"I'm going to take a nap, if you don't mind," she said.
Her mother kissed her forehead, the way she had each night as a child. Her father waited his turn and patted her hair.
"Sweet dreams, sweet pea," he said.
As aggravating and overprotective as they'd always been, she knew her parents loved her. What was it like for Hunter, never to have felt his parents' love?
Maybe it was time to cut her parents some slack. And if she was the changed woman she purported to be, she needed to say a few things to them.
"Mom and Dad?"
They both turned at her bedroom door.
"I want you to know I'm grateful you're here. And I love you. But someday you're going to have to quit trying to protect me. I'm a grown woman."
Her mother came back to her bed and sat tentatively. Her father sat down on the end of the bed and gave a rueful smile. "We love you, too."
"We'll be here when you wake up," her mother said.
There was so much more she needed to tell them. Most importantly that it was beyond time for them to accept her for who she was—a strong and capable woman. If they couldn't see that by now, they must both be wearing blinders. But somehow she could already sense a change in them, as if this attack had been a wake-up call to appreciate who their daughter really was.
Amanda snuggled back down into her pillows, wanting nothing more than to sleep. But her brain wouldn't let her push certain thoughts out of her mind.
She hadn't told Hunter about her condition because she couldn't trust how he'd respond. But after all he'd proved to her, why couldn't she trust him?
She thought about the ablation procedure she'd have to undergo to fix her heart and shuddered. A specially trained electrophysiologist would make an incision in her groin, similar to an angiogram, and introduce a wire, winding it all the way up to her heart. Her heart! Every step would be watched through fluoroscopy, with live images guiding the doctor's hands, but human error was unpredictable and in this instance could be deadly. Once they'd found the faulty heart tissue area, they'd sedate Amanda and actually try to make her heart go into irregular rhythm on purpose—the crux of her problem.
Wouldn't that be tempting fate? What if they couldn't turn it around? With all the experts and resources close at hand, Amanda should trust that she would be safe, but still the thought sent panic through her limbs. What if they couldn't stop the tachycardia? Or, worse yet, damaged cardiac tissue or peripheral nerves, and made her an invalid?
Damn. Why had she read the EPS consent so thoroughly? Especially the part that said "…and even loss of life." It was a wonder anyone signed it.
Once they'd found the damaged area, they'd cauterize it with radiofrequency ablation, cutting off the extra electrical pathway and solving her problem once and for all. Well, in ninety percent of the cases anyway. Was going through the invasive procedure, risking life and limb, worth the ten percent chance of failure?
So far she'd settled for the watching and waiting approach to dealing with WPW. Many people lived out their lives with the condition without any problems at all. But her heart condition had reared its ugly head too often, and had become a quality of life issue. The fear of another attack would always be hovering over her subconscious. She never wanted to experience what she'd gone through today again. Crossing her fingers and hoping to beat the odds was no longer good enough. And on top of everything else it was stupid.
Exhaustion swooped in, causing her to lay back her head and close her eyes. There was so much to think about. Most importantly, she wondered where Hunter was. When she needed him the most, he'd sent for her parents. But could she blame him?
Just before she drifted off to sleep, a quick memory passed before her eyes. She'd wanted to tell him that she loved him in the ambulance. What if she'd died without him ever knowing?
CHAPTER ELEVEN
MONDAY morning, Amanda wore her best outfit for her doctor's appointment—a pale gray designer skirt and a periwinkle silk blouse to bring out her eyes. And she wore matching slinky shoes an inch higher than she preferred, making her feel too tall and even more nervous. But she was on a mission and she wanted to look just so. Nothing would stop her today. Hmm. Maybe she should undo the top button of her blouse.
Yesterday afternoon, when she'd woken up from her drug-induced nap, all her weird dreams about Hunter had finally made sense. She'd had an epiphany. Before, when they were married, she'd only fallen in love with Hunter with her heart and body. This time around, she'd fallen in love with her heart, mind, body and her soul. He'd become everything she'd ever dreamed of in a partner, and she couldn't imagine her life spent without him.
For weeks she'd kept him shut out from her deepest secret—even after he'd told her he wanted a second chance. No wonder he'd left her at the hospital and run off.
Just because she'd made up her mind about their future, it didn't mean he'd go along with the program. But unless she was honest with him about her feelings, she'd never find out.
A nervous quiver tensed her stomach.
One thing she'd learned beyond everything else in life was that there were no guarantees. But rather than follow in her parents' negative low-expectation footsteps, she'd chosen to reach for the stars and be all that she could ever hope to become. Now living with and loving Hunter again were part of that dream. She just needed to convince him that she trusted him, and that she could be trusted to never keep another secret from him.
A short, plump nurse with a contagious smile stepped into the waiting room and called out her name. Amanda stood and followed her to the nurse's cubicle.
"My name is Maria," she said. "Since you're a last-minute add-on, we didn't get your chart delivered. What brings you to Mercy Hospital Clinic?"
"I need a referral to Cardiology," Amanda said.
"Any particular reason?"
