Shaking her head, as if that could clear away the horrific memories, she looked down at her tightly gripped hands before continuing. “From there, it’s a blur. We struggled, his knife fell on the floor, and we scrambled for it. The next thing I knew he was dead and my hands were covered in his blood, but I was finally free.”
She went silent then.
“It was self-defense, Mariah.”
“Yes, that’s what the jury said.”
“Piccola mia, I can’t bear not being able to hold you.” When she only stared ahead, he groaned in frustration. “You do know he was insane and none of this was your fault, yes?”
“Yes, that is what my therapist said.” She said this softly before turning to him. “I can’t get past this, Dimitri. He treated me like dirt beneath his feet, but it wasn’t always like that. Whether it was love, or just a schoolgirl infatuation, I cared for him at first. So in my eagerness to please my new husband, I gave him my submission. However, my need to submit changed him. He became obsessed with controlling me and I, like a fool, allowed him to. I became no more than a possession, no longer a wife that he could love, but an object, with no voice, no brain to think, I was like an end table, or an ottoman. To use and forget about until the next time.”
“Baby, you can’t take his warped sense of dominance upon yourself. He was a twisted fuck, Mariah.”
“There was another after Robert. I was twenty-four; two years had gone by. I decided to limit my need to sexual submission in the bedroom only. It was okay with him. We were happy at first.” Tears began to fall again as she thought of another relationship gone weirdly wrong.
“Baby—”
“He also decided he wanted a slave, so I ended it.”
“Mariah—”
“I tried again a year later with another man, but it went much the same way. Rather pathetic, isn’t it? There is something about me that changed these men.”
“It isn’t you, piccola, but the weak men that you chose. They found a beautiful submissive who was willing to give all of herself to them and the control went to their heads. That is their flaw, not yours. You can’t take ownership of that upon yourself.”
She gave a small humorless huff of laughter. “You sound like Dr. LaRouche.”
“Who?”
“My psychiatrist.”
“That’s why you go to Jamaica every Tuesday.”
“Yes, I started seeing her in Kingston not long after I came to Pleasure Bay.”
“Uncuff me now, Mariah.”
“I can’t.” Looking back at him, she saw a mix of emotions in his tense features. Frustration, pain, anger, and love were shining from his wet eyes. “Oh, honey, don’t you see? I am the common denominator in this equation.”
“No, I don’t believe that. I didn’t know you then, but I don’t think you are that naïve young woman anymore. You called me master a while ago, but you didn’t subjugate yourself to me. You were brave and asked for what you wanted. Being submissive doesn’t mean you have no voice, no choice. It’s a gift you choose to give a dominant. You just need a man who will not manipulate that gift into something abusive. I am that man, baby. There are players out there who enjoy those intense games, both doms and subs. A good dom will recognize what his sub needs and will honor their limits, respecting them. Whether submissive or slave, a good dom will protect and nurture that giving spirit. It doesn’t have to be cruel or sordid or ugly. That is what it would be with us, Mariah, because I am a good dom.”
“I believe you are the best dom and I pray every day for understanding of why I couldn’t have met you first, before my heart was irrevocably broken. I can’t risk it again, Dimitri, and I’m sorry for that.”
“You have more work to do with Dr. LaRouche, baby. You’re still not thinking clearly. I can help with that too.”
“I doubt if anything can help. It’s been five years since Robert—since I killed him, which is another reason we can’t be together. The damage is too severe. I guess I’m just not meant to be with a good man.”
“Dio! I can’t believe that.”
“Again, I’m so very sorry. It’s safer for me not to be in the lifestyle in any way. That’s what I loved about Pleasure Bay. I could be around it without being actively involved in it. Helping others find love was a reward in itself. Even though I know it is not my path.”
“Forget about the lifestyle. It’s just a game. I don’t need it; with you I have everything.”
