“That’s a mistake. You’ll make things worse if you go legal. Please, listen to me. I’m a lawyer. I know what I’m talking about. If you go legal, Emmie will be forced to get an attorney, and who do you think she’s going to hire? Nick, that’s who. Is that what you want?”
Nealy stopped in her tracks. “Nick wouldn’t . . . you’re wrong . . . no, no, that won’t happen.”
“It will happen. Fix it, Nealy, now, before it’s too late. I’m telling you, don’t go down that road.”
Nealy sat down on the back steps and hugged her knees. “How in the hell did this happen? It’s that man. I know it as sure as I’m sitting here. He’s filling her head with all kinds of nonsense. She’s no more ready to ride in the Derby than you are, Hatch. He wants something. I just know it.”
Hatch stared off into the distance, his mind whirling. “Nealy, you could be wrong about Dillon Roland. He looks like a decent man to me. Gabby adores him, and I’ve never seen Emmie happier. If she’s as sound as she said she is, then we have him to thank for it. Don’t let your hatred for him drive you away from your daughter. And your son, if you insist on going the legal route. I think you need to backpedal a little right now.”
Nealy threw her hands in the air. “She wants her half of the farm. Half. I’m the one who busted my ass all these years and now, just when Dillon Roland comes into the picture, she wants her half. Before she was content to take her dividend checks and never give it a second thought. Don’t you find it all a little strange?”
“No, Nealy, I don’t. Remember what she’s been through. She came to a crossroads in her life where she had to choose which road she wanted to travel. This is the right road for her, her choice. You can’t fault her for that. She has to survive, too, Nealy. You can salvage this if you think things through and don’t do anything in haste.”
Nealy got up and stared at her husband before she stomped into the house. “Whose side are you on, Hatch?” Bitterness rang in her voice as she crossed the kitchen to the coffeepot.
Hatch sat down at the kitchen table and stared at his wife. “There is nothing more important in this life than family, Nealy. Lately, you’ve hit a couple of rough patches, but somehow you’ve managed to avert some serious tragedies. This one facing you now is going to turn out to be the Queen Mother of them all if you aren’t careful.”
Nealy gulped the hot coffee. “What you’re saying is, my whole life has been wrong. I didn’t do anything right. Yet somehow I managed to raise two kids, put this farm on the map, win two Triple Crowns, and breed Thoroughbreds that people stand in line to buy. That doesn’t count for anything.”
Hatch shook his head. “You are without a doubt the most stubborn female I have ever met. It doesn’t matter where you’ve been. What matters is where you’re going and how you get there. You can’t get there, wherever there is, and destroy your family in the process. Is it your pride? Your ego? You don’t have to prove anything to anyone, Nealy. Just yourself. Maybe you should think about consulting a therapist and talk all this out.”
“So now you think I’m nuts, too. Somehow or other, I’ve managed to get this far in my life without talking to a shrink. I’ll just continue to muddle through for the rest of my life, thank you very much. I’m going upstairs to take a bath.” Her voice softened when she said, “Thanks for your input, Hatch.”
Hatch recognized Nealy’s tone of voice. She was going to do whatever she thought was right and live with the consequences. His shoulders slumped. He couldn’t even begin to imagine where it would all end up.
It was dusk when Emmie said good night to Hifly. She gave him a quick hug before she joined her father and Gabby in the breezeway. “I guess we’re going to my house. Is that okay, Dad?”
“Whatever you want, honey. I think this little rascal is ready for bed. I can make up the beds while you give her a bath. We should probably stop for some take-out food and maybe pick up something for Gabby’s breakfast. We can do the rest of the grocery shopping tomorrow.”
“Emmie, wait!”
Emmie turned around to see Jake running from the end of the breezeway. “You aren’t angry with me, are you?” he asked.
“No, not at all. Why do you ask?”
