Tears slid down her cheeks. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
He frowned, exasperated. “You don’t have to cry.” He shifted in his seat to look out the window.
But the dawning truth laid her heart wide open, and she couldn’t stop the steady stream of tears.
Chapter 14
“You look a little peaked, dear,” Peg said, touching Virginia’s arm.
“I’m fine, Mom, just tired, that’s all.” She sipped her coffee, trying to avoid her mother’s probing gaze until Chad and her father returned from loading his things into the RV.
“Ginny, being a mother is difficult,” she said. “And you’ve had it much harder than most. Don’t be too rough on yourself���he’s a good boy.”
Virginia nodded, smiling faintly.
“Is Bailey helping?”
Another nod. “He’s great with Chad, and Chad adores him.”
Peg laughed softly. “You know, I kind of wondered if you and Bailey might get back together.”
Her heart squeezed. “No chance of that.”
“Oh? He seems to have grown up a lot since you were married.”
“He has,” she admitted. “He’s building a house, he’s cut back on drinking, and he has a new job.” She tilted her head and bit her bottom lip. “Mom, I know this is hypothetical, but if you and Dad had divorced, who would I have lived with?”
Her mother’s eyebrows inched upward as she considered the question. “Probably me, if only because of logistics.”
“What if I’d wanted to live with Dad?” Virginia pressed, hoping for some kernel of wisdom.
Peg sighed. Her mother could see where her questions were leading. “And your dad wanted it too?”
“Yes,” Virginia said softly. “Very much.”
“You’re asking if I would break my own heart to save my child’s?”
“Yes, I suppose that’s what I’m asking.”
After a long sip of coffee, Peg raised her gaze to her daughter’s. “If I truly believed you would have been at least as healthy and more happy with your father, then I would have let you go. Especially,” she added, “if you had been a boy.” She smiled sadly. “Like I said, being a mother is difficult.”
“How do I know if I’m making the right choice?”
Peg squeezed Virginia’s hand. “You don’t.”
The front door creaked open, then two pairs of heavy footsteps came toward them.
“Peg?” her father called good-naturedly as he entered the kitchen. “If you’re finished yakking, we men have got everything loaded up and ready to go.” He winked at Virginia, and she stood to give him a hug and a kiss.
“Bye, Pop,” she said, then turned to her mother and gave her an extra-hard squeeze. “Thanks,” she whispered.
They filed to the door, Virginia trailing. “Chad,” she said.
He’d been strangely quiet and cautious around her since her tearful trip home the day before. “Yeah?” he said, his voice sounding normal for a change.
She reached over to brush back his bangs, love washing over her at this tentative contact. He hadn’t often allowed her to touch him. “Here’s some spending money.” She pressed a twenty-dollar bill into his hand. “Have fun.” She smiled, then leaned down and kissed his forehead. He blinked in surprise, but didn’t jerk away.
Virginia stood on the stoop and watched as they drove away, waving at Chad as he stared at her through the back window. At the last second he raised his hand in a small wave, then he was gone.
Ignoring the midmorning heat, she walked down the steps and knelt to weed her front mulch beds. If she kept her hands busy, she might not dwell on her impetuous behavior where Bailey was concerned. What a mess she’d made of things. For now it felt good to be able to tidy up some small part of her life. She tore at the wild plants, ripping them out by the roots. When she finished, she tossed the weeds into her garbage can, then wheeled it to the curb.
On the way back inside, she checked the black metal mailbox beside her door, then sifted through the mail as she slipped off her shoes inside the entryway. Two official-looking envelopes caught her eye, one addressed to Chad, the other addressed to “Guardian of.” After tearing the flap of the second envelope with her thumbnail, she withdrew a short letter informing Chad Green, also known as Bailey Kallihan, Jr., along with a parent or legal guardian to appear in juvenile court in two weeks. She assumed the other letter was a duplicate, so she walked upstairs to leave it on his desk.
She opened his bedroom door and placed the letter where he’d find it. As she turned to go, she saw the small packing carton of Chad’s pictures shoved under his desk. Virginia stared at the box for a full minute, torn. Then she slowly bent over to slide it across the carpet, and sat down cross-legged. With a deep breath she opened the lid.
The odor of old paper enveloped her. On top of the pictures lay the broken pieces of the beloved Nintendo game. She carefully set them aside to thumb through the curled photos. Some of the older pictures were Lois Green as a little girl. She had not been a happy child, nor had her parents, from their dour expressions.
Each time Virginia found a photo with Chad in it, she laid it aside to assemble some kind of chronological order. After an hour she had exhausted the pile, and Chad’s childhood lay spread before her. She then lovingly scrutinized each photo, at long last experiencing his first step, his first Christmas, his first tricycle, his first day of school. The abundance of photos made it clear that Lois was a doting mother, and for a few quiet seconds Ginny looked heavenward, closed her eyes, and gave thanks to the woman for at least preserving these precious moments.
