Charlock's Secret

by Leah Moyes

  The moment my feet touched the ground floor safely, his hand lifted my gloved fingers to his lips and pressed in a gentle kiss. Then he disappeared. The simple gesture made me weak in the knees. I drew a deep breath, realizing my next step would be alone.

  “Miss Shelton?” Mr. and Mrs. Gilford’s matching expressions suggested that they were as surprised at my transformation as I was.

  I hadn’t perfected the curtsy but dipped my head their direction. “Thank you for allowing me to join the festivities.” I fought the urge to shake their hands again before I moved away. Come on, Kat. I groaned under my breath. Try to behave like a normal person tonight . . . a normal nineteenth-century woman.

  I wound around through several rooms looking for Lizzy. I promised myself that she needed to see me for herself before I gave reason to disappear. Even though curiosity emerged to see the event, the moment I learned it might be an engagement party, my confidence failed. People stared at me from every angle. Their looks revealed little as to why exactly. It honestly could be for any number of reasons. I had earned a legitimate “reputation”, but it was most likely over the raw truth, I just didn’t belong here.

  Thankfully, my selfishness didn’t entirely distract me from the sights. There was legitimacy to what we described in the tours, hundreds of the wealthiest and elite in attendance, and all elegantly dressed. With each new arrival, it appeared as though the couples attempted to outdo one another with their pomp and appeal. I had never seen so much bling in my life. Even with the many “entrepreneurs” who sold designer knockoffs on the street in front of my apartment, only these jewels, I'm sure, were authentic.

  Entering the ballroom, I immediately felt like the many tourists who saw the chandelier for the first time. I remained motionless with an appreciation few would understand. I absorbed the room in its entirety. The light bounced from the chandelier to the walls and spread across the vaulted ceiling like a never-ending flame. My eyes danced as if I stood in the world’s largest candy store. I spun to each delectable new sight—the carved mounts around each mirror and gleaming portrait, enormous bouquets. with petals the size of my hands bursting with color, and elaborate candelabras flanking the family’s intricate tapestries. The flowery scent of perfume mixed with musky cologne and sweat competed over the savory smell of meats, cheeses, and fruits in the nearby foyer. Voices chattered in small groups while steady pairs of dancers sashayed along with the decorative tiles at their feet. I turned my ear to the melodic music that floated nearby from a highly decorated string quartet playing a song I’d never heard of but instantly loved.

  Drenched by the vision before me, I ignored the strange glances in my direction and meandered slowly about. My eyes devoured every minute detail. Nobody will ever believe I am here. I’m actually here! Rounding a corner at the nearest archway, a hand tapped my shoulder. To my relief, it belonged to Lizzy. She modeled a deep crimson dress with a plunging neckline that made her appear much more like a 20-year-old than 16. No doubt, she was the belle of the ball with an attractive entourage in tow.

  “Miss Katharine!” She squealed and grinned like a Cheshire cat.

  “Oh, Lizzy.”

  My appease was fleeting as she motioned to the handsome men behind her. “Gentlemen, this is the young woman I informed you of.” My eyes grew wide as her face lit up. “Delightful, isn't she?”

  The men nodded eagerly in agreement. My lips pulled tightly, forcing restraint on a wide variety of cuss words.

  “Katharine,” Lizzy continued, “these are a few of Merritt's former classmates from Oxford. Each one has agreed to be your escort for a set.”

  A cough camouflaged my gasps as I reached for her wrist, followed by a pathetic “excuse me” before I towed her away. Through the hall, we ended in the quiet solitude of the library. Fortunately, we were alone.

  “What is the cause of this inconvenience?” She cried. Anger formed on her brow, possibly mixed with the heat of humiliation.

  “Lizzy!” I wrung my hands together. “I—I . . .”

  “What?” She demanded.

  “I don't know if I can do this . . .”

  “Do what?” She shouted with frustration. I met her eyes pleadingly but struggled to share the actual reason for my panic. “What Katharine?” She repeated indignantly.

  I bit the inside of my cheek and forced the tears to stop.

  “Katharine!”

  “I don’t know how to dance!”