"Dr. Phillips will understand," Amanda said with a coy smile. "But here's what I need you to do…"
* * *
Hunter hung up the phone, sat in his office and stared out the window, putting his headphones in place. He would listen to Mozart's "Rondo" from Eine Kleine Nachtmusik in an attempt to uplift his mood. Today was his first day back seeing patients at Mercy Medical Clinic since being assigned to the Serena Vista Clinic. He had a full schedule ahead of him, and was thankful to be busy. But in the meantime, he needed something to help get his day started. Mozart seemed to be the ticket. Later he'd need more music, to help get him through the first day of the rest of his life without Mandy.
He'd gotten to work much earlier that morning, no longer having to pack up and cart his niece around everywhere he went. Being honest, he missed Sophie—even felt a little empty without her. But the biggest gap in his heart came from losing the love of his life…again.
He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to find his nurse Maria smiling with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. He quickly removed the headphones. "Sorry."
"Your first patient is here, Dr. Phillips."
He glanced at his watch, and then at his appointment printout. "My schedule shows an opening now."
"I guess the call center filled it last-minute."
"Chart?"
She shook her head.
"What's the patient's problem?"
"Wants some kind of referral to a specialist."
Maria avoided his suspicious gaze. She'd always been on top of her game as a medical assistant, yet today she was being vague and borderline incompetent. Maybe in his recent absence she'd forgotten his usual clinic procedure. He stood and clicked his tongue. If things didn't improve, he'd have to remind her of his preferred routine, efficiency being the key factor.
The nurse smiled when he passed her, and he gave her a suspicious glance. "Which exam room?"
"Four," she said, first staring at her feet, then quickly walking back to her cubicle.
"Did you at least get a name and age?"
She shrugged her shoulders. "I forgot. Sorry, Doctor." Then she scurried off.
>
He'd definitely have to get her back on track.
Hunter made a sharp tap on the exam door, and didn't wait for a response before opening it. He stepped inside but stopped short, his breath arresting in his throat. "Mandy?"
She sat tall, with one leg crossed, her fingertips balanced at both her sides on the exam table. Looking stunningly beautiful, and obviously dressed to please, she gazed tentatively at him, color rising on her cheeks.
"Hi," she said.
"What are you—"
She raised her hand before he could utter another sound. "First, I'm here on official business. I need a referral to Cardiology to arrange for cardiac ablation."
With her hair pulled back into a French twist, she looked sexy as all hell, and his mind was anywhere but at the office. However, though off balance, he followed her request, sat at the computer and brought up the referral screen. Finding it hard to concentrate, he couldn't even remember her date of birth without help. Together they filled in all the required information, and he had the opportunity to hear her entire medical history for the first time.
"So you hadn't been diagnosed when we were married?"
She shook her head. "Sometimes my heart would race, but I just assumed it was too much caffeine or stress or anxiety. It always settled down on its own. Until the first time I wound up in the ER." She furrowed her brows. "I should have told you, Hunter. Please forgive me. I'm sorry."
"I don't ever want to feel left out of your life again, Mandy." He stood inches from her, wanting more than anything to touch her. "If you don't trust me, how will you be able to love me?"
She shook her head, refusing to let her confidence slip away. "Life would be so much easier if it were all cut and dried the way we all seem to want it to be. But it's not like that. We're perplexing and confusing creatures. It's in our nature." His words finally sank in. "Did you just say something about me not being able to love you?"
He nodded.
"I do love you, Hunter. I swear."
"You have a strange way of showing it. We were together for six weeks and you never so much as hinted at any physical problem. I mean, I knew you seemed a bit frailer than before, and I sensed you'd changed. Hell, you even refused to have an EKG like everyone else in the project. But, come on, you should have clued me in to your condition."
"So you could treat me like my parents do?"
Her point was well taken. They stared at each other for that touché moment, and he decided to take another tack.
"Are you sure you want to go through with this procedure?"
She hopped off the exam table. "Knowing that I have Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome, what would you advise, Doctor?"
He stood to meet her. "I'd advise having the ablation procedure as soon as possible."
In the high slinky heels she wore, she practically came eye to eye with him. "And since I trust your expertise completely, that's exactly what I intend to do."
He studied her unwavering eyes, searching for the most important answers and getting lost in their fresh blue promise.
"Can you forgive me?" she asked, knotting her hands.
Hell, she'd known him as a man who'd written off his own father and, when it came to having children with her, wouldn't bend. They'd divorced because of their differences over life plans. Of course she'd hesitate to tell him everything.
If he'd had any doubt about her sincerity, one more lingering look into her eyes answered his question. "I can do more than that," he said, taking her hands in his, feeling her cool fingers and ivory soft skin as if for the first time. "I can promise to always support your dreams, no matter how damn hard it will be on us." Half of his mouth smiled as he thought of something. "You want to know my secret?"
A curious smile stretched across her lips. "Of course. I want to know everything about you." She wove her fingers through his.
"For three years I kept it buried so deep I didn't even know that I never stopped loving you and wanted a second chance at being your husband."
She started to speak, but his hand flew up to stop her.
