by Abby Ayles
“I am an honest man, Judith. At the very least, I try to be. So, believe me when I say that I could never think myself worthy of all the wonder you have brought to my life. Thank you for teaching me to laugh again. Thank you for filling Dunham with light and warmth. Thank you for making my heart feel what it is to love again. You said I only need ask. Well, I am now asking. Call me selfish, call me inconsiderate, but I find I cannot let you go. Not again. Marry me, Judith. Even if a day is all we have together, I would rather spend it as your husband, loving and being loved by you.”
Tears rushed to Judith’s eyes again, and she felt her spirits soar as her heart grew full.
She had never heard words lovelier and so beautifully said. Stephen had just declared his love and asked her to marry him.
It was a dream come true.
“Yes!” she exclaimed. “Yes, I will marry you!”
No more words were needed. His arms came around her and he pulled her in, capturing her lips in a soul-touching kiss that held promises of forever.
***
In the days that followed that evening, the entire Dunham household was visibly full of cheer.
Stephen and Judith had broken the news once they returned to the house, and the staff had been as pleased as they were surprised.
They had shared their heartfelt wishes and preparations for the wedding had already commenced.
They both wanted to have the ceremony as soon as possible. Although Judith believed that Stephen was going to live a long, healthy life, he was taking his time to accept that.
Nevertheless, neither of them wanted to waste any more precious time not being married to each other.
Quickly, Judith sent word to Aunt Tia and to her parents informing them of recent events and her wish to return to Charleveaux with Stephen.
Then, they began to plan to leave for London as soon as the roads were declared good enough for the journey.
The wait seemed long, but Stephen and Judith made the most of it.
They spent almost every moment together, basking in the bliss and newness of the love they had found in each other. They took rides out to the field and visited the villages together. Stephen even threw a party for the household to celebrate their engagement.
Thomas appeared to be just as happy as the couple themselves, and Amy was simply thrilled to see her lady so joyous.
For Stephen, the more he accepted that his life had truly turned around, the more awe filled him.
He had never thought it possible that he would ever experience such depths of happiness again in his lifetime.
Sometimes, he feared he was truly dreaming, and that, one day, he would wake up and realize that Judith had never found his gates on a cold, stormy morning. That she simply did not exist, not in the real world.
This fear tried to keep him up some nights, but all he had to do was remember her smile and the intensity of emotions in her eyes whenever she looked at him.
He only needed to remember her touch, her kiss, her embrace. He could not have dreamed of those. They were real. She was real and knowing this, amazed him all the more.
As for Judith, she was at peace. It was all she had ever hoped for and more.
As soon as they met her parents and got their consent, they would be married.
She would be his, and he, hers. Dunham would be her home in truth, and she would live there for the rest of her days.
Her life had become a book and she could not have asked for a more perfect ending.
Chapter 33
At long last, the roads were declared safe enough to travel. In two days, Stephen and Judith were ready to begin their journey.
Thomas and Amy came along, acting as chaperones.
They left at first light and, as they bid Stephen’s estate goodbye, the sun began to shine in its glory.
Outside of Sawbrook, it was easy to see the devastation that had been caused by the storm and the lands that now lay to waste.
Many of the roads had been split into two. Trees had fallen, and much soil had been washed off the surface of the earth, leaving behind rocky terrains.
Judith could hardly believe that something as beautiful as rain could wreak such havoc. However, it had not been just the rain, had it?
It had been a wicked storm that had lasted for days on end and claimed a life she had known personally. She hoped it never happened again, and that no one else had to suffer the loss that Mr. Giraud’s family had.
As she thought of him, guilt returned, and she knew she owed his family a great debt.
She wondered how they were faring. It did not seem right that, while they were adjusting to life without a loved one, she had been busy finding a husband in Stephen.
Her father had promised to care for them, and she knew he would keep his word. Nevertheless, she was also aware that no amount of material comfort would ease the pain of losing a father and husband.
She would visit them as soon as she arrived in London and would beg their forgiveness. It was the right thing to do.
Stephen must have sensed her growing sadness for he reached out to her then, took her hand in his and squeezed. It was soothing, but her guilt grew. It was not comfort she deserved to feel.
Nonetheless, she kept her hand in his, unable to bring herself to withdraw it.
The ride was a quiet one, with the kind of silence Judith was grateful for.
As the sun began to set, the carriage rolled to a stop.
“We will be resting here tonight,” Stephen announced. “I am afraid we were not able to cover much distance. Because the roads are not like they used to be, we cannot move at much swiftness. It will take us a day longer than usual to get to London.”
