by Colbie Kay
I need to take some time off
Grabbing a pen off my desk, I write back.
Why?
I push the paper back toward him.
When I read his response, my heart fills with happiness for him. He's taking time off so that he can have cochlear implants put in to try and restore his hearing. He doesn’t want anyone to know in case it doesn’t work.
Writer had a tough time for a while with addiction, but he overcame it and has been doing phenomenal since. He also has a baby on the way. He deserves everything good that comes in his future. He’s been working here going on two months, but I already see he’s going to be a phenomenal tattoo artist one day. Since he has to do an apprenticeship, I hired him on to draw for me when I am too busy.
With blurry eyes, I peer at him and nod. Holding my finger up, I let him know to wait.
I write my question.
How long has Devon been with the club?
I slide it across to him, he reads it, and looks up at me confused. Looking back down at the paper, he writes one word.
Who?
Huffing, of course, he wouldn't know him by his real name. They all have road names and I don't know what Devon's is. I think of what to write.
The guy that was holding the tray of food and dropped it.
Oh! That's Doc. Why you wanna know?
Let's just say we have history.
Sorry Daphne but you'll have to ask him. I'm not getting involved.
He gives me a sympathetic grin, stands, and leaves my office.
I grab my things and head out, leaving Audrey to lock up.
As soon as I make it home, I start cleaning up, because let’s face it, I'm not a perfect mom. I'm a single mother with a ten-year-old son who works well over 40 hours a week. So of course, I have laundry piled up, dirty dishes in the sink, and Zane's stuff all over the couch.
I get a load of laundry washed and in the dryer, Zane's stuff picked up, dishes loaded in the dishwasher, counters and tables cleaned, and carpet vacuumed. Shew! Just as I'm putting the vacuum cleaner back into the cleaning closet, there's a knock on my door. I open it and Emery stands there with bags and a dazzling smile. She holds them up. "I brought Chinese."
"Gah, I love you! I'm starving." I open the door wider for her. She carries the food into the living room and sets it on the coffee table. I stroll into the kitchen, load my arms up with everything we need and join her on the couch. Emery begins dividing the food while I pour us each a glass of red wine. "Earlier you said you and the guys are going back on tour." I take a bite of food and restrain myself from moaning because it tastes so good. I haven't had Chinese in forever.
She nods while chewing, then swallows. "Yeah, we leave in a few weeks for the west coast."
I take another bite of the delicious food. "How long are you gonna be gone?"
"A couple of months. That's why the guys are recording. They want to finish the new album before we leave, so it's been day and night in the studio. We're obviously taking Sicily because we have Marina to watch her, but when she starts school, I don't know what's going to happen."
We both take a sip of our wine. "Won't your parents watch her?" Emery has a great support system with her parents, just like I do with mine and Devon's.
I couldn't very well hide my pregnancy living next door to them, and when I started showing, it was pretty obvious. My pregnancy created a rift between my parents and Devon’s, especially with him taking off, but over the years, they have mended their friendship the best they could for Zane’s sake. They aren't as close as they once were, but it’s better than them fighting with each other all the time.
"Oh yeah, they will, but it's going to devastate Sicily when she can't go. She's grown so attached to Dawson, and if Traxton is on the road too, that'll just make it even worse."
"Yeah, that's going to be rough on her and you, but just keep reminding yourself that you’re giving her an amazing life." I try to reassure her that she’s doing the best for her daughter, but I get how hard it is. I couldn’t imagine having to leave Zane for long periods of time.
She nods in agreement. "I know. It's just hard sometimes."
After we finish eating, I take our dirty dishes and silverware to the kitchen, put them in the sink, then go back into the living room.
"What was it like seeing Devon again? How did he look?" Emery refills our glasses.
"I was shocked, surprised, scared, angry." I laugh lightly. "I had about every emotion run through me." I take a sip and continue. "He looked older, more muscular, sexy." I sigh because I’m still affected by Devon Mayfield, even after all these years.