“You know, Hifly . . . me riding him in the Derby. I wanted to but I had to wait for Aunt Nealy’s approval. I just wanted you to know, I’m okay with you riding him if you were serious. We get along good, but he loves you and that makes the difference. To tell you the truth, I’m not sure I’m ready. I think I am, but like Lee says, if you have even one iota of a doubt, then you aren’t ready. Are you strong enough, Emmie? Or did you just say that to make your mom mad?”
“I’m strong enough, health-wise, Jake. I feel like I’m stealing your thunder so to speak.”
“No, don’t think about it like that. I can use all the time I can get. I’m thinking I can only get better if I persevere. If you decide for sure that’s what you want to do, I can show you a few little tricks I learned with Hifly. That horse has a mind of his own, but you already know that. I’d like to help you in whatever way I can.”
“My mother might have something to say about that, but I appreciate the offer. I have to get Gabby home and to bed. We can talk tomorrow. I’ll be here bright and early.”
“Okay, I’ll see you then. Nice to meet you, Mr. Roland,” Jake said, extending his hand before he trotted off to his quarters.
“What do you think, Dad? You know, about what happened here today.”
“It’s not important what I think. What do you think?”
“I think I did okay. Boy, do I feel good. I can’t remember ever feeling this good. Hifly didn’t forget me. I was so afraid he would, but he didn’t. Tell me the truth, Dad, do you think I can do it? If you have reservations, I need to know. You haven’t steered me wrong yet.”
“Emmie, you can do whatever you think you can do. It’s what you think and what you feel. Listen to your heart. No one else is walking in your shoes, no one else can feel your heart or see into your head. You know what they taught you at the rehab center, stretch to your limitations. I hope I’m walking on your half of this farm. I believe your mother is ready to shoot me.”
“No, she won’t shoot you, but she’ll do something. Mom never . . . let’s not talk about Mom.”
“A word of caution, honey. You better have a good attorney standing by in the wings.”
“I got the best in the world, Dad, my brother. Now, let’s go home.”
From her bedroom window Nealy watched her daughter leave. Even from the second floor she could hear her laughter and Gabby’s childish babble as the little group made their way to the car. One small part of her wished she was going with them and another part of her knew she could never belong to the little group. She was the outsider. She asked herself again how it had come to this. Maybe Hatch was right. Maybe she did need to talk to a shrink.
She was so deep into her thoughts, the phone rang six times before she actually heard it. Maybe it was Emmie calling to apologize. Her hello was brisk and cool.
“Nealy, this is Josh Clymen at SunStar. I’m afraid I have some bad news. I hate telling you over the phone, but there doesn’t seem to be any other way. Rhy and Pyne were killed a little while ago. The roof collapsed on the new barn from all the heavy rain. They were standing side by side when it happened. We also lost four of the horses. We did everything we could, Nealy. Nealy, are you there?”
“I’m here, Josh. I guess I’m in shock. I just spoke to both of them the other day. I don’t know what to say.”
“What do you want me to do, Nealy? I know what to do about the horses, but they’re your brothers’. You have to make the decisions where that’s concerned.”
“All right, Josh. I need to think and to talk to Hatch. I’ll call the kids. Let me get back to you when I have my wits about me.”
Nealy pinched herself. No, she wasn’t dreaming. She was wide-awake. She watched the spot she’d just pinched turn black-and-blue. Bruises didn’t t
urn black-and-blue till later. Maybe it was a trick of light.
“Hatch!” she screamed at the top of her lungs.
On Nealy’s orders, the funeral was small and private, with only the immediate family and the farm-workers. Both brothers were laid to rest next to their mother in the SunStar cemetery. Thanks to Josh Clymen’s foresight, by nightfall, blankets of bluebells would cover both graves.
Nealy stood dry-eyed next to her husband and wondered why she couldn’t cry. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Nick dab at the corners of his eyes with his knuckles while Emmie sniffled outright. She cringed when she heard her daughter blow her nose.
And then it was over. Those who had been ahead of her in life were all gone now. Logically speaking, she was next. The thought frightened her.
