“I don’t train anymore, Skye.”
“Why not?”
“Sure,” he deferred. “Let’s spar.”
“You’re dropping your guard,” he pointed out as he tapped my forehead with his gloved hand. “Hands up.”
I raised my hands, dropped my elbows and gave him a jab, which he blocked, and then tapped my cheek. He was going easy on me and I still sucked.
“Keep your guard up,” he barked, but I saw the enjoyment in his eyes as he got another gentle hit in. “I could go to town on you and take the round with you standing like that.”
“This is supposed to be fun,” I punched his arm, but I didn’t think he felt it.
“It is fun. I can laugh at you,” he said. I pouted and stood up straight. “Bend your knees.”
“Come on then, Muhammad,” I bent my knees. “Show me where I’m open.”
“Muhammad?”
“Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.”
“Ah,” his laughter made my toes curl and my knees weak. “Come on then, tough girl, in position. I’ll show you how you’d get your ass kicked.”
The excitement buzzed in my belly with the anticipation. I raised my hands, relaxed my shoulders and breathed out as I looked over the gloves.
“Your defence is off. I can see that without touching you,” he tapped one side of my head, then the other, too quickly for me to block.
We stared at each other intensely over our gloves.
“Watch for the body shot.”
“What?”
He tapped my head and as I moved to block, he got my stomach. It knocked the wind out of me and as I bent over, he caught me in a headlock.
“See?” He laughed and jabbed me in the ribs. “The ref would pull me back now, but you’re done. Exhausted and dazed. Ready to give up.”
“I’m not giving up.”
I swung my right hand across my body and punched his back by his kidney. He let out a guttural hiss and loosened his grip, so I pulled back and punched his stomach. He bent over and grunted a laugh but as I swung to get his head, he grabbed my waist and reared me back towards the ring and my back hit the canvas. I grinned and stretched out my arms, curling my fingers around the bottom rope as Curtis stepped back. My smiled dropped, replaced by the sudden intense urge to kiss him. His chest was rising and falling with precise, controlled breaths. His gaze matched mine; his eyes glistened and he pulled his gloves off, tossing them carelessly to the floor before holding out his hands for mine. I let him take them off; the only sound in the gym was our erratic breathing and the thud as the gloves hit the floor. I resumed my position on the ropes and sat on the edge of the canvas. My eyes never left Curtis as I watched his eyes flash with barely-contained control, lust and temptation. I wasn’t backing down.
He stepped closer and I opened my legs to let him stand between them. He wrapped his hands over mine and leaned closer.
“You want to play dirty?” He whispered in my ear, sending wild heat spreading through my body until it settled as a searing ache between my legs. “I’m the one with the strength.”
“Prove it.”
He groaned, low at the back of his throat and pulled me off the side. His superhuman legs carried us with ease up to his flat so quickly, there was no time to change my mind, even if I wanted to.
Eleven
Men are confusing creatures. And they think we’re the crazy ones…I bought my ticket to Crazy Town…economy, because I was broke.
March 1st, 2003.
Curtis dropped me to my feet as we fell through the final door and separated ourselves from the outside world.
He stopped, just for a second, before his lips crashed to mine and his hands fisted the sides of my t-shirt. He tasted good; like peppermint from the pack of mints he kept in the gym office. The faint smell of sweat from his exertions gave him a virile edge that made me grip the bottom of his shirt and pull frantically. He raised his arms and our lips parted just long enough to get it off. My hands found the smooth planes of his abdomen and as I traced the contours of his body, his mouth moved to my neck and his teeth grazed the sensitive flesh.
I knew his flat like the back of my hand; I gripped the back of his neck and moved us towards the bedroom. I couldn’t afford him any time to change his mind. I wanted him like I needed my next breath, which caught in my throat as he took my ear between his teeth.
“Do you want this?” He breathed and a shiver rippled down my spine.
“Yes.”
His mouth found mine again and our tongues stroked and caressed. He tore my t-shirt down the middle with ease and it tickled my arms as it fell and pooled at my feet. We kicked our shoes off as we edged closer to the bed and tumbled onto it.