They all nodded in understanding. One by one, they descended from the carriage.
Thomas declared that he would secure rooms for them. Amy offered to help them settle in.
As the butler and maid walked away, Stephen turned to Judith.
“Do you feel up to a walk? It would do us good to stretch our legs after being in the carriage all day.”
Judith could not agree more. Beyond that, it meant she would finally get to have a moment alone with him.
She nodded. “I should love that.”
He smiled at her.
Choosing to go right, as the village lay to the left, they began to walk.
“It has been such a beautiful day, don’t you think? Stephen asked.
Judith nodded. “It has. Warm, yet breezy. If we had been at Dunham, it would have been perfect for a ride into the fields.”
“Good thing we’ll be in Charleveaux soon enough. Then you can ride all you want.”
She chuckled at that. “Yes, I suppose I can.”
“Are you eager to see them again, your family?”
Judith thought about his question for a moment. All this time, she had been unwilling to leave Dunham, even though she missed them terribly.
Now that Stephen was by her side and she was almost certain to return to Dunham with him, she could look forward to reuniting with her family again, in high spirits.
She missed her mother’s care and her father’s indulgent smile. She missed seeing Edward ride into Charleveaux like a knight from the books she read.
She missed her chamber and the staff. She also missed the green fields and her horses.
She missed everything about home.
She nodded. “I am. I can only imagine how happy they are. They will be thrilled to see me. I shall finally get to hug mother and Edward again.”
“You are happy,” he said. “Good. I’ am glad of it.”
Silence lingered for a moment as they fell in step with each other.
Judith looked at him then, his chin raised, eyes pensive.
“Are you worried about meeting my family?”
He broke into soft laughter then. She could hear his nerves getting the better of him. The thought made her smile.
“I suppose every young man would be if he were in my shoes. They have not
met me before, and I wish to ask for their daughter’s hands in marriage. I’ will also be taking her far away to a place where they will not be able to see her so often. What if they do not like me? What if they cannot let you go? You have not even debuted yet.”
“I do not think you should fret, Stephen. My father can scarcely deny me anything. As for mother, she only wishes for my happiness. Edward loves me with all his heart, and he would grant my heart’s desires. Beyond that, you are the man who saved me, remember? I am certain that, just like Aunt Tia, they love you already.”
“I want to believe that, and I shall. Thank you, Judith. I can breathe easily now. Tell me, I already know what your sister and brother are like. What about your parents?” He seemed genuinely curious.
“Ah … my parents? Just like my siblings, they are quite successful. Mother is an artist. She paints landscapes mostly and is quite well-known for her works. She has sold many pieces, in England and beyond. She has quite the gift. Father owns a successful shipping business. He might only be a baron, but he has done well for himself and his family. We have never lacked for anything.”
Stephen nodded slowly. It appeared he was taking in her words.
“Now, I see why you felt as if you fell short,” he said after a while.
“It was difficult not to feel as though I was lacking in some way. I suppose a part of me really wanted to embark on that journey because, deep down, I wanted to prove myself, to them and to myself. I wanted to show that I could be more than just the adorable last child of the Brewens.”
She paused with a sigh. “I suppose I did get my adventure, and I found love. Nevertheless, I am still plain ol’ Judith. Nothing fancy, nothing new.”
“Plain?” Stephen asked as she finished. His eyes widened and he looked as though he had never heard a more ridiculous thing. “You are anything but plain, Judith. And, as I said before, you are special.”
Her heart warmed. “I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, Stephen, but we both know the truth.”
His brow cocked. “Do we, now? It appears to me that you do not at all. You cannot even see how wonderful you are, can you?” He came to a stop then, causing her to do the same.
“You are special, my dear. You just do not see it because you are not looking deeply enough.”
She ignored the butterflies that had erupted in her belly from hearing him use the endearment.
“How so, Stephen? Tell me, in what ways am I beyond the ordinary?”
“Why … your heart. Your person. Do you think anyone else would have been able to achieve what you have at Dunham? No. You did because it was you; it could have only been you. The best part? You did not even have to try too hard. Just by being, you taught us all what it is to live again. You made my cold, dead, and buried heart, feel warm and beat again. If that is not special, I do not know what is.”
He said those words as if he truly meant them, truly believed them. How could she not believe it herself?
Memories filled her mind, and she recalled that morning when she had left Charleveaux for the first time.