There's another knock on the door, our eyes snap to each other. "Are you expecting anyone?" Emery asks.
Shaking my head, I stand and walk over, looking through the peephole. My wide eyes meet Emery’s, I mouth, "It's Brad."
I open the door, with furrowed brows. " Hey, what are you doing here?" My eyes rake over him in his skinny jeans, white beater, and a backward baseball cap. His long hair hangs down loose to his shoulders. Both sleeve tattoos on display and gauges in his ears.
He grins before leaning in to try and kiss me, but I move my head just in time, his lips connect with my cheek instead. He pulls back with narrowed eyes. "I wanted to see you."
"I told you, I had plans with Emery." I fold my arms over my chest. What the hell is this? He can't just show up whenever he wants.
He gives me those puppy dog eyes. "Yeah, I know that, but I feel like you've been avoiding me."
Shaking my head, I reply, "I'm not doing this right now. I had plans and you had no right just showing up."
He tilts his head to the side and smirks. "I'm sorry. Can we talk after?" He tries every trick he has in order to make me forget why I’m pissed at him right now. But…it does no good.
"I'll text you." I shut the door without saying goodbye. That pisses me off because he knows not to just come over here. For Christ’s sake, I haven't even introduced Zane to him. I refuse to bring someone into my son's life if they aren't here for the long haul, and Brad most certainly is not here for that.
Our relationship basically consists of nights when Zane is staying the night with a friend, is at my parent's or Devon's parents, and lunch dates when Zane's at school.
Fuming, I walk back over to the couch.
"What the hell was that?" Emery questions.
I shake my head and take a deep breath. "I don't know. I'm going to have to end it soon. He’s becoming too clingy."
Emery huffs in amusement. "It’s too bad. He's hot as hell."
"He is sexy with those whiskey eyes, but there's really no connection on my part, and the sex really isn't all that."
Emery puckers her lips and turns up her nose. "How can you look like that and not know how to work it?" She shakes her head in disbelief.
I laugh at her question. "I don't know, girl, but it's been too long since I've had amazing sex."
She gasps in shock. "Now, I just feel sorry for you."
Mumbling, "Me too," I sigh deeply. I remember what great sex was like once in my life.
We finish off the bottle before starting on another while we talk more about the kids, the band, and the upcoming tour. We both fall asleep on the couch until her phone begins to ring. Dawson shows up to carry her to his truck, I trek to my bedroom, fall face first on my bed, and in no time, I’m back to sleep.
"We leave at 0600. Specialist Mayfield will lead the convoy to patrol the roads. Keep your eyes open and be safe out there." Sergeant Cressley gives our orders for the following morning.
My unit replies in sync, "Yes, Sergeant."
He nods once before turning and walking away. We stand at ease and chatter ensues around me. It's going to be an early morning as usual, so I decide to head into the barracks and to my bunk.
Sitting on the cot, I remove my boots and pull the picture out from under my mattress. I lie back, gazing at the photo of me and Daphne. It was taken by her friend, Maggie, just a
few months before I enlisted. We were sitting on the tailgate of my truck my arm slung around her shoulders, hers wrapped around my waist. She's looking at the camera with the brightest smile I've ever seen, and I'm looking down at her. My eyes shine with love…so much love for that girl. My finger runs over her beautiful face. I miss her so much, but I'm sure she's moved on from me. I've been away nearly three years. She called for a while, but eventually gave up when I wouldn't answer or call her back. Her letters came for months, but I had them returned to sender. It was best if I cut all ties and gave her the chance to move on, live her life without a leech like me.
Bringing the picture to my lips, I close my eyes imagining her standing in front of me. I kiss her and whisper, "I'll love you forever, Daph."
I place the photo back under my mattress and put my arms behind my head, laying there staring at nothing until I finally fall asleep.
I wake the next morning before the sun has risen and dress in my clean army combat uniform. I make my bed, a cup of instant coffee, and sit outside of the bunks to watch the sunrise before going to the mess hall for breakfast.
