Morgan could only stare at her.
“You don’t know what she said to me. You can’t understand how humiliating it was for me.”
Leanne snorted. “Don’t talk to a Rennie about being humiliated. If you care about her like you claim you do, you’ll know what to do.” She got up and picked up her son. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a garden to weed.”
Morgan got up as she left, more puzzled than ever. He still couldn’t figure it all out, but there was one thing he did know. Leanne was right. He needed to forget about himself. His pride and his hurt feelings.
He needed to fight for the girl he cared about. He had let her walk away from him once before without chasing after her. He wasn’t going to let it happen again.
Chapter Sixteen
Tabitha dropped her backpack on the bed of the motel and pressed the heels of her hand to her face. Another round of interviews in yet another town and still no job. She had come to Sundre with such high hopes but her spotty résumé was no help.
She sat down on the bed and flicked through her cell phone. Thankfully Morgan had stopped texting her and leaving messages. She didn’t listen to any of them. She was afraid they would make her cry, and she was tired of crying and feeling weak.
She closed her eyes, the headache hovering behind her eyes threatening to explode.
I’ve been through worse, she reminded herself, remembering other motels, waiting with Leanne for her father, wondering when he would show up.
Her thoughts shifted to Nathan, and she felt another clench of dismay.
Probably just as well she left, she told herself. Morgan is his father and that’s all he needs.
She took a breath, then pulled out her Bible and opened it to a passage she’d been reading last night, the same one the pastor had preached on a few weeks ago.
“Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid—you are worth more than many sparrows.”
Each time she read this she was reminded of her worth. Self-worth had been something she’d struggled with so much of her life. Even now, in spite of what she read, it still was difficult to accept her true value.
Her rumbling stomach reminded her it was time to eat. Though she had told her sister she was staying at her friend’s, it hadn’t worked out, so Tabitha opted instead to stay at a motel, renting a kitchenette to save a few dollars.
She put her Bible down and got up to make something when a knock on the door stopped her in her tracks.
Who would be coming here? Her friend was working. No one else in Sundre knew she was here.
Then her heart jumped. Maybe it was one of the employers where she had dropped off a résumé. Come to give her a job?
Even as she hurried to the door, her practical self told her not to be silly, but she couldn’t stop a sense of expectation.
Then she opened the door and the expectation turned to utter shock.
Morgan stood in the doorway, his cowboy hat in his hand, his expression guarded and weary. His eyes sought her out, an almost hungry look in them that set her heart racing.
“What...? How...?”
“Leanne” was his concise reply.
“I asked her to not tell you.”
“Why not?”
She wasn’t sure what to say.
“Aren’t you going to invite me in?” he asked.
Tabitha looked over her shoulder at the cramped motel room, the dinginess of it hitting her suddenly.
“No.”
“I need to talk to you. Can we find another place?”
She hesitated, not sure she wanted to talk to Morgan yet or what to make of his presence here. She had thought of him so much, and seeing him now, his hair pressed down from his cowboy hat, the stubble shading his jaw giving him a weary and vulnerable look, she would have a hard time saying no.
“I’m not leaving until we talk, Tabitha. Until you explain to me why you left. Both times.”
He emphasized the last two words, which sounded ominous to her.
Confusion and fear warred with a surprising happiness at seeing him again.
“I’m not letting you walk away again without the truth,” Morgan said.
She sighed as she heard the resolve in his voice.
“Okay. I’ll get my key,” she said, stepping into the motel room and closing the door on him. She stood in the middle of the room, her heart pounding in her chest.
Help me, Lord was all she could say as she pulled the key to her room out of her backpack and shoved it into her pocket. She stepped outside, then turned to face Morgan and his questions. But before she would answer any of his, she had her own.
“How’s Nathan?”
“He’s good. Asking after you.”
She fought down a sense of disappointment in herself.
“And Stormy?”
“Not asking after you.”
She almost smiled at that. “Why are you here?”
“I told you. I need answers.”
That didn’t sound very romantic. But she supposed he had a point.
“We have to walk this way,” she said, walking past the motel and heading toward downtown. “The path cuts off past the real-estate office.”
“Speaking of real estate, I noticed your place is for sale.”
Tabitha nodded, shoving her hands in her pockets, wishing she could act as casual as he seemed to be.
“So you’re not rebuilding?”
A sudden flash of shame pierced her again as she thought of why that wouldn’t happen. “No. I’m not. Don’t have the energy.”
She hurried down the sidewalk as if she was outrunning the memories, suddenly angry with him for making her go back to that humiliating moment in the insurance office.
“But you can hire someone to do it. The insurance would pay for it.”
“Yeah, well, that’s where things fall apart. I can’t get the insurance company to pay for it because apparently they won’t cover me because I had a woodstove in the house and I didn’t know that.”
