Beautifully Insightful

by K. C. Lynn

  He shuts off the bike and sits for a moment. “Em?”

  “Yeah?” I breathe out softly, a huge smile gracing my face.

  “You need to let go.” His voice is laced with amusement and I realize I still have a death grip on him.

  “Oh sorry.” I apologize with a giggle then wince at how stiff I am from holding him so tight.

  I instantly miss his warmth as he climbs off. “Was it as scary as you thought it was going to be?” he asks as he takes my hand and helps me from the bike.

  I feel my smile grow bigger as he works the straps under my chin and removes the helmet. “Yes, but it was also incredible. It was the most exhilarating experience of my life and I can’t wait to do it again.” I quickly realize how presumptuous that sounds of me. “I mean, uh… I just meant if I ever get the chance to go again that is.” Oh god, Emily, just shut up. I blow out a heavy breath, feeling like a complete idiot.

  I feel him lean in close to me, his breath lightly grazing my ear. “I’ll take you for a ride anytime you want to, Emily, all you have to do is ask.”

  My mouth goes dry and my body becomes hyperaware from how close he is, the night air suddenly thick with tension. Before I can respond he tugs on my hand, leading me forward. “Where are we?” I ask as I follow his direction.

  “A place I like coming to when I want to be alone. It’s a cliff that overlooks the city.” I feel him stop and turn to me. “Are you warm?”

  “Yes,” I answer, wondering what’s with the sudden question.

  He removes his jacket from me then places it on the ground for me to sit on. I feel him take the spot next to me a second later and have to restrain myself from leaning into him like I so desperately want to.

  Raising my knees, I wrap my arms around them then listen to the soft sounds of the night and feel the warm evening breeze whisper over every inch of my bare skin. “Describe to me what we’re looking at, Ryder.”

  It takes him a moment to answer. “The clear sky above us is dark and covered in stars. Way off in the distance are thousands of lights from homes and buildings that light up the entire city. It looks like we are a world away, rather than minutes.”

  It sounds beautiful and I try really hard to imagine what we are looking at but can’t. “Can you picture it?” he asks, as if reading my thoughts.

  “No. I was so young when I lost my sight that it’s hard to remember what things looked like, or if it looks the same as what I remember.”

  “You used to be able to see?” There is a note of surprise in his voice.

  “Yes.” Silence stretches out between us, and I know he’s curious but won’t ask. “Have you ever heard of conversion disorder?”

  “No.”

  “It’s a psychological disorder that’s caused by severe emotional trauma. There can be a few side effects from it. Paralysis can be one and so is blindness. Obviously in my case, I’m the latter,” I pause briefly. “One morning, when I was seven years old, my father found me unconscious in the woods that surround our plantation. We have a small wishing well, actually it’s just a well but I call it a wishing well, anyway,” I wave my hand realizing that isn’t important, “I often used to sneak out of my bedroom at night and go to it. That night I couldn’t sleep because my father was hosting one of his political parties, so I snuck out of my room and started walking there. The next thing I remember is waking up and being surrounded by darkness.” I pause again and nervously clear my throat. “The doctors say I saw something in the woods that night. Something that terrified me enough that it put me into hysterics, but I don’t remember anything.”

  “Jesus,” he mutters, which makes me wonder what he’s thinking.

  When he says nothing else, I continue, “Intense psychotherapy or hypnosis could potentially unblock my mind, but my parents said they tried it when I was very young and I ended up in the hospital for a few days.”

  He’s silent while trying to absorb everything I’ve just said. “Wait, so this is a psychological disorder? There isn’t anything wrong with your eyes?”

  “Right.”

  “So what’s with the sunglasses then?”

  I tense. “What?”

  “If there is nothing wrong with your eyes then why do you wear the sunglasses?”