Curtis settled between my legs as I smiled up at him, and he stroked my hair away from my face.
“You’re beautiful. You know that?”
“I thought I was cute?”
I shifted beneath him, searching for friction to ease my need.
“You are,” his hot mouth traced my neck and travelled between my breasts.
“And adorable,” his stubble scraped the lace of my bra as he moved lower.
“And funny,” he kissed my stomach and my lips parted.
“And smart,” his tongue dipped into my navel and my hips bucked in response as his hands fluidly undone the tie on my gym shorts.
“And sexy,” I lifted my hips so he could take them off.
My eyes rolled as he placed a kiss on each of my hip bones. He moved back up my body, leaving a trail of wet kisses and I squirmed beneath him. He swallowed my moan as he took my mouth with his and pulled the lace of my bra down so my breasts could fill his hands.
I felt the desire soak my underwear. Two layers of cotton were all that separated our bodies and I felt him against me as I rolled my hips to meet his hard length. A groan travelled from his mouth to mine. I was a mess of aching need as he sat back and pulled my underwear down my legs, kissed the ball of each foot as he pulled off my socks and his hands slowly travelled higher. I knew I was dripping. I knew he saw it. The look of carnal delight that flashed across his eyes as he looked down at my glistening flesh gave him away.
“Tell me one thing,” he rasped, easing a finger inside me and clenching his jaw as I moaned freely and lifted my hips for more. “Tell me you’ve done this before.”
I bit my bottom lip and looked down at his tight body. It was the most tense I’d seen him; proof he was holding back in case I gave him the wrong answer.
“I’ve done this before.”
He collapsed on me. The spring that was coiled tight let loose and his free hand roamed my body, his mouth claiming my nipple and circling, swirling, driving me insane. His finger continued sliding in and out at a torturous pace.
“Condom,” he groaned as he moved to the other nipple. “Cabinet.”
It took everything I had to be able to move. I wanted to lie there and take the pleasure until I couldn’t take any more. My head was swimming. I couldn’t focus on anything but the feel of his tongue teasing me, making my nipples peak and beg for more, and his finger still inside me, making my legs quiver and my stomach tighten.
I found the strength to reach behind me into the drawer and grab a condom. He watched me, his eyes hooded as I tore the packet with my teeth and handed it to him. My stomach flipped with erotic excitement as he lowered his boxers, freeing his straining erection, and rolled the condom onto it. I needed him inside me, buried deep and growling my name.
“Last chance,” he took hold of himself and nudged my entrance.
I nodded; I couldn’t speak. I lifted my hips and we both let out a silent cry as the first few inches of him penetrated me.
Curtis moved slowly and brushed my hair away from my face as sweat began to collect on my brow. I arched my back as he filled me. It was exquisite; the stretching, the connection, having him on top of me and looking into my eyes as he rolled his hips.
“Curtis-” I whispered.
My eyes closed as my body tightened. Every thrust, every groan that rumbled low in his chest and left through clenched teeth, set my body on fire. I opened my eyes when he plunged in deep, making me cry out. I took in the tension in his jaw, the tightening of his abs and the strength of his arms and finally, I watched where our bodies connected.
I moaned, I sighed, I cried. I gripped his arms and rocked my hips. Curtis drove into me, covering my body with his. All I could do was hold on and absorb every shock of pleasure as he sent it deep into my core. It flowed over me in pulses, each one stronger than the first, building up to something unimaginable.
“Curtis.” I begged.
I wanted to let go. I wanted it to last forever. To be consumed and overwhelmed. To be free.
“Let go,” he grunted, leaning back and gliding his fingertips down my stomach.
His thumb stroked my clit and I threw my head back. My body shuddered as I cried and gasped; the alien feeling crashed over me and sent me falling. Tears streamed from my eyes as the pleasure moved in and clouded all thoughts, until all I could focus on was Curtis inside me. I clenched around him and moaned with every wave that washed over me.