From the gap in pictures she estimated the time when Lois began to get sick. Suddenly Chad was nearly his present age, and all his poses with Lois were from her bed, where successive photos chronicled her deterioration. One photo in particular caught her eye because in it Lois was smiling especially wide, her thin arm around Chad and his arm around her. It couldn’t have been long before she died���the developing paper was new and slick.
She fingered the photo, an idea blooming.
She went to a crafts store and bought a shadow box, then she spent an hour gluing the Nintendo device back together���it would never work again, but she made it look passably good. With adhesive she mounted the game console and other mementos Lois had saved���photos, amusement park tickets, school programs, and Chad’s artwork���inside the shadow box in an artful composition. She set it in her bedroom to dry, suddenly more happy than she’d felt in days.
The phone rang. When she saw Bailey’s name on the display, she let it roll to voice mail, then listened to the message he left.
“Ginny, hi, it’s Bailey. I wanted to tell Chad goodbye before he left, but things have been crazy here at the office���God, I never thought I’d hear myself say that.” His laugh was short and dry, then his voice grew softer. “I need to talk to you���I’d like to come over. I hope you’ll let me explain about Sunday. I’m sorry… I should have talked to you before I said anything to Chad. As usual, I only made things worse. I’ll be here until around six-thirty.” He rattled off the number. “Please call me.”
Virginia felt remarkably calm listening to his words. She suspected that her humiliation and anger had simply yielded to numbness. She’d always had a blind spot where Bailey Kallihan was concerned, but now she had a higher priority���her son.
For Chad’s sake, she would develop and maintain a cordial relationship with Bailey, even if it killed her… or broke her heart. If she were going to give up her son to him, she would at least keep a little of herself. And just like that, the decision was made… the decision she had feared from the very beginning.
She would allow Chad to live with Bailey.
She would learn to be satisfied with occasional outings, with stolen hours here and there, with being a spectator in her son’s life. Within time her own loss would be offset by seeing him happy under Bailey’s care.
Virginia inhaled deeply. No more tears.
*
“Bailey.” Lenny walked into his office and tossed a note on his desk. “Cassie forgot to give you this message. Lady named Virginia called about an hour ago.”
Frowning, Bailey snatched up the note. No need to stop by���will be out this evening. Everything’s fine. “Everything’s fine,” he muttered. “What the hell does that mean?”
Lenny looked perplexed. “Means everything’s fine, Bailey.”
“Not with Ginny, it doesn’t.”
“I take it she’s your ex?”
“Yeah.”
“Mine’s a heap of trouble too.”
Bailey pulled a hand down his face, then loosened his tie. “That’s not the problem, Len. Ginny’s the one that got away.”
“Oh, I see. Well, she must be the only woman in the world to turn you down.”
“No,” Bailey said, smiling faintly. “Just the only one to turn me down who mattered.”
When Lenny left, Bailey reached for the phone and dialed her number again, but hung up when it rolled to voice mail. He banged down the phone in frustration, then glanced at his watch. She was already gone.
*
Virginia passed the evening shopping for Chad. She gathered underwear, socks, shirts and pajamas���it made her happy to rummage through the racks alongside other mothers shopping for their children. She bought him a pair of workboots, sturdy jeans, a ball cap, and a new life jacket���all things he would need at Shenoway.
It was strange, but after making the decision to let him leave, she felt more like a mother. Perhaps to fully appreciate the privilege of motherhood, one had to first experience personal sacrifice.
She dozed fitfully that night, missing Chad in the house and wrestling with the consequences of her own bad judgment where Bailey was concerned. But near morning she fell asleep, content with the knowledge that it wasn’t as bad as nights she’d spent wondering if her baby was dead or alive, and wondering what had happened to her marriage. Considering her previous heartbreak, this was a mere crack. She’d make it.
She slept late and awakened to her phone ringing. It was Bailey again, and he left another message. “Please call me, Ginny. I need to talk to you.”
Swinging her feet to the floor and pushing herself up, Virginia grabbed her robe and reached for her absent locket. She played the message twice more, listening to his deep, husky voice. Then she erased the message.
Her parents brought Chad home after lunch. When Virginia hugged her mother, Peg whispered that Chad had been subdued most of the trip. Virginia assumed he was still upset about not living with Bailey, so she decided to tell him her decision as soon as her parents left. She carried the wrapped shadow box to the kitchen, then called his name from the bottom of the stairs. For once, his music was at a normal level.
“Hungry?” she asked when he came to the top of the stairs.
He shook his head.
She waved him down. “I have something for you, and we need to talk.”
Looking apprehensive, he descended the stairs. “Is it about the letter?” he asked.
She frowned, then remembered the court date. “No, we can discuss that later.”
He followed her to the kitchen table and sat down, arms crossed.
Pulling the wrapped shadow box from behind the snack bar, she said, “I know this can’t make up for my behavior, but I hope you like it.”
Frowning slightly, he tugged at the heavy paper, then uncovered the shadow box a little at a time, saying nothing. He studied the frame, squinting. “It’s my game���and all the stuff my mom gave me.”
Virginia nodded nervously. “You can open the door and add more things if I left out something that’s important.”
“You did this yourself?”