  The room fell silent. The red in her face vanished as she chuckled.

  “Are you jesting?” She waited for me to confirm the joke.

  “No.” I put my hands to my cheeks and dropped to the nearest sofa, defeated.

  Lizzy covered her mouth with her gloved hand. It appeared as though she restrained a laugh. “This cannot be true. I don’t believe it.”

  “I’m not lying. I haven't been to many dances, Lizzy. I'm a student . . . uh, governess. I studied.” I confessed guiltily, “I have never even been to a ball before.”

  I might as well have told her I came from the future. Her gape exhibited pure astonishment. “What might you assume we do at a ball?” She reasonably questioned.

  I mumbled barely audible, “I hoped to only watch.”

  “Watch?” She laughed louder this time. I then tried to concoct a list of annoying classwork for our next lesson. “Well, we can't yield to that consequence when you have a lineup of suitors.” She spoke assertively. “Stand up!”

  “What?”

  “Stand up!” She demanded again. Only stomping her feet this time as if she were 3. I immediately stood upright. She moved in front of me and put one hand around my waist. Her other hand locked my fingers. With disbelief, I glanced at her. One brow raised to an arch.

  “Really?” I said, sarcastically.

  “Shh!” She insisted. “Follow my lead.”

  “This is weird.” I moaned.

  “I mean it!” Her tone conveyed her seriousness. “Now watch my feet as best you can, when my foot moves this way . . . yours moves that way.”

  Girls from this time period must take dance lessons from the moment they can walk in ball gowns to move the way she does and not trip over herself. I, on the other hand, am as uncoordinated as you can get. Then put me in layers of heavy fabric, and I'm a lost cause.

  “Try harder, Katherine.” Lizzy scolded as I stepped on her toes for the third time.

  “I am,” I said honestly.

  “Let's try a different dance,” she suggested, hoping I’d do better an arm’s length away. We faced each other, and she described the direction we would go as we turned toward each other and then apart. Occasionally, we pressed palms together as we moved along. This one appeared less complicated if only I could get my dress to cooperate moving backward. It was pathetic. I tried hard not to laugh.

  After two additional failed attempts, a masculine voice interrupted. “May I cut in?” Merritt silently joined us and smiled amusingly at the deplorable spectacle. Lizzy stepped back. Relief clearly surfaced in her expression.

  “Cheerio, Lizzy,” He joked. “You have performed splendidly, but I think it would be most practical if she learned from one whose gown was not as abundant as hers.”

  Elizabeth smirked and exited quickly, eager to rejoin her friends I’m sure.

  Merritt and I now stood quietly in the glow of the nearby fireplace. I was suddenly self-conscious. The thump of my heartbeat resonated. As Merritt closed the gap, my chest swelled, and my hand quickly shot to his arm in protest. The very thought of touching another man should have been terrifying, but it was Merritt.

  “I must warn you,” I cautioned. “I may cause harm.”

  “Ha!” He balked playfully. “I believe a challenge is in order.” A cunning grin appeared on his perfect face.

  “Do you accept?” I teased. My body relaxed.

  “I do,” he whispered only inches from me. The skin on the back of my neck tingled. Merritt bowed properly and gestured for me to press my hand against his
. His left hand reached around my waist and pulled me in closer than we’d ever been except the night he found me. And that was the closest I’d been with any man since Jeff. The same powerful smell of musk filled my senses as he stepped to the left and right gracefully. He was right. It wasn't as awkward as with Lizzy, but I tried harder not to step on his toes versus hers. This, driven partly by the fact I’m competitive and second, I wasn't about to admit defeat.

  We fell into step naturally around the room to the faint sound of the ballroom music. His touch so soft, I barely felt his palm resting against my lower back, yet I knew it was there from the intense reaction of my nerves.

  “You look very beautiful, Miss Katharine.” Merritt complemented as we continued dancing. I held my head low, afraid he’d see me blush. Somehow, Merritt brought forth all sorts of emotion I hadn't felt for a while.

  “You clean up nice yourself, Mr. Gilford.”

  “Merritt,” he insisted, once again.

  “Okay, Merritt, thank you.”