More often than not, I sit out here thinking about Daphne. Where she is now. What she's doing? A day hasn't gone by that I haven’t thought of her, that my love for her hasn’t faltered.
My unit is up, moving around, and ready to go. I open the driver's side door of the Humvee. Private Briggs sits in the passenger side, Lieutenant Gregory sits in the back with Private Dobbs, and our gunner stands at the .50-caliber machine gun, ready in case we hit trouble. We each have our helmets with our headsets on in order to communicate with each other. Two more trucks fill up behind ours and I begin to drive.
We've been at it for a couple of hours when Briggs starts talking. "Mayfield?"
I keep my eyes on the road scanning our surroundings. "Yeah." Bodies lay still on either side of us.
"You're in your third year enlisted, right?"
I glance his way for a moment, he's looking between his window and the windshield.
"Yeah."
"What're you gonna do after your fourth?"
I shrug my shoulder even though he's not looking. "I'm going to re-enlist. I don't have anyone to go home to. Hell, I don't even have a home outside of the Army."
"I don't know how you guys do it. I'm only five months in and I'm ready to go home." Out the side of my eye, I see him shake his head as he goes on. "The shit we've seen out here, the shit we've had to do…I don't know if I can make it four years." Briggs is young, only eighteen. He reminds me of myself when I first came here right out of basic.
I huff in amusement because it really wasn't even that long ago that I was his age, but fuck over here, it feels like one year'll age you ten. "Just hang in there, Private. It gets easier." That's a fucking lie because it doesn't. It never gets easier. You just grow accustomed to the shit you have to do to survive in this hell.
A sudden sound of firecrackers and loud booms engulf us. Gunfire ensues all around. "Shots fired! Shots fired!" is yelled through the headsets.
A bright flash blinds me through the windshield. Everything happens so fast. We had hit an IED and were scrambling to get out, but the Humvee explodes just as my door opens and I fall out. My back is burning. I hear yelling around me, but I can't make out any words because my ears are ringing terribly. I can't feel my arms or legs. The burning feeling is growing stronger. I try screaming, but I don't know if anyone can even hear me. I roll on the ground, trying to stop the pain. The stench of my burning uniform and flesh overpower my sense of smell. My vision begins to fade, and soon the blackness takes over.
I sit straight up in bed from the nightmare…a reality I’d had to live. Sweat beads on my forehead and I try to calm my breathing. My heart races, my body shakes, and my breathing continues to come in rapid pants. I sit on the edge of my bed in complete darkness.
I'm taken back in time. Something I have no control over. I'm back in the barracks, doing daily patrol, waiting to see if I live another day. Planes fly above us, gunfire surrounds us, kids run around with guns in their hands.
A door opens I move quick and stealthy, my hand reaches out grabbing the intruder–the enemy–around their neck and I slam them into the wall. "Who sent you?" I wait for a reply.
Quietly the voice chokes out, "Doc." I blink a few times trying to focus, but I'm pulled back. "Doc, please. It's Jacey."
I hear a hand hitting the wall and the light in the room comes on. I blink several more times and when my vision finally focuses, I have her pinned against the wall with my hand around her neck. Her eyes are wide and face is red. I immediately release her, stumbling back to my bed as I sit at the end of it.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I bury my face in my hands and rock on the bed. I feel her arms wrap around me as she holds me.
"Shh. It's okay." Her voice is thick and raspy from the grip I had on her, cutting off her air supply.
"No, it's not! I could have killed you." I turn my tear-filled eyes to her.
She gives me a small smile. "But you didn't. Have you been taking your meds?" I shake my head. "You've been doing a lot of drinking the last week. That's not a way to cope, Doc."
"I know, Short Shit." I use the nickname I started calling her after we became closer.
Jacey and I have a bond that can't be broken from when I delivered her and Bear's son, Kellen, or as we like to call him, Cub. I've opened up to her some about my time in the Army, but not completely. No one knows the hell I went through there. I never did finish out my four years because I was given a medical honorable discharge.