“What? Why didn’t you know that?”
“Because I didn’t read the policy. And you know why I didn’t.” She kept looking ahead, not wanting to see his face.
“The agent didn’t read it to you?”
Tabitha walked past the office to a path leading to a trail along the river. “I was too ashamed to ask for her help,” she murmured. “I assumed I was getting the same policy my dad had.”
Morgan said nothing, and she was thankful. She didn’t want to be faced, once again, with her shortcomings.
You are worth more than many sparrows.
The words resonated through her, and once again, she clung to them.
“So what does this mean?” Morgan asked.
Tabitha clenched her fists, fighting down the shame as her feet beat out a steady rhythm on the packed path. They were walking past trees now. The air was cool on her heated face. “If I can’t rebuild the house, then all I have left is the land to sell. Which means less money to pay your father back.”
“Is that why you stayed away from me? Because you can’t pay my dad as much money as you hoped?”
He caught her by the arm and turned her toward him. She wanted to resist but was tired of fighting.
“Yes.”
“I told you—it doesn’t matter to him.”
“Well, it does to me.”
“And the first time you broke up with me? Why did you run away then?”
“I don’t think we need to talk about that,” she said.
“I think we do. Because when you didn’t answer my phone calls the past few days, I thought it was a repeat of the first time. I
was scared that you had decided you didn’t want me. Again. I want to make a life with you but I can’t keep thinking you’re going to leave me whenever things get tough. So this time I’m not letting you walk away without telling me everything. I want to trust you but you need to show me I can. So, why did you leave me the first time?”
She held his gaze, still weighing. Still measuring.
“Why?” he insisted.
“I didn’t want to tell you because I know how much you loved your mother and—”
“My mother? What does she have to do with it?” His defensiveness was almost her undoing.
In that moment, however, she knew she had to fight for him. For them. She had given in too easily before. He had come all the way here needing answers.
They came to a bench overlooking the river and she sat down, looking at the flowing water, letting it soothe her as she thought of what to tell him.
“After I quit school, your mother came to visit me to talk about me and you. Unfortunately she came to my dad’s place. My place,” she amended, mentally slipping back to that horrible time in her life. She faltered, but then pushed on, struggling to find the right words. “I had just come back from working with the horses and was dirty and grimy, and your mother, as she always did, looked so elegant. She told me we needed to talk about our relationship, yours and mine.”
“My mother came to visit you?”
“Yes. She did.”
She hesitated again, those humiliating words coming back. Haunting her.
Out of the corner of her eye she could see him watching her, eyes narrowed.
“What did she tell you?”
“She told me she had one message to deliver and one only. She wanted me to end our relationship. Somehow she had heard that you wanted to marry me and not go to veterinary school. She said she wasn’t letting that happen.”
“How did she hope to stop that?”
“By convincing me to break up with you. She said you were smart and had a bright future ahead of you. Then she reminded me that if I loved you, I wouldn’t allow you to make that sacrifice. Her coup de grâce was when she told me that I wasn’t worthy of you.”
“And you believed her?”
She sighed. “Of course I did. I had quit school and was already struggling with a sense of self-worth. I knew what you were giving up to marry me and was feeling guilty over that. I still saw myself as the dumb girl. The one who wasn’t good enough for a man like you. A man who had a bright future.”
She could see Morgan’s struggle to reconcile what she was saying with what he knew about his mother. Once again self-doubt assailed her.
“I know it’s hard to believe this about your mother but it’s what happened. I know you won’t believe me.” She was about to get up when she felt Morgan’s hand on her arm, pulling her back. Once again he turned her to face him, his hand gently urging her to look at him.
“No. I want to believe you.”
“Only want to?”
Morgan pulled in a long breath. “Hey, you toss this out at me and I’m supposed to just take it without questions?”
She wasn’t sure what to think.
“Give me some credit here,” he said, his voice holding a hint of pain. “This is new to me. I have to think about this. Let it sink in.”
“Well, I have thought about it enough.”
She got up and started walking away. She had finally told him the truth. Now it was up to him.
* * *
Morgan watched her go, struggling with what she had just told him. His mother? Chasing Tabitha away? Making her feel like she wasn’t important?
And what am I doing now, just sitting here?
Morgan pushed aside his own doubts and ran after her. Like Leanne had told him to.
“Tabitha, wait,” he said, catching her by the arm. Turning her to face him. “I’m sorry. I...I believe you.”
Tabitha held his gaze as if testing his sincerity.
“I do. I know you don’t lie. Why would you?”