  I take a moment to think how I should answer then decide with the truth. “Because my mother forces me to. She finds it embarrassing that I can’t always keep my eyes focused and stop them from wandering. It’s one of the stipulations if I leave the house, I must wear them at all times, and…” I gasp in alarm when he suddenly snatches my sunglasses off, and I quickly turn my face away before he can see. “Ryder, what are you doing?”

  “Let me see, Em.”

  I shake my head, panic flooding my system as I think about him seeing the ugly parts of me. Worrying that he will see what my mother sees and be disgusted like her. “Please give me back my glasses,” I plead with a note of hysteria in my voice.

  I feel him move in front of me and I quickly close my eyes before feeling his warm hands frame my face. “Open your eyes, Emily.”

  “Ryder, please don’t do this.”

  “What are you so afraid of?”

  I don’t want to voice it, don’t want to tell him it’s my biggest insecurity, thanks to my mother. I swallow past the sudden burn in my throat. “Only a very few people have seen them.”

  “I’m asking you to let me be one of them. I’m not going to judge you, Em, I swear. I just want to know you.” His sincere words have me relenting. Letting out a resigned sigh, I open my eyes and concentrate hard, hoping to stop them from wandering. My stomach drops when I hear him suck in a sharp breath. I try to turn my face away, but his hands hold me in place. “Don’t hide from me!” His voice holds a command that has me following the order.

  I sense him staring at me, and wait anxiously for him to say something. The silence drags on but I can no longer stand it and break it, “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

  “I think your mother is fucking crazy. Because what I see staring back at me is beautiful and should never be covered up.”

  Warmth explodes through my body, reaching the very depths of my soul. I let out a relieved breath then smile when I think about what he just said about my mother. “My mother is definitely a different type of person, but I gave up fighting with her a long time ago. She can be very cruel.”

  “How cruel?” His voice turns hard and I quickly realize what he must be thinking.

  “Not physically if that’s what you’re asking,” I pause and think how I should explain it to him. “My parents have a certain standard you must meet, especially my mother, and let’s just say, thanks to my disability, I don’t meet that standard.” I shrug. “They are who they are and I learned a long time ago that nothing I say or do will ever be good enough for them, but that’s their problem not mine.”

  I feel him watch me again and wish I knew what he was thinking. “You know, Em, you’re pretty insightful for someone who can’t see.”

  I smile at his observation. “Actually, I can be quite insightful. I just see differently than all of you. You see with your eyes and I see with my hands.”

  “I noticed in trig you were reading with your hands.”

  “Yes. It’s called braille.” I reach into my purse and pull out my phone to show him. “Here, give me your hand.”

  I take his fingers and trace them over my touch screen. “This is the letter A, and this is the number one.” The phone repeats the letters and numbers back as we trace over them.

  Without meaning to I hit the message button, and the sound of an enraged Cece fills the silence. “Emily Michaels, are you fucking crazy? I am going to kick your ass if you aren’t already chopped up into a million pieces somewhere.”

  Oh god.

  “Did you not hear anything that I have been telling you all week about that guy? I am seriously going…”

  I quickly shut it off before Ryder can hear any more. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper guiltily
, feeling horrible he just heard that.

  “How do you respond?”

  “What?”

  “How do you respond to her?”

  I place his finger over the reply button. “You have to hold down while you speak.”

  He takes the phone from me, and my heart pounds like crazy, wondering what he’s going to do. I hear the sound of the beep, signaling for him to speak. “Sorry, Emily is no longer here, but if you ask me nicely I may just tell you where I hid her body.”

  Oh my god, I can’t believe he just said that. I cover my mouth to muffle the laughter that bubbles up my throat and wait for her to respond.

  It’s only seconds before my phone chimes, signaling her response. “Jameson, you better be fucking with me right now. Because if you have done anything to her, my friend Louis and I are going to bring the wrath of hell down on your ass.” Cece’s voice is hard as she threatens to beat Ryder with her Louis Vuitton purse. “Do you hear me, buddy. Now put her on the…”

  I cut off her message by ripping the phone from Ryder and hitting the reply button. “Cece, calm down, I’m fine. I promise I’ll message you as soon as I get home. Have fun and I love you.” I put my phone back in my purse and ignore the chime I get a second later. I shift uncomfortably as I feel Ryder watch me. “Sorry about that. She’s a little protective.” I apologize again, still feeling guilty he heard her say that.