Curtis gripped my hips and pulled me onto him. He held me still, buried deep inside me and I felt his cock jerk as he closed his eyes, threw his head back and came with a loud groan.
He peppered my face with kisses as he lay on top of me. We were out of breath, sweaty and spent. My legs were still wrapped around his waist and trembling. It was incredible. I dropped my legs and he eased out of me. He discarded the condom, lay down and pulled me into him. I snuggled into the warmth I had begun to rely on and watched his face as he closed his eyes and let out a deep breath.
“Why did you want to know if I’d done it before?”
I held back the fact that I had only done it once and I wasn’t sure if it counted. I had only had sex one time with one person, when I was sixteen, and it was far from the toe-curling, amazing experience I’d just had with him.
“You’re a talker,” he groaned, but smiled. I loved his smile.
Even in the dark, I imagined how it would have been lighting up his face, temporarily removing the tension he always carried.
“Sorry.”
My biggest fear in that moment was that he regretted it. Caught in the moment and not thinking. I was waiting for him to ask me to leave, or to get up and sleep on the sofa like he always did when I stayed.
“I couldn’t be your first,” he said with his eyes still closed. “Guys like me shouldn’t take such a precious gift from girls like you. I’m not one of the good guys, Skye.”
“What do you mean, guys like you?”
He shifted restlessly, as if I’d just hit a nerve but I knew, if he could, he would tell me about it. I didn’t think he had anyone else to talk to and I wanted to be that person for him.
“I guess there are two ways to look at sex. For the emotion or for the release. Some make it last, take their time, the emotional connection so intense they can't bear the thought of it ending. Others…they look forward to the after, when they’re exhausted enough that all thoughts before it are abolished.”
I had no idea what to say to that, so after a beat, he continued.
“I’m one of the others. I fuck to forget, not to feel. You shouldn’t have sex with guys like me. You deserve so much more than that.”
“Is that what that was? You fucked me to forget?”
“Skye-” He opened his eyes but kept his gaze on the ceiling.
“Hey,” I interrupted, “I get it. You’re my favourite person right now. What just happened won't change that.”
Even as I spoke the words, I knew they were lies. I was falling for my dead brother’s friend. I knew staying around him would send me spiralling into an abyss of pain I couldn’t anticipate. I didn’t care. I was prepared for the darkness, even if I only got a few more precious moments with him.
Twelve
It was just me and Curtis. And the hourglass…Damn hourglass.
April 14th, 2003
I fell a little harder for him every day. No matter how much I got from him, I wanted more; maybe because I knew I would never have it all. Every time I saw the Volkswagen pull up outside the tower block, every time he called me on the nights I didn’t stay – just to see that I’d gotten home in one piece; every time I looked into his eyes and saw the darkness just beneath the surface, I wanted to help him. I should have backed up, protected my sanity and stayed away, but I couldn’t. He was my lifeline and I wanted to be his. I would be there for him, no matter how much I got hurt in the end. I knew how it felt to be imprisoned by thoughts of what could have, should have been.
I spent my days with him and he spent them in the office of the gym. He still wouldn’t train and I saw the frustration, the tension that sex only temporarily eased. He wanted to train, to abolish the demons and free his mind, but he couldn’t. He freed himself with me in the bed upstairs that I had begun to think of as home. Curtis would pull on the gloves and attempt to spar with me, but it never lasted long. We would be tearing at each other’s clothes and battling to get upstairs without being seen before either of us had thrown a punch.
I focused on my training to give Curtis space; to give my mind a chance to catch up with my heart. Sometimes I’d watch the guys in the ring, sometimes I tried to practice things I’d seen them doing and sometimes I just pulled on the gloves, closed my eyes and let the punches release my body and mind.
We were emotionally adolescent, Curtis and I. We were both lost and learning slowly together, but I didn’t trust him not to leave and, for whatever reason, he wouldn’t let me in – all the way in. We spent most days together and fucked every chance we got. He was my friend, my teacher and did things to my body that made me blush for days afterwards.