She laughed humorlessly through her tears. “You don’t mean that. Look around you. This whole island, your beautiful, wonderful island was turned into an adult playground of pleasure and kink. You’ve built a BDSM-friendly world where you are the king Dimitri. Tell me, after all that, you don’t need it in your life. A few months, maybe years you’d get by without it, but eventually you’d miss it. It’s in your blood, honey, a craving, a burning need.”
“You are my craving, cara. You are in my blood and all that I need.”
“You say that now, but a day will come when you regret not being able to play in your dungeon with a woman who craves it as much as you do. That’s not me and I can’t take that away from you. It’s not fair to you to give it up and it’s not fair to me to be with a man who wants more than I am willing to give.”
“That’s bullshit, Mariah. You’re letting your past talk for you. I am your future. Uncuff me now and we’ll move beyond this.”
She didn’t move or speak, only looked at him as a tear ran slowly down her cheek.
“This has gone on long enough and though I have nothing but concern and commitment for seeing you through this, I grow impatient with this game. You cannot judge me by the asshole dominants of your past. You talk about unfair. What is unfair is your lack of faith in me, your lack of trust.”
“Exactly. I’m too fucked up to trust.”
He flinched at her use of the crude epithet.
“Sorry, but that’s why I can’t stay.” Another tear escaped and soon more were pouring down her face. She scrubbed them away, not wanting the last image of him to be blurred and watery. “I hope you can forgive me someday for being such a coward.”
“I plan to bust your little ass. Release me.”
“I’m sorry.” She stood, needing to leave now or miss the plane.
“Take off the cuffs, Mariah.”
Sadly, she shook her head as she backed away.
“Dammit! Take. Off. The. Fucking. Cuffs!”
“I’ll love you always, Dimitri.” Her voice broke on a sob as she rushed out the door, closing it firmly behind her. In her wake, a torrent of angry Italian words seared her ears. Despite the stout wooden door, she heard every angry syllable clearly.
Mariah knew that he’d look for her, so she had to be smart. She had to hide away in a place he’d never think to look. It was for his own good, she told herself. She’d rather give him up now, to someone who could make him happy, than to stay with him and rob him of something that he loved. In the end, he would resent her and be miserable like the others before him.
Chapter Eighteen
The sun was dipping in the western sky as Jaxon walked Sydney to the dock. Hand in hand, they stopped often to kiss, neither ready for the weekend to end. When they reached the top of the steps leading down to the dock, they lingered, allowing the others to board the waiting plane.
As they trickled past, Sydney recognized a few from the dungeon last night. Josie from the St. Andrew’s cross and her dom Russell passed them with a nod and a smile. She was wearing a conservative dress and he was in a suit, his jacket folded neatly over his arm. It was hard to believe they were the same couple she’d heard climaxing loud enough to rattle the windows last night. Sydney couldn’t help watching them, Russell solicitously helping her down the stairs, both exchanging soft looks and gentle touches.
“Baby, you’re staring.”
She jerked her eyes away, shaking her head. “They were naked less than ten feet from me last night and that’s the least surprising thin
g that I saw. Now they look so normal.”
“The pretty yellow dress you’re wearing looks normal and just last night you were strapped to a bench while I slapped your pussy with a riding crop. For all you know they were watching you from ten feet away.”
“My word, that’s true. I hadn’t thought—”
“Josie’s a hospital administrator and Russell’s an attorney. They come here to play once a month because there is no place that can offer the security and confidentiality of Pleasure Bay. As I keep saying—”
“You take all comers. I think I finally understand what that means.”
Mr. Harkleroad passed with a nod of his head and then another couple walked past. They were followed closely by Shane Moore, who walked in hand in hand with the tall brunette he’d been matched with all weekend. Both appeared practically giddy with happiness. Sydney looked after him with surprise. He didn’t look anything like the nervous, almost sullen man who’d arrived with her a mere forty-eight hours ago. The man who passed her now, nodded and smiled at her and Jax as he spoke animatedly to his beautiful companion. His hand rode protectively at the small of her back and moved to cup her elbow as he assisted her down the steps. They seemed close, as they smiled and laughed with obvious affection. As Shane handed the woman into the plane, he turned back once more and his eyes swept up the hill and over the mansion and grounds. A huge grin lit up his handsome face before he ducked his head and stepped through the door.