Her mother had called out to her just before she climbed into the carriage and had told her she was special because of her heart.
Judith had not understood it then, but perhaps she did now.
She had seen what Dunham had become, and even when she had not known the entire tale, she had wanted to help make things better.
And she had. Slowly, but surely, without even realizing that she was the major reason for the change. She had had a huge role to play.
Somehow, in her own way, she had touched lives.
As she came to accept this truth about herself, something broke inside of her and blossomed, like a flower in its first bloom. It was such a wonderful feeling, but she could not find the right words to explain it.
She began to laugh. It started as a soft chuckle, then turned to giggling, until it eventually became full blown laughter.
Before she knew it, Stephen joined in, laughing until he held his ribs.
When they finally recovered, they realized they had wandered quite some distance from the inn and the skies would soon be dark.
In wordless agreement, they turned and started to walk back.
Silence reigned for a long moment; the comfortable kind that Judith enjoyed so much. Eventually, Stephen broke the spell.
“It was a warm summer day such as this that I first met her. Abigail,” he began.
He arrested her full attention with those words.
“I never thought it was possible for anyone to look so bright and warm, so adorable and charming without realizing it. There was no way I could not have made her my wife. It was decided from that very moment.”
He released a deep breath. “So many times, I have wondered if that was my mistake. If it started that day, the fate I condemned her to. If I had not seen her, I would not have fallen in love with her. If I had not loved her, I would not have married her. If she had not become my wife, we would have had no business going on that trip together.”
He paused to look away in the far distance. His next words were muttered under his breath, but Judith caught them anyway.
“If we had not gone on the trip, she would not have lost her life in that accident.”
Judith’s heart sunk. The pain in his voice was raw.
“Sometimes, I blame myself for ever bringing her into my life. Other times, most times, I blame myself for that evening. I killed them you see. It had been raining for some days. The roads had become treacherous, and the weather was not to be trusted. Nevertheless, I had to return to Nordame from the estate in Sawbrook. I had matters to attend to that had been delayed for too long. I decided I would drive the carriage, as I could trust myself to be careful. I knew it was old and tired. I knew it would have been better to get another, but I thought the old man had served me so well all those days and would serve me still.”
He shook his head. “She was with child. I never should have taken her along, but we could not bear to be without each other. I should have waited until the skies had truly emptied and the ground was strong again. I did not do any of that—and so I lost them both.”
Judith remained quiet, even though she could feel his pain, and she ached to reach out and comfort him.
“As soon as the rain ceased the next morning, we got into the carriage and began our return to Dunham. It was not even midday when the skies turned dark again, suddenly, without warning. It began to pour heavily. I never had the chance to find a good place to stop or get them to shelter and safety. The storm was wicked. I could not keep the carriage on the road. I struggled, but it was futile. Lightning whipped across the sky, finding its way down to the earth. The horses suffered a fright and broke free. As thunder followed, I was thrown from the carriage, and I landed against a tree. I saw my life flash before my eyes, and the last thought I had before everything went dark was that at the very least, Abigail and the child were safe. And that it was only fitting that I paid for my stubborn carelessness.”
Judith broke into a sob and tears streamed down her face. She was crying yet again for him but also, for herself.
The same must have happened to Mr. Giraud. Only, he had not been as lucky as Stephen.
“Somehow, I came to. I do not know how long it took, but I did. I opened my eyes to see that the carriage was a wreck. It had been torn apart, too weak to withstand the torrent. I knew it then. There was this sinking feeling in my heart that Abigail had not gotten out in time. Bones broken, limbs hurting, I crawled with great pains to the wreckage. I found her buried in the ruin. I managed to pry all the broken pieces apart, but the sight I found marred me for life.”
His voice broke, and he stopped to wipe his eyes.
“Some of the broken pieces had found their way into her. There was blood everywhere. She was badly bruised and barely breathing. I held her in my arms, crying even as the rain poured still, screaming for help. She could not speak; she could not lift a finger. She simply looke
d at me, with love and forgiveness in her heart. I hated it. I hated that even in death, she gave me a gift I never could be worthy of. Eventually, she breathed her last, dying in my arms.”
He paused again, sniffing.
“I must have fallen unconscious once more, for when I awoke, I was in Dunham. Thomas says a good Samaritan found me and brought me home. Unfortunately, he could not transport Abigail’s body, so she was buried in his village. It is why you have never found her resting place in Dunham.”
It all became clear. Judith had always wondered why she had never happened upon the late duchess’ grave.