  “My pleasure.” Nothing could ruin this moment . . . except for the minor detail about his pending engagement to another woman.

  “Congratulations on your engagement, Merritt,” I whispered, close enough to see he shaved for the ball. My words were sincere, but my thoughts didn't concur.

  He hesitated before he spoke. It surprised me. Something in his mannerisms seemed unsure.

  “Thank you.” The words finally came, and as he smiled, it appeared unnatural. Unsure if it was because of the conversation or me, I second-guessed myself.

  As we continued to move about the room, several more turns, Merritt once again relaxed and made it feel as though I have danced my entire life. I closed my eyes and envisioned the time Jeff and I danced in the kitchen together the night before we left on our trip. Our last road trip. Our last anything.

  “You’re not as dreadful as you pretend to be.” Merritt’s eyes flashed.

  “Or I am merely a skilled actress.”

  “No,” he laughed genuinely, “you may have some people fooled, but not me.”

  I paused. “What do you make of me, Mr. know it all?”

  We stopped dancing. His hand still clasped mine, our faces only inches apart. “I know you’re afraid of something. I see it in your eyes.”

  My smile disappeared. My eyelashes fluttered a dozen times before they finally stopped in a clinch. I didn’t want to play this game anymore, but he wasn’t finished.

  “You’re frightened . . . of something in the future . . . or the past.”

  I bit my lip hard. Do not cry here! I demanded. Not in front of him. When I opened my eyes again, tears formed at the corners.

  Merritt’s face turned ashen. He must’ve realized he was right. He immediately obliged me to turn under his arm and swiftly moved into step once again. “Leave it to me to darken a mood. My apologies, Miss Katharine. Regretfully, I speak too often of nothing at all. It’s a curse.” I kept my eyes lowered, and my lips sealed.

  As we danced about the room, we found the rhythm again and moved easily into the next song. Merritt attempted to shift the dismal temperament.

  “If I keep you here all night, I fear I will face severe discontent amongst my mates.” I raised an eyebrow in response to his comment. “You see, once they caught a glimpse of you, nobody else in the manor remotely compared, and now that you have mastered the art of dance, they will be waiting.”

  I stared at him directly and muttered, “I couldn’t keep you here, anyway . . . you have an announcement to make.”

  It was Merritt’s turn to glance away, but I continued, “I believe you and Johnna will have a wonderful life together, Merritt. I’m hap—” My sentence cut short when our bodies came to an abrupt stop. I proceeded cautiously, “wh—what's wrong?” His expression alarmed me. One I’d never seen before.

  “What did you say?” His jaw locked in forced control. His hands immediately released from mine.

  “I said . . . wonderful life together?”

  “No, previous to that.” His whisper came out strained. “Did you say, Johnna?” Our eyes finally met. The soft pools of milky blue chilled like ice.

  “Yes, I . . . isn’t that who you—”

  “No!” His voice rose heatedly, then almost as quickly, he composed himself. Raised to be a gentleman, this behavior was far from the Merritt I knew. His hands shook at his side. Completely taken aback, I wasn't sure how to react.

  “I am affianced to Margaret Ab—” He peered towards the partially closed door that separated us from the joyous celebration. My mind whirled with questions. I spun my back on him, scrambling for answers. I knew the tour focused on his parents more, but I was positive he married a woman by the name of Johnna. What have I done? Have I already altered the future, have I already changed his fate?

  “Katharine!” Merritt called my name several times. “Katharine!” Tears bubbled on my lower lashes when I faced him again. “Where did you hear this?” He grabbed my arm with more urgency in his touch than before.

  “I don't know. I guess I heard it around, from servants or something.”

  “This is unacceptable . . .” He practically spoke to himself now that I had started a muffled sob. This wasn't like me. I didn't cower when people accused me of anything. I dropped to the nearest chair and buried my face in my hands. Any other person—I wouldn't have cared, but this was Merritt, my savior, my friend.