She nodded again. “I hope you don’t mind me looking through your pictures���I didn’t touch anything else in your room, I promise.”
He chewed on his lip, studying the contents. “I like it,” he said finally. “Thanks.” Then he stood and walked over to her and gave her a hug.
Not a quick, little obligatory hug, but an honest-to-goodness hug. Virginia could have held on forever, desperately fighting her tears of happiness. When he pulled back, she said, “There’s more. Sit.” She patted the chair.
He sat, waiting.
Taking a deep breath, Virginia began, her voice only a little shaky. “Chad, I love you very much, and I’ll never be able to tell you how thankful I am to have you in my life again.” She felt herself begin to choke up, but she fought it and held on. “But I know you’d rather be with your father, and because I want you to be happy, I’ve decided that you should move to Shenoway and live with Bailey.”
For a few seconds he said nothing. Then he asked, “Tomorrow?”
Her heart sank lower. She was hoping to have a few more days with him. “If that’s what you want,” she said softly. “You can call your dad later and the two of you can decide on a day.”
“Are you coming too?” he asked, his dark brow furrowed.
“No.”
“But Bailey wants you to live with us, doesn’t he?”
She shook her head and chose her words carefully. “Grownups are funny. I think Bailey talked about us all living together because he thought it was the only way he could be with you. Does that make sense?”
He shrugged. “I guess.” After a few seconds he began to squirm in his seat. “Can I take this to my room?”
“It’s heavy, I’ll help you.”
Together they carried it to his bedroom and set in on a shelf. “It looks nice,” he said. “My mom���I mean Lois���would really like it.”
Virginia smiled. “I’m glad.” She squeezed his shoulder, then glanced at her watch. “Are you going to call Bailey?”
Chad frowned slightly. “I’ll call him later. Can I go to the park and skateboard���by myself?”
She started to shake her head no, then remembered her promise to stop being so overprotective. “I think that’ll be okay if you promise to be careful.”
He nodded. “I promise.”
She ruffled his hair. “Okay, but be home before dinner.”
She walked downstairs, then heard him gallop down several minutes later. “Bye,” she yelled from the kitchen, but she was drowned out by the slam of the front door. Five minutes later the phone rang. Bailey again. Sighing, Virginia picked it up. “Hello?”
“Hi, Ginny, it’s Bailey.”
“Chad just left to go to the park.”
“That’s okay, because I called to talk to you.”
“Bailey,” she said calmly, “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and you were right���you and Chad were both right���he belongs with you. I’ve decided to let him come live with you at Shenoway.”
After a few seconds of silence he asked, “Why don’t I have a good feeling about this?”
“Relax,” she said quickly, “I’ve already told him and he’s very excited.”
“Ginny���”
“If he’s agreeable, I’d like to see him at least a couple of times a week, but we can work out the details later.”
“Ginny, we need to talk about us.”
She couldn’t think of a statement that wasn’t provocative, so she simply said, “Okay.”
“I get the distinct feeling that you didn’t believe me when I said I wanted all of us to live together in the house. I asked Chad not to tell you because I wanted to ask you in private.”
“Look, Bailey,” she said carefully, “you don’t have to take the package deal. I appreciate you being nice to me���”
“Being nice to you?”
“���but I’m not putting conditions on Chad living with you.”
“You think I made love to you so you’d let Chad move in with me?”
“I wouldn’t have used those exact words,” she said.
“I’m coming over right now,” he growled.
A few minutes later, Virginia heard the sound of Bailey’s car door slamming. He rang the doorbell twice, then started knocking before she could walk the length of the hall. When she opened the door, she swallowed her surprise at his work clothes���a dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a loosened silk tie. His face was anger-flushed as he stepped into the entryway.
She closed the door and turned to face him, carefully keeping her face impassive. For several seconds they simply looked at each other, Bailey’s breathing becoming more and more erratic. He put his hands on his hips and glared at her.
“I assume you have something to say,” she prompted softly.
“I’m so angry right now,” he seethed, “I don’t trust myself to talk.”
“Angry at me?” she asked calmly.
“Angry at you, angry at myself,” he said, raising his hands. She could see his big fingers were trembling.
“Do you want to sit down?”
“No!” he barked. “I don’t want to sit down. I want you to tell me you don’t love me, dammit!”
She blinked. “Excuse me?”
“If you expect me to walk out this door and never come back, you have to tell me you don’t love me.”
She opened her mouth and shook her head. “I…”
“Say it!” he demanded. He grabbed her by the arms and pulled her to him, holding her in an iron grip. “Say it and mean it.”
“You’re hurting me,” she whispered.
“And you’re hurting me,” he said in a choked voice, then released her suddenly.
She stumbled backward a half step. “What’s this all about?”
He took a deep, shaky breath, his eyes clouding with tears. “I love you, Ginny, and I’m not leaving here until you’re convinced of that. I want to marry you, and I want us all to live at Shenoway as a family, but if you tell me you don’t love me and there’s no chance of it happening, then I’ll leave you alone.”
Almost a Family Page 18