“Looks like Shane and Katie hit it off. I’m happy for her.” Jax murmured, having watched the stunning couple as closely as Sydney had.
Without a word, Mariah rushed by the next instant. She was focused on getting her small suitcase and two shoulder bags down the steps. They both watched her hurried descent to the dock. Jax made a move toward her, as if to help, but Vance had already rushed up the steps to assist her with her bags.
“Does Mariah go home during the week? For some reason I thought she lived on the island.”
“She does,” Jaxon said, frowning down at the scene on the dock. “She’s never taken the Sunday plane. Something’s up.”
At that point, Sydney saw the flight attendant signaling to her. It was time for her to go. Turning, she looked up at Jaxon, her heart breaking.
“Thank you for making this weekend perfect, Jax.”
“It was my pleasure, Sydney.”
“If you get to New York…” She let that broad and vague invitation hang between them for a moment, testing his reaction. Would he want to see her again? Or had she really been just another weekend guest to him, another woman with a kinky fantasy? No, she couldn’t believe that.
“When I get to the city, I’ll be sure to look you up.” He cupped her chin and gave her one more kiss. She clung to him for a moment, letting the clichéd response roll off her back. He’d made no promises other than pleasure. He’d delivered on that, now she must act like the adult she was and walk away without embarrassing herself.
Breaking the kiss, she whispered, “Goodbye, Jaxon St. Clair, I’ll never forget you.” Without another glance, she hurried down the steps, passing Mariah and Vance who were busy with their private conversation. She ducked inside the plane and found a single seat by a window near the middle. Her eyes anxiously watched the door, wondering if he would come after her, asking her to… What? Had she really expected him to ask her to stay, to run back to the cabana and spend their lives in bed? Sentimental fool.
* * *
As she looked up into Vance’s intelligent blue eyes, Mariah saw surprise and suspicion clearly pass over his handsome face. She was winded; the mad rush to pack and make it to the dock before the guest plane departed had drained her. She thought she’d fall flat on her face a few times, as she’d struggled down the wooden steps to the dock, her weekender bag in one hand, her massive tote and shoulder bag in the other, both banging against her tender, freshly spanked backside with each step. Thank goodness for Vance, who’d met her halfway and relieved her of her burden, then the interrogation had started.
“Riah, what in the world? You’re leaving now?” Vance questioned, perceptively searching her face. “You’ve been crying. What the hell?”
“An emergency has come up, I’ve got to go home.”
“The boss, have you talked to him?”
She nodded. “Within the past hour; he knows of my plans.” Mariah didn’t lie, just evaded, as Dimitri had so recently accused. Digging in her bag, she took out a sealed envelope and pressed it into his hands. “Can you give this to Gracie as soon as possible?”
He took it without looking, his concerned gaze glued to her face. “Why isn’t D seeing you off?”
“He was tied up with something important.” Mariah blinked innocently; again not a lie. She would have laughed at her play on words if not for the crushing weight in her chest and the anxiety over leaving a very angry man handcuffed to a bed in a bungalow a few miles away.
A crease appeared in his brow. Undeniably, he knew how much Dimitri cared for her and that it was unlike him not to be at her side during an emergency. She needed to get out of there before she caved and confessed all.
Leaning in, she kissed her friend square on the jaw. “Goodbye, Vance.”
His frown deepened. It was a foolish thing to say, sounding like exactly what it was, a final farewell. She turned to go before he got even more suspicious. Vance was head of security for a reason. He wasn’t an idiot and his instincts were keen.