My eyes search hers. "Are you going to tell Bear? I wouldn't blame you if you did 'cause right now I wanna kick my own ass."
She laughs. "No, I'm not gonna tell him. I want my friend to live." She jokes, but he would, he'd kill me for putting my hands on her, whether I was of sound mind or not. "I shouldn't have walked in. That was my fault, but I was worried. You've been in here all day. Your friend, Mullins, said I should leave you alone, but you know how well I listen."
I nod and grin. None of the women listen very well. "Thanks." Shit! I was out of it longer than I thought.
"I think I know what you need though. Take a shower and get ready."
I frown. "Where we going?"
Her smile widens. "You'll find out when we get there. I'll meet you out front in thirty minutes." She walks out of my room, shutting the door behind her. I stand from the bed, get my meds, and take each pill before grabbing everything I need for a shower, including a fresh set of clothes and my cut.
Watching out the passenger seat window of Jacey's Tahoe, I snap my glare to her. "What're we doing here?" I tilt my head a little and raise my brows.
Her sympathetic gaze bores into my hard stare. "You're spiraling, and I can't sit back and watch it anymore. It's been a week. You need to go in there, get some ink therapy, and talk to the woman."
My attention drifts to the brick building and the name Runaway Tattoo. There's no doubt in my mind she came up with Runaway because of me. Sighing, I reply, "I don't think that's a good idea, Short Shit. Take me back to the club."
Jacey gives me her evil smirk. "Nope, not gonna happen. Steel those balls and come on." Her door opens and shuts. My eyes follow her as she walks around the front of the SUV and opens my door. "You may not think this is what you need right now, but trust me, it is. You need someone you can fully open up to, and I have a feeling Daphne was that person for you once. So, let her be again." Jacey stands confident that this is what I need.
My eyes widen. "Jacey, I left her knocked up. Why the hell would she even want to see me, let alone have me dump all my bad shit on her?" Is she out of her fucking mind?
"Because the kind of love I see in your eyes, never died. And I'd put everything on it that it never died for her either. Now, get out and come on." She stands to the side. I shake my head but do as she instructs. She shuts the door behind me, and I let her lead the way inside.
Audrey grins ear to ear. "Hey,
you two!"
Jacey mirrors her smile while I stand with sweaty palms and a heart about to beat out of my fucking chest. "Doc here wants to get a tattoo."
"Okay." She bends in her desk chair, pulls a paper out of the filing cabinet, and lays it in front of me on her desk, dropping a pen on top. "I'll need you to fill this out. Do you know what tattoo you want?"
I shake my head, pick up the piece of paper, and read over the questions before answering each one.
"Daphne is amazing, so I'm sure you and she can figure it out. I'll need your driver's license."
I pull my wallet out of the back pocket of my jeans, get my license, and hand it over along with the paper.
She walks to the back and a few minutes later, she returns with Daphne behind her. Audrey traipses behind her desk and plops down, but her eyes dart from Daphne to me and back. The air is thick with tension, mostly radiating off her. Her eyes narrow and she folds her arms over her chest. "What are you doing here?"
I’m frozen at the sight of her again. She’s so fucking beautiful. The black knee-length dress she has on showcases every thick curve of her body. My cock twitches behind my zipper at the thought taking her.
Jacey cuts in, "I brought him." Daphne's eyes never leave mine. It's almost like we're in a battle to see who will be the first to look away. She'll lose this fight.
I reply, "I want a tattoo."
She stands firm. "You can book with Writer when he gets back."
"No, I want you to do it." Why the fuck did Jacey think this was a good idea?
Daphne turns, giving up, and begins stomping down the hallway. She throws over her shoulder. "I can't."
I turn to Audrey. She's looking down at nothing. Shaking my head, I cut my glare to Jacey. "Let's go."
"No," She deadpans with her own glare targeting me.
I huff. "She doesn't want to see me, she doesn't want to give me..." I do the air quotes with my fingers. “’Ink therapy’, and she sure as hell doesn't want to talk to me."