I couldn’t get enough of him against me, but it was a double-edged sword. I wanted to ease his pain and he wanted to ease mine, but I felt like we were running out of time. I was waiting for him to send me away and he was waiting for me to say the L-word. We were both afraid to let go.
Every time we lost ourselves in each other, I fell a little harder for him – for the way he said my name, for his gentle hands as they caressed me and gave me sensual tranquillity…and for the vulnerability in his eyes that was getting harder and harder to hide.
“How’s it going?”
I joined him in the office as he clicked away at the computer, and handed him a bottle of water.
“Good,” he set his hand over mine before I let go of the bottle and then continued typing. “Are you done training?”
“Mmm hmm,” I perched on the edge of the desk next to him. “I think I’m going to go home.”
“Why?” He turned his chair to face me and folded his arms.
“It’s Friday night. I thought you might want boy time without me cramping your style.”
“In other words,” he tightened his arms across his chest, “you think I want to go trailing.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“It’s written all over your face.”
“Then try reading me a bit better. I don’t care who you fuck, and you know it.”
“Yeah, that’s what you say.”
“Either way I’m going home. Spend the night with a girl, or don’t. It doesn’t matter to me,” he cocked his eyebrow but said nothing. “Why are you being an ass?”
“An ass, huh?” He grabbed my hips and pulled me onto him. “You practically tell me to go and fuck someone else and I’m being an ass?”
“I’m not playing games, I’m being serious. I'm giving you the opportunity before I suffocate you and you have to ask for it.”
“What makes you think I need the opportunity?”
“You need sex and lots of it.”
“I get lots of sex with you,” he wiggled his eyebrows and smirked.
“You’re such a screw up,” I sighed, but couldn’t hide my smile.
“Pot. Kettle. Black,” he smiled
back and I climbed off him.
“Whore.”
“Pot. Kettle. Black,” he repeated and smacked my butt.
I smacked the side of his head and kissed him on the lips, quickly in case anyone saw – not that I thought about that while I was straddling his lap.
“Seriously, go have fun without me hanging around. You’ve got my number.”
“Mmm, booty call?” He sneaked his hand in the waistband of my gym shorts and the back of his fingers stroked the bare flesh.
“You disgust me,” I winked and shoved his hand away.
I heard his roaring laughter as I left the gym and I was sure it echoed around the car park.
Thirteen
Now you see me, now you don’t.
April 14th, 2003.
I didn’t go home. I went to the park. I didn’t care that he would screw another woman; I knew it didn’t mean anything to him. It was almost easy to accept because I knew it was a mindless act. I wanted to be the only one who did that for him, but I couldn’t be selfish and expect it. I wouldn’t let myself be that girl when he made it clear from the get-go that it wasn’t what he wanted. I was smarter than to go crazy over something that I had no right to question. I loved Curtis, and for that reason, I would be what he needed and take nothing for myself but what he gave me. I knew what I was getting into. It was my choice.
I found enough change in the bottom of my bag to get the bus back to the tower block. As soon as I stepped onto my floor, I could smell the weed and hear the couple screaming at each other while they smoked it.
“Home sweet home,” I muttered to myself as I pulled out my keys.
The door opened before the key slid in the lock and creaked quietly as it revealed the unlit flat. I turned a light on and gasped. It had been ransacked. The cupboards and drawers were open and smoke filled the air. I pulled my phone out to call the police and searched for something smouldering. That’s when I saw it. The light on in my mother’s room and a cigarette burning on the bedside cabinet. Her room was empty. Her clothes were gone, her bedding was gone. Only her bed, her empty wardrobe and the yellowing pictures on the windowsill of Oliver and I were left. She had gone. I stubbed the cigarette out in the ashtray and shut her door as I headed to my room. My clothes were strewn everywhere and the Adidas shoe box was turned upside down. She had found our savings. All that remained of mine and Oliver’s hard work was a five pound note on his bed. She had taken it all.
Survival (Twisted Book 1) Page 5