  “Don’t worry about it, I’m used to it.”

  I think about his easy response. “Why is everyone afraid of you?”

  I hear him grunt. “Because they’re pussies.”

  I smile and shake my head, letting him know that answer doesn’t suffice. “Come on, you have to give me more than that. It’s only fair after everything I’ve shared with you.”

  Silence surrounds us and I start to think he isn’t going to bite, but he finally does. “Because I know how to take care of myself, and I’ve had to shut people up a time or two. But a lot of it is also their imagination. I don’t let people in my personal life, and since they don’t get to see it that scares them, and they conjure up all sorts of shit.”

  “Why don’t you let anyone in your personal life?”

  “Because I just don’t.”

  By his abrupt answer I know he isn’t going to clarify further and it makes me wonder why I’m here. “Why did you bring me here?”

  “Because I wanted to be alone with you.”

  “Why?” I ask again softly, needing to know more.

  “Because you intrigue me, Emily Michaels.”

  I smile at the use of my full name and think about his answer. “I intrigue you, or my disability intrigues you?”

  “Both,” he answers truthfully. “But more you.”

  I nod, appreciating his honesty. “And now that you know, are you satisfied?”

  There’s a moment of silence. “No, but I have a feeling I could know everything there is about you and it still won’t be enough.”

  Something shifts in the humid night air between us, it’s something powerful and something I have never felt before. “I want to see you, Ryder. Will you let me?” My heart thunders wildly while I wait for his answer, scared for his rejection.

  “Yeah, Em, you can see me.” He encircles my wrists and raises my hands to frame his face.

  Moving in a little closer, I feel my way to the top then run my fingers through his hair, and it surprises me how soft it feels. “Your hair is longer than I expected,” I muse as I reach the ends, which brushes over the top of his ears. Starting at the back of his neck, I begin lightly dragging my fingers across his rough jaw, feeling light stubble. “Your jaw is square and strong,” I state softly before moving up to his eyebrows to trace the slight arch. “Your eyes are dark green.” When I feel him tense, I can no longer keep a straight face and bust out laughing. “Cece told me.” I hear him grunt, unimpressed, clearly not finding me as funny as I find myself. “Oh come on, you have to admit it was funny.”

  “Hilarious,” he replies dryly, which makes me laugh even harder.

  “Okay, sorry, I’m done now,” I lie as a few more snickers escape me. Composing myself, I continue my path and trace the length of his nose, feeling a small bump. “Is this visible?”

  “No.”

  I nod then drag my fingers down to his lips. They’re warm and softer than I expected. I spend extra time tracing the outline of them, and try really hard to picture what they look like.

  Suddenly, a low growl penetrates the air. “Emily, I’m trying really hard to do the right thing here, but I’ve decided I don’t give a fuck what’s right anymore.”

  My breath catches in my throat, his husky tone sending a shiver of awareness down my spine. “What do you mean?” I blurt out stupidly, knowing exactly what he’s saying.

  His warm hand cups the side of my face as his thumb brushes over my bottom lip. “I want to kiss you, Em. I’ve been fucking dying to know what you taste like.”

  Oh god. I want that so bad too, but I’m also scared. I have a feeling I am way out of my league here. “Okay, but I must warn you, I’m probably not going to be any good at it.”

  I feel him falter. “Are you fucking telling me that you have never kissed a guy before?”

  I nod; I refuse to count Kyle forcefully shoving his tongue down my throat a kiss. I know that probably makes him want to back away now, but I felt like I had to be honest. “I’ve been really sheltered from the outside world, unless it’s political parties I’ve been forced to attend. And any guys who I’m forced to associate with do not appeal to me.”