  “This behavior . . . it’s . . . ill-mannered, Miss Katharine. I will not toler—”

  “I didn't start any rumor!” I shot back from my injured state. Tears streaked freely down my cheeks. Merritt stared at me; his anger softened. This behavior was way out of character for him. He wasn't known to make girls cry. Running his hands through his hair, he paused long, then pulled out his handkerchief. When he bent to one knee, he lifted the cloth to dab my cheek. I snatched it from his hand, determined to not let my offender off that easily. Behind him, a voice caused him to jump upright.

  “There you are my love.” A deeply sensual female voice arose. I peered past him to see a strikingly beautiful woman approach. Her shock of seeing me near him was unmasked. “Who might this be?” She questioned briskly, unable to draw her eyes from my direction.

  “Margaret?” Merritt's voice shook as he reached for her hand, “This is Elizabeth and Abagale's governess, Katharine Shelton.” He glanced down at me. “Katharine, this is Margaret, my fiancé.”

  “Your fiancé?” I stood up and attempted a courteous smile, but as I did, she stiffened. Her eyes scanned my tear-stained cheeks then darted up and down my figure uncomfortably where they ended icily on Merritt.

  He stumbled as though he recognized the need for elaboration. “Sh—she was distressed. I sought to comfort her.”

  I rolled my eyes.

  “What a gentleman you are,” Margaret hissed and tossed her long black hair back then slipped her gloved hand through his arm. The grip looked tight. “. . . but the only woman you should be comforting is me.” She kissed his cheek. “. . . my sweet.” Her blood-red lips left her mark before she led him towards the door.

  Merritt bowed low in my direction. “Goodnight Miss Shelton.”

  His lady spitefully stared and threw me the look all women know—the silent threat. Then they disappeared.

  I dropped to the chair again, only angrier this time. I knew the tour included Merritt and Johnna. No doubt, Pauline recited it as well. My head pounded painfully. Why is he this angry? I stewed for a few minutes in the dark as the fire died down from neglect. My brain tried relentlessly to sort out the night’s events. Although the concern I had going into tonight centered on other challenges, somehow, the result was what I expected it to be—a complete disappointment.

  Once I mustered the courage to leave the solitude of the library, I slipped past the guests’ unseen. Only, as I rounded the corner near the kitchen, my body came to a quick stop. Instantly, my chest caved.

  “Miss.”

  That one word—pretentious in art
iculation—seethed with condescension. The man blocked my escape with his arm stretched boldly across the archway. Despite his finer apparel, he remained unshaven, and somehow grime still emanated from him.

  “Get out of my way,” I snapped. My eyes attempted to avert Josiah Abbott’s unyielding stare. I didn’t want him to see them red and inflamed.

  “Now that is unbecoming of a lady.” Guile filled his laugh. His free hand reached over and grasped my forearm. I gulped; his abrasiveness caught me by surprise. “Why so abrupt in your departure?” His mouth moved close to mine. It reeked of tobacco. “We haven’t had the pleasure of a dance yet.”

  “Let go of me,” I whispered hotly through gritted teeth. I didn’t want to draw attention to us, mostly because of how I looked and felt, but he picked the wrong night to mess with me.

  “Stay away from him.” He muttered and tightened his grip. My arm tingled with numbness.

  “Who are you talking about?” I spit out angrily.

  “Mr. Gilford.”

  “I don’t even talk to him. What does that have to do with you?”

  “Not the senior Mr. Gilford. Merritt.”

  My head jerked back in surprise. Merritt? “Why should it matter to you who I talk to?” My cheeks burned. I didn’t even know who this man really was or why he targeted me. “Get away from me, or I’ll scream.”

  “I want to make it dreadfully clear. You must avoid him, or you’ll regret it.”

  “I will regret it?” My confidence surged. “I’m sure you’ll regret talking to me first.” Despite the layer of fabric that covered my knee, it launched forward precisely on target in between the man’s legs. Within seconds, he doubled over and groaned in agony. A handful of people nearby turned to watch him twisting on the floor.

  “It must’ve been the duck.” Implying his discomfort was from the food, I quickly stepped over him and ran through the kitchen. Finding the back stairs, I fled to my room. I knew there was a reason I hated social gatherings. They can only bring sadness and disappointment. My first and only ball turned out to be a disaster!