready for something serious,” he continued. “You’re going to play professional ball soon, and I assumed you’d be keeping that mindset of being free.”
“Pop, Tanya is very much a thing of the past, and well,” I shrugged and continued on, “people change. Even before I met Roxie I wasn’t feeling that way of living anymore. It was getting old. When she came along I felt different. My head cleared like someone flicked on a light and I’d been in the dark. I didn’t understand why my life was feeling off before. But hell, with what I felt when I was around her, it made sense.”
I was talking in ways I’d never had before, saying all kinds of things, and I was doing it in front of my pop. This wasn’t done. We just didn’t do this, talk that is, but this, in my gram’s kitchen, felt pretty all right.
“Boys! We’re heading out to tour Momma’s land.”
That was my aunt Robin’s voice. She, Roxie, and my gram must have been done with their raiding of my cousin’s closet. The family always walked Gram’s property to see its progress in the year since the previous reunion. It was also good for that social aspect. That could be my chance to talk to Roxie about some things.
Pop tossed our bottles and then slammed his hand on my shoulder. I could probably count on one hand how many times the man had not just smiled, but grinned, and this was one of them directed at me.
He then said one of the most important things he’d ever said to me. “I hope she knows how you feel.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Griffin
The group had already left by the time Pop and I got outside. This didn’t surprise me. We were all pretty lax around here and not everyone left. Pop had just gotten off work not too long ago, so he decided to stay behind and rest his feet. Hayden stayed behind as well with Karen since they had a young one who wouldn’t be able to keep up. I didn’t see Roxie waiting behind for me, but I was quickly informed by Karen that Gram and Aunt Robin dragged her along with the pack, letting her know I’d catch up. I shook my head as I followed after the group of my family ahead. Gram and my aunt really were getting attached to Roxie like Pop said, and I had to admit that felt real good. In the back of my might I thought if I could only hold onto her… I’d try my damnedest. I was a fighter, and if I knew something was worthwhile, I wouldn’t give it up easy. There was something behind Roxie inching away from me. I didn’t know what it was, but I would get to the bottom of it.
I got to the pack, but I still didn’t see her with all the bodies around. My gram was most likely in the front, and she’d probably be with her by what Karen told me. I moved my way through. Not hurried, but definitely goal-oriented. A crack in the group formed, and I saw her through the members of my family. That was when I slowed down, almost losing her, once I got sight of her.
She gazed over her shoulder, seeming to look for something. Her dark hair breezed over her face and she had one of my cousin’s cream-colored cowboy hats on. It matched the collared button up shirt they gave her, but the long expanse of her legs didn’t let me focus on that for long. She had a pair of my cousin’s jean cut offs on, the bright sun making her smooth legs shine. To top the image of her off, she had a set of pretty brown cowboy boots donning her feet.
The whole thing, the whole package of her, had me smiling stupidly to myself. I wondered if we all had one of those moments where you saw something so beautiful you couldn’t help but reflect how you felt about it on your face. Meanwhile, the rest of the world was in the dark, unaware of the wonderful secret.
She saw me, and I knew she was looking for me, too. She didn’t smile, but she couldn’t stop what she did with her eyes. They opened up, let the light in, and brightened, making her whole face smile without the expression. That let me know there was something there and how she felt about this thing we had. This awesome, whirlwind thing. I could only hope she was ready because now that I knew I wasn’t going to give up easy.
She fell back from the group a bit and let me catch up to her. When I did, she gazed up at me from under her big hat, looking too cute for words to describe. The light of the sun made her eyes a kaleidoscope of green shades, the overall image creating a soft jade tone.
I forced myself to speak to the girl I always found was so pretty. I gestured to her. “Look at you.”
She placed her hands on her hips, popping her boot out l
ike she was in the first step of a square dance. “Not too much?” she asked, looking genuinely worried.
Since her outfit was causing my mind to do nothing but circulate images of dragging her off to a vacant field and being anything but a Southern gentlemen with her, I could say she had no need to worry. “You look real pretty, Roxie. Real nice. Not too much at all.”
Her mouth was looking so kissable when she smiled that I nearly gave in to my minds mental images of taking her away.
“Roxie! Griffin, you comin’?” My gram had her hands on her hips, tapping her boot at the head of the group.
I knew better than to make my gram wait, so I guided Roxie, holding back my urges for now.
Gram had us walking like crazy in the afternoon sun. She was quite used to it. Walking her property regularly kept her young and active. Our various hats helped with the heat, but the group was really feeling the fatigue of the walk, so we all took a break after we were a ways away from the main house. It couldn’t even be seen out by the field we stopped at. Some of gram’s hired hands were tending to some cattle behind a fence, so we all used that as an opportunity to break.
Roxie and I had kept pretty quiet during the walk. In part because we were listening to gram talk, another part because constantly gabbing made you tired in the sun. Plus, I think we were both unsure of what to say. This trip had been laced with quietness, awkwardness. The presence of which I still didn’t understand.
She walked up to the wooden fence. Laying her arms on it, she rested her chin on the back of her hands.
I shoved my hands into my pockets, lounging my back against the fence.
“How’s your dad?” she asked, surprising me with the question. She didn’t look at me, staring ahead at the moving cattle. “I heard him call you to talk before… before I went inside.”
A smile creased my face as I gazed ahead, remembering that talk. “He’s good. Seems he’s taken a liking to you. He said you’re a nice girl.”
Found by You Page 17