  “But I appeal to you.”

  It’s more of a statement than a question but I find myself answering anyway. “Yes.”

  I feel him move in closer, and my heart thunders in anticipation for what’s to possibly come. “I guess that’s lucky for me then.”

  Before I can question that further, his warm lips suddenly brush mine and I gasp, feeling the soft touch through my entire body. His mouth is demanding, yet gentle, and when his tongue lightly licks the seam of my lips I open and grant him the permission he seeks. A whimper escapes me at the first sweep of his tongue, his incredible taste flooding my senses.

  Releasing a deep groan that reverberates against my lips, Ryder’s hands move to my hips, gripping them firmly before lifting me and bringing me over to straddle him. My fingers weave through his hair as our mouths create a heated passion, our tongues stroking and exploring one another intimately. I never thought my first kiss would feel like this. That it would feel so natural, and that it would reach the very depths of my soul.

  “I knew you would be the sweetest fucking thing I’ve ever tasted,” he mutters against my lips before pulling back and trailing his hot, wet mouth down the column of my throat.

  I take in lungfuls of much needed air, and want to tell him how good he tastes too, but can’t seem to form words. All I can manage is an incoherent moan while I tilt my head to the side to give him more access. My body comes alive with sensations I’ve never felt before, a foreign ache starting between my legs. My hips start moving on their own accord and I whimper, the hard feeling of his erection giving me the friction I so desperately crave.

  “Fuck, Em, we have to stop.”

  “Why?” I ask breathlessly, not liking that idea at all.

  “Because I’m close to fucking losing control and I don’t want to fuck this up.”

  I pull back slightly, keeping our faces close while the sound of our heavy breathing mingles in the silent night. “And what is this, Ryder?” I ask softly, wondering if it means anything. After everything Cece has told me about him, it’s very possible this does not mean the same to him as it does to me.

  “Honestly, I don’t know. I’m only at school for one semester then I’m leaving for college.” Disappointment crushes me, knowing that he’s only here for a few months. “I’m not going to lie, Em, I’m not the kind of guy that thinks past the first night with anyone.”

  I swallow past the hurt clogging my throa
t when I realize I’m no different to him than anyone else, but I should have known better. I’m just about to push away from him when I feel him reach up and cup the side of my face. “But, for some reason, you’re different. I know I should stay far away from you but I don’t think I can, not even if I wanted to.”

  His confession has relief and pleasure embracing my heart. I lay my hand on the side of his face and trail my fingers over his lips. “I don’t want you to stay away from me. I like you, Ryder, and I like being around you.” I’m not sure I should have revealed that quite yet but I’m not someone who has ever been good at hiding my feelings.

  “Me too, baby,” he replies, calming my doubt. Grabbing my wrist, he places a soft kiss on the inside of my palm before laying it back on his face. The whole gesture warms my heart.

  “My parents won’t ever be okay with this,” I whisper sadly. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but they won’t.”

  I feel his jaw clench under my hand and feel guilty for upsetting him. “I know, Em, and you don’t have to be sorry about it. I told you I’m used to it, but the thing is, no one is going to be okay with it. Our sides… they don’t mix – not ever.”

  I get angry thinking about how divided our worlds are. “It’s stupid and I don’t care what anyone says, not even my parents.”

  He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me in closer. “Yeah, baby, it’s fucking stupid, but it’s the world we live in. Here anyway. I don’t want to cause problems for you, Em, or me for that matter. So let’s tread carefully and keep shit on the down low… for now.”

  “When will we ever get to see each other if we can’t be together around school?”

  “I’ll find a way,” he whispers before trailing his warm lips on my neck again. “And believe me, Em, when I say nothing, or no one, will fucking stop me.”

  A shiver travels down my spine, both from pleasure and fear. Because I know if we get caught then all hell will break loose, but I have a feeling losing Ryder would be worse than any wrath my father could bring us.