As she prepared to step into the plane, she took one last look at her cherished Pleasure Bay. It was more of a home than any other she’d had in her life. She had friends here, was loved and protected, and damned if it wasn’t the best thing that ever happened to her.
Dimitri was right, she’d never be as happy any place else. “Vance?” she called, one foot inside the small aircraft door.
“Yeah, Riah?”
“Promise you’ll give that to Gracie for me right away? It’s rather urgent.”
“I will, Riah. Call when you get home so we know you’ve arrived safely.”
“I will.” That was a lie.
What a crappy ending to such a wonderful chapter in her life. Before tears began flowing, she gave him a little wave and boarded.
Finding an empty seat in the back, she watched the flight attendant close the door. The engines roared to life as they floated away. Everyone’s eyes were glued to the windows, hoping to catch one last look at the beautiful mansion and the sparkling clear waters in the bay—all but one. Mariah reached out and closed the visor on her window. It was just too painful to watch.
* * *
The plane banked right and the dock and the mansion came into view. Only twenty minutes from now and they’d land in Jamaica. Another hour flight and she’d be in Miami. Each leg of the trip took her further away from Jaxon.
After settling in her seat, Sydney had watched the door anxiously. Long minutes passed. Jax hadn’t entered, but Mariah had. She looked on in surprise as the usually vivacious blonde hurried past, tears in her eyes, and took a seat in the very back of the plane. Then the door had closed, slamming with finality, ending her too-brief escapade on Pleasure Bay.
Once in the air, she peered out the window searching… She saw him walking back to the main house with Vance. He got progressively smaller as they gained altitude, and she watched until he and the island disappeared from sight. Sitting back, a single tear tracked down her cheek. As the old adage went—out of sight, out of mind—obviously, that held true for Jax. His assignment over, he’d already forgotten her.
Although she wouldn’t ever regret meeting him, that didn’t mean her heart didn’t ache.
Chapter Nineteen
Jennifer smiled at the woman she saw in the mirror as she wrapped her hair up in a towel. She looked a million times better than she had before coming to Pleasure Bay. Her cheeks had more color and her eyes sparkled with life. She thought about all the other guests who were going home today and wondered if they were as happy with their weeken
d fantasy as she was.
She had asked Pleasure Bay for an abduction fantasy, and boy, did she get her money’s worth. Adam did not just abduct her body, he had captured her heart as well. It could still be too good to be true, but she’d be a fool not to find out.
Her cell phone buzzed on the counter. It was Tammy, finally!
“Hey, girl,” Jen answered.
“You know I’m playing golf right now, don’t you? Jeff’s kicking my ass too, so this better be good, doll.”
“Sorry, Tam. It is important. I need you to pick my car up from the airport. I’m not flying back.”
“What?”
Jen put her hand over the receiver and giggled. “I’m still heading home today. Just not by plane. I’ll be in Ft. Lauderdale early Wednesday morning. Could you pick me up at Yacht Heaven? You can use my car if you like.”
“You’re coming back by boat?”
“Yacht—there’s a difference—in size.” She smirked, glancing at herself in the mirror.
“Jeff, quit your bellyaching. Jenny isn’t coming back today and I need to know why. Spill it, girly, and make it fast. You know what happens when I make Jeff wait too long for anything.”
“The guy they matched me with at Pleasure Bay is going to bring me home, by yacht—a huge freaking luxury yacht. So can you grab my car and pick me up on Wednesday?”
There was a sigh and a long silence.
“Tam. You there?”
“Jennifer, I know you don’t want to hear this right now, but why does this conversation scream déjà vu at me? Have you even called the office yet? Or gotten anyone to fill in for your appointments?”
Jen let out a sigh of her own. She knew her friend was only trying to caution her about old habits, and she was right. She didn’t want to hear it. “Yes, Mother Tamresa. I have everything covered except my car and a ride home. Just say yes, and you can get back to your golf game.”
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