They were almost to the house when a shiny black car pulled to a stop in front of the house. A small dapper man with sweat beading on his brow got out of the car, mopping at his face with one hand, his other hand holding what looked like a very heavy briefcase. “Ma’am, I’m Connely Brian, your brothers’ attorney. I know you live in Kentucky, so I thought I would come right out in case you were planning on leaving after the service. We can do the reading of the will now or sometime later on. It’s simple, and will take no more than ten minutes.”
Nealy nodded and walked into the house. She led the way to the dining room and sat down. “I’m surprised my brothers made a will. Look, I know it’s coming to me, so skip that part and read the bequests.”
The dapper attorney frowned as he dug into his thick briefcase. He continued to frown as he smoothed out the crackly papers. He cleared his throat before he took one last look at Nealy.
“Both wills read exactly the same, so it doesn’t matter which brother died first. As I said, aside from the usual bequests of twenty-thousand dollars to their foreman, the manager, and a few lesser bequests to some of the older employees, that’s pretty much it. The farm, all the horses, and everything owned by both brothers goes to Emmie Coleman and her daughter Gabby Coleman. There’s a note here written by both Rhy and Pyne that says the reason for this particular bequest is that they both wanted Emmie to return to the place where she was born. Your brothers gave me an envelope and instructed me to hand it to Emmie after the reading of the will.” He handed it across the table. Emmie reached for it with shaking hands. Inside was a penny. She ran crying from the room, the envelope clutched to her breast.
“When did my brothers make this will, Mr. Brian?” Nealy asked in a cold, brittle voice.
“Almost two years ago. A few months before Emmie got sick, I believe. A little time passed before they came in to sign the wills. I recall they were talking about her and her illness. The date is on the will. Is there something wrong, ma’am?”
“My daughter doesn’t want this place. She gave it back once, and she’ll do it again. It should have come to me.”
“Are you questioning my integrity, madam?” Brian bristled.
“No. I’m just saying the farm was to go to me. I’m saying I don’t understand.”
“Well, I can’t help you there. As for Emmie not wanting the farm, that’s for her to say and dispose of whichever way she sees fit. This will now go to probate. I’ll be in touch soon. Good-bye. I’m sorry we had to meet under these circumstances.”
Nealy sat in the dining room chair and stared at the table. Hatch nudged her elbow. She ignored him. She didn’t raise her eyes until Emmie came back into the room. She looked from her mother to her brother.
Nealy finally broke the silence. “Is it your intention to take up residence here at SunStar, Emmie?”
“I don’t know. I think it might be a good place to bring Hifly after the race. I like it here. I can see myself raising Thoroughbreds with Dad’s help.”
“So he does get one of my horses after all,” Nealy snapped. “I told you, that’s what this is all about. You’re such a fool, Emmie. Will you please wake up before it’s too late?”
Nick stood up, his face angry and contorted. “That was uncalled for, Mom. What is it with you? Your brothers just died, and you’re fighting over their farm. It’s obscene.”
“Let’s go, Nick,” Emmie said, tugging at his arm.
And then it was just Nealy and Hatch.
“The farm should have come to me. My mother is buried here. How could they do that to me? My own brothers. Damn them. I fought tooth and nail to make sure they got to keep this place, and this is the thanks I get. Damn them.” She banged on the table with both fists to make her point.
“There’s nothing you can do about it, Nealy. A will is a will. Don’t even think about contesting it. Everything here will run smoothly. Mr. Clymen said he would take care of things until he heard otherwise. It’s time for us to go home.”
“This was my home for a long time. As hard as I try not to think about this place, I still do. It’s so strange. Okay, I’m ready to go back to . . . to . . . Blue Diamond Farms, Hatch.”
PART III
12
Nealy moved cautiously in the bed so as not to wake Hatch. If she’d gotten five minutes of sleep, it was a lot. She was so wide-awake she felt like her eyeballs were standing at attention. She looked over at Hatch, who was sleeping peacefully. She used to sleep like that. After a hard day’s work, a good dinner, and a warm bath, she’d always slept like a baby. She couldn’t recall when she’d last slept well. Probably sometime before the fire that had destroyed all the barns and left her scarred for life.