“I know you cared about your mother—”
“Of course I did. She was my mother.” He released a slow, melancholy smile. “But I also knew my mother wasn’t crazy about you. She told me many times I should end our relationship. I never told you that because I thought she would come around and see you the way I saw you. I had no idea she had come to you directly. She never said anything to me. In fact, when I told her you had left, she said it was for the best. That if you couldn’t stick with me, then maybe I was better off without you. I sensed she was wrong but I was too afraid to stand up to her. So I went along with what she said. That was wrong of me. I should have run after you. Taken that risk you said I was afraid to take.”
Tabitha just looked at him, her arm tense beneath his hand. Then she seemed to relax as his hand slipped to her shoulder, caressing it lightly.
“I couldn’t tell you because I didn’t want to come between you and your mother,” she said. “Particularly when I thought she was right.”
Morgan’s eyes narrowed as a flash of anger surged through him. “You are an amazing person who has had a lot to deal with in her life. And I’m sorry for what my mother put you through. Put us through. But she was very, very wrong.” He fought down a sense of loss and frustration with his mother. He tried to figure out what to do with the information Tabitha had just given him. “I wish you would have told me.”
“How?”
Her simple question underlined the reality of his relationship with his mother. He thought back to what his father said. How his mother had spoiled him and Amber.
“Your mother was a teacher and I was a high school dropout,” she continued. “Like I said, I thought she was right.”
“And like I said, she wasn’t.”
“I know that now, but at the time I had many reasons to believe her.”
“Do you now?”
She was quiet a moment, then slowly shook her head. “No. I know that God values me and that my worth is not in the stuff I have. I’ll still struggle with it, but I hope I’m in a better place.”
“With me too?”
“Especially with you.”
“We’ve lost so many years...” His voice trailed off as sorrow replaced his anger.
Tabitha squeezed his hands, smiling at him. “But we’re here now and, I’d like to think, stronger for what we’ve had to deal with. I know I’ve had to learn a few lessons. In realizing that God values me above many things, and that I only need His approval. Not your mother’s. Not the community’s.”
He watched her, pride and admiration replacing the hollow anger he felt.
“I’m sorry I let you go back then,” he said, his thumb stroking over her cheek. “I’m sorry I let you go without a fight. Yeah, it’s hard to hear what you said about my mother, but in a way, it makes everything easier to understand.”
She held his gaze, her eyes growing soft.
“I’m sorry” was all she said.
“You have nothing to apologize for. Nothing. You’ve been amazing through all this. A true example of strength and integrity that I, among many people, can learn from.”
He leaned in and kissed her. Then he drew away from her, resting his forehead against hers.
“Tabitha, I’m never letting you get away from me again. I love you. Even more than I did when I wanted to marry you the first time.”
She gave him a tremulous smile, then brushed a kiss over his lips. “I love you too.”
“I’d like to try again,” he said, digging into the pocket of his jeans and pulling out the same ring he had bought her all those years ago.
“Tabitha Rennie, will you marry me?”
Tabitha covered her mouth with her hands, her eyes shining. Then she threw her arms around him and hugged hi
m tight. “Yes. I will. Of course I will.”
She pulled back and he took her hand, slipping the ring on her finger, the diamond winking in the sunlight like a promise. He laughed. “It doesn’t seem as big as I thought. It’s the same one I had bought when I didn’t make as much money—”
“It’s perfect,” she said, cutting him off. Then giving him another kiss. “Absolutely perfect.” She held her hand up to look at it again.
Morgan felt as if he’d been running a marathon and could finally rest. He sat back on the bench and pulled her close, tucking her head under his chin. “I guess this is where we get to make plans.”
Tabitha was quiet and Morgan felt a niggle of unease at her silence.
“Of course, we can wait—”
“No. I’m sorry. Plans are good,” she said, fingering the button on his shirt. “It’s just that I had such different ones. I’m not sure what to do about them now.”
“You’re thinking of your land.”
She nodded, silent again.
Morgan drew in a slow breath, knowing that in spite of what he knew his father would say, Tabitha needed to finish this last piece of business.
“At any rate, we need to go tell my father and Nathan our good news. So when we do that, we can talk about the land and your debt. And assure Nathan that you aren’t going to be out of his life.” He hesitated to say the words but he knew that was how Tabitha saw it.
“Sure. Let’s do that.”
Frustration dampened the beauty of a moment so long in coming. But he also realized that if they dealt with this final issue, they could look to a future without shadows.
Chapter Seventeen
“Last chance,” Morgan said. “You sure you want to do this now?”
Morgan turned to Tabitha, his arm resting on the steering wheel of his truck. They were parked in front of Boyce’s house on a tree-lined street in Cedar Ridge. Morgan had called ahead and explained to Boyce that they would be coming and to please keep Nathan occupied. They needed to talk.
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