"Hear me out. Please. I was angry and bitter about marriage, and I thought it was for fools. Until I had Sophie I never wanted to be a father. Ever. And even then my first two weeks with her were pure drudgery. I felt stuck and trapped. If it hadn't been for you, I would have panicked and maybe even given up."
"I don't believe that. You would never abandon your niece."
"I was all she had, and it slowly dawned on me that I could be a different kind of father from my own. Of course I didn't realize any of this until I found you again. And then it took weeks to admit it to myself, and I never had the guts to tell a soul. Not even you."
Her eyes brightened with surprise. She held his hand tighter. "I'm stunned. Why didn't you tell me?"
He caressed her cheek and she leaned into his palm. "You weren't ready to hear it."
They gazed into each other's eyes as the moments stretched into seconds. He held her head and brushed her mouth with his own. She moistened her lips and kissed him softly. Inhaling her heavenly scent, he felt a kernel of joy sprout in his heart. His dreams were as near as her lips, and he never intended to let them out of his reach again.
"I love you, Hunter," she said.
He beamed. "Are you sure about that?"
"Yes."
"And I love you." He grinned again and gave her another kiss.
He took her into his arms and held her for several long moments. It felt incredible to be so close to the love of his life—the woman he never wanted to live without again.
She pulled away. "Hunter. What if, after all of this, I turn out to be a lousy mother?"
He laughed. "Not gonna happen. You know how to give and love with all your heart. Our babies will never doubt for a moment that they're loved."
Her eyes brightened with tears. "I'm glad you have more confidence in me than I have in myself."
"Can you forgive me for not always believing in you?"
"Yes." She dropped her head. "And since we're on a confession jag, you should know I've found a part-time PhD program right here in Los Angeles that will let me work at my own pace. Before I sign up, I want to run it by you. Get your opinion and see where you stand with it."
He curled her into his arms and breathed in the fresh fragrance of her hair. "You want my opinion?"
"Of course." Her arms wrapped around his back.
He was as near to heaven as he'd ever been, and hadn't Jack Howling said to grab life by the tail and hold on for a great ride? "How far will the commute be from my house?"
"What do you mean?"
"By the time you're admitted to the program, we'll be married and living together."
She stopped breathing for a moment, almost looking dazed, but life quickly sprang back into her ocean-blue eyes.
"Wait, wait, wait. Did you just ask me to marry you?"
"Oh, yeah." He smoothed his palm along her silky hair, tucking loose tendrils behind her ears. "In case you missed it. Will you marry me, Mandy?"
He prepared to catch her as the color drained from her face. But her cheeks quickly pinked up when she smiled. "Yes. Oh, yes."
With the last piece of the puzzle in place, Hunter took a deep breath, realizing that for the first time in three years he felt complete again. That beside the pure joy in his heart, a practical thought popped into his mind.
"While we're married and you're pursuing your advanced degree, promise me no Urgent Care shifts?"
She laughed. "I can live with that."
He smiled, then grew serious. "And no more secrets."
She shook her head. "No more secrets," she repeated.
She scratched her upper lip and drew a breath. He had a sneaky feeling an explanation was coming on.
"Okay. The Mending Hearts Program is going region-wide. I'll need to take a few trips to train nurse practitioners at the Oakland and San Diego Mercy Hospitals."
A confident smile stretched across his lips. "I can live with t
hat."
She nodded her head. "Me, too."
They cuddled in each other's arms for a few quiet moments, until Mandy's head popped up. "So how long before I'll get that appointment with Cardiology?"
"I'll arrange for you to get it ASAP. In fact, I'm thinking of calling the electrophysiology lab personally after you leave."
A tap at the door reminded him he had a schedule to keep, and patients to see. His nurse's missing efficiency had miraculously returned. "Dr. Phillips, your next patient is waiting in room three." Her muffled voice came through the door. "The chart is on your desk."
"I'll be right there." He lifted his brows and gazed happily into Mandy's wide-eyed stare. "What are you doing for lunch?"
"I haven't made any plans."
He dug into his pocket and pulled out his keys, handing them to Mandy. "I'll meet you at my house at noon sharp."
"Should I bring any particular food?"
"Here's a thought." He hoped she'd meet him at the door in nothing but those sexy shoes. "Skip the food. Why don't you surprise me with the rest?"
She chuckled.
"Any more questions?" he asked, pouring on the charm.
A sudden serious veil covered her face. "Will I be able to have a normal pregnancy after cardiac ablation?"
"Yes."
"How do you know?"
"Trust me, it was a long weekend. I've already checked it out. Truth is you've got an appointment with Dr. Mahmoud in Cardiology next week. I took the liberty to make that appointment for you."
"I thought you said no more secrets?"
He grinned. "It's only a secret if I don't tell. And, speaking of telling, I love you," he repeated, feeling as though he'd never said anything more important in his life.
"And I love you…with all my soul."
Her crystal-blue eyes sparkled with joy, and love was written all over her radiant face. He moved in for another world-class kiss.
Life was good.
A quiet tapping stopped them.
A sexy blush rose up Mandy's cheeks. "I'd better let you get back to your patients."
Regrettably he let go of her, knowing she'd be back in his arms again within a few hours. He grinned, planning to never let her out of his life again.
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