Satisfied that Hatch wouldn’t wake, she crept from the bed and slipped into her robe and slippers. She headed for the kitchen and the coffeepot. While the coffee dripped, she munched on a granola bar.
The clock on the Capriccio coffeemaker said it was 3:47, almost time for the farm to come to life. When it came right down to it, that’s when she came to life, too. Not so of late. She couldn’t help but wonder why her life was going through such drastic changes. Was it because she was getting older, and it was the natural course of events? Or, was it something else? If it was something else, how did one go about finding out what that something was?
Nealy poured coffee into her cup and carried it out to the front porch. She was glad she had put on her cozy, warm robe. At best, it was probably fifty degrees. She sat down on the old rocker and tucked her legs under her. Above, the stars twinkled in the dark sky. Soon, though, it would be dawn.
The headlights were bright, round yellow orbs. Emmie reporting for work? Something tugged at her heart. In the time it took for her heart to beat twice, she knew what she was feeling. Jealousy. Of her daughter. She shook her head to clear away the horrible thought, but it wouldn’t go away. Jealousy.
Hatch had hinted at it but had never actually come out and said the ugly word.
You were so busy trying to prove you could take care of me you forgot to love me along the way. Nick feels the same way l do.
Impossible. She did love her children. She did.
Did you ever tell your children you loved them? a niggling voice inquired.
Of course. I’m sure I did. Maybe not in so many words, but they should have known I loved them. I do.
Did you ever say, I love you, Emmie, or I love you, Nick? the niggling voice persisted.
I can’t pick a time or a place but I’m sure I did. Of course I did.
When? Under what circumstances? When they were babies and didn’t know what you were saying? When they were little and brought home good papers from school? When they were teenagers? When Emmie got married? Give me a time, a date, a place when those words passed your lips.
Right now I can’t think of a specific time. I know I did, though.
How do you know?
I know because when they would tell me they loved me, I would have said the same thing back to them. So there.
No. No. You always said, I know you do. You never said the words. Not to them. They never heard you tell them you loved them.
No, that’s not true. I know I said the words. I just ca
n’t remember when I said them. I was a good mother. I love my children. Every mother loves her children.
That’s a lie. The only person you actually love is yourself, Nealy Coleman Diamond Clay Littletree. After loving yourself, you love the horses. Then maybe your children and your husband after that. You aren’t capable of showing love. You fake it real well, but it isn’t real. I know you, Nealy. I’m your conscience, so I know what’s real and what isn’t. You’re going to end up a bitter, lonely old woman. Hatch won’t put up with this bullshit forever. He wants a family because he knows how to love and he knows what a family is all about.
Nealy leaned back in the chair and closed her eyes . . .
On her way through the kitchen to the back staircase that led to the second floor, Nealy stopped when she heard her name mentioned. Thinking either Maud or Jess had called her, she walked across the kitchen to the small hallway leading into the dining room. Maud and Jess never used the dining room. The rare exceptions were Thanksgiving and Christmas. From time to time, if Maud had what she called monster paperwork, she would spread all her papers out, spit on the end of her pencil, bend her head, and do her paperwork, something she absolutely detested. Jess hated it even more, so they both let it pile up till they couldn’t see each other across the table, at which point they would then do what they had to do.
She was about to call out when she heard her name mentioned again. They were talking about her, they weren’t calling her. She leaned against the wall in the skinny hallway and listened.
“I love that girl, Jess, I really do. Since Nealy came here with Emmie, everything has changed. I’ve never seen a girl work so hard in my life and she’s a little slip of a thing. She puts some of the men to shame. She never complains. Never. I think she’s gotten real fond of both of us, but you’d never know it by the way she acts. It’s like she’s afraid to show what she feels. I’m thinking wherever she came from, affection wasn’t the order of the day.”
Kentucky